Helping Families Be Happy

In this episode of the Helping Families Be Happy Podcast, host Christopher Robbins speaks with Paul Mandelstein, author of "The World's Best Dad During and After Divorce," about navigating the holidays as a divorced or separated parent. Paul emphasizes reframing divorce as creating an "extended family" rather than a "broken home" and stresses that holidays should focus on the children's wellbeing, not parental conflict. He provides practical advice on managing holiday gatherings, creating new traditions, and developing a positive collaborative co-parenting approach. The conversation highlights the importance of putting aside ego and hurt to ensure children feel loved by both parents during what can be a challenging time of year. Episode Highlights 00:00:10: Christopher Robbins introduces the podcast and welcomes guest Paul Mandelstein 00:00:11: Introduction to Paul stein's background as founder of Father Resource Network and his extensive publishing career. 00:01:09: Discussion of Paul's authored books including folk tales and "The World's Best Dad During and After Divorce." 00:01:57: Paul thanks Christopher for having him on the show 00:01:59: Christopher shares his friend's difficult divorce situation and asks for holiday advice. 00:02:34: Paul reframes divorce as creating an "extended family" rather than a "broken family." 00:04:06: Paul discusses choices parents have when invited to ex's house, emphasizing not disparaging the ex in front of kids. 00:05:19: Advice on being flexible with holiday schedules and planning ahead. 00:06:46: Suggestion to have separate holiday celebrations if parents can't get along peacefully. 00:07:40: Christopher asks about the positive collaborative co-parenting plan. 00:07:49: Paul explains men should take the lead in creating new family culture. 00:09:39: Christopher emphasizes advice applies to children of all ages. 00:09:48: Paul discusses how the relationship with an ex continues even after divorce. 00:10:42: Discussion of admitting fault and working on self-improvement. 00:11:02: Paul shares how listeners can contact him for consulting. 00:11:28: Christopher concludes with thanks to Famis and encouragement to subscribe. Key Takeaways Reframe divorce as creating an "extended family" rather than viewing it as a "broken home." Keep holidays focused on the children's happiness and wellbeing, not parental conflicts or hurt feelings. Never disparage your ex-partner in front of the children, as they still love both parents. Be flexible with holiday schedules and plan well in advance to avoid conflicts. Create new traditions in your own home that work for your unique family situation. Take the lead in establishing a positive collaborative co-parenting relationship, even if your ex doesn't initially reciprocate. Put aside ego, blame, and the need to be "right" for the sake of your children. If you can't be civil together, consider having separate holiday celebrations rather than creating tension. Remember that you and your ex once loved each other, and that love created your children The relationship with your ex continues after divorce, especially when children are involved. Quotable Moments "We're not a broken family when we divorce. We're an extended family." "Happy holidays are not about you, they're about the kids. They're not about your ex, they're about the kids." "This is an opportunity for you to learn compassion and to basically grow up." "It's important to never disparage your ex in front of the kids because they still love their mom or their dad." "Just don't be a jerk. Don't look for a way to prove that you were right or you or they were wrong." "If you've never been nice before, some people haven't. Let's face it." "It's an opportunity. And my book lays out a path that if you follow that path, even if your ex is, is not agreeing with you and is still adversary over time, the kids and your ex perhaps will realize that you're not the bad guy anymore." "I'm asking men to take the lead and be the bigger hero. Be the hero. If anything divorces, the hero's security to go through it." "The most important thing is for the kids to feel like they're not in an adversarial relationship where they have to pick one parent over another." "You'll realize even divorce your relationship with your ex is not over, especially if the kids are teen, young kids, teenagers or even young adults."

