Two Guys on a Plane

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If you could go back in time and give your new-hire self one piece of advice, what would it be? We asked flight attendants on Threads, and the answers poured in. This week they go through their favorite responses (from “drink more water” to “don’t sleep with pilots,” which Andrew respectfully amends) and our own hard-earned lessons, like keeping ramen in your bag, learning to bid while you’re still on reserve, and never being the person who hands their drink back to the flight attendant mid-service.

We also take a moment to talk directly to the senior flight attendants who think new hires should suffer because they did, and explain why “that’s how we’ve always done it” is not a good enough reason. Plus, Andrew’s rant on passengers who stand up seven times during boarding to dig in the overhead bin, and a Galley Gossip story from a listener’s 96-year-old mom, who flew for American Airlines in 1953.

Join our conversation on Threads - https://www.threads.com/@twoguysonaplane

Episode Highlights:
[0:00] Welcome to Episode #57!
[1:04] Rich, drinks, & the chaotic colleague
[6:48] Nesting bags are essential
[9:39] Like and subscribe!
[10:51] #1 - Drink lots of water
[12:22] #2 - Take care of your feet
[13:31] #3 - Don’t sleep with pilots…or have fun
[14:36] #4 - Love your fellow crew members
[17:06] #5 - Be mindful all the time
[18:12] #6 - Avoid the commute
[19:36] #7 - Download StaffTraveler!
[20:33] #8 - Have your work bag ready always
[21:55] #9 - Pack the night before
[22:54] #10 - Don’t be the last one
[24:00] #11 - The job gets better over time
[25:00] #12 - Food is life
[27:39] #13 - Go to bed and rest!
[28:36] #14 - Set your boundaries
[30:55] #15 - Bid smart & read your contract 
[33:12] #16 - Health is wealth
[34:52] #17 - Stay out of trouble
[37:28] #18 - Compassion and empathy
[38:31] #19 - Be kinder to new hires
[42:42] #20 - Take things seriously 
[46:07] #21 - Enjoy your aviation career
[46:36] Rich’s advice: Don’t overspend
[47:56] Drew’s advice: Use your flight perks & benefits
[49:44] Join Two Guys on our trips!
[51:21] Galley Gossip
Smells Like Humans
Like listening to funny friends discuss curious human behavior.
Listen on: Apple Podcasts Spotify
This episode was brought to you by StaffTraveler, the #1 non-rev app! If you travel on standby and are looking to make your journey easy and stress-free, check out StaffTraveler for free in the Apple App Store or Google Play Store.
Download StaffTraveler, The #1 Non-Rev App! (It's FREE!)
Join the Galley Gang for behind-the-scenes content!
Submit your story for our Galley Gossip segment!
Travel with us on one of our upcoming trips!
Music by Griefcat

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Every time we post “please stop biting flight attendants” on social media, someone in the comments asks who on earth is doing that. This week, we answer with a tour of the most recent viral passenger incidents of the past couple of years, and explain what the videos don’t show about what’s happening behind the scenes: the steps crew take before things escalate, why diversions and restraints are a last resort, and why flight attendants can’t give you the benefit of the doubt near an aircraft door.

Along the way, we dig into the FAA’s unruly passenger numbers, how alcohol becomes a whole-crew conversation the moment a drink is poured, and the exit row briefing that gets people in trouble. Plus, Rich’s chaotic summer of Houston turns (Andrew has officially banned him from the city), a call for five stars on Apple Podcasts, a Galley Gossip story about a flight attendant who blamed everything on her coworker’s zodiac sign, and a heavier-than-usual closing conversation about what these incidents do to the flight crew who endure them.

Episode Highlights:
[0:00] Welcome to Episode #56!
[1:07] The season transition & wilder passenger stories
[1:51] Rich’s chaotic summer flying
[2:14] Banned from Houston!
[4:46] Low Apple Podcasts rating?
[6:13] Unruly passengers stats
[8:10] A passenger punches flight attendants
[9:36] Drew’s take on Soma Blair’s incident
[12:51] An unruly passenger duct-taped to the seat
[18:26] Passenger opening an emergency exit
[19:31] A disruptive passenger & aircraft doors
[22:39] Stabbing with a fork (gets arrested!)
[25:22] Breaking the panels
[27:59] Restraints free…twice
[28:50] Intoxicated & a skateboard weapon
[33:05] Swallows rosary beads then fights
[35:23] Passenger panics during landing
[39:09] UFC Champ disagreement
[44:07] Slaps a flight attendant’s backside
[46:27] A woman strips naked
[50:42] We love you, Galley Gang!
[52:15] Galley Gossip
Smells Like Humans
Like listening to funny friends discuss curious human behavior.
Listen on: Apple Podcasts Spotify
This episode was brought to you by StaffTraveler, the #1 non-rev app! If you travel on standby and are looking to make your journey easy and stress-free, check out StaffTraveler for free in the Apple App Store or Google Play Store.
Download StaffTraveler, The #1 Non-Rev App! (It's FREE!)
Join the Galley Gang for behind-the-scenes content!
Submit your story for our Galley Gossip segment!
Travel with us on one of our upcoming trips!
Music by Griefcat

