Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• #1227 - Why the Kids Don't Listen (R)

  If you've ever asked your child to do something—only to be met with silence, eye-rolls, or outright refusal—this episode is for you. Justin and Kylie dive into five surprising reasons why kids ignore us and share five powerful strategies to help them want to listen. With equal parts insight and humour, this episode offers real-world parenting advice that makes connection—not control—the goal. KEY POINTS: Kids often don’t listen because they don’t care about the task or see it as relevant to them. Developmentally, children are egocentric and lack adult-level perspective. Parents often forget to get their child’s attention before making a request. Screentime, distractions, and habits of non-compliance can reduce responsiveness. Being fun, patient, and involved can transform how children respond. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:“Be the kind of person your kids want to pay attention to.” RESOURCES: Happy Families Membership – happyfamilies.com.au How to Get Your Kids to Really Listen [PDF download] ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Get your child’s attention before speaking—use touch, eye contact, and a calm tone. Be involved—where possible, do the task together rather than directing from afar. Use gentle reminders and accountability instead of repeating or yelling. Be patient—allow time between request and response before following up. Make it fun—add humour, creativity, and playfulness to your interactions to boost connection. Find us on Facebook Subscribe to the Happy Families newsletterSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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• #1226 - Forcing Kids To Apologise (R)

  Should we be making our children apologise when they do the wrong thing? What does a sincere apology look like? In this episode: Parental Guidance (S1): “Forcing children to apologise is teaching children to lie” Victim mentality People pleasing Ruptured relationships The Parenting Revolution, by Dr Justin Coulson Motivation Continuum - extrinsic, introjected, identified, integrated, intrinsic Is It Wrong to Tell Kids to Apologize? | The Atlantic Theory of Mind Why do children apologise under coercion? Feeling seen, heard, and valued Repairing relationships Why don't kids want to apologise? 4 components of a sincere apology Related links: Should we Force our Children to Say 'Sorry' Carrots & Sticks: How Rewards and Punishments Hurt Our Kids, and What to do Instead [Webinar] Doors are now open to the Happy Families Membership NEW weekly kids’ ‘Print & Play’ subscription FELT (Fostering Emotional Learning Together) Find us on Facebook or TikTok Subscribe to the Happy Families newsletterSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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• #1225 - Self Control Can Be A Learned Behaviour With Ethan Kross

  Is self-control something you're born with—or something you can teach your kids, starting today? Psychologist and bestselling author Ethan Kross takes us into the science of the inner voice, revealing how our thoughts shape our behaviour—and how we can shape our thoughts. From powerful tools that help children talk to themselves like a friend to simple mindset shifts that build long-term resilience, this conversation is packed with practical wisdom for raising emotionally intelligent, self-regulated kids. KEY POINTS: Self-control is a skill that can be taught and strengthened. The inner voice is a powerful tool in navigating emotions and decision-making. Kids benefit from learning how to create psychological distance during challenges. Techniques like mental time travel and third-person self-talk are effective at all ages. Parents have a unique opportunity to guide how children learn to speak to themselves. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:“We’re not born with self-control; we learn it. And the tools we use to manage our mind are like muscles—we can train them.” KEY INSIGHTS FOR PARENTS: Help your child shift perspective by asking, “What would you say to a friend?” Build emotional resilience by teaching kids to recall times they’ve overcome obstacles. Model calm and constructive self-talk in your own moments of stress—kids are watching. Introduce the idea of an “inner coach” who can guide them through tough situations. RESOURCES MENTIONED: Chatter: The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It by Ethan Kross University of Michigan’s Emotion & Self-Control Lab Techniques such as self-distancing, visualisation, and reflective self-talk ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Be intentional with your own self-talk—your children are learning from you. Use playful, imaginative language to teach kids how to create emotional distance. Encourage children to reflect on past successes to fuel future confidence. Practice third-person self-talk together to turn overwhelming moments into teachable ones. Keep emotional regulation tools simple, visual, and consistent. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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• #1224 - Awards, Assemblies and Away Days

  Could the way we celebrate kids at school actually be leaving many of them behind? In this episode, Dr. Justin and Kylie Coulson unpack the hidden costs of awards, assemblies, and school trips. From motivation to mental health, they explore how traditional recognition systems can impact children—and what we can do instead to help every child feel seen, supported, and valued. KEY POINTS: Awards ceremonies often benefit the same high achievers, leaving many students feeling invisible or unworthy. External rewards can reduce intrinsic motivation, especially in areas of creativity, effort, and behaviour. Assemblies can either unite a community or create anxiety and disconnection, depending on how they're run. Away days and camps offer valuable opportunities for growth—but need to be inclusive and purposeful. Children thrive when they feel seen, valued, and part of something bigger than themselves. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:“Kids don’t need a trophy to know they matter. They need connection, encouragement, and a belief that they belong.” KEY INSIGHTS FOR PARENTS: Praise effort and process, not just outcomes. Be cautious about over-relying on rewards—consider what motivates your child from within. Talk with your child about how school events make them feel—do they feel recognised and included? Encourage educators to focus on connection and belonging in school-wide activities. RESOURCES MENTIONED: Deci & Ryan’s research on Self-Determination Theory Studies on rewards and motivation from Alfie Kohn and Carol Dweck Justin Coulson’s book 10 Things Every Parent Needs to Know ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Ask your child how they feel during awards assemblies—validate their emotions. Focus your praise on effort, character, and perseverance rather than outcomes. Advocate for inclusive school events that celebrate all students, not just a few. If your child misses out on recognition, remind them of their value through connection and encouragement. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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• #1223 - The Data Around School Mobile Phone Bans is Mind-Blowing

  Justin and Kylie dive into startling new data showing the positive effects of mobile phone bans in Australian schools. They explore statistics that reveal significant improvements in student learning, behaviour, and classroom engagement and reflect on the broader implications for parenting and screen time at home. KEY POINTS: The mobile phone ban in schools has led to 87% of students being less distracted 81% reporting improved learning 63% drop in critical incidents involving social media 54% reduction in behavioural issues Government intervention in screen and phone use is proving effective. Removing screens from classrooms and delaying smartphone access at home are strongly recommended. Analogue tools outperform digital ones in fostering better learning outcomes. Data from vaping bans also support the case for limiting access to harmful digital content. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:“Kids don't need smartphones. They need smart parents, and smart parents give their kids dumb phones.” – Dr. Justin Coulson KEY INSIGHTS FOR PARENTS: Delaying your child's access to smartphones helps them focus, learn, and behave better. School phone bans are effective, but more impact can be made at home and in broader digital habits. Parents shouldn't rely on children to self-regulate in an adult digital world—protection and guidance are necessary. Government restrictions, while imperfect, are valuable in safeguarding children. RESOURCES: Unplug Childhood [Join the village!] Kids Need Smart Parents, Not Smart Phones [Article] ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Delay giving children smartphones as long as possible—opt for dumb phones with basic functionality. Set boundaries around screen use at home, especially for social media and unsupervised access. Support analogue learning tools at home and advocate for them in schools. Stay informed about government policies that affect your child’s digital environment. Have open conversations with your child about the purpose and risks of digital devices. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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