Adulting with Autism

What happens when you spend your life caring for everyone else, perform at a "super high" level in mental health or healthcare—and only later realize you're autistic and ADHD?
In this episode of Adulting with Autism, Auntie April MS, OT/L talks with Becca, a licensed clinical social worker who has done "a little bit of everything" in mental health over the last 15+ years: hospital liaison work, community mental health, corporate managed care, and now full-time private practice with autistic, ADHD, and highly sensitive adults—many of whom are parenting neurodivergent kids themselves.paste.txt
Becca shares how her expertise in ADHD, rejection sensitivity, and neurodivergence grew alongside her own late realization that she's autistic. She describes what that language changed about decades of burnout, self-blame, and "alternate explanations" for her struggles—grief for missed support and time she can never get back, and also freedom in finally knowing which traits are hardwired and not going anywhere. That shift opened space to stop trying to "fix" herself and instead focus on accommodation, creative problem-solving, and working with her brain instead of against it.paste.txt
The conversation then turns to neurodivergence in leadership, especially in healthcare and helping professions. Becca explains the "spiky profile" of being twice-exceptional—having above-average ability in some areas and significant challenges in others—and how special-interest work, high output, and deep passion can make someone an extraordinary subject-matter expert but a chronically overextended leader. She talks about modeling unhealthy overwork, implicit pressure on teams, and reaching an implosion point where she had to step back completely and recalibrate after years of late nights, weekend work, and boundary erosion.paste.txt
This episode is especially valuable for autistic, ADHD, and highly sensitive adults in helping roles—therapists, nurses, social workers, educators, healthcare leaders—who feel guilty for burning out, confused by their own patterns, or scared to admit "I can't keep doing everything."
In this episode, you'll learn:paste.txt
p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> How Becca moved from "I'm failing" to "I'm autistic" and what that unlocked

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> The two-sided coin of late identification: grief and freedom

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> What "spiky profiles" and twice-exceptionality can look like in real life

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> How special-interest work and high capability set neurodivergent folks up for both success and burnout

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why being a brilliant subject-matter expert doesn't automatically translate to sustainable leadership

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> How overwork in leadership creates unspoken pressure and poor modeling for teams

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> What it can mean to step back entirely, recalibrate, and rebuild work on different terms

What if your sexuality has only ever been talked about in diagnosis codes, labels, or shame—and no one ever helped you figure out what actually feels good and safe for you?
In this intimate episode of Adulting with Autism, Auntie April MS, OT/L talks with nurse practitioner and sexologist Lori Davis, who works at the intersection of medicine, somatics, and relationships to help people in long-term partnerships make sex work for the long haul. Lori specializes in mismatched desire—the incredibly common pattern where one partner wants sex more (or differently) than the other—and she explains why that isn't a "broken" libido, but a relational dance that can change.
They unpack what mismatched desire really is, why the higher-desire partner is not the only "normal" one, and how lower desire can be shaped by nervous system states, stress, people-pleasing, trauma, hormones, and never having been asked what you actually want. Lori reframes desire as an emotion and a kind of "internal horse you can learn to ride," rather than a switch you're supposed to turn on or off. She also speaks directly to autistic and ADHD adults about sensory needs in bed, awkwardness, and learning to say both yes and no without guilt.
From hormone shifts (perimenopause, postpartum, SSRIs) to trauma, people-pleasing, and cultural scripts about what sex "should" look like, Lori and April explore how neurodivergent nervous systems experience desire over time—hypersexual, asexual, shut down, or somewhere in between—and how to move from "I'm broken" to "my body is giving me information."
If you've ever felt like you're the problem in your relationship because you want sex more, less, or differently than your partner—or you've wondered whether intimacy is over for you because of sensory issues or trauma—this episode offers both validation and gentle, practical starting points.
In this episode, you'll learn:
p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> What mismatched desire actually is (and why almost all long-term couples experience it)

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why "higher desire = normal, lower desire = broken" is a harmful myth

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> How neurodivergent sensory needs and nervous-system states shape desire and arousal

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> A different way to understand desire—as an emotion you can learn to work with

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Common medical and hormonal factors that affect desire (including SSRIs and menopause)

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Non-shaming ways to talk about touch, sensory preferences, and "yum vs. not-so-yum"

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why saying and hearing "no" is foundational for safe, satisfying sex

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> A simple touch exercise (from the Wheel of Consent) couples can try to reconnect

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> What "good sex" can mean beyond porn and movie scripts: co-regulation, choice, and flexibility

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why your capacity for pleasure and connection isn't gone—even if trauma and pain are part of your story

