How To Fail With Elizabeth Day

This episode contains description of addiction, eating disorders and discussion of suicide. Our guest today is the pioneering comedian, actor and activist Margaret Cho. She began performing comedy as a teenager, opening for Jerry Seinfeld at just 14, before becoming one of the most influential stand-ups of her generation. Now in her 50s, Margaret reflects in this episode on the cancellation of her groundbreaking sitcom, All-American Girl, and the surreal "miscalculations" of a network that hired consultants to ensure she was "doing Asian right". She speaks candidly about the "mind f***" of being told she was "too fat to play herself", which triggered a dangerous spiral into disordered eating, 90s diet drugs and eventual kidney failure. She opens up about a suicidal near-death experience that she was initially too afraid to admit even to herself - and about the intervention by friends that finally led her to sobriety. This conversation explores shame, rage and the life-saving importance of humour. Because, as Margaret says, sometimes laughter can be the thing that keeps you breathing. ✨ IN THIS EPISODE: 00:00 Introduction 04:37 Childhood Reflections 06:59 Political and Social Commentary 10:43 The Sitcom Experience 18:35 Body Image and Health Struggles 26:13 Legacy and Influence 26:54 The Struggle with Diet Culture 28:34 Embarrassing Moments on Stage 32:10 Family Influence on Weight Issues 33:22 Seeking Help and Therapy 34:05 Childhood Abuse and Its Impact 37:27 Battling Drug and Alcohol Addiction 43:09 Intervention and Recovery 46:51 Finding Hope and Happiness 💬 QUOTES TO REMEMBER: You carry the otherness with you as a kind of residual suffering that's still there. Shame is such an electric emotion. It really ignites your history and gets to the core of who you are. I think that's vital as an artist and also it improves your art if you can somehow rise above it. Humour is really hope. Humour and laughter is the intake of breath, which is the preservation of the body for the next moment. The more deep work that you do, the more pain you've endured, the more you can share with the world. 🔗 LINKS + MENTIONS: When life is difficult, Samaritans are here – day or night, 365 days a year. You can call them for free on 116 123, email them at [email protected], or visit www.samaritans.org to find your nearest branch. Margaret Cho’s Choligarchy Comedy Tour Join the How To Fail community: https://howtofail.supportingcast.fm/#content Elizabeth’s Substack: https://theelizabethday.substack.com/ 📚 WANT MORE? Monica Lewinsky - on public shame, misogyny and learning how to reclaim your story after being defined by one moment swap.fm/l/jD3LnWFLZq4jRqSX1yQ9 Lily Allen - on addiction, recovery and rebuilding self-worth under intense public scrutiny https://link.chtbl.com/7f_TpEQ6 Phoebe Waller-Bridge - on Fleabag, creativity and learning to trust your own voice https://link.chtbl.com/Vmnz_IXz 💌 LOVE THIS EPISODE? Subscribe on Spotify, Apple or wherever you get your podcasts Leave a 5⭐ review – it helps more people discover these stories 👋 Follow How To Fail & Elizabeth: Instagram: @elizabday TikTok: @howtofailpod Podcast Instagram: @howtofailpod Website: www.elizabethday.org Elizabeth and Margaret answer live audience questions in our subscriber series, Failing with Friends. Join our community of subscribers here: https://howtofail.supportingcast.fm/#content Have a failure you’re trying to work through for Elizabeth to discuss? Click here to get in touch: howtofailpod.com Production & Post Production Coordinator: Eric Ryan Engineer: Matias Torres Assistant Producer: Suhaar Ali Senior Producer: Joanna Clay Senior Producer: Hannah Talbot Executive Producer: Alex Lawless How to Fail is an Elizabeth Day and Sony Music Entertainment Production. Find more great podcasts from Sony Music Entertainment at sonymusic.com/podcasts To bring your brand to life in this podcast, email [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Money worries are far more common than we like to admit: from keeping you awake at night to quietly shaping your choices and decisions, financial anxiety affects us all - especially after a season of festive indulgence. In this episode, comedian Fern Brady (recorded live in Edinburgh) speaks about not having enough money to stay at university - and the unconventional ways she earned a living to keep going. Media mogul Simon Cowell reflects on going bankrupt in his late twenties and how he *still* worries about money even now because of the fear that he’ll have to start again from scratch. Together, these conversations explore financial failure, resilience and the belief that setbacks don’t have to define what comes next. We hope they offer reassurance to anyone feeling overwhelmed by money issues right now. Listen to Fern Brady’s full episode of How to Fail here: http://swap.fm/l/cmeompBv7EHK20enmwbS Listen to Simon Cowell’s full episode of How to Fail here: http://swap.fm/l/hSwuCNEuZNgnaG20v0yB 🔗 LINKS + MENTIONS: Elizabeth’s Substack: https://theelizabethday.substack.com/ Join the How To Fail community: https://howtofail.supportingcast.fm/#content 💌 LOVE THIS EPISODE? Subscribe on Spotify, Apple or wherever you get your podcasts Leave a 5⭐ review – it helps more people discover these stories 👋 Follow How To Fail & Elizabeth: Instagram: @howtofailpod @elizabday TikTok: @howtofailpod @elizabday Website: www.elizabethday.org Join Elizabeth Day for a special How to Fail live show at Crossed Wires Festival in Sheffield! Tickets on sale now: https://crossedwires.live/podcast/how-to-fail Have a failure you’re trying to work through for Elizabeth to discuss? Click here to get in touch: howtofailpod.com How to Fail is an Elizabeth Day and Sony Music Entertainment Production. Find more great podcasts from Sony Music Entertainment at sonymusic.com/podcasts To bring your brand to life in this podcast, email [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Bear Grylls has achieved worldwide fame as one of the most recognised faces of survival and outdoor adventure. A former SAS soldier, he has climbed Everest, circumnavigated the British Isles on a jet ski, rowed naked in a bathtub along the Thames and once broke his back in a parachuting accident. But he's most famous for his TV career. He starred in seven seasons of the Discovery Channel’s Emmy Award-nominated Man vs. Wild TV series and hosted Running Wild, which has featured Bear taking President Obama, Julia Roberts, Roger Federer, Will Ferrell, Channing Tatum, and Kate Winslet on extreme adventures. Bear is thoughtful, open and surprisingly gentle. This conversation will make you reflect on resilience, bravery and what it really means to keep moving forward when things fall apart. ✨ IN THIS EPISODE: 00:00 Introduction 03:00 Living with nerves and self-doubt 07:12 Public success versus private fear 13:45 Losing his father and learning to live with grief 18:10 Breaking his back and rebuilding confidence 23:40 Faith, inner voices and self-belief 29:05 Courage, fear and moving towards the difficult things 35:20 Failing SAS selection and earning confidence 41:00 TV failure, risk and starting again 46:40 Why giving up is the only real failure 💬 QUOTES TO REMEMBER: The only real failure is when we give up. You can't be a brave person without the fear... just not having fear and doing it mindlessly is- that's just stupidity. That's not courage. Those failures are the stepping stones. They’re the scars I’m proud of. The truth is we tend to stand on the shoulders of many. Beautiful people and giants who've helped us and been kind to us and encouraged us, and supported us and elevated us over themselves. 🔗 LINKS + MENTIONS: Never Give Up by Bear Grylls Join the How To Fail community: https://howtofail.supportingcast.fm/#content Elizabeth’s Substack: https://theelizabethday.substack.com/ Join Elizabeth Day for a special How to Fail live show at Crossed Wires Festival in Sheffield! Tickets on sale now: https://crossedwires.live/podcast/how-to-fail 📚 WANT MORE? Mo Gawdat - on grief, resilience and rebuilding life after loss https://link.chtbl.com/fnA5IzTi Tom Daley - the Olympic diver talks about pressure, fear and public failure, alongside the discipline and mental strength it takes to keep showing up at the highest level. https://play.megaphone.fm/deiztbmwsrw-vz5by9ajtw Matt Haig - the bestselling author on mental health, survival and learning to keep going through periods of despair, anxiety and self-doubt https://link.chtbl.com/u2XVtjE7 💌 LOVE THIS EPISODE? Subscribe on Spotify, Apple or wherever you get your podcasts Leave a 5⭐ review – it helps more people discover these stories 👋 Follow How To Fail & Elizabeth: Instagram: @elizabday TikTok: @howtofailpod Podcast Instagram: @howtofailpod Website: www.elizabethday.org Have a failure you’re trying to work through for Elizabeth to discuss? Click here to get in touch: howtofailpod.com Production & Post Production Coordinator: Eric Ryan Engineer: Matias Torres Assistant Producer: Suhaar Ali Senior Producer: Hannah Talbot Executive Producer: Alex Lawless How to Fail is an Elizabeth Day and Sony Music Entertainment Production. Find more great podcasts from Sony Music Entertainment at sonymusic.com/podcasts To bring your brand to life in this podcast, email [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode contains very strong language and isn’t suitable for small ears. Sophie Willan is a double BAFTA award-winning writer, comedian and actor, perhaps best known for her BBC comedy drama, Alma's Not Normal. But it wasn’t always red carpets and award ceremonies. Willan experienced an unsettled childhood with spells in foster care, which she talks openly about in this episode. We also talk about a failed Edinburgh show that coincided with an ‘intense’ relationship and what these experiences taught her. Moving, funny and honest, this episode was recorded in front of a lovely live audience at The Lowry in Salford, Manchester. ✨ IN THIS EPISODE: 00:00 Introduction 02:00 Alma's Not Normal: Success and Challenges 03:00 The Emotional Toll of Comedy 03:55 Awards and Recognition 05:03 Personal Struggles and Triumphs 08:43 Reflections on Care Experience 14:39 Family Stories and Humor 23:46 The Fine Line Between Madness and Comedy 24:49 A Disastrous Improv Show 26:55 The Novice Detective: A Misplaced Comedy 27:55 Facing Criticism and Misogyny in Comedy 31:32 Stories of Care: Empowering Voices 32:27 The Edinburgh Experience: Highs and Lows 38:06 Writing Process: Chaos and Creativity 💬 QUOTES TO REMEMBER: We're all quite funny in my family though. It's like a family of emotionally deranged people that have a good sense of humour. You spend the first half of your life unpicking what you inherited and the second half building something better. Sad things are funny, and funny things are sad, that’s just how the world is. 