Healing For Love

Send Gemma a message
In today’s episode, I answer a short but powerful question that came in anonymously:
“Hi Gemma, I cannot even get a match, let alone a date. What the hell is wrong with me?”If you’ve ever stared at a dating app wondering why nothing is happening and quietly concluded “it must be me”, this episode is for you.
I'll look at three key areas:
The reality of modern dating apps – why they create a distorted, “smorgasbord” environment where incredible, emotionally available people are often overlooked.
Other people’s issues – how emotional immaturity, avoidance and misaligned intentions show up on the apps (and why you can’t control that).
Your schemas and your “type” – how schema chemistry and rigid “type” criteria might be leading you towards emotionally unavailable partners and away from people who could actually be good for you.
I’ll invite you to:
Re-examine how you’re presenting yourself on the apps (without becoming a slave to what you think men want).
Widen the pool by giving a chance to the “6 or 7 out of 10” guys (ie, the level of chemistry you feel! I'm not rating people!) who feel kind, calm and safe – rather than only chasing the intense 10/10 chemistry.
Remember that your worth, lovability and desirability are not measured in matches.
If you’re feeling discouraged or asking “what’s wrong with me?”, I want you to know: you are not the problem. Dating apps are hard and your current results say nothing about your deeper value or your capacity for a healthy, loving relationship.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why so many wonderful women and emotionally available men get passed over on dating apps
How our throwaway, dopamine-driven culture affects the way people swipe
Why leading with highly sexualised photos can accidentally screen out good men
How schema chemistry pulls you towards what’s “familiar” rather than what’s healthy
How to gently expand beyond your usual “type”
Practical ways to pace yourself and protect your emotional wellbeing while dating
Resources mentioned:
Free guide: Dating with Insight – download via the link in the show notes.
Love Wisely – my 12-week online group program for women who want to break their pattern of choosing emotionally unavailable, narcissistic or avoidant partners. Doors open again in March – join the priority waitlist via the link in the show notes.
Episode 130 – on cultivating a new dating mindset (recommended companion episode).
Support the show
🎁 Download Free Guide: Dating With Insight
🩷 Love Wisely Priority list for Early March 2026
💛 Access Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle

Connect with Me
🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmagladstone
📩[email protected]

🚩 The Red Flag Project - your ultimate guide to red flags! Get Instant Access
🌻 Support the Podcast
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message
We hear the term “emotionally unavailable” all the time, yet many women are not sure what the opposite actually looks like in real life. In this episode, Gemma breaks down emotional availability in clear, practical terms, so you can recognise it early, feel safer in your body and stop settling for relationships that leave you guessing.
Gemma also explores how schemas like Emotional Deprivation and Abandonment shape what feels “normal” in love, why emotionally safe partners can feel boring or suspicious at first, and how you can slowly retrain your nervous system to relax into healthy connection.
In this episode, you will learn:
What the Emotional Deprivation schema isHow it forms in childhood
Why it makes it hard to identify and express your needs

Why you can consciously want an emotionally available partner yet keep feeling pulled toward distance, inconsistency, or intensity
How schemas and your unconscious “love template” drive partner choice and keep you in familiar but unfulfilling patterns
Ten signs of an emotionally available partner, including someone who:Takes an active interest in you, asks thoughtful questions, remembers details, and wants to know your inner world
Has actions that match their words, shows up consistently, and follows through
Is emotionally responsive, listens when you are vulnerable, validates your feelings, and attempts repair after conflict
Is predictable rather than chaotic, so your nervous system can settle instead of living on high alert
Is willing to talk about the relationship and co create something with you instead of avoiding emotional conversations
Has emotional self awareness, can name their feelings, take responsibility, and does not shame you for having emotions
Shows care through steady, thoughtful actions that leave you feeling valued and appreciated
Allows closeness without pulling away or going hot and cold after intimacy
Makes room for your needs and respects your boundaries, instead of calling you “too needy” when you ask for contact or reassurance
Is kind in a felt way - gentle with your vulnerabilities, respectful in conflict, and emotionally generous

Why emotional availability can feel “boring” or even suspicious if you grew up with chaos, distance, or inconsistency
A real life example from a Love Wisely client who noticed her physical tension drop when she finally dated someone emotionally available
How to start looking at your own relationship history through the lens of schemas and emotional availability so you can choose differently next time
Gemma finishes with an invitation to reflect gently on your pas
Support the show
🎁 Download Free Guide: Dating With Insight
🩷 Love Wisely Priority list for Early March 2026
💛 Access Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle

Connect with Me
🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmagladstone
📩[email protected]

🚩 The Red Flag Project - your ultimate guide to red flags! Get Instant Access
🌻 Support the Podcast
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message
Dating can stir up every schema you have. If you have a history of emotionally unavailable partners, narcissistic relationships or spending years in situationships that never really went anywhere, getting back out there can feel both hopeful and terrifying.
In this episode I walk you through ten grounded mindset shifts that help you stay in Healthy Adult mode while you date so you can notice red flags, take in green flags and stop abandoning yourself in the process.
I talk about:
Why dating is data
How to shift the goal from “finding the one” to “showing up grounded and observant”
How to stay open to experience and still be discerning
What it means to embrace ambiguity without losing yourself, especially if you have an abandonment schema
Why you need to replace “stay positive” with “stay real” so you do not slide into the “super easygoing, no needs” people pleasing role
The power of focusing on internal milestones, not external outcomes
How to normalise the emotional rollercoaster of dating when schemas and old attachment wounds get activated
What it looks like to cultivate self trust over outcome obsession
How to reframe rejection as clarity, especially when ghosting or avoidant behaviour shows you who someone really is
Why breaking the pattern of fantasy thinking is essential if you tend to fall for potential rather than reality
The protective power of letting people reveal themselves over time
This episode is for you if:
You have a history of choosing emotionally unavailable or narcissistic partners
You find it very hard to tolerate uncertainty in early dating
You often override your needs because you do not want to be “too much” or “difficult”
You get attached quickly and then feel anxious, preoccupied and on edge
You want a practical, compassionate framework for dating differently
1:1 coaching
If you would like to explore working with me privately you can email me at [email protected] for details on my coaching packages.
Support the show
🎁 Download Free Guide: Dating With Insight
🩷 Love Wisely Priority list for Early March 2026
💛 Access Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle

Connect with Me
🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmagladstone
📩[email protected]

🚩 The Red Flag Project - your ultimate guide to red flags! Get Instant Access
🌻 Support the Podcast
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message
In this episode, Gemma unpacks The Sorry Reflex - the automatic urge to apologise, even when we’ve done nothing wrong. Rooted in the subjugation schema, this coping behaviour often begins in childhood, where expressing needs or disagreeing felt unsafe. When our nervous system equates disapproval with danger, “sorry” becomes a way to stay safe and connected.
Gemma explains how this pattern shows up in dating, relationships, and everyday interactions - especially for women conditioned to be accommodating. You’ll learn to identify your triggers (tone changes, sighs, silence), notice the body’s reaction, and experiment with opposite action to retrain your nervous system.
You’ll also hear a real-life success story from one of Gemma’s Love Wisely group members, plus guidance on combining schema therapy and EMDR to heal the deeper beliefs beneath chronic apologising.
If you’re tired of shrinking yourself, over-explaining or feeling guilty for taking up space, this episode will help you shift from “sorry” to self-trust.
Takeaways
Over-apologising is a safety response, not good manners.
Driven by subjugation, approval-seeking, and self-sacrifice schemas.
Triggers: subtle signs of disapproval—tone, delay, sigh, silence.
Body cues: chest tightness, racing heart, hyper-empathy.
Short-term relief, long-term self-erasure.
Opposite action = growth and rewiring.
You can disappoint someone and still be safe and loved.
Support the show
🎁 Download Free Guide: Dating With Insight
🩷 Love Wisely Priority list for Early March 2026
💛 Access Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle

Connect with Me
🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmagladstone
📩[email protected]

🚩 The Red Flag Project - your ultimate guide to red flags! Get Instant Access
🌻 Support the Podcast
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message
If you are asking can this improve, this episode gives you a simple lens. Gemma unpacks two essential capacities that predict whether change is possible in a relationship. You will hear why the brain repeats what is familiar, how schemas drive loops and how to assess real readiness for growth in yourself and in someone you are dating.
In this episode
Why patterns repeat even when you want something different
The role of schemas in attraction, conflict and coping
Two essentials that predict change
Why avoidance blocks growth
Dating as data, plus a new way to date with self awareness

Are you ready to join Love Wisely? Doors open again in Feb 26. 
Support the show
🎁 Download Free Guide: Dating With Insight
🩷 Love Wisely Priority list for Early March 2026
💛 Access Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle

Connect with Me
🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmagladstone
📩[email protected]

🚩 The Red Flag Project - your ultimate guide to red flags! Get Instant Access
🌻 Support the Podcast
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here