INSTANT EXPERTS - the latest news, explained by idiots

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It's chaos aplenty this week, as the world’s Crooks, F*ckwits and Morons redouble their efforts!:

Trump headlines his “America 250” concert after Gary Glitter, Rolf Harris and Roman Polanski pull out citing ethics concerns 
Court orders JFK’s head replace Trump’s on both sides of new commemorative $250 bill - also all portraits of Trump at US airports, in White House
Aussie radio exec grabs presenter’s ass with a hunger not seen since our days on The Whaleship Essex; and
Vice Prostate BJ Vance loses bowel control at White House meet in preparation for 2028 Presidential run

Grab the remote and enjoy the greatest hits of Linda Evansyahu, Bret Michaels, Young (at heart) MC plus the solo debut of Millo Vanillo, as we review who did what, to whom, in which exotic location: 

Trump's “1776 Fund” dies an ugly death as Senate Republicans rise from the undead to kill it, Mitch McConnell presiding
Newly free Kilmar Abrego Garcia plans first holiday: "I can't decide between Robben Island, St Helena and Alcatraz!"
Jeff Bezos blows payload as his rocket explodes prematurely: "I couldn't warn the Caribbean Seamen!"
US National Intelligence Director Bill Pulte rejects qualification critics: "F..k off, I went to Scots College!"
I Once Met A Girl from Nantucket to hit big screen, OnlyFans - the moving love story of Donald Trump Jr. and Bettina WhoGivesAShitovich
Russia protests Ukraine bombing of St Petersburg: "They ruined Putin's visit to Davo's!" 

It’s another bumper episode of Instant Experts, in which we explore the c*nts of the world, the C*nts of the Week and the exciting world of fooooooooootttballlll:
Our plucky Wests Tigers, with their $3 salary cap, lose NRL Rd 14 to Penrith Saint-Germain, a narrow 78-0. Can Qatar please buy us immediately?
English football hooligans hail North America ‘26 their best chance since ‘66 to glass the Scotsmen, stab the Mexicans, shiv the Brazilians. If only they can bomb the Croatians, shoot the Ghanaians, and drown the Panamanians first! 
And Henry needs a double Costco tequila shot to get through Honk’s morbidly grim C*nt of the Week 

In the comedy podcast with all the latest news, explained by idiots - The Honk & Henry Lee (UK Police delayed making sure Jack The Ripper's hands not too sore from stabbing all those homeless Whitechapel prostitutes) 

Say hi to us by email at: [email protected] 
Or be heard everywhere from Baden to Wurttemburg with a voicemail to play on the show, right from our home page: www.instantexperts.com.au 
All complaints to: [email protected]

Audio episode produced, mixed and compiled by Junior
Video designed, assembled, edited by Guantanamo Babe
Digital design and social media also by Guantanamo Babe 
Episode edited by Honk, with assistance from Halle Berry & Colonel Angus. Special thanks to Roger Maianus for the last-minute supply of his huge clock for timing purposes  

For Newcastle 2HD radio boss grabbing on air talent's butt: https://www.news.com.au/entertainment/tv/radio/aussie-radio-boss-stood-down-after-allegedly-groping-employee-at-awards-night-in-sydney/news-story/b6c1945d3726e0668b5a1bee09d7c734?amp
For Florida woman's Costco tequila shots + accompanying social media comments: https://www.instagram.com/p/DY7kW11MOQG/?igsh=NXh4dmJ6YnhmNnho
For Germany's Hotel Zum Hirschen being Nazi c**ts: https://www.instagr am.com/p/DZHm05ZoD7I/
For Sterling Nasa being a legend at Sydney 'La La Land' live concert/screening: https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2026/jun/01/audience-member-replaces-ill-keyboardist-sydney-la-land-justin-hurwitz

Instant Experts proudly audited by KPMG Australia. Our books can be found on the Dark Web between PwC’s tax advice and The Trump Family’s tax returns. Call them for all your confidential financial needs, unless you’re 8 in which case call Don Jr’s wife’s Dad and ask for Jeffrey

