Club Sandwich

Are your parents living longer, but not necessarily living well? In this episode, Sarah Macdonald talks with author Lucinda Holdforth about the private thoughts many carers have but rarely say out loud: what happens when old age stretches on, frailty deepens, dementia changes the person you love, and the caring role starts to swallow your own life.
Ageing parents? You’ve got them. We’ve got you.
Join / contact
JOIN THE CLUB: Visit clubsandwich.community to join the tribe, access resources, and find our private Facebook community.
SEND US YOUR QUESTION: [email protected]
In this episode
The Conversation: Sarah Macdonald and Lucinda Holdforth unpack the emotional, practical and political reality of longer lives: dementia, chronic illness, caregiving overload, driving, advance care directives, assisted dying, and the urgent need to move from life at all costs to live well and die well.
This Week’s Hack:
Do the advance care directive early, but do not stop there. Make sure your family knows what it says, where it is, and how it will actually follow your parent into hospital or aged care when a crisis hits.
Listener Letter:
This episode speaks directly to the clubber who loves their parent deeply but is quietly wondering how much longer they can keep doing this, or who has heard Mum or Dad say “I’m done” and had no idea what to say next.
Hot Mess Moment:
Your parent is back in hospital after another fall. You are exhausted, scared, trying to make sense of medical language, and having the thought you feel ashamed to say out loud: are we helping them live, or just helping them go on?
Topics covered in this episode
why Australians are living longer and what that means for families
the 12-year burden of chronic illness and disability
dementia, frailty and the long goodbye
the emotional toll of years of caregiving
the administrative burden of advocating for ageing parents
when driving becomes dangerous and taking the keys feels impossible
ageism versus the structural tilt of wealth and policy
whether sandwich generation women ever get to “live their own life”
assisted dying, a “completed life”, and end-of-life choice
why advance care directives often fail in practice
how hospitals default to treatment and intervention
the case for moving from “life at all costs” to “live well and die well”
Sponsored by:
This episode was supported by Australian Unity, home health and care services. Proactive local care that helps your parents live well at home, less stress for them, less worry for you, and more time for the good stuff. Visit australianunity.com.au/clubsandwich.
Need more clarity at 3 AM? Vera gives you a structured 15-minute voice conversation to help you understand where your parent stands and what to do next. Find it in the show notes or at vera.guide.
Credits
Club Sandwich is brought to you by Vera.guide, helping families caring for ageing parents navigate this stage of life so you do not have to do it alone.
Sarah Macdonald - Host + Executive Producer
Melissa Reader - Commissioning Editor, Executive Producer + Clubber
Rachel Fountain - Executive Producer
Audio + video edits by Fountain Media Group
Thanks and kudos to Sean Wayland for our awesome theme music Club Sandwich - hear more from Sean at seanwayland.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Worried about an ageing parent ending up in hospital? Caring from another city or another country? In this episode, Sarah Macdonald and Matt Preston talk about dementia, sibling guilt, hospital overwhelm, aged care delays, and why the smartest move is to plan earlier than feels necessary. Matt also reflects on the personal experience behind his current TV work on dementia: supporting his mum through the disease before she passed away.

Ageing parents? You’ve got them. We’ve got you.
JOIN THE CLUB: Visit clubsandwich.community to join the tribe, access resources, and find our private Facebook community.
SEND US YOUR QUESTION: [email protected]

The Conversation: Sarah Macdonald and Matt Preston unpack what families need to know about geriatric wards, dementia, long-distance caring, and the emotional and practical load of caring for ageing parents. They also connect Matt’s current TV work on dementia with his own experience of supporting his mum through dementia before she passed away.

This Week’s Hack: Start the conversation before it is urgent. Ask about wishes early, get assessments underway early, and do not wait for a fall or hospital stay to force decisions.

Listener Letter: This episode speaks directly to the clubber juggling kids, work and ageing parents, especially if you are carrying the emotional load from a distance or trying to get siblings on the same page.
Melissa Reader - CEO of Vera and expert on Australia’s ageing crisis.
Jo Lamble - Clinical psychologist specialising in guilt and family dynamics.
Dr Ginni Mansberg - GP and women’s health advocate who tells it straight.
Dr Stephanie Ward - Geriatrician helping you understand when old becomes a crisis.
Kerry Milligan - Gogglebox star bringing humour and honesty to the sandwich generation.
Topics covered in this episode:
dementia is more than memory loss
- what geriatric wards are really like
- why older people are safer at home when possible
- bed block, aged care waits and hospital stress
- long-distance caring and fly-in guilt
- sibling conflict and how not to make it worse
- advanced care wishes and hard conversations
- how to keep connection with a parent living with dementia
- why women still carry most of the caring load
- Matt Preston on ageing, fear and making the most of the years ahead
This episode was supported by Australian Unity, home health and care services. Proactive local care that helps your parents live well at home, less stress for them, less worry for you, and more time for the good stuff. Visit australianunity.com.au/clubsandwich.