What if your brain is bright and capable—but your life feels like a mess of missed deadlines, chaotic rooms, and constant overwhelm?
In this episode of Adulting with Autism, Auntie April MS, OT/L talks with Dr. Norrine Russell, a "quirky mom" of two neurodivergent kids (autism, ADHD, anxiety—"all the A's") and founder of the largest student coaching practice in the U.S. for neurodiverse learners. Dr. Russell specializes in coaching autistic, ADHD, and anxious students and young adults using her Connected Coaching model, and she breaks down what's really going on when bright, "good" kids and young adults struggle to function day-to-day.
Together, they unpack what executive functioning actually is in plain language, how it shows up in real life (messy rooms, missed buses, hygiene struggles, late assignments), and why it's about brain development—not laziness, morality, or "not caring." Dr. Russell explains how anxiety, overwhelm, and masking at school or work drain executive functioning and lead to meltdowns and shutdowns at home, and why expectations must match where someone actually is developmentally—not just their age or test scores.
They also dive into her book Asking the Right Questions About ADHD, why ADHD and autism so often travel together, and what questions teens, young adults, and parents should be asking about diagnosis, support, and long-term planning. From transitions to college, trade school, or work, to realistic time management, scaffolding, and emotional regulation strategies, this conversation offers both validation and concrete next steps.
If you're an autistic or ADHD young adult who feels like you're self-sabotaging, constantly late, or "bad at life"—or a parent trying to support without smothering—this episode will help you see the difference between "I'm bad at this" and "no one taught me how."
In this episode, you'll learn:
p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> What executive functioning really means (without the jargon)

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Everyday signs EF is the issue: mess, lateness, missed tasks, hygiene struggles

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> How anxiety, overwhelm, and masking drain your executive "battery"

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why capacity for focus, planning, and self-control changes day to day

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> How to think in "next rung on the ladder" instead of "top of the ladder" goals

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Key questions from Asking the Right Questions About ADHD that also matter for autism

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> What actually changes (and doesn't) when you move from high school to college, trade school, or work

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> A practical way to tell "I'm bad at this" from "no one gave me a scaffold"

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Non-shaming ways to handle screens, gaming, and social media in neurodivergent homes

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Concrete strategies for time management, task initiation, and emotional regulation

What if your 70s were more adventurous than your 30s?
In this episode of Adulting with Autism, Auntie April MS, OT/L talks with Norman Calvo, a longtime mortgage banker who decided "standard success" wasn't enough—and reinvented himself in his 60s and 70s. Norman went from overworked, out of breath on New York subway stairs to running half-marathons, completing the New York City Marathon, perfecting a handstand at 72, singing cabaret, and hosting his own podcast, Against the Norm.
Norman shares how a casual conversation with a marathon-running colleague and a chance meeting with two opera singers accidentally opened the door to an entirely new life. He and April dig into the quiet red flags of burnout and boredom, the "little voice" that tells you there's more to life than your current job, and how ignoring that voice leads to regret. He also explains how he helps people design their "third act" by reconnecting with what they loved as kids and turning those buried passions into experiments, hobbies, or even new careers.
This is a powerful conversation for autistic and neurodivergent adults in their 20s, 30s, and beyond who are already thinking, "Did I pick the wrong field?" or feel trapped in an identity built only on grades, job titles, or performance.
In this episode, you'll learn:
p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> How Norman went from 59, out of shape and overworked, to marathons, cabaret, and handstands

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> The subtle signs you've outgrown a version of success (boredom, overwork, "there has to be more than this")

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why tying your entire identity to school, performance, or a job leads to burnout

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> How continuous learning and new neural pathways keep life vibrant at any age

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> A simple exercise to uncover what you actually love: listing 10 things you enjoyed as a kid

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> How to turn those old loves into small, low-pressure experiments in your current life

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why obstacles (money, time, age) should be treated as problems to navigate—not full stops

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> What Norman wishes his 20-year-old self had known about aging, balance, and possibility

Disappointment is part of life. Unfortunately, nobody teaches autistic people how to deal with it.
Instead, we're handed vague inspirational quotes like "Everything happens for a reason," "Rejection is redirection," and "There's a silver lining." But what happens when the thing you wanted most disappears? What happens when a carefully planned future suddenly falls apart?
In this solo episode, April talks about losing a long-planned trip to Seoul, why autistic people often grieve the future they've already built in their minds, and how to pivot when life doesn't go according to plan.
If you've ever failed a class, lost a relationship, missed an opportunity, been denied accommodations, experienced burnout, or watched a dream disappear, this episode is for you.
Disappointment isn't a verdict. It's information.
The question is: what do you do next?
#Autism #ActuallyAutistic #Neurodivergent #AdultingWithAutism #AutisticAdults #ADHD #MentalHealth #Disappointment #Resilience #CollegeSuccess