The Montoyas

*Join our Patreon* Sign up for a bonus episode each week and more, exclusive to paid subscribers. Plus massive news for Patreon subscribers, listen out in this weeks Patreon episode, you now have access to our hotline to leave us a message!
Last week, Tayla made an appearance on the Bye Round fundraiser stream for Jai Arrow and, after discovering the magic of a bottle of red mixed with Diet Coke (now known as "The Shire Sangria"), things escalated extremely quickly. What started as a fun night out ended with an Uber ride home and Marcelo being woken up by the unmistakable sounds that no sober person ever wants to hear in the middle of the night.
If that wasn't enough, the rest of the week didn't get much better. After going out to grab a coffee, Tayla somehow turned a simple café run into a public spectacle. Attempting to parallel park a large SUV outside a busy Cronulla café, she quickly found herself with a growing audience, traffic backing up all around, four failed attempts, a couple of kerbed tyres, and one innocent bystander who copped the full force of her frustration.
Plus, thanks to Blue Wealth Property, Tayla's university script returns — and somehow it's even more out the gate than before. The mysterious Fijian woman is back, new characters enter the story, Marcelo abandons the script and a Kiwi accent makes its debut. At this point, we're all just along for the ride.

After Marcelo announced his retirement last week, Susan Lombardi decided it was her responsibility to break the news to Tayla's Nono and Nona. Unfortunately, instead of keeping things simple and telling the truth, she turned the whole thing into a dramatic Italian soap opera, leaving poor Nona in tears and everyone else wondering how things escalated so quickly.

Tayla tries once again to convince Marcelo to join her at the gym next year so they can finally work out together and, more importantly, so she can prove she actually works hard when she's there. Marcelo isn't buying it for a second. Instead, he launches into a dramatic re-enactment of the time he walked into the lounge to find Tayla doing a Tabata workout while simultaneously watching reality TV. Surprisingly, nobody was shocked by this revelation.

After last week's cliffhanger, it's finally time. Tayla's university script has arrived. Titled "An Empyrean Awakening", Tayla and Marcelo bring a scene to life on the podcast and quickly discover some very interesting similarities between the story and their own lives. Including one particular character whose name is a little too close to home.

If you want to find out more about Blue Wealth Property email montoyas@bluewealth.com.au

Firstly, a massive shoutout to Voli K who recently reached out to collaborate with the podcast and has actually made music specifically for The Montoyas! You'll hear his work in today's intro and we absolutely love it. Huge thanks to him. At this rate, when we finally do a live show, we might even have live music from the man himself.
Tayla's friend came over this week and immediately expressed concern that Tayla still hasn't booked her nose surgery. Why? Because she'd gone down a rabbit hole researching what happens to chronic mouth breathers over time and apparently it's not pretty. The biggest concern is developing a recessed chin which, according to the internet, is every mouth breather's worst nightmare. Will this finally be the thing that gets Tayla to book the surgery? The jury's still out.
Meanwhile, on his day off, Marcelo found himself living out one of his biggest fanboy moments after meeting one of his Top 3 celebrities, Neil Whitaker, at a mental health lunch. If you've listened to the podcast for a while, you'll know Marcelo's obsession with all things real estate. Not only did he get to meet Neil, but he was also bold enough to ask him for a personalised video message for a special someone... and the result is absolutely legendary.
Plus, The Montoyas have a MAJOR announcement to share in this episode. Any guesses? A second sausage dog? We've finally landed a sponsor? We're adding another weekly episode? Drop your predictions in the comments and tune in to find out.
If you want to find out more about Blue Wealth Property email montoyas@bluewealth.com.au

*Join our Patreon* Sign up for a bonus episode each week and more, exclusive to paid subscribers. Plus massive news for Patreon subscribers, listen out in this weeks Patreon episode, you now have access to our hotline to leave us a message!
Marcelo has never been shy about his dislike of Tayla being glued to her phone, and this week he finally gets some answers. After discovering most of her screen time is spent firing an endless stream of questions at ChatGPT, Marcelo asks the question we're all thinking: "What are the most outrageous things you've ever asked ChatGPT?" Tayla bravely opens the vault, but would you be willing to share your search history with the world?
Meanwhile, Tayla joins the 5am gym crowd and quickly finds herself in a very unexpected situation. While struggling through a workout, a friendly stranger offers to oil one of the machines to make it run smoother. Assuming he'd wandered over from the maintenance team, Tayla gladly accepts the help… only to discover he's actually just a local gym hero, quietly roaming the floor helping those in need with a can of WD-40. A true man of the people!
Plus, we may have received one of the greatest calls ever on the Ass Leaker Hotline. In the middle of a truly unfortunate situation, one listener decided this was exactly the place to share their story — and we're very grateful they did.
If you want to find out more about Blue Wealth Property email montoyas@bluewealth.com.au

Thank you to everyone who has joined our Patreon, we’ve just hit a massive milestone of 1,000 subscribers!! In today’s episode the Montoyas are drawing out three lucky “ass leakers” who will get to sit in on a recording soon, well…when we can finally nail down Marcelo's schedule. The Montoyas are truly grateful for every “multi tasker” and “ass leaker” who supports the show! We have big plans for 2026 so keep and eye out on more announcements coming your way.
Tayla woke up on the wrong side of the bed, we all know how that feels! Marcelo started with good intentions and decided to clean Tayla’s car. Unfortunately the clean freak in him couldn’t ignore the chaos he found inside, Louie the sausage dog had vomited and the twins' snacks were littered all over the place. Instead of using his better judgment and ignoring the situation, Marcelo confronted Tayla… I’m sure you can guess her response!
Just like your aunty on Facebook marketplace, the Montoyas have been scammed! There’s a fake Facebook page “TheMontoyas291” with a bigger audience than the real page, how does that even happen!? The page has been reported as being fake but we need your help, please report it on Facebook and if you don’t already follow the real page help us out!
If you want to find out more about Blue Wealth Property email montoyas@bluewealth.com.au