Welcome back to ask uncut where we answer your deep and burning dilemmas!
There’s some very spicy questions going down in our facebook group and most of it is done using nicknames. We need to poll if you want us to keep the nicknames or not!
Vibes and Unsubscribes
Britt - Unsubscribe from non Aussie actor being used in APEX
Vibe - Should I Marry A Murderer? on Netflix
Keeshia - @jeromecooksfood
Laura - Yuka App
Then we jump into your questions!
TRANSACTIONAL W*NK
So I listened to today’s episode when you asked who is wanking their partner off without sex?! The answer is me. I am doing that and have been for many years! My husband and I have been together for 10 years and he often asks for a wank so casually as if he is asking me to put the kettle on. I don’t even pretend to be in the mood, it almost just feels like a transaction and I have told him this, it doesn’t seem to bother him.
For context, we both have very mismatching libidos. I wouldn’t say he wants sex a lot, probably just the normal amount, but I literally never want it. It comes up as a problem regularly in our relationship but we never seem to do anything about it. I have floated the idea of how he would feel about an open relationship if he feels his needs are not being met but he won’t entertain the idea. I also have said he has 2 perfectly good hands if he wants to sort himself out but that doesn’t work either! I have told him I just don’t enjoy sex and I would happily go the rest of my life without it. I’m never satisfied and I just give in to satisfy him but leaves me feeling icky like I’m just pretending. I never orgasm. Both alone and together we have tried using toys but still no joy! Sorry for the long message but would appreciate any advice to help me stop a lifetime of transactional wanks!
GRANDPARENTS DON’T CARE ABOUT MY KID, THEIR 9TH GRAND CHILD
My parents aren't really interested in being grandparents anymore, or that is how it feels. I am the youngest child in my family, when my siblings had children, especially the first 2 my parents were besotted, they saw them everyday, took photos, and showered them with affection. My son is the 9th grandchild and it just feels like they are over it, nothing is exciting or new. They never ask about him, they don't ask for photos, they have never offered to mind him. He is beautiful and well behaved most of the time. They are older now and both have health issues, my sister is also a single mom and they have given her a lot of support. I just spent a week at home and I barely saw them. I am starting to feel very resentful toward my siblings even though it's not their fault. I don't feel like I can say anything but I just feel so sad about it. I don't have one but I am finding motherhood so lonely. My husband's parents have passed and it is really hitting me that we won't have support. Has anybody else been through this?
I DON'T WANT TO GO TO MY BROTHERS DESTINATION WEDDING - AM I BEING A BRAT OR REASONABLE?
My brother is getting married next year and it’s a destination wedding on a tropical island, but the wedding is the day before my 30th birthday. I know a wedding is obviously a way bigger deal than a birthday, and I’m not expecting everyone to make it about me. But turning 30 feels like a big milestone, and I already know my actual birthday will probably just become the recovery day after his wedding. Because it’s mostly siblings and friends going, I also probably won’t even have my parents with me on the day. What makes it worse is that I’m doing a Master’s, working in a hospital, and completing specialist training, so I’m already flat out. The wedding is also one month before my specialist written exam, so the timing feels awful. I feel guilty saying this, but I genuinely don’t want to go. Am I being a brat, or is this understandable? And how do I tell my brother and family without causing huge drama?
For more context, this won’t be my brother’s only wedding. They’re also having a bigger wedding back home with our extended family and all the older relatives, so it’s not like I’d be missing the wedding altogether. Part of why I feel so torn is that this island wedding is mostly made up of the bride’s friends and people from her side. On my brother’s side, it’s really just one of his high school best mate, me, and one cousin he’s close with. So if I don’t go, I honestly feel like there’ll barely be anyone there for him from our side, and that makes me feel really guilty. At the same time, I know I’d probably feel so out of place. Her friends and family are all very glamorous, influencer-type people, and I’m just really not that kind of person. I’m pretty low-key, I barely wear makeup, and I’m not into partying or drinking, so a destination wedding like this just isn’t something I’m excited about at all. I’m also worried that if I do go, I’ll be uncomfortable the entire time and it’ll show all over my face. I really don’t want to bring that energy to his wedding, which almost makes me feel like not going would be better than showing up and clearly not wanting to be there. I’d really love to know what you girls think, because I genuinely can’t tell if I’m being selfish or if this is a fair thing to be so torn over. Thank you so much for reading this and for always helping people make sense of life’s messier situations, it really means a lot.
PARTNER HAS TOO MANY HOBBIES
My fiancé, the father of our two children (7 and 4 months old) is a rather social butterfly. He is often out at the pub, fishing, surfing, checking the surf and working 5 days a week on top of that. He very rarely plans anything in advance; it's commonly spontaneous (especially fishing and surfing as its condition based). I feel so frustrated with him as he is out living his life like he’s a bachelor. I try to set a time for him to come home. He’s ALWAYS late anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour. I ask him to come home to help with the children and it’s always met with a “yep soon” and that’s always anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour. It drives me crazy! When I speak to him about my frustrations and concern about him being out more than he's spending time with his family he meets me with a “well I’m here now and because I want to be” but I feel like he doesn’t. Like if I didn’t ask or set a time he wouldn’t be home for hours! He spends up to 6 -10 hours at a time with his mates at the pub or out doing other stuff with them…is this normal? Am I crazy?
TIMESTAMPS
0:00 — Intro
4:43 — Vibes of the week:
14:22 — Q1: The Transactional Wank
26:30 — Q2: My parents have run out of grandparent energy
37:27 — Q3: I don't want to go to my brother's destination wedding
49:40 — Q4: Is my husband living his best bachelor life while I have a 4-month-old?
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