When visiting Nazi Germany, Honk & Henry stay exclusively at Hotel Zum Hirschen

When stuck overnight at Maroochydore Airport, Honk & Henry have booked exclusively with Jetstar

Don't miss 'Aussie' Jon Ossoff v Donaldhmed Ali for the WBC Nappyweight Championship live at 'America 250'!  (BJ 'Depends' Vance v 'Huggies' Pete Heggo on undercard)
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Video version is here!: https://youtu.be/XFiceVlIyXI
In this week’s tour of the world’s Crooks, F*ckwits & Morons, it’s State vs State and Mate vs Mate as: 

NSW Blues conjure miracle win against those dirty filthy cheating Queenslanders - they've been traumatising Henry since he was 7 years old!
Donald Trump Sr disses Donald Trump Jr by ditching his wedding in favour of doing actual work! - Holy Pertainment, Batman, are the Daddy issues that bad?
And dud Aussie Treasurer Jim Chalmers hits Aussies with a Kalyn Ponga-style no-arms, high-velocity head-butt/shoulder-charge right in the financial cranium! - “Where’s your eyes, Ref? OFF! OFF! OFF!”

Relax with 5 pints of Guinness at The Steam Packet Inn, Williamstown, or 4 steins of Pilsner at The Grand Duke Inn, Luxembourg, or even 2 jugs of milk at The Penelope Cruz Taverna, Madrid, while we unpack the biggest global news: 

Daylight robbery at the Australian Audio Awards as Instant Experts loses Best Station-Produced Infomercial to “We Fry Dogs” campaign on Cujo-FM

Confusion in Iran as the war drags on, off and on again, like late-period Bennifer or all-period Rudd-Gillard-Rudd or Albo-Chalmers-wait-sorry that's next year 

Chaos in Texas as Kenny Paxton mistakes Senate nomination form for his entry into C*nt of The Week

Plus Henry explains bonds, golf iron covers and the Centenary Test in the breeziest 9 hours of your life!

It's another bumper episode of Instant Experts, in which we explore the c*nts of the world, the C*nts of the Week and, for the first time ever, Enhanced C*nts so juiced they exceeded WADA Allowable C*ntiness Guidelines by 111%! They give Collingwood fans a bad name, and even Thomas Massie won’t read them into the record!

In the comedy podcast with all the latest news, explained by idiots - The Honk & Henry Lee (Sen Dr Bill Cassidy held up finding seat with best sightline at next WH Correspondents Dinner)

Say hi to us by email at: [email protected]

Or be heard everywhere from Richmond on Thames to Riga which is in Latvia, with a voicemail to play on the show, right from our home page: 
www.instantexperts.com.au  

All complaints to: [email protected]

Audio produced, compiled and mixed by Junior 

Video designed, compiled, edited by Guantanamo Babe 

Digital design and social media also by Guantanamo Babe

Episode edited by Honk. Assistant editing by E. Jean Carroll. E. Jean Carroll assistant editing re-edited by Donald J Trump.

For Texas A-G Kenny Paxton's rap sheet: https://www.instagram.com/p/DY0xDWakVH9/?igsh=cTQ2YmNjcTcxdXg0&img_index=2

For C**t of the Week's pixilated doodle but visibly sh*t-soaked shorts: https://www.news.com.au/travel/travel-updates/incidents/drunk-aussie-tourist-flashes-genitals-while-on-holiday-in-thailand/news-story/a258b116fbe67d1484ce165417c3bb2e

For the Amarillo Armadillo: www.eXtremeRestraints.com

When in Kiama, Honk and Henry stay exclusively at Blue Haven Bonaira Nursing Home. Mention our names for a special rate of only $39,000 a night* (*volunteer free concert not included)

Laura Loomer currently has political advisory capacity - "I hear she gives a great bl*wjob!" - J. Loomer (client)

James Magnusson explains awful Enhanced Games swim - "I had Arby's in my pants!"
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Video version here!: https://youtu.be/6g42KgVyH6o

