Bad Movies Rule!

James, Bob, and Ryan head to feudal Japan (via Astoria, Oregon) for the third live-action TMNT movie. Expect time-travel scepters, samurai swords, power-ranger energy, catchphrase theft, and a lot of “wait, this isn’t the video game?”

Kurt had a last-minute family thing, so it’s a lean three-man crew breaking down the budget cuts, the suits, the fights, the complete misunderstanding of what made the turtles cool, and whether any of it still works 30+ years later.

Awards, screaming eagle energy, and the usual BMR chaos. No spoilers on the final call — you’ll have to listen for that.

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The Dead Starfish are outnumbered, under-prepared, and already concerned after a first look at Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III.

This week’s pre-game covers the time-travel-to-feudal-Japan premise, the return of Casey Jones, the scores that will make you wince, the trailer’s heavy dose of “Schwing!” and Quantum Leap energy, and a few bold predictions (including whether the turtles invent pizza in ancient Japan). One of us had never seen any Ninja Turtles anything until recently. The suits look cheaper. The sets are big. And yes, turtle sex comes up.

Episode drops Friday morning at Midnight.

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This mailbag is unhinged from the jump. We open a letter that digs into James’s lifelong pickle hatred (and somehow pivots into eggs, tomatoes, and taste-bud evolution), then dive into a pile of movies that showed up in the mail: a Donnie Yen IP Man collection, Austin Butler’s Elvis, a 12-movie Steven Seagal pack with the most generic titles imaginable, and Cats (yes, the CGI one with the buttholes). Sticky-hand warfare erupts courtesy of a Walker, Texas Ranger-inspired gift. Brandon from Michigan sends So I Married an Axe Murderer, Mackinac Island fudge, and a Wing Commander plea, while AJ pitches Dutch (Ed O’Neill) as a holiday must. Voicemails bring a McRib challenge (with a full pre-review rant), a bank-robber getaway story, Halloween 4 squad-car logic from Duane, and a wrestling tag-team call-out involving Bob. Expect chaos, fudge regret, and the usual mailbag mayhem.

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James Garner owns a Sherman tank. A corrupt small-town sheriff frames his kid. Then the tank comes out.

In this episode the crew (James, Clint, Charles, and Ryan) goes scene-by-scene through the 1984 oddity Tank. It’s part after-school-special father/son drama, part Police Academy-style riff, and part full-on “I’m driving my personal WWII tank through your police station” revenge movie. Shirley Jones drops lines you never expected from the Partridge Family mom, C. Thomas Howell tries to act, and a white-suited sheriff spends the runtime being the pettiest villain in Georgia.

Expect the usual BMR chaos: long tangents about NCO clubs, boats nobody should buy, “pussy communist,” the ethics of bringing your own tank to a new duty station, and whether a 56-year-old James Garner is still the most charming man alive. We also hand out the awards — including the first-ever Screaming Eagle (Best Inanimate Object) — and argue about whether the movie’s wild tonal shifts and non-ending sink it or make it rule.

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James Garner owns a fully operational Sherman tank and uses it to stick it to a corrupt sheriff after his son gets railroaded in this 1984 “sticking it to the man” oddity. Join James, Clint, Ryan Mueller (the mayor) as they react to the trailer, spiral into increasingly unhinged predictions about prison breaks, presidential pardons, and “Jail Jail,” and debate whether anyone actually dies in this PG-rated tank rampage that somehow includes nudity.

Tank currently sits at a 33% critic score, 48% audience score, and a 5.8 on IMDb. It’s not streaming free, but you can rent it for $3.99 on Amazon or YouTube if you want to go in prepared.

Does the tank rule, or is it ass cheeks? Pull up a chair and find out.
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