🔗 LINKS + MENTIONS: You can watch Alma’s Not Normal on BBC iPlayer Listen to Sophie Willan’s episode on Where There’s a Will There’s a Wake Stories of Care founded by Sophie Willan Join the How To Fail community: https://howtofail.supportingcast.fm/#content Elizabeth’s Substack: https://theelizabethday.substack.com/ Join Elizabeth Day for a special How to Fail live show at Crossed Wires Festival in Sheffield! Tickets on sale now: https://crossedwires.live/podcast/how-to-fail 📚 WANT MORE? Mae Martin - comedian, writer and actor on identity, anxiety and learning to trust yourself without external approval https://link.chtbl.com/F50L9kqQ Adeel Akhtar - on self-doubt, feeling like an outsider and how success can change your sense of belonging swap.fm/l/eWxKBXUJZAAkfovquzwi Fern Brady - the comedian and author on class, misogyny and neurodivergence. http://swap.fm/l/cmeompBv7EHK20enmwbS 💌 LOVE THIS EPISODE? Subscribe on Spotify, Apple or wherever you get your podcasts Leave a 5⭐ review – it helps more people discover these stories 👋 Follow How To Fail & Elizabeth: Instagram: @elizabday TikTok: @howtofailpod Podcast Instagram: @howtofailpod Website: www.elizabethday.org Elizabeth and Sophie answer live audience questions in our subscriber series, Failing with Friends. Join our community of subscribers here: https://howtofail.supportingcast.fm/#content Have a failure you’re trying to work through for Elizabeth to discuss? Click here to get in touch: howtofailpod.com Production & Post Production Coordinator: Eric Ryan Engineer: Matias Torres Assistant Producer: Suhaar Ali Senior Producer: Hannah Talbot Executive Producer: Alex Lawless How to Fail is an Elizabeth Day and Sony Music Entertainment Production. Find more great podcasts from Sony Music Entertainment at sonymusic.com/podcasts To bring your brand to life in this podcast, email [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week on How To Fail, we are doing something slightly different. I know, I know, we don't like change, but sometimes IT'S GOOD FOR US. It's especially good for us when it comes in the form of Alain de Botton, one of the most intelligent, eloquent and thoughtful people on the planet.And because it's Alain de Botton, modern philosopher, founder of The School of Life and bestselling authors of life-changing books such as Essays In Love, I decided to allow him a little leeway. Instead of choosing personal failures, Alain wanted to talk about three philosophical 'failure concepts' and I'm so glad he did, because it led to one of the most fascinating and enlightening discussions I've ever had on the topic.We discuss the idea that we can be good people and yet fail, and the concept (which I'm forever banging on about) that failure is the norm, and that we should find contentment in the average rather than constantly expecting the exceptional. He also has brilliant insights into why romantic break-ups are not, in and of themselves, tragic, because each relationship teaches you something you need to know, and when the time is right, it is ok to move on. Along the way, I also ask him about X Factor, so fear not, I'm there to pepper his brilliance with my usual lowbrow content, as per.It was such a delight to meet Alain. An hour in his company left my brain fizzing with new (and reassuring) ideas, and I hope it has the same effect on you.*The new book from The School of Life, co-authored and introduced by Alain de Botton, is out now and available to buy here. *I am thrilled to be taking How To Fail on tour around the UK in October, sharing my failure manifesto with the help of some very special guests. These events are not recorded as podcasts so the only way to be there is to book tickets via www.faneproductions.com/howtofail* The Sunday Times Top 5 bestselling book of the podcast, How To Fail: Everything I've Ever Learned From Things Going Wrong by Elizabeth Day, is out now and is available here.*This season of How To Fail With Elizabeth Day is hosted by Elizabeth Day, produced by Naomi Mantin and Chris Sharp and sponsored by Sweaty Betty. Sweaty Betty are offering listeners 20% off full-price items with the code HOWTOFAILTo contact us, email [email protected]* Social Media:Elizabeth Day @elizabdayAlain de Botton @alaindebotton Sweaty Betty @sweatybetty        Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices