Flying Free

• The Art of Saying No: Setting Boundaries When You've Been Trained to Say Yes - Emotional Abuse 101 | Part 2 [357]

  Have you ever been told that saying "no" makes you selfish? That good Christian women never rock the boat, always serve with a smile, and definitely do not have thoughts of their own?This episode is Part 2 of our Emotional Abuse 101 series, and today we’re diving into the art of saying no.If the idea of saying no makes your stomach flip or sends you into a guilt spiral, this episode is your lifeline. I’ll walk you through WHY it’s so hard to say no and HOW to start saying it anyway with confidence and without apology.Key Takeaways:Saying no without guilt is an adult skill, not a rebellious sin. People-pleasing is often a trauma response. Your nervous system isn’t broken. It’s just been doing its job a little too well.You don’t need permission to have boundaries. You’re not waiting for anyone’s approval. Boundaries ≠ controlling others. Boundaries = choosing how YOU respond when others misbehave.There’s neuroscience behind this. Your brain can be rewired to feel safe even when saying no. Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question hereGet a FREE chapter of Is It ME? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, along with the companion workbook for that chapter, by going to flyingfreenow.com. I'll also send you the Freedom Letters. (Also free. 😉 )Related Resources:Check out Part One of this eight part series: “The 10 Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse in a Christian Marriage.”

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• The 10 Most Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse in a Christian Marriage - Emotional Abuse 101 | Part 1 [356]

  Welcome to part one of a brand-new series I’m calling “Emotional Abuse 101: Everything You Need to Know,” because, let’s face it, the church didn’t exactly hand out “How to Spot a Narcissist in Your Youth Group” pamphlets in Sunday school.In this episode, I’m diving into the 10 most subtle signs of emotional abuse, the kind of signs that don’t leave bruises on your body but do leave bruises on your soul. These are the red flags that fly under the radar, the ones that make you ask “Am I too sensitive?” or “Maybe I am the problem?”Here are some things we’ll cover in this episode:The Silent Treatment Special — Why emotional withholding isn't just immature behavior, and the real reason he's using it against youMr. Jekyll and Pastor Hyde — What happens when everyone else thinks he's amazing, but you're living with someone completely different at homeStrategic Emotional Sabotage — The shocking pattern behind why your birthdays, holidays, and girls' nights keep getting ruined Weaponized Vulnerability — How opening your heart becomes ammunition in his hands, and why you're not crazy for feeling betrayedDream Crusher Lite™ — The subtle way he makes pursuing your goals absolutely miserable without ever saying "no" outrightPlausible Deniability — Why you're always "too sensitive" or "making assumptions," and how this phrase is actually a manipulation tacticRead the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question hereTake a FREE emotional abuse quiz by going to emotionalabusequiz.com. Find out if what you're experiencing is normal Christian marriage stuff...or abuse.  Related Resources:Was this episode helpful? You may find these two Flying Free episodes equally worthwhile: “Does an Abuser Know They Are Abusive?” and “Nine Tricks Emotional Abuser Use to Pull Us Back Into the Cycle (and six clever ways to respond!)”

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• Do You Need Someone to Rescue You? [355]

  In this episode, I get down and dirty with a topic that triggers all the rule-followers and religious gatekeepers: salvation. Not the flannelgraph-Jesus kind where you prayed the “magic words” at age seven and then spent the next 30 years terrified you did it wrong. Nope. I’m talking about real, liberating, soul-exploding salvation.This one’s especially for you if you’ve ever stayed in an abusive marriage because you thought God would be mad if you left. If you’re exhausted from trying to please “godly” authority figures who think they are mini Popes. If you’ve prayed the salvation prayer 73 times just to be sure it “took.”Key Takeaways:Belief isn’t a checklist. It’s not about doing the right things, following the right leaders, or avoiding the wrong music. It’s about trusting that Christ already did it all.The gift of salvation is already yours. Yes, even if you cuss, leave your abuser, or buy non-organic lettuce.Many Christians are still hoping for a salvation that is already theirs. Why? Because we’ve been taught to fear God more than we trust Him. The verse “God hates divorce” has been weaponized. (Psst…it doesn’t say what you think it does, anyway. Listen to find out what the Bible actually says in Malachi.)You can experience the joy of salvation the moment you believe it’s real. Like full-body joy. (Really!)Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question hereListen to my book, All the Scary Little Gods, FREE by going to scarylittlegods.com.Related Resources:If this episode was helpful for you, you’ll love these two episodes, too: “Two Hotel Rooms: One Rescue Mission” and “Praying for a Miracle — When the Miracle Might Be You Walking Away.”

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• Breaking the Cycle of Fear, Obligation, and Guilt: Gwendoline’s Story [354]

  Ever wonder why you keep getting stuck in the same soul-sucking relational merry-go-round and can’t get off? Why you feel like you're starring in a never-ending soap opera you didn’t audition for, but somehow you’re the villain for wanting out?I sat down with Gwendoline, a longtime member of Flying Free and Flying Higher, to talk about her epic butterfly transformation. We're talking cycles of chaos, religious gaslighting, and the sneaky little acronym that kept her trapped in marital misery: FOG (fear, obligation, guilt).Key Takeaways:If it feels off, it probably is – Chaos, fights, and emotional whiplash aren’t just "normal marriage stuff." They're red flags.Your body knows before your brain does – Tight hips, tension, and dread? Not random. That’s trauma.Love isn’t a magical fix-all – You can love someone and still need to leave them. Track the truth – Emoji mood calendars and journaling helped Gwendoline see the pattern she was gaslit into ignoring.You are the rescuer – No knight in shining armor is coming. Just you, your big-girl panties, and God on a divine co-rescue mission.Leaving is hard, but worth it – Healing takes time, but the moment you step out, your real life begins.Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question hereGet a FREE chapter of Is It ME? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, along with the companion workbook for that chapter, by going to flyingfreenow.com. I'll also send you the Freedom Letters. (Also free. 😉 )Related Resources:Want to listen to more survivor stories? Check out “Military Marriage Abuse: Elizabeth’s Story” and “Out of the Poisoned Pond: Jennie’s Story.”

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• Why Some People Change and Others Don't [353]

  It’s time to talk about the two kinds of people in this world: the seekers and the stuck.In this episode, I dive deep into the real reasons why some lives transform after abuse while others continue to feel stuck.We’re unpacking:Why healing is not about labeling your abuser a narcissist and calling it a day How to know when you’re ready to move from survivor to thriver.What your philosophy of life has to do with your emotional garden.Why reading one more Instagram post about toxic people isn’t going to transform your life.And how your anger might just be the spark that gets you out of the cage.Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question hereRelated Resources:Listen to my book, All the Scary Little Gods, for FREE!Liked this episode? Then check out these two other Flying Free episodes, “An Emotional Recovery Tool That Changes Everything” and “How Pretending and Fear Keep You Stuck in Abuse Cycles.”

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