Liberating Motherhood

This is the first podcast episode I’ve done by myself, because I wanted to speak directly to all of you. If you like it, I may do more. 
On a recent AMA, someone asked me how I sustain hope when I’m surrounded by horror and despair. Here’s what I told her: 

I know that the only thing that makes things actually hopeless is giving up hope. If my foremothers could fight through coverture, through legal rape, through legal violence, if other women could continue to fight through slavery, through a Holocaust, through witch burnings, through endless war, then surely I can honor them by continuing to fight. I will not allow despair to cause me to drop my link in the chain that extends to my ancestors and toward freedom.

I decided to record this podcast episode because so many of you have contacted me wondering how we can possibly keep going with things as terrifying as they are. 
I’ve been an activist for a long time, and I’ve been lucky enough to learn from many elders (several of whom will be on this podcast in the next few weeks). I hope that I can offer you some strategies for thriving. I also know there’s value in hearing another human voice—hopefully someone you trust—reassuring you. 
So I decided to record this, off the cuff, by myself. I could have edited. I could have gone back and added more, and I probably should have taken a decent photo rather than a frazzled selfie. I think, though, there’s sometimes value in showing up as we are, and in hearing someone else free-associate. I wanted to deliver this message as quickly as possible, rather than as perfectly as possible, so I hope it still has value. 
In this episode, I talk about how I sustain hope, why I think you need to sustain hope, and how to build effective activist networks. 
If you’re out there doing the work, I love you for that. Let’s join hands together and get as much done as we can. I hope you like this episode. I hope it helps you.

“Black men have been held accountable for things they didn’t do for so long, that we have forgotten how to hold them accountable for the things they do.” — Kiki Bryant

Men are stealing women’s lives by stealing their time. So why is it that we have widespread notions of women as spoiled, entitled gold diggers? The words we use matter. They focus our attention and make it easier (or harder) to speak about a topic. 
This is a sweeping conversation that covers a lot of ground. Some of what we talk about: 

How social media is using bans without any due process to suppress the voices of minority creators. Kiki lost her Facebook account, and we talk extensively about how many other writers this has happened to, drawing on research Kiki conducted. Social media has the power not just to silence people, but to remove everything they’ve ever previously said. 

The importance of memory in constructing philosophical beliefs, and how social media bans undermine collective memory. 

Kiki’s framework of labor diggers. 

The economic impact of being the default parent. 

Labor digging begins in childhood, and how gendered childhood norms set people up for miserable heterosexual relationships. 

The effects of mass incarceration on Black relationships specifically, and how this ongoing trauma contributes both to lower Black marriage rates and to misogynoir. 

The commonalities between Black manhood and white womanhood.

The unique challenges facing Black women leaving abusive Black men. 

The pick-me feminist: the feminist who wants to talk about how she’s not like all the other feminists. 

Competitive parenting, breastfeeding while Black, and the use of parenting culture to reinforce hierarchy. 

About Kiki Bryant
Kiki Bryant, known online as the Uppity Negress, is a mother, writer, and sociopolitical critic located in Chicago, IL.
Follow her on Facebook here. 

Check out her amazing Substack here. 

Follow her on threads here. 

Buy her books on her website, which also has other merch and a ton of great information.

If you like this episode or this podcast, please consider heart-reacting, sharing, commenting, or leaving a positive online review. It helps the podcast continue to attract great guests!

Motherhood is a cultural, political experience. But in many places, especially the United States, we pretend culture doesn’t exist, and that everything about motherhood is both inevitable and an individual problem. 
Abigail Leonard is an American journalist who, inspired by her own experiences living abroad in Tokyo, set out to explore how different cultures support (or don’t support) mothers, and how this influences outcomes for everyone. 
Abigail’s book highlights how cultural norms determine the bounds within which we mother. And while the social networks and community support women can access vary greatly from nation to nation, the profound impacts of patriarchy persist across cultures, making motherhood much harder than it needs to be. 
In this podcast, we talk about: 

Similarities and differences between motherhood experiences in Japan, Kenya, Finland, and the United States. 

The social structures that can make motherhood easier or more difficult. 

How men’s refusal to participate equitably in parenting negatively affects women across cultures—and how social safety nets can either intensify or offset these negative effects. 

The political role of motherhood, and how a culture of mother blame can destroy an entire society. 

