Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

Gaming can be a source of connection, competence and joy, especially for neurodivergent kids. But when switching off leads to arguments, anxiety or explosive behaviour, parents need more than another screen-time rule.
Justin speaks with Game Aware founder Andrew Kinch about why some kids are drawn so strongly to gaming, how neurodivergence can shape that relationship, and what parents can do when gaming starts crowding out sleep, school, movement and family life. They unpack the difference between gaming for enjoyment and gaming for escape, why timers can make transitions harder, and how understanding your child's favourite game could reduce conflict at home.
KEY POINTS:
Why gaming and general screen time aren't the same thing
The particular role gaming can play for neurodivergent kids
How gaming meets needs for competence, autonomy and connection
Why using games to escape stress, bullying, anxiety or other struggles can become problematic
Why countdown timers can increase anxiety around switching off
How a stopwatch can encourage kids to practise self-regulation
The value of a calming "buffer" activity after gaming
Why parents should spend time learning how their child's favourite game actually works
How understanding what your child gets from gaming can change the conversation at home
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:
"What job is the game doing for them?"
Andrew Kinch
RESOURCES MENTIONED:
Game Aware Activity Finder and family support
Self-Determination Theory
Johann Hari's work on addiction and connection
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS:
Get curious about what gaming gives your child before focusing on how long they're playing.
Notice whether they're gaming for fun and connection or using it to escape something difficult.
Try replacing a countdown timer with a stopwatch that helps them monitor their own gaming time.
Plan something enjoyable or calming for immediately after gaming rather than expecting an abrupt switch into chores or family demands.
Sit beside your child and learn their game. Understand what they're trying to achieve, when a round ends and why stopping halfway through can feel so frustrating.
If gaming is seriously affecting sleep, school, relationships, physical activity or safety at home, seek specialised support.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Your 12-year-old announces they’re dating someone. There’s hand-holding, constant texting and plenty of “love you” messages. Do you shut it down, set rules or stay out of it?
Justin and Kylie unpack early teenage romance and why keeping your child talking to you matters more than trying to monitor every interaction. They explain what “dating” often means at this age, how to protect friendships and school life, and how to set boundaries without pushing the relationship underground.
KEY POINTS
Romantic interest commonly ramps up around ages 11 to 12.
Before reacting, ask your child what “dating” actually means to them.
Open disclosure from your child is more valuable than trying to monitor everything they do.
Watch whether the relationship starts replacing friendships, activities or school responsibilities.
Trying to ban the relationship completely may simply push it underground.
Talk about what respectful relationships look like, including helping the other person feel safe and strong.
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
“As long as you can have an open dialogue, then you have influence.”
RESOURCES MENTIONED
Developmental psychology research on early adolescent romantic relationships
Research by Stattin and Kerr on parental monitoring and child disclosure
Happy Families website and podcast question submission
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Get curious first. Ask what “dating” means to your child before deciding how worried you need to be.
Keep them talking. Protect the relationship that makes your child comfortable telling you what’s happening.
Set clear expectations. Explain your family’s boundaries around dating without turning the conversation into command and control.
Watch the bigger picture. Notice changes in friendships, schoolwork, extracurricular activities and family life.
Talk about respect. Teach your child what it means to make another person feel safe, respected and valued.
Try side-by-side conversations. A walk, drive or other low-pressure moment can make sensitive conversations easier.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

We put laptops and tablets into classrooms with a promise that technology would improve education. Nearly two decades later, parents and teachers are asking a confronting question: Did we get it wrong?
Justin speaks with Danny Alachi, founder of the Heads Up Alliance, and Victorian high school teacher Steph Challis about the push to reduce screen use in Australian schools. They unpack classroom distraction, declining literacy, the value of handwriting and physical books, and why teaching digital skills doesn’t require kids to spend every lesson behind a screen.
They also explain a new national petition calling for no one-to-one devices in primary schools, books and paper to become the default in high school, a pause on generative AI in classrooms, safer evidence-based educational apps, and a renewed focus on reading and handwriting.
KEY POINTS
Why one-to-one devices may be doing more harm than good in primary classrooms
The distraction problem teachers are seeing when laptops are open
Why books, handwriting and paper still matter for learning
The difference between teaching digital literacy and teaching through a screen
Why technology should have to prove it improves learning before schools adopt it
The five changes the Heads Up Alliance wants Australian schools to make
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
“Schools need to remember what they're for. They're there to teach children how to learn.”
Steph Challis
RESOURCES MENTIONED
Heads Up Alliance
Sign the petition
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Look at how devices are being used in your child’s classroom, not simply whether they are being used.
Ask your school when screens genuinely improve learning and when books, paper and handwriting could work better.
Read the petition and sign it if you support the proposed changes.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What if trying to create the perfect family moment is the very thing getting in the way?
After a week away with three of their daughters, Kylie realised she’d arrived with a clear picture of how their time together should look. The reality was completely different. And it turned out to be better. Justin and Kylie unpack the pressure parents put on themselves to get the “recipe” right, why our kids need room to make their own choices, and how letting go of control can create more connection.
Justin also shares what happened when Kylie left him juggling work and parenting, including one spectacular diary fail, and why simple, low-pressure time together can be some of the best parenting we do.
KEY POINTS
Why parenting doesn’t come with a guaranteed recipe for happy, successful kids
How expectations can turn good family experiences into disappointments
Why giving kids space can lead to more openness and connection
The power of simple, unstructured time with your child
Why presence, patience and understanding often matter more than elaborate plans - Justin’s lesson in juggling work and parenting when Kylie went away
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
“It’s the simple stuff that makes our families work the best.”
RESOURCES MENTIONED
What Your Child Needs From You by Justin Coulson
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Notice where you’ve created a “recipe” for how family life should look.
Leave room for your child to choose how they experience a moment.
Swap one carefully planned activity for simple time together.
Focus less on monitoring and more on creating a relationship where your child wants to talk to you.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

One in three babies is using a phone or tablet by six months old. By age two, almost one in ten is averaging around four hours of screen time a day.
New research into screen use during the first years of life has landed with a confronting warning for parents. Justin and Kylie unpack what researchers call “digital soothing”, why screens can crowd out the interactions babies need for healthy development, and what parents can do when zero screen time feels almost impossible.
KEY POINTS
16% of Australian three and four year olds had recently used TikTok, YouTube or Instagram.
More than half of children are using phones or tablets by their first birthday.
Why researchers are concerned about using screens to soothe, comfort and entertain babies.
How screens can replace the face-to-face “serve and return” interactions that build language and thinking skills.
Higher screen exposure in the early years is linked with poorer sleep, delayed language and cognitive development, weaker social skills and poorer later school performance.
Why watching together is different from leaving a young child alone with a device.
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
“The first thousand days build the brain. Work hard to get that right.”
RESOURCES MENTIONED
eSafety Commissioner’s Growing Up Online report
Jonathan Haidt’s After Babel Substack
New systematic review of global research into screen use during the first 1,001 days of life
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Aim for as close to zero screen time as possible during the first two years.
Don’t rely on a device as your child’s regular comforter or distraction.
Prioritise talking, playing, moving and face-to-face interaction.
When screen time does happen, watch and engage together rather than handing over the device.
Look at what screen time is replacing, not only what your child is watching.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.