On Attachment

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If you have avoidant attachment patterns (or are partnered with someone who does), today's episode offers five truths about your patterns, blind spots, and protective mechanisms that, while perhaps hard to hear, are essential learning if you ultimately want to shift towards healthier relationships.
I talk about:
How the myth of the perfect partner keeps you stuck in your avoidance
Why your judgment of your partner's "neediness" is both unhelpful and revealing of your own suppressed emotions
How your emotions affect the relationship just as much as your partner's, albeit in different ways
The difference between being solely responsible for a partner's feelings and the reality of healthy interdependence
The importance of stretching beyond what is comfortable and natural if you want to grow

Links
Preorder my book, The Secure Self
Free resources on attachment healing
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Preorder my book, The Secure Self
How do you stop your mind from thinking of your ex, even when the relationship is long over? In today's episode, I'm giving advice to a listener who is struggling with ongoing thoughts of their ex, a year on from the break-up.
We'll talk about why it's normal for your brain to drift towards those thoughts, why it's so important that we don't make meaning out of it, and why focusing on what you can control (ie, your actions) is far more useful than trying to fight against your thoughts.
Links
Preorder my book, The Secure Self
Free breakup training

Pre-order my book, The Secure Self
Being on the receiving end of someone's inconsistent behaviour and mixed messages is a familiar experience for many people with anxious attachment patterns. And yet, the ways we habitually respond — by trying to solve the puzzle, gather information, and do whatever we can to not make things worse — often serve to entrench us in unhealthy and imbalanced relationships. In this episode, I talk about why inconsistency feels so familiar, how we typically respond, and what it looks like to instead respond with self-respect and security.

Links
Preorder my book, The Secure Self
Free training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment

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In today's episode, I'm giving advice to a listener who recently stepped away from a long-term, long-distance relationship, over concerns that she and her partner were wanting different things. Despite having been the one to end things, she is grappling with the loss and having second thoughts about whether stepping away was the right choice.
I touch on a lot in my advice to her, including what's "normal" after a breakup, the courage it takes to walk away when nothing big happened, why the fear of regret can cloud our judgment, and under what circumstances a reconciliation is a good idea.
Links
Preorder my book, The Secure Self
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Explore my free resources

Pre-order my book, The Secure Self
In today's episode, we're talking about self-abandonment and what it really takes to shift away from these well-worn patterns into a more secure version of ourselves that is grounded in self-worth.
We discuss why self-abandonment feels so natural to many of us with anxious attachment patterns, the importance of self-compassion, building nervous system capacity, advocating for our needs from a steady place, and building self-trust.
My book, The Secure Self, is now available for pre-order! Head to stephanierigg.com/book to claim your exclusive bonus package for free as a pre-order gift with purchase.