On Attachment

In today’s Ask Steph episode, we’re talking about how to cope when your ex seems to have moved on soon after your break-up — and is now in a new relationship that appears to be working.
This can be an incredibly painful experience, especially if you’re still grieving the relationship. It often brings up comparison, self-doubt, and questions like “Was I the problem?”
In this episode, I unpack why this situation feels so triggering, what’s actually going on beneath the surface, and how to shift out of rumination and back into your own power.
We cover:
Why seeing your ex move on can feel like “salt in the wound”
The different ways anxious and avoidant people process breakups
Why your ex’s behaviour isn’t a reflection of your worth
The illusion of their new relationship “working”
How new relationship energy can mask underlying patterns
The impact of comparison, rumination, and self-doubt
Why focusing on your ex keeps you stuck
How to set boundaries and reclaim your energy
Resources
For free resources on break-ups and anxious attachment, click here.
Check out my break-up course Higher Love here

In today’s episode, we’re unpacking one of the most common (and confusing) questions for people with anxious attachment: is it me, or is there something genuinely not right in this relationship?
When you’re used to second-guessing yourself, it can be incredibly hard to know whether your fears and insecurities are coming from your own patterns—or from dynamics that would leave anyone feeling unsafe or unsettled.
In this episode, I explore why this question is so difficult to answer, the role of self-doubt and emotional invalidation, and how to find a more grounded, balanced perspective. I also share some clear examples of behaviours that are likely to create insecurity in any relationship, regardless of your attachment style.
We cover:
Why “is it me or them?” is such a common source of rumination
The role of self-doubt and self-invalidation in anxious attachment
The middle ground between dismissing your feelings and being led by them
Why relationship dynamics are almost always co-created
Examples of behaviours that are objectively difficult to build a secure relationship around
How inconsistency and unpredictability activate anxious attachment patterns
The importance of zooming out and looking at the big picture
When anxiety is a signal of deeper relational misalignment
Resources
Free training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment & Feel Secure in Life and Love

In today’s Ask Steph episode, we’re exploring a common question: is it ever a good idea to be friends with an ex?
While staying connected can sometimes feel comforting after a breakup, it’s not always supportive of healing or moving forward.
In this episode, I share some key considerations to help you assess whether a friendship is a good idea, or whether it might be keeping you stuck in old patterns, attachment, or hope.
We discuss:
Why the desire to stay friends after a breakup is so common
When friendship with an ex can work—and when it’s likely to be harmfulSigns you might still be emotionally attached or holding onto hope
The role of boundaries, space, and healing after a breakup
How to assess whether a friendship is aligned with your long-term wellbeing
👉🏼 Register for my free breakup training here

In today’s episode, I’m unpacking why I don’t give the common advice for anxiously attached people to simply avoid avoidant partners.
While it might seem like a straightforward way to protect yourself from painful relationship dynamics, this approach is often overly simplistic — and can actually reinforce the very patterns you’re trying to move away from.
We explore the nuance that often gets lost in attachment conversations, including why not all avoidant individuals are the same, and how reducing people to labels can limit your capacity to form meaningful, healthy connections.
I also share a more grounded and empowering approach to dating — one that centres discernment, self-trust, and clarity around what you truly want and need in a relationship.
Explore my website + free resources here.

In this Ask Steph episode, I’m responding to a question I hear more often than you might expect. Someone has done a lot of work on their anxious attachment patterns, they feel more grounded and secure, and now they find themselves with very little interest in dating or relationships.
I talk about how this can sometimes be a natural pendulum swing. When you have spent a long time orienting around other people, trying to be chosen, accommodating, and overextending yourself, it makes sense that there would be a period of pulling back. For many people, that space allows for a real sense of peace, self-expression, and reconnection with who they are outside of a relationship.
At the same time, I explore how this experience can come from different places. For some, it reflects genuine contentment in their single life. For others, there may still be a protective element underneath it, particularly if being in a relationship has historically meant losing themselves.
This episode is about understanding what is actually driving that shift, so you can move forward in a way that is aligned with what you truly want, rather than simply reacting to your past patterns.