Need more clarity at 3 AM? Vera gives you a structured 15-minute voice conversation to help you understand where your parent stands and what to do next. Find it in the show notes or at vera.guide.
Club Sandwich is brought to you by Vera, helping families caring for ageing parents navigate this stage of life so you do not have to do it alone.

Sarah Macdonald - Host + Executive Producer
Melissa Reader - Commissioning Editor, Executive Producer + Clubber
Rachel Fountain - Executive Producer
Audio + video edits by Fountain Media Group
Thanks and kudos to Sean Wayland for our awesome theme music Club Sandwich - hear more from Sean at seanwayland.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

If your parent is ageing and still saying “I’m fine”, this episode is your nudge to stop waiting for crisis. Sarah Macdonald and Gogglebox's Kerry Milligan talk about the conversations families avoid until it is too late: downsizing, wills, advanced care directives, aged care, death planning and the cost of denial.
Ageing parents? You’ve got them. We’ve got you.
JOIN THE CLUB: Visit clubsandwich.community to join the tribe, access resources, and find our private Facebook community.

SEND US YOUR QUESTION: [email protected]
In this episode
The Conversation: Sarah Macdonald and Kerry Milligan dive into what it looks like to get on the front foot with ageing, and why future planning can make life easier for both parents and kids.
This Week’s Hack:
Do one piece of future planning this week: check your will, sort your advanced care directive, or get yourself into the aged care system before you urgently need it.
Hack #2:
Kerry reveals she already got herself assessed and into the aged care system after shoulder surgery, so support would be there if she needed it again.
Meet the regular Clubbers
Melissa Reader - CEO of Vera and expert on Australia’s ageing crisis.
Jo Lamble - Clinical psychologist specializing in guilt and family dynamics.
Dr Ginni Mansberg - GP and women’s health advocate who tells it straight.
Dr Stephanie Ward - Geriatrician helping you understand when “old” becomes a crisis.
Kerry Milligan - Gogglebox star bringing humour and honesty to the sandwich generation.
Topics covered in this episode
Why 2026 is a turning point for Boomers and Gen X
Why denial makes ageing harder
Downsizing before the family home becomes a burden
Why Kerry says she will not live with her daughter
Wills, advanced care directives and making your wishes clear
Getting into the aged care system before crisis hits
How to make ageing less chaotic for your kids
What a death cafe is and what a death doula does
Why Boomers may need to reinvent aged care
Why asking for help actually makes things easier
Club Sandwich is brought to you by Australian Unity. Visit AustralianUnity.com.au/ClubSandwich
Credits
Club Sandwich is brought to you by Vera.guide, helping families caring for ageing parents navigate this stage of life so you don’t have to do it alone.
Sarah Macdonald - Host + Executive Producer
Melissa Reader - Commissioning Editor, Executive Producer + Clubber
Rachel Fountain - Executive Producer
Audio + video edits by Fountain Media Group
Thanks and kudos to Sean Wayland for our awesome theme music Club Sandwich - hear more from Sean at seanwayland.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Feeling guilty all the time? Guilty you are not doing enough for your parent. Guilty you are not present enough for your kids, your partner or your job. Guilty for wanting a break. Guilty for even thinking this is all too much.
In this episode, Sarah Macdonald is joined by clinical psychologist Jo Lamble to tackle one of the biggest emotional burdens of sandwich generation life: guilt. They unpack the difference between guilt and remorse, why women are especially vulnerable to it, how guilt can morph into resentment, and the unspoken thoughts carers often feel ashamed to admit.
This is an honest, practical conversation about how to stop punishing yourself and start responding with more self-compassion.
JOIN THE CLUB: Visit clubsandwich.community to join the tribe, access resources, and find our private Facebook community.
SEND US YOUR QUESTION: [email protected]
In this episode:
The Conversation: Sarah Macdonald and Jo Lamble unpack why caregiving guilt feels so constant when you are caring for ageing parents, juggling work and family, and trying not to disappear yourself.
This Week’s Hack: Catch the guilt early and ask yourself: what would I say to a friend in this exact situation? Then say that to yourself.
Listener Letter: The unspoken question underneath this episode is brutally familiar - how do I know what I should feel guilty about versus what is just breaking me?
Hot Mess Moment: The guilt spiral that starts with one missed call or one hard thought and turns into feeling like a bad daughter, bad mother, bad partner and bad person.
Meet the regular Clubbers
Melissa Reader - CEO of Vera and expert on Australia’s ageing crisis.
Jo Lamble - Clinical psychologist specialising in guilt and family dynamics.
Dr Ginni Mansberg - GP and women’s health advocate who tells it straight.
Dr Stephanie Ward - Geriatrician helping you understand when “old” becomes a crisis.
Kerry Milligan - Gogglebox star bringing humour and honesty to the sandwich generation.
Topics Covered in this episode
- guilt vs remorse
- caregiving guilt and the sandwich generation
- guilt about work, family and not doing enough
- self-care guilt
- guilt about moving a parent into aged care
- the taboo thought that you wish it would all end
- women, motherhood and why guilt hits harder
- parents who use guilt trips
- resentment as guilt’s best friend
- CBT, self-talk and self-compassion
Club Sandwich is brought to you by Australian Unity. Visit AustralianUnity.com.au/ClubSandwich
Credits
Club Sandwich is brought to you by Vera.guide, helping families caring for ageing parents navigate this stage of life so you don’t have to do it alone.
Sarah Macdonald - Host + Executive Producer
Melissa Reader - Commissioning Editor, Executive Producer + Clubber
Rachel Fountain - Executive Producer
Audio + video edits by Fountain Media Group
Thanks and kudos to Sean Wayland for our awesome theme music Club Sandwich - hear more from Sean at seanwayland.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