You Deserve Flowers with Devon Blow In this episode, host Adina Oberman interviews Devon Blow, a dynamic artist and illustrator from Los Angeles who specializes in illustration, design, writing, and social justice advocacy. Devon discusses her debut book "You Deserve Flowers," a pocket-sized collection of affirmations and poetry that originated from a therapy assignment focused on self-affirmation. The conversation explores Devon's creative process, her passion for representing diversity and marginalized communities in her work, and her upcoming projects with Familius, including "Life's Best Bits" and a picture book. Throughout the discussion, Devon emphasizes how her art is deeply connected to social justice work and her desire to bring hope and encouragement to people from all walks of life. Episode Highlights 00:00:10: Adina Oberman introduces the Helping Families Be Happy Podcast and welcomes guest Devon Blow, describing her impressive background as an artist working with major clients like Netflix, Oprah's Book Club, and the United Nations. 00:01:42: Devon thanks Adina for having her on the podcast and the conversation begins. 00:01:44: Adina expresses excitement about discussing Devon's new book and their working relationship. 00:01:59: Devon introduces "You Deserve Flowers" as a pocket-sized book of affirmations and poetry designed to provide encouragement whenever readers need it. 00:02:27: Adina asks Devon to share the inspiration behind the book and her creative process. 00:02:37: Devon reveals the book originated from a therapy assignment where she was asked to write affirmations for herself as if speaking to others, since she found it easier to affirm others than herself. 00:03:26: Adina shares several affirming messages from the book, including "Loving yourself isn't arrogance, it's survival" and discusses the beautiful artwork. 00:04:16: Devon identifies the rain/puddles page as one of her favorites from the book. 00:04:19: Adina highlights Devon's artistic signature of including little hearts on characters' cheeks throughout the book. 00:05:14: Devon explains that people and diversity inspire her creative work, and she finds beauty in everyone's unique features and cultural backgrounds. 00:06:00: Adina asks Devon to elaborate on how her work connects to her passion for social justice. 00:06:18: Devon discusses how community and hope are central to her social justice work, citing influences like James Baldwin and bell Hooks, and emphasizing the importance of embracing differences. 00:07:28: Adina asks Devon to share information about her upcoming projects. 00:07:47: Devon announces her second book with Familius titled "Life's Best Bits" featuring over 190 illustrations about simple joys, plus a picture book project and a middle-grade fiction book she's currently writing. 00:08:41: Adina expresses excitement about Devon's upcoming work and asks where listeners can find her online. 00:09:00: Devon directs listeners to her website and social media at @DevthePineapple across all platforms. 00:09:12: Adina thanks Devon for joining the podcast. 00:09:14: Adina concludes the episode by thanking Familius for their support and encouraging listeners to subscribe and leave reviews. Key Takeaways Self-affirmation can be challenging even for those who naturally affirm others, and therapeutic exercises like writing affirmations can be transformative creative outlets. Art can serve as a powerful tool for social justice advocacy by representing diverse communities and providing hope during difficult times. Small, accessible formats like pocket-sized books of affirmations can provide encouragement and support in everyday moments. Embracing and celebrating differences in people's backgrounds, cultures, and appearances is essential to moving forward as a society. Creative work that centers love, community, and inclusivity can have meaningful impact beyond aesthetic value. Finding inspiration in the beauty of everyday people and their unique features can fuel authentic and representative artistic expression. Quotable Moments "Loving yourself isn't arrogance, it's survival" - From Devon's book "You Deserve Flowers" "This rain won't stop you. The puddles remind you, you survived" - From Devon's book "You Deserve Flowers." "Trust your feelings, but don't forget to let the joy in" - From Devon's book "You Deserve Flowers." "I think if we can inspire each other and just be kind to one another, which sounds really cliche, but it's true" - Devon Blow on her approach to social justice work. "I think embracing all of our differences is what will push us forward" - Devon Blow on diversity and community. "I love affirming others, but I struggle with affirming myself" - Devon Blow on the origins of her book. "I think all of our unique features and things makes us really beautiful" - Devon Blow on her artistic inspiration.

Celebrating Christmas Around the World The podcast episode of "Helping Families Be Happy" features host Christopher Robbins and guest Stephanie Campisi, an Australian author based in Southern California. The discussion revolves around global Christmas traditions, inspired by Stephanie's book, "12 Little Elves Save Christmas." The book takes readers on a journey through various countries' unique festive customs, celebrating the diversity and richness of worldwide holiday practices. Through this exploration, the episode highlights the importance of understanding and appreciating cultural differences, fostering empathy and connection in a global community. Episode Highlights 00:00:14: Introduction of the podcast and guest, Stephanie Campisi, an author discussing global Christmas traditions. 00:01:39: Stephanie shares the adaptation of wishing Merry Christmas in Australia with a cultural twist. 00:02:33: Discussion of Stephanie's book and its research into global Christmas traditions, including Australia's practices. 00:04:02: Exploration of similarities and differences in holiday traditions between Australia and the US. 00:05:10: Stephanie shares experiences spending Christmas in Japan, noting unique Japanese holiday practices. 00:06:08: Insight into Venezuelan Christmas traditions like roller skating to church. 00:06:58: Explanation of Lebanese nativity crib traditions, emphasizing cultural nuances. 00:08:00: Overview of countries featured in Stephanie's book and the selection process for representing diverse traditions. 00:09:05: Stephanie discusses her family's Christmas traditions evolving between cultures. 00:13:32: Highlighted favorite global Christmas traditions include German markets and Swedish celebrations. 00:14:23: Discussion on the book's potential to foster cross-cultural understanding and empathy. 00:15:11: Ending remarks and where to find more information about Stephanie Campisi's work. Key Takeaways Understanding global Christmas traditions can enrich holiday experiences by recognizing cultural diversity. Sharing stories through books can foster empathy and a greater appreciation for our global neighbors. Adaptation of traditions when moving to a new culture can create newly meaningful personal celebrations. Christmas traditions worldwide offer varied ways to appreciate the season beyond traditional narratives. Tweetable Quotes "Reading is how we connect and cultivate empathy and understanding among cultures." -Stephanie Campisi "A book is a little olive branch extending a connection to other cultures." - Stephanie Campisi "One great holiday tradition at a time, we can make the world a happier place." - Host, Christopher Robbins

In this episode of the Helping Families Be Happy podcast, host Christopher Robbins interviews parenting expert Donna Tetreault about building trust within families. They discuss the foundational importance of trust in parent-child relationships, drawing on insights from Stephen M.R. Covey's work on trust. Donna emphasizes the difference between smart trust and blind trust, explaining how parents can give age-appropriate autonomy while maintaining necessary boundaries. The conversation covers practical strategies for handling broken trust, encouraging self-advocacy in children, and the importance of natural consequences. Donna also stresses the need for parents to trust themselves in their parenting journey and extend grace to both themselves and their children. Episode Highlights 00:00:10: Christopher Robbins introduces the podcast and welcomes guest Donna Tetreault, a national TV parenting journalist, author, and educator who shares parenting strategies on major Los Angeles television stations. 00:01:40: Donna expresses excitement about being on the podcast. 00:01:43: Christopher discusses the importance of trust, referencing Dr. Stephen R. Covey's work and Stephen M.R. Covey's book "The Speed of Trust," establishing trust as the foundation of all relationships. 00:02:48: Donna explains the importance of trusting children in their decision-making process, citing Maria Montessori's quote about never doing for a child what they can do for themselves, while emphasizing the need for boundaries and coaching. 00:03:56: Christopher asks Donna to explain the concept of self-advocacy. 00:04:02: Donna defines self-advocacy as allowing children to build their own lives and make decisions, using the example of choosing friends rather than parents arranging all social interactions. 00:05:16: Christopher introduces the concept of smart trust versus dumb trust, using the humorous example of letting a newly licensed teen drive a brand new Ferrari. 00:06:02: Donna provides practical examples of age-appropriate trust, including bedtimes and technology use, explaining how to gradually increase responsibility as children demonstrate capability. 00:07:13: Donna discusses homework as an example of building trust and autonomy, encouraging parents to step back when children show responsibility rather than hovering. 00:08:02: Christopher introduces the concept of check-ins or mileposts, suggesting a "trust but verify" approach. 00:08:33: Donna agrees with the check-in approach, noting that younger children need more frequent check-ins while older children should require fewer as they build autonomy. 00:09:20: Christopher shares his personal experience as a father of nine, noting that different children require different levels of check-ins. 00:09:30: Donna emphasizes that every child is different and parents should trust themselves to read their children's individual needs. 00:09:53: Christopher asks how to handle situations when children break trust. 00:10:11: Donna advises against harsh reactions, recommending connection and compassion instead, and introduces Tina Payne Bryson's concept of saying children have "bent" rather than "broken" trust. 00:11:47: Christopher appreciates the phrase "bent my trust" as valuable advice. 00:11:53: Donna and Christopher agree on the value of the reframing. 00:12:15: Donna role-plays how to approach a teen who hasn't been attending school, emphasizing getting curious rather than immediately punishing. 00:13:18: Christopher shares his personal story of not attending high school for weeks and how his stepfather handled it with trust and a simple question. 00:13:36: Donna expresses surprise at Christopher's story. 00:13:53: Donna asks why Christopher wasn't attending school. 00:13:56: Christopher explains he wanted to do other activities like skiing and fly fishing, finding school boring. 00:14:29: Donna agrees with Christopher's philosophy. 00:14:31: Christopher emphasizes that parenting is a marathon not a sprint, using the phrase "never judge a man by his youth," and asks about experiencing natural consequences. 00:14:55: Donna discusses the importance of natural consequences rather than arbitrary punishments like taking away phones, allowing children to experience real-world results of their choices. 00:15:37: Christopher notes that sometimes natural consequences can be quite severe. 00:15:44: Donna acknowledges severe consequences and discusses how parents can support children through making up missed work while maintaining appropriate boundaries with teachers. 00:16:41: Christopher asks if there's anything else Donna wants to share. 00:16:48: Donna encourages parents to trust themselves, acknowledging that parenting is difficult regardless of expertise, and emphasizes giving oneself grace as a model for children. 00:17:28: Christopher asks where listeners can find Donna online. 00:17:34: Donna directs listeners to her Instagram account at Donna Tetreault. 00:17:41: Christopher asks Donna to spell her last name. 00:17:43: Donna spells out her name: T-E-T-R-E-A-U-L-T. 00:17:49: Christopher concludes the podcast, thanking Familius for support and encouraging listeners to subscribe, leave reviews, and extend trust one step at a time. Key Takeaways Trust is the foundation of effective parenting and should be extended to children in age-appropriate ways, allowing them to develop autonomy and decision-making skills. Practice "smart trust" rather than "blind trust" by setting appropriate boundaries while giving children opportunities to demonstrate responsibility. When trust is broken, use compassionate language like "you've bent my trust" rather than harsh accusations, and focus on rebuilding rather than punishing. Allow children to experience natural consequences of their actions rather than imposing arbitrary punishments, as real-world results are often more effective teachers. Different children require different levels of oversight and check-ins; trust yourself as a parent to recognize each child's individual needs. Self-advocacy begins early by allowing children to make age-appropriate decisions, from choosing friends to managing homework and bedtimes. Parents should extend grace to themselves and trust their own parenting instincts, modeling self-compassion for their children. Get curious rather than punitive when children make mistakes, asking "what's going on?" instead of immediately reacting with anger. Quotable Moments "Never do for a child what they can do for themselves" - Maria Montessori quote shared by Donna Tetreault "We're trying to tell our kids that we trust you in the process of your life" - Donna Tetreault "Instead of telling your child that you have broken my trust, you can say, you've bent my trust" - Tina Payne Bryson concept shared by Donna "You should never judge a man by his youth" - Christopher Robbins "We want our kids to know that we believe them to be capable" - Donna Tetreault "Trust yourself to know that you're doing the best that you can and honor that and give yourself grace" -Donna Tetreault "It doesn't matter if you've written a book, if you've studied it, if you're a former teacher, if you're a psychologist, it just doesn't matter. It's very difficult parenting in this day and age" - Donna Tetreault

