Healing For Love

Send Gemma a message
Have you ever found yourself giving more and more to someone, hoping that eventually they'll realise how much you mean to them and want a relationship with you?
In this episode of Healing for Love, I'm responding to a listener who shares her painful experience of a situationship following the end of a long marriage marked by controlling and abusive behaviour.
Despite recognising that this new man was emotionally unavailable, dismissive of her needs and unwilling to offer a committed relationship, she continued to invest in him, hoping that if she loved and helped him enough, things would change.
When the relationship ended, she was left struggling with feelings of inadequacy, rejection and being unwanted.
In this episode, I explore:
Why we can recognise that someone isn't good for us and still feel devastated when they reject us.
How childhood experiences of emotional dismissal and conditional acceptance can shape our adult relationships.
The role of the Defectiveness, Abandonment, Emotional Deprivation and Self-Sacrifice Schemas.
Why some women feel they need to earn love by giving, helping and accommodating.
How old relationship patterns can keep us attached to emotionally unavailable partners.
Why another person's inability or unwillingness to love you is not a measure of your worth.
I also discuss the importance of recognising the different parts of ourselves that become activated in relationships, and why understanding your Love Template is such an important part of breaking recurring patterns.
Love Wisely - Self-Study Course
If you're ready to understand your schemas, break unhealthy relationship patterns and rewrite your Love Template, explore my self-study course, Love Wisely.
There's a special offer for podcast listeners throughout October (see link below).
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🩷LOVE WISELY GROUP - Join the Priority List
🎓LOVE WISELY COURSE - $50 off until 31 Oct. Instance access - use Coupon Code: LW50
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💛 Elevate You Worth - Healing Audio Bundle (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY
 
Connect with Me
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📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching
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Send Gemma a message
Do you find yourself worrying about what other people think of you? Do you feel particularly sensitive to criticism, or find that your self-worth depends on whether others like, approve of or admire you?
In this episode of Healing for Love, I'm sharing a lesson from my Love Wisely course exploring the Approval-Seeking Schema, also known as the Recognition-Seeking Schema.
We look at how this schema develops, particularly through childhood experiences of conditional approval, and how it can influence your self-esteem, relationships, dating choices and sense of identity.
In this episode, you'll learn:
What the Approval-Seeking Schema is and how it develops.
Why your self-worth may fluctuate depending on other people's opinions.
Common signs and triggers of approval-seeking, including sensitivity to criticism, comparison and the need to impress.
How approval-seeking can influence dating, attraction and the partners you choose.
The important differences between approval-seeking, self-sacrifice and subjugation.
How to begin shifting your focus from external validation towards your own authentic needs, values and preferences.
Wanting to be liked is perfectly normal. The difficulty arises when other people's approval becomes the measure of your worth, and you begin losing touch with what you genuinely want.
Support the show
🩷LOVE WISELY GROUP - Join the Priority List
🎓LOVE WISELY COURSE - $50 off until 31 Oct. Instance access - use Coupon Code: LW50
✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP
🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide
💛 Elevate You Worth - Healing Audio Bundle (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY
 
Connect with Me
 📩hello@drgemmagladstone.com  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching
🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message

What if you can see your relationship patterns clearly, but still can't seem to change them?
In this episode of Healing for Love, I'm answering a listener question from a woman who recognises some of her schemas and can see what happens to her in relationships, particularly when she freezes and loses her voice during difficult interactions.
Her bigger question is one I hear often:
Is it actually possible for me to learn new relationship patterns, or am I destined to keep repeating the same ones?
I begin the episode by sharing a beautiful update from a former client who once struggled with a strong abandonment schema and painful relationship patterns, but is now in a secure, loving relationship and has recently become a mother.
Her story is an important reminder that our schemas can have a powerful influence on our relationships, but they do not have to determine our future.
In this episode, I explore:
Why recognising your schemas and relationship patterns is an important first step, but insight alone may not be enough to change them
Why you might freeze or lose your voice when confronted by someone who feels dominant, critical or intimidating
The role of the subjugation schema in the freeze response
Why we can automatically assume we're the one who has done something wrong
How abandonment, defectiveness, emotional deprivation and subjugation schemas can influence what we expect from relationships
Why schemas can begin to feel like predictions about our future
How our schemas can influence our choices and create self-fulfilling relationship patterns
Why repeating a pattern many times doesn't mean you're incapable of changing it
How making the unconscious conscious helps us begin to change our Love Template
One of the most important ideas I discuss in this episode is this:
Sometimes we start using the schema itself as evidence that the schema is true.
If you've experienced painful relationships repeatedly, you might start thinking:
"There's something inherently wrong with me."
"Relationships never work out for me."
"I'm never going to get the love and connection I need."
"I can't speak up. That's just who I am."
These thoughts can feel incredibly true. But schemas are learned stories and emotional templates. They are not facts about who you are, and they are not predictions of your future.
If you've been wondering whether it's really possible to break old relationship patterns and create something different, I hope this episode gives you both insight and hope.
Support the show
🩷LOVE WISELY GROUP - Join the Priority List
🎓LOVE WISELY COURSE - $50 off until 31 Oct. Instance access - use Coupon Code: LW50
✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP
🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide
💛 Elevate You Worth - Healing Audio Bundle (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY
 
Connect with Me
 📩hello@drgemmagladstone.com  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching
🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message
5 hidden love traps keeping you stuck in painful dynamics. 
Support the show
🩷LOVE WISELY GROUP - Join the Priority List
🎓LOVE WISELY COURSE - $50 off until 31 Oct. Instance access - use Coupon Code: LW50
✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP
🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide
💛 Elevate You Worth - Healing Audio Bundle (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY
 
Connect with Me
 📩hello@drgemmagladstone.com  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching
🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message
Who did you learn you needed to be in your family growing up?
The good girl? The responsible one? The peacekeeper? The child who didn't need very much?
The roles we learn in our family of origin can become deeply ingrained, and we can continue playing them long after childhood has ended, particularly in our romantic relationships.
In this episode, I explore six common childhood roles I've observed in my work with women, and how these roles can become part of what I call our Love Template, the largely unconscious map that influences who we're drawn to, how we behave in relationships, what we tolerate and the patterns we repeat.
I also share an excerpt from one of the lessons inside Love Wisely Foundations, where I take a deeper look at several of these roles and how they can continue playing out in our adult relationships.
The important thing to remember is this:
You are not the role. You learned the role.
And what has been learned can be noticed, understood and gradually changed.
Love Wisely
My next Love Wisely group coaching experience begins on 9 September.
Over three months, I guide a small group of women through the process of understanding and intentionally rewriting their Love Template, so they can break long-standing relationship patterns and move towards healthier, safer and more fulfilling relationships.
Priority enrolment is now opening. See the links in the show notes for more information.
Support the show
🩷LOVE WISELY GROUP - Join the Priority List
🎓LOVE WISELY COURSE - $50 off until 31 Oct. Instance access - use Coupon Code: LW50
✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP
🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide
💛 Elevate You Worth - Healing Audio Bundle (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY
 
Connect with Me
 📩hello@drgemmagladstone.com  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching
🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here