When your mum or dad insists everything is fine, but you can see the fall risk, the spoiled food, the missed cues and the slow slide, it can make you feel like you’re losing your mind. This episode is for the daughter who’s being called bossy when what she really is, is exhausted, worried, and carrying too much.
Ageing parents? You’ve got them. We’ve got you.
JOIN THE CLUB: Visit clubsandwich.community to join the tribe, access resources, and find our private Facebook community.
SEND US YOUR QUESTION: [email protected]
The Conversation: Sarah Macdonald and Dr Stephanie Ward dive into denial, resistance, dignity, autonomy, cognitive change, and how to help an ageing parent who refuses support.

This Week’s Hack: Don’t try to fix everything at once. Pick one concrete safety issue, revisit it gently, and frame support as something that helps you too: “Would you do this one thing for me?”
Listener Letter: Anjali, 58, is caring for her 84-year-old parents. Dad has had a fall. Mum can barely see the stove. Their house feels unsafe, but every suggestion of help is met with “No, we’re fine.” She wants to know how to face reality without destroying their dignity.

Hot Mess Moment: You’re over there four times a week, finding wilted food, mildew in the washing machine, and signs things are slipping, while the interstate sibling visits for a roast and says, “They seem fine to me.”
Meet the regular Clubbers:
Melissa Reader - CEO of Vera and expert on Australia’s ageing crisis.
Jo Lamble - Clinical psychologist specializing in guilt and family dynamics.
Dr Ginni Mansberg - GP and women’s health advocate who tells it straight.
Dr Stephanie Ward - Geriatrician helping you understand when “old” becomes a crisis.
Kerry Milligan - Gogglebox star bringing humor and honesty to the sandwich generation.
Topics covered this episode: ageing parents in denial, refusing help, loss of independence, dignity of risk, cognitive change, dementia concerns, My Aged Care, caregiver burnout, sibling denial, safety at home, autonomy, how to talk to resistant parents
Club Sandwich is brought to you by Australian Unity. Visit AustralianUnity.com.au/ClubSandwich
Credits
Club Sandwich is brought to you by Vera.guide, helping families caring for ageing parents navigate this stage of life so you don’t have to do it alone. Download Vera's free "home is where the heart is: how to keep them there - practical field guide to navigating aged care" at clubsandwich.community/resources

Sarah Macdonald - Host + Executive Producer
Melissa Reader - Commissioning Editor, Executive Producer + Clubber
Rachel Fountain - Executive Producer
Audio + video edits by Fountain Media Group
Thanks and kudos to Sean Wayland for our awesome theme music Club Sandwich - hear more from Sean at seanwayland.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.