In this week's tour of the world's Crooks, F*ckwits and Morons, we celebrate dodgy blokes stealing cash by the bushel!
President Trump sues himself, settles with himself, and pardons himself in one smooth motion! But don’t worry, the $1.776 billion only came from the departments fighting Ebola and the Hantavirus!
Aussie Treasurer Jim Chalmers taxes the farnarkle out of everybody only to discover it (a) don’t win no votes and (b) is really farking stupid!
Meanwhile Henry Lee lures his wife, and kids, into a sure-fire tax-free investment scheme called LOSING CASH WITH THE BOOKIES

Pull up a pew at the Pewsey Pub, Pewsey Inn, Pewsey Hotel, Pewsey Pint-Pourer, or just get away from it all at the Pewsey Microbrewery, and enjoy the show all of Pewsey, and Darwin, is talking about! Which is exactly 2 people: 
“Rare Unit” Trump goes to China and discovers “Rare Earth” Xi has more cards than a Heard Island Penguin has pilchards!

Mahmoud Ahmejinedad’s dismembered leg, citing balance issues, politely declines Israel’s offer to make him First Leg of all Persia! 

Todd Blanche signs off deal with Todd Blanche to compensate Todd Blanche for waking up every day and being Todd Blanche. A friendless crook who will rot in Hell!

And a flu-addled Honk dials in from his Cotswolds haven, Pee-in-the-Lake, en route to his Paris bolthole, Je-Suis-Un-Rockstar!

It’s another bumper episode of Instant Experts, in which we explore the c*nts of the world, and the C*nts of the Week! Between Reform UK and Grave Robbers of Bondi it’s a smorgasbord of inanity, f*ckwittery and chicanery, hosted by your Donkeys-In-Chief, The Honk and Henry Lee. 
In the comedy podcast with all the latest news, explained by idiots (see immediately above)
Say hi to us by email at: [email protected]
Or be heard everywhere from UConn to the Yukon with a voicemail to play on the show, right from our home page!: www.instantexperts.com.au  
All complaints to: [email protected]?! Or just wait 6 months and ask for Xi
Audio produced, compiled and mixed by Junior 
Video designed, compiled, edited by Guantanamo Babe 
Digital design and social media also by Guantanamo Babe
Episode edited by Honk, with assistance from Dr Grace, WG Grace, Graceland, Grace Brothers, Grace Jones, and Grace is the Word (Is the Word), That You Heard (That You Heard), Grace is the Way that I’m Feeling (Do-Do-Do-Do) 
When in San Antonio, Maureen Galindo stays exclusively at County Mental Health Unit (construction generously supported by Menachem & Esther Leibowitz)
When in Pearl Harbour, Kash Patel wears exclusively the barnacled skull of Ensign Joe Harris (dec.), USS Arizona
Know someone struggling with gambling? The Honk did. His name was Henry Lee, still is, they're super close, co-host a show, so obviously Honk's a terrible person to ask.
Tommy Mengele's "Songs in the Key of P: Live at 'Unite the Kingdom' Rally" out soon! Single "Ayyeeeaoghh" out now! 
Don't miss Tommy on his world tour of Cockfosters Station (Matt from the Taiwanese jungle on saxophone in support! And ladies, he's newly single and ready to mingle!)
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For video version: https://youtu.be/I6m0bvl46EE
In this week's tour of the world's Crooks, F*ckwits and Morons...
It’s Aussie Budget week and our wallets are being fiscally harassed!:
Aus Treasurer Jim Chalmers describes two real naked tax increases as "intergenerational equity" - with a straight face!
JP Morgan's Chirayu Rana describes two fictional naked boobies as "intergender equity" - with nil in his story straight at all!
And in sport, the Wests Tigers harass their fans once again - with the softest performance since John Doe popped a roofie!
Pull up the Chesterfield sofa - or coal mine - and enjoy the show even Megyn Kelly says she "believes in, just a tiny bit", as:
PM Anthony Albanese channels Ronnie Biggs to nick a few hundred million from hard-working Aussies before fleeing to live anonymously in Copacabana (NSW). Next stop, Copacabana (Brazil)!
Jim Chalmers shifts the goalposts on young Australians while Golshifteh Farahani shifts the DMs, pants on Emmanuel Macron. Nous ne sommes pas amusés (Brigitte non plus)!
UK Conservative Leader Kemi Badenoch eviscerates Chalmers so hard he flees to the UK to live as a woman. On the downside, now he/she’s Chancellor of the Exchequer!
All in another bumper episode of Instant Experts, in which we explore the intricacies and intimacies of the Australian tax system, from negative gearing to capital gains tax... Bet that fishhead other pod you listen to don't have them cannons! 
In the comedy podcast with all the latest news, explained by idiots - The Honk and Henry Lee. (Jody Scarcella held up by pitchforks) 
Say hi to us by email at [email protected]
Or be heard everywhere from Cockfosters to the Chattahoochee with a voicemail to play on the show, right from our home page: www.instantexperts.com.au
(Some Chattahoochees can even put a river in Phoenix!)
All complaints to: [email protected] (press 1 for the racist, 2 for the Nazi, 3 for the other racist and 4 for the other Nazi). Or just come down to Heffron Park for the netball this weekend! 

Audio produced, mixed and compiled by Junior

Video designed, compiled and edited by The Guantanamo Babe 

Episode edited by Honk, with assistance from Henry’s Harem: AOC, Eileen Gu, Kemi Badenoch, Megyn Kelly. The mind boggles, the list goes on... the authorities have been notified
Digital design & social media by Guantanamo Babe
Honk's skin care products all proudly provided free by Skinned Olives, Sydney, who don't know he's Jewish (shhh...!) - special thanks to H.Amas - you're a Queen! 
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In this week's tour of the world's Crooks, F*ckwits and Morons...
The Honk is back from gallivanting and it’s all happening!: 
Trump’s little off-the-shoulder number wows the crowd at the Met Gala, while Cole Allen’s little shoulder-holster number wows the Secret Service at The White House Correspondents’ Dinner!
It’s hard times in Australia cos it’s Budget night, while it's hard times at The Cock Inn, Cockfosters cos it’s Saturday night!
UK Conservative Leader Kemi Badenoch promises free ass exam to every antisemite in Britain!  
And in sport, Wests Tigers lose 500-0 to the combined powers of Yomif Kejelcha, Larry Doby and Buzz Aldrin!
And so much more in the show even Olivier Rousteing & Beyonce say "can be a little bit over the top": 
Aussie PM Anthony Albanese and Treasurer Jim Chalmers schedule electoral gangbang for next Tuesday as their Budget f*cks every single Australian at the same time! 
Moronic Aussie Jew-hater arrested outside Antisemitism Royal Commission: "The cops have promised me a bunch of free proctology!"  
Epstein suicide note released: “Hey stupid! This is the tip, not the iceberg!” 
FBI comments on Kash Patel college arrests for public urination: "Now he does it in his pants in the office!"
And living corpse Rudy Giuliani at death’s door - til Death said: “I think you may be looking for Four Seasons Total Landscaping?” 
It’s another bumper episode of Instant Experts, in which we comb our Barnet Fair, get some geography To Go and Henry lends King Charles his car parked in Belfast! 
In the comedy podcast with all the latest news, explained by idiots - The Honk and Henry Lee. (Ian Minus, 68, of Killarney Heights, held up (by cop's fist, in the air).

Say hi to us by email at: [email protected]
Or be heard everywhere from The Bishop’s Finger to The Knob with a voicemail to play on the show, right from our home page: www.instantexperts.com.au 
Or if urgent in Melbourne just call us on 000 and we’ll answer within 17 hours!
All complaints to: Zack Polanski, no relation to Roman, but still a c*nt. 

Audio produced, mixed and compiled by Junior - thank you! 
Video designed, compiled and edited by The Guantanamo Babe - chef's kiss! 
Episode edited by Honk, with assistance from 'Lauren' Dirty Sanchez wearing fashion forward underpants on head, and Iris Van Herpes (working remotely)
Digital design & social media by Guantanamo Babe
To see RFK Jr. ditching his wife at The White House Correspondents' Dinner:
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXmcNiegMXC/?igsh=MWR0bjd2YnB4ZWdlNQ==
The Honk dressed for Met Gala by Anglicare Op Shop, Mt Druitt
Henry Lee dressed for armed resistance against British by Quartermaster, Real IRA

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