Flying Free

This is part two of our series on the subtle gaslighting tactics emotional abusers and narcissists use in Christian marriage. You'll hear four more specific examples of what he says, why he says it, what it triggers in you, and the precise words to say back so the tactic stops working on you for good.
Key Takeaways:
There's a reason your husband can turn any conversation about his behavior into a conversation about your tone, your past, or your "real" intentions, and once you see the move, you'll catch it every time.
One specific manipulation pattern explains why a man can be caught in something devastating and somehow still come out of the conversation as the victim.
There's a single Bible verse Christian men weaponize to shut down any conversation about unresolved hurt, and it doesn't actually say what they think it says.
Find out why your anger in the moment of betrayal might be the most spiritually honest thing in the room, and why he needs you to believe otherwise.
Every gaslighting tactic is aiming at the exact same target inside you, and once you know what it is, you'll never be fully fooled by any of them again.
Get Today’s Free Resource:

🎁 I want to give you a free gift. It’s the audio version of my book, All the Scary Little Gods. It’s a spiritual memoir about healing from religious trauma and toxic programming. You can listen to it FREE by going to scarylittlegods.com

I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

Today we’ll talk about one of the most disorienting experiences Christian women in emotionally abusive marriages face: gaslighting. 

But we aren’t going to just define what gaslighting is. I’m going to break it down into all the tiny parts and give you some specific stories so you can see exactly what’s going on and WHY. 
You’ll learn three specific tactics gaslighters use, why they use them, and what you can do to stay grounded in your own reality when someone is working hard to pull you out of it.

Key Takeaways:
Why someone can sound completely loving and caring while actually doing something deeply harmful to you
The hidden reason your concerns keep disappearing from conversations before they ever get resolved
What a "joke" has to do with control, and why your body's reaction is not a character flaw
The psychological mechanism you share with a slot machine, and what it's actually costing you
The one shift that strips a gaslighting tactic of all its power, without you having to win a single argument
Get Today’s Free Resource:

🧐 Are you wondering what is happening inside your own painful and confusing marriage? I wrote a book just for you called Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage. Get a free chapter by going to isitmebook.com

I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

Tia Levings is the New York Times bestselling author of A Well-Trained Wife and her newest book, I Belong to Me. She survived a Christian patriarchy cult, escaped a near murder-suicide, was excommunicated for telling her own story, and spent 15 years in intensive trauma therapy doing the work to put herself back together. Now she's handing you the map to healing from religious trauma.
In this episode, Tia and I dig into the real mechanics of religious trauma recovery: why your body refuses to believe you're safe even when your brain knows it, what "aftermath" actually means (it's an agricultural word, and it will change how you see your own devastation), why grief work is not optional, and what agency has to do with the entire trajectory of your healing.
Key Takeaways:
What does it actually mean to "belong to yourself" after religious trauma has dismantled your sense of identity from the inside out?
Why trauma survivors often write, speak, and even think about themselves in the passive voice, and what that reveals about the agency that was quietly stolen from them
What the agricultural origin of the word "aftermath" tells us about why the most painful, raw season of your healing is also the most generative
Why anger and bitterness after religious trauma aren't signs that something is wrong with you, and what they're actually trying to show you
How complex PTSD can keep a survivor locked in survival mode for years, making life-altering decisions in a state of ongoing shock without ever realizing it
Get Tia’s books:

A Well Trained Wife

I Belong to Me

Follow Tia everywhere on social media! Her handle is @tialevingswriter
Get Today’s Free Resource:

📒 Take a free Emotional Abuse Assessment by going to emotionalabusequiz.com

I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

Let’s talk about something called “the subjugation schema.” It's a clinical pattern that secular psychologists are actively trying to help women heal from, and the conservative Christian church has rebranded the exact same wound as godliness, biblical womanhood, and a high calling.
If you've spent your life apologizing for taking up space, smiling when you wanted to scream, or feeling guilty about basic human needs like rest, preferences, and an opinion of your own, this episode is going to feel like someone finally turned the lights on.
Key Takeaways:
Meet Rachel and Megan: two composite women, two very different engines driving the exact same wound. Find out which one might be running you in the background right now without your permission
The four specific ways the conservative Christian church installs this pattern in little girls and quietly reinforces it in grown women
Why "mutual submission," "complementarianism," and "servant leadership" might be the same old subjugation wearing a friendlier nametag
The story of Sapphira in Acts 5 that quietly dismantles the "always submit to your husband" theology you've been handed
The one journal question at the end of the episode that might wake up the woman who has been hiding underneath your schema for decades
Get Today’s Free Resource:

🎁 I want to give you a free gift. It’s the audio version of my book, All the Scary Little Gods. It’s a spiritual memoir about healing from religious trauma and toxic programming. You can listen to it FREE by going to scarylittlegods.com

I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

In this episode I’m answering a pressing question Christian women in difficult marriages ask: how do you find a church that will actually support you instead of silence you?
Because not all churches are created equal, and the difference between a safe church and a harmful one can change everything for a woman trying to find her footing. I’ll break down exactly what to look for, what to ask, and what red flags to run from.
🔑 Key Takeaways:
There's a question you can ask a pastor before ever setting foot in a pew that will tell you almost everything you need to know about whether that church is safe.
What a church puts on its website (and what it leaves off) reveals far more than you might think about how they actually treat abuse survivors.
One word in a pastor's answer about couples counseling is a dealbreaker. Do you know what it is?
The church's leadership page can disqualify them before you ever walk through the door. 
There's a theology that sounds biblical and even beautiful to some women, but I make a case that it's actually setting the stage for harm.
Get Today’s Free Resource:

📒 Take a free Emotional Abuse Assessment by going to emotionalabusequiz.com

I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.