On Attachment

So many people will know the frustration of wanting to work on your relationship and being met with resistance, shutdown, or disengagement from a partner. When your sincere attempts at getting through and finding a path forward aren't landing, it's easy to feel hopeless—and confused as to what it means for your future.
In today's episode, I'm sharing some thoughts on this predicament, as well as tips for breaking through the impasse and how you can find your way back to centre irrespective of whether your partner comes to the table.
Links
Free resources for anxious attachment
Free masterclass on breaking the anxious-avoidant cycle

In today's episode, we're talking about retroactive jealousy — being an excessive preoccupation with a partner's romantic and/or sexual history, and feelings of intense insecurity and comparison as a result. This is a really common experience (one I used to struggle with myself!), particularly among those with anxious attachment patterns who already experience a hypervigilance to perceived relational threats coupled with low self-esteem and a fear of abandonment.
We'll talk about how retroactive jealousy is often a branch off the "unworthiness" tree, and why starting there — with tending to our low self-worth — is often the fix.
Links
Free resources for healing anxious attachment
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This week's Ask Steph question comes from a 77 year old listener who recently reconnected with a man she loved 45 years ago, following the passing of her husband of 40 years. He was the one who got away, and their reunion felt like everything she'd hoped for... until he suddenly started pulling back without explanation.
In offering my advice, I share some thoughts on why a first relationship after a long marriage can feel so consuming, why avoidant patterns often show up most acutely when someone is going through something difficult, and why the instinct to chase and accommodate someone who's withdrawing usually costs us more than it helps.
We talk about the difference between having compassion for someone's fear and abandoning your own needs to manage it, and why getting clear on what you actually want (before you have the conversation with them) matters so much.
If you've ever found yourself dropping your own needs to keep someone from leaving, this one's for you.
Have a question you'd like to submit for a future Ask Steph episode? Click here to leave a voice note.

Links
Free resources for healing anxious attachment
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In today's Ask Steph episode, I'm answering the listener question of "How do I navigate being triggered by my partner's moodiness and irritability?" This is such a common pain point for folks with anxious attachment patterns. I share some context as to why moodiness is so activating for the anxious nervous system, as well as my advice on how to best respond in the moment when your partner is being moody.
Links
​Free training for healing anxious attachment: http://stephanierigg.com/haa-webinar-opt-in
​Take my attachment quiz
​Subscribe to my YouTube channel
​Follow me on Instagram

Choosing who you're going to commit to is a life-altering decision — so it's little wonder so many of us feel the weight of that pressure, and experience doubt around whether we're making the "right" decision.
And while no one but you can ultimately make that call, in today's episode I'm sharing some guidance on the qualities and attributes that I find essential to making long-term relationships work.
Links
Free resources
Visit my website
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