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Flights get delayed, policies make no sense, and the first person you vent to is usually a gate agent or flight attendant. Here’s the thing: half the time,  we are just as annoyed as you are, and often they aren’t even getting paid while it’s happening. This week they go through 25 things airlines do that drive passengers and crew crazy, from delays with zero information to connection times that no human could make.
Hear our rants about the people who book the aisle and window and then pass a laptop over the middle seat, We tell a story of a tiny emotional support dog, a very messy plate of chicken and rice, a surprise $200 tip, then settle the great “should airlines nickel-and-dime you” debate (with a eulogy for Spirit). Plus, a deeply personal plea for better wheelchair assistance and a request for more air vents on Airbus jump seats.
PS: You can check out the Everyone’s A Little Queer Podcast HERE!
Episode Highlights:
[0:00] Welcome to Episode #55!
[1:16] Loving our new Two Guys merch
[2:16] The thing that annoys Drew…and us
[5:17]  Rich & the $200 tip
[10:54] Subscribe to our YouTube channel! 
[12:22] Delays with no information
[13:49] Departure times
[17:05] Short connections
[20:00] It can be really impossible
[21:08] Overbooked
[22:21] Small leg room
[23:21] We love you, Spirit!
[24:38] The two schools of thought
[27:56] Fares. boarding, restrictions
[28:15] These carry-on policies
[31:06] Charging checked bags
[33:31] Bag rules
[34:35] Seat selection
[36:55] Separating families
[38:13] We don’t love aircraft swaps
[39:15] Communication problems
[40:35] They just don’t work
[42:04] The catering
[42:58] Does this annoy you?
[43:46] Not enough time to clean
[45:03] It’s so hot in here
[46:55] Understaffed!
[49:27] Schedules that don’t work
[49:56] Policies should actually work
Smells Like Humans
Like listening to funny friends discuss curious human behavior.
Listen on: Apple Podcasts Spotify
This episode was brought to you by StaffTraveler, the #1 non-rev app! If you travel on standby and are looking to make your journey easy and stress-free, check out StaffTraveler for free in the Apple App Store or Google Play Store.
Download StaffTraveler, The #1 Non-Rev App! (It's FREE!)
Join the Galley Gang for behind-the-scenes content!
Submit your story for our Galley Gossip segment!
Travel with us on one of our upcoming trips!
Music by Griefcat

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Flight attendants, pilots, and gate agents all do it: they get on an airplane to get to the airport where they get on another airplane for work. We have both commuted at different points in their careers (Andrew for ten years, Rich for a rough six months of Megabus-and-regional-flight chaos), and this week we break down what it's actually like, from why people do it to what it costs them.

We talk about crash pad life (including the hot bed vs. cold bed divide), why commuting is basically a second full-time job, and our hard-earned "commuter commandments," like befriending your gate agents, packing shelf-stable food, and never walking away from the gate just because the door closed. Plus a round of Would You Rather, a rant about the passenger who slept through his own deplaning, and a favor to ask of everyone listening on Apple Podcasts.

Episode Highlights:
[0:00] Welcome to Episode #54!
[1:16] Rich, the delays, and the sleepy passenger
[3:01] It’s those passengers in the back
[4:59] Drew & a mental health break
[6:56] A  5-star rating would be nice!
[8:36] The struggle is real for closer commutes
[10:35] Base hoppers
[12:33] Each base has its own personality
[14:15] The crazy part about commuting
[15:45] What kind of commuter are you?
[16:45] Flight attendant tip: Take the first flight of the day
[18:04] Commuting is a second full-time job
[20:05] Crash pads
[25:35] Our worst commuting experiences
[27:33] Commuter commandments
[27:45] StaffTraveler: The #1 Nonrev App for commuters
[29:54] Befriend gate agents
[31:49] Snacks are essential
[32:35] Know the weather
[33:47] Never celebrate until takeoff
[35:54] Let’s play: Would You Rather?
[41:43] Is commuting worth it?
Smells Like Humans
Like listening to funny friends discuss curious human behavior.
Listen on: Apple Podcasts Spotify
This episode was brought to you by StaffTraveler, the #1 non-rev app! If you travel on standby and are looking to make your journey easy and stress-free, check out StaffTraveler for free in the Apple App Store or Google Play Store.
Download StaffTraveler, The #1 Non-Rev App! (It's FREE!)
Join the Galley Gang for behind-the-scenes content!
Submit your story for our Galley Gossip segment!
Travel with us on one of our upcoming trips!
Music by Griefcat

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There's nothing worse than boarding a new aircraft and finding the galley left in shambles by the previous crew. We spend plenty of time on this show discussing passenger etiquette, so this week we are turning the mirror on flight attendants and breaking down the unwritten rules of the galley, aka the office, the kitchen, the break room, the storage closet, etc., that also happens to sometimes be the only sane corner of the airplane.

From wet counters and unlatched carts to hoarded ice mallets, a mysterious abundance of hand soap, and a heated debate over who actually answers the call bell, we’ll talk and laugh about what every crew member should be doing (and what flight attendants are all quietly guilty of).

Episode Highlights:
[0:00] Welcome to Episode #53!
[1:17] Drew & the crew’s pet peeves
[3:06] Those galley behaviors
[5:18] Rich & the nervous passenger
[8:47] We love our Senior Mamas!
[10:30] Wipe the counters down
[11:54] Restock your toppers
[14:42] Downline supplies
[16:26] The easiest flight attendant to work with
[18:42] Dispose of trash properly
[21:36] Get out of the way
[24:01] Pitch in
[26:42] Do you like answering call bells?
[28:44] Just put it back
[33:04] Be a good jumpseater
[36:05] It should look better
[38:33] Galley etiquette summed up!
[40:12] Galley Gossip
Smells Like Humans
Like listening to funny friends discuss curious human behavior.
Listen on: Apple Podcasts Spotify
This episode was brought to you by StaffTraveler, the #1 non-rev app! If you travel on standby and are looking to make your journey easy and stress-free, check out StaffTraveler for free in the Apple App Store or Google Play Store.
Download StaffTraveler, The #1 Non-Rev App! (It's FREE!)
Join the Galley Gang for behind-the-scenes content!
Submit your story for our Galley Gossip segment!
Travel with us on one of our upcoming trips!
Music by Griefcat