Autonomy-Supportive Parenting with Dr. Emily Edlynn, PhD In this episode of the Helping Families Be Happy Podcast, host Christopher Robbins interviews Dr. Emily Edlynn, a licensed clinical psychologist and author of "Autonomy-Supportive Parenting." Dr. Edlynn explains how autonomy-supportive parenting, based on self-determination theory, nurtures three fundamental human needs: autonomy, competence, and relatedness. She discusses how modern parenting culture's intensive approach often leads to controlling behaviors that undermine children's development, and provides practical strategies for parents to foster independence while reducing parental burnout. The conversation covers real- world applications of these principles, including how to help children solve their own problems and develop financial independence. Episode Highlights 00:00:10: Host Christopher Robbins introduces the podcast and guest Dr. Emily Edlynn, highlighting her credentials as a licensed clinical psychologist and author. 00:02:06: Light-hearted exchange about parenting experience with Christopher mentioning he's a father of nine children. 00:02:50: Dr. Edlynn defines autonomy-supportive parenting as a science-based approach that nurtures three fundamental human needs: autonomy, competence, and relatedness. 00:04:07: Discussion of the three core needs, with Christopher seeking clarification on each component. 00:04:40: Dr. Edlynn explains relatedness as the foundational need involving belonging, connection, and feeling understood and accepted. 00:05:14: Connection made to Daniel Pink's book "Drive" and its relationship to motivation theory. 00:06:17: Christopher acknowledges the challenges of parenting, describing it as sometimes being "a grind." 00:06:28: Dr. Edlynn identifies two primary barriers: overwhelming parental stress (declared a public health crisis) and intensive parenting culture. 00:08:10: Discussion of how control is the antithesis of autonomy-supportive parenting. 00:08:33: Dr. Edlynn explains how parents often do too much for their children, preventing skill development and confidence building. 00:09:36: Christopher relates the advice to leadership principles applicable beyond parenting. 00:10:25: Christopher shares his parenting approach of encouraging children to solve problems independently. 00:10:56: Dr. Edlynn validates Christopher's approach based on its effectiveness. 00:11:34: Humorous exchange about background music making parental advice more appealing. 00:11:48: Christopher asks for key autonomy supportive strategies to implement immediately. 00:11:56: Dr. Edlynn provides specific strategies including expecting more independence and expressing trust in children. 00:13:28: Application of strategies to a real scenario involving a child who needs to become more financially self-reliant. 00:13:47: Dr. Edlynn walks through the process of addressing the financial independence issue collaboratively. 00:15:00: Christopher acknowledges learning new parenting approaches after 33 years of experience. 00:15:38: Discussion of how autonomy supportive parenting relates to good leadership principles. 00:16:19: Exploration of short-term and long-term benefits of autonomy-supportive parenting. 00:16:35: Dr. Edlynn outlines benefits including reduced stress for parents and increased confidence for children. 00:17:25: Christopher reflects on accepting that children will grow up to be themselves, not replicas of their parents. 00:17:54: Dr. Edlynn emphasizes the importance of seeing children for who they truly are. 00:18:01: Acknowledgment that parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. 00:18:15: Important clarification that parents don't need to be autonomy supportive every moment to be effective. 00:19:12: Dr. Edlynn shares her contact information and online presence. 00:19:24: Closing remarks and podcast subscription information. Key Takeaways Autonomy supportive parenting focuses on nurturing three fundamental needs: autonomy, competence, and relatedness. Modern intensive parenting culture often leads to controlling behaviors that undermine children's development. Parents should ask children "What are you thinking?" before offering solutions to encourage problem- solving skills. Expecting more independent behaviors from children reduces parental stress while building children's confidence. Approach children's mistakes with curiosity rather than judgment to maintain connection and facilitate learning. Scaffolding approach works best - implementing changes step by step rather than expecting immediate complete independence. Autonomy-supportive parenting leads to higher self-esteem, better academic achievement, and stronger social relationships in children. Parents don't need to be perfect - creating a general environment of autonomy support is what matters most. Quotable Moments "All of us, regardless of our age or where we live in the world, we thrive when we have these three needs met." "We feel like this anxiety that we have to curate this perfect life for our kids. And so what we end up doing is we do too much for our kids as a way to love them." "I want you to pretend that there's no one here to solve this problem and your life depends on solving this problem. And I bet you can solve it." "We just undermine or underestimate our children. We underestimate what they have to offer and they'll feel that over time." "One of the best things we can do is let go of our image of them and really see them for who they are." "Parenting is not a hundred yard dash. It's a really long ultra marathon." "You do not have to be autonomy supportive every minute of every day to be an autonomy-supportive parent."