Healing For Love

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Why You Keep Falling for Emotionally Unavailable Men - Even When You Know Better

If dating tends to bring up anxiety, self-doubt, people-pleasing, or the urge to lose yourself in someone else, this episode is for you.
In this practical episode, I’m speaking directly to women who tend to be very giving, very empathic, and very accommodating in relationships, but who often struggle to stay connected to themselves while dating.
If you have a history of subjugation, self-sacrifice, under-entitlement, loose boundaries, or worrying too much about being “too much” or “too needy,” dating can quickly become stressful and confusing. You may find yourself focusing more on whether the other person likes you than on how you actually feel.
In this episode, I walk you through 10 clear dating rules to help you feel calmer, more grounded, and more self-protective in the early stages of dating, without becoming closed off or guarded.
This is about dating in a way that helps you stay connected to your own needs, your own feelings, and your own experience.
In this episode, I cover:
Why meeting early in real life is better than building a false sense of connection through endless texting
Why first dates should be short, simple, and low pressure
The importance of putting a time boundary around early dates
Why alcohol can make it harder to stay connected to your instincts and boundaries
Why you do not need to extend a date unless you genuinely want to
Why it is healthy to directly say you’d like to see someone again if that is true for you
Why it matters to keep your life running normally when you meet someone new
Why rushing physical intimacy can create attachment before real compatibility is clear
How to think about chemistry more wisely, especially if you have a pattern of schema chemistry
Why the most important question after a date is not “Did they like me?” but “How did I feel?”
Key themes in this episode:
This episode explores how schemas such as subjugation, self-sacrifice, abandonment, emotional deprivation, and under-entitlement can quietly shape the dating process.
It also highlights a more grounded and emotionally healthy approach to dating:
Dating is data.
Rather than treating every date like a test of your worth, this episode encourages you to slow down, gather information, notice how you feel, and assess whether the other person is truly right for you.

Support the show
🎓Join my FREE Live Training: Why you keep falling for emotionally unavailable men
🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide
🩷 Love Wisely Priority list - We Start April 16🎉
💛 Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle
🚩 The Red Flag Project 🚩 Get Instant Access

Connect with Me
📩[email protected] 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching
🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message
In this episode of Healing for Love, I respond to a thoughtful question from a listener who describes a relationship that is supportive and stable - yet something important is missing.
Her partner is kind, affectionate, and easy to live with. But when it comes to emotional conversations, he rarely initiates them. Over time, she has begun to feel emotionally alone in the relationship.
This is a surprisingly common dynamic.
Many people find themselves in relationships where their partner cares deeply but struggles with emotional expression or emotional dialogue. The question then becomes: is this simply a difference in style, or does it signal something deeper about compatibility and emotional needs?
In this episode, I explore how to think about this situation from both perspectives.
We discuss:
Why emotional intimacy matters in long term relationships
The difference between low emotional dialogue and true emotional neglect
How early experiences can shape someone’s emotional style
The role schemas can play in how we interpret our needs in relationships
Why feeling like a “burden” when expressing needs is often an important clue
How to distinguish between lack of skill and lack of motivation in a partner
Questions you can ask yourself to clarify what you truly need in a relationship
How to communicate emotional needs in a constructive and specific way
Sometimes the most important shift is moving away from the question:
“How do I change my partner?”
And instead asking:
“What kind of emotional life do I want to live in my relationship?”
If you’ve ever found yourself wondering whether your emotional needs are “too much,” this episode will give you a thoughtful framework for understanding what’s really going on.
Links
FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - 1ST APRIL
Why You Keep Falling for Emotionally Unavailable Men - Even When You Know Better
Support the show
🎓Join my FREE Live Training: Why you keep falling for emotionally unavailable men
🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide
🩷 Love Wisely Priority list - We Start April 16🎉
💛 Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle
🚩 The Red Flag Project 🚩 Get Instant Access

Connect with Me
📩[email protected] 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching
🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message
Hey, if you'd like to reduce your chances of future relationship regret, then come to my free live training: Join here

Have you ever looked back on a past relationship and thought:
Why did I stay so long?
Why didn’t I see the signs earlier?
If only I had done something differently…
Relationship regret can be incredibly painful. Many people find themselves stuck replaying the past, analysing every decision and blaming themselves for how things turned out.
But in this episode, I explain why this mental loop is not actually helping us heal.
In psychology, the “should have, could have, would have” pattern is known as counterfactual thinking. It’s a form of rumination where the mind tries to solve an unsolvable problem - the past.
And while it feels like we are trying to understand what happened, what is often happening underneath is emotional avoidance.
Beneath regret there is usually something much more vulnerable:
Grief.
Grief about the relationship.
Grief about what we hoped it would be.
Grief about the loss of the future we imagined.
In this episode, I explore:
Why regret often keeps us stuck in rumination
The psychology of counterfactual thinking
Why self-blame is so common after difficult relationships
How rumination can block emotional healing
The grief that often sits underneath regret
Why painful relationships are not “wasted time”
How our schemas influence what we tolerate in relationships
How to shift from self-blame to insight and growth
Simple ways to respond differently when regret arises
I also look at an important reframe:
Relationships are often our greatest teachers.
Even the painful ones can reveal important truths about our emotional needs, our patterns, and the schemas that shape our relationship choices.
When we approach our past with compassion rather than self-blame, we open the door to healing and to making wiser choices in the future.
If this episode resonates with you
Many of the women who join my Love Wisely program come with this same question:
"Why did I end up in relationships like that?"
Inside the program we explore the deeper psychological patterns behind attraction, schemas, and relationship choices - and how to create healthier relationships going forward.
You can learn more about Love Wisely on my website.
Support the show
🎓Join my FREE Live Training: Why you keep falling for emotionally unavailable men
🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide
🩷 Love Wisely Priority list - We Start April 16🎉
💛 Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle
🚩 The Red Flag Project 🚩 Get Instant Access
 
Connect with Me
 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching
🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message
In Part 2 of this series, I continue unpacking the darker red flags that often show up early in dating – the ones that are easy to dismiss but costly to ignore.
These are not minor quirks. They are patterns that predict future control, manipulation, blame-shifting, entitlement and emotional instability.
In this episode, I explore:
What I call “future mirroring” – a subtle form of love bombing designed to accelerate closeness
The chronic victim stance and how trauma dumping can be used as manipulation
Why repeated stories of being “wrongly accused” deserve careful attention
Exaggerated reactions to frustration, shame or not getting their way
How to recognise blame shifting early
Why high chemistry without character is not compatibility
How to strengthen your intuitive muscle and trust your internal data
If you’ve ever felt confused, slightly uneasy or pressured in early dating but talked yourself out of it – this episode is for you.
I also share details about the upcoming round of Love Wisely, beginning April 16, and how you can join the priority list.
Support the show
🎓Join my FREE Live Training: Why you keep falling for emotionally unavailable men
🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide
🩷 Love Wisely Priority list - We Start April 16🎉
💛 Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle
🚩 The Red Flag Project 🚩 Get Instant Access
 
Connect with Me
 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching
🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message
Not all red flags are equal.
Some signal incompatibility.
Others signal something much darker.
In this episode, I’m breaking down the first three of my Top Five Dark Red Flags in Early Dating - the traits that, in my clinical experience, rarely improve with time and often predict controlling or deeply problematic relationship dynamics.
If you’ve ever found yourself:
Ignoring your gut
Giving someone “the benefit of the doubt”
Talking yourself out of discomfort
Wanting to be the easygoing, understanding one
This episode is for you.
I explore:
Why people-pleasing schemas can keep you in situations you already know aren’t right
How subtle pushiness can signal future control
Why arrogance is one of the most dangerous personality traits to overlook
The difference between confidence and entitlement
How love bombing can be used strategically
What “future mirroring” is and why it hooks so many intelligent women
I also explain why what you feel in your body matters - and how to recognise when someone is testing your compliance rather than building real connection.
This is not about demonising people.
It’s about helping you see clearly.
Support the show
🎓Join my FREE Live Training: Why you keep falling for emotionally unavailable men
🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide
🩷 Love Wisely Priority list - We Start April 16🎉
💛 Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle
🚩 The Red Flag Project 🚩 Get Instant Access
 
Connect with Me
 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching
🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here