The rampant violence of life in the United States. 

The long-term effects of parental leave on parent-child relationships. 

You can find Abigail’s book, a reading list, and all books I recommend on the podcast, at the Liberating Motherhood Bookshop. 
About Abigail Leonard
Abigail Leonard is an award-winning international reporter and the author of Four Mothers: An Intimate Journey through the First Year of Parenthood in Four Countries. It follows women in Japan, Kenya, Finland and the US during their first year as mothers, and was named an Amazon “Best nonfiction book of the year so far”, and a Sunday Times “Book of the week”. Abigail was previously based in Tokyo, where she was a frequent contributor to NPR and New York Times video... and where she had her own three children.
Visit her website here, or find her on Instagram @AbigailLeonardAuthor.

“Everyone is impacted by racism.” — Sabia Wade 

We’re back! It’s now Season 3 of the Liberating Motherhood podcast. As promised, this season you’ll be getting an episode every single week. Please consider helping this podcast continue to grow by: heart-reacting on Substack, liking on your favorite platform, leaving a comment on social media, leaving a positive review on your favorite podcast platform, and sharing the podcast with friends. Your support can help the podcast continue to grow and bring on great guests. 
The American birthing system is in crisis, with women dying at higher rates now than they did a generation ago. Birth if often traumatic, leaving lasting physical and emotional injuries. 
While everyone who gives birth is touched by this system, thing are especially bad for Black women, who die at roughly four times the rate of white women. No amount of education or money can reduce this risk; racism and misogyny are the factors that matter.
Sabia Wade argues that the birth crisis is inseparable from the larger crises our culture faces, and that collective liberation means birth liberation, too. I was so excited to get to talk to her. Here are a few of the topics we discuss: 

The Prison Birth Project, prison birth, and the crises facing incarcerated women. 

How racism erodes everyone’s humanity, including by divorcing white people from their own humanness. 

The competing demands of accountability and inclusion, and how we build bigger, more powerful movements for liberation. 

What activism means, and how we cultivate meaningful activism. 

Racism in maternity care, the fact that the problem is getting worse, and what we need to do to stop this crisis. 

The racist social norms that have steadily pushed Black midwives out of obstetric care. 

The racist roots of modern obstetrics and gynecology. 

Care is more important than profit—and why a for-profit system will never provide comprehensive care. 

How racism limited Black people’s access to medical care, and how Black communities have responded with building their own systems of care. But now, for-profit medicine is seeking to commodify Black bodies and disrupt these community systems of care. 

Harm is inevitable, which is why we all must work to be more accountable. 

The defensiveness many obstetricians feel when confronted with the racist, misogynist reality of our birthing system. 

You can find all of the books I reference on the podcast, as well as many lists of recommended books, at the Liberating Motherhood Bookshop. 
About Sabia Wade
Sabia Wade (she/they) is a Black, queer, multi-disciplinary reproductive justice advocate, entrepreneur, and thought leader. As the creator and CEO of Birthing Advocacy Doula Trainings and founder of For The Village, Inc., Sabia has built accessible pathways for community care workers and birth justice advocates across the country.
With roots as a volunteer doula at the Prison Birth Project, Sabia’s work now spans curriculum design, organizational strategy, full-spectrum doula care, and executive coaching. They are also the author of Birthing Liberation: How Reproductive Justice Can Set Us Free, a groundbreaking exploration of bias, healing, and collective freedom in reproductive care.
Beyond advocacy and education, Sabia leads Tend & Mend Healing Studio in Wilmington, NC, offering herbalism, spiritual care, mediumship, Reiki, death doula support, and human design sessions—bringing a holistic, liberatory approach to healing and leadership.
Find Sabia at sabiawade.com. You can also follow her on Instagram or LinkedIn, buy her book here, visit Tend and Mend Healing Studio, learn more about Birthing Advocacy Doula Trainings, or support her nonprofit, which trains the next generation of liberation-focused doulas. 
https://www.sabiawade.com/
Sabia also was generous enough to offer a discount code for Liberating Motherhood listeners: 
Use coupon 15off at Tend & Mend Studio: shop

And for BADT programming: https://birthingadvocacy.thinkific.com/

I am so excited about this episode! Jane Ward is a brilliant queer feminist scholar who has written extensively about the harmful dynamics heterosexual relationships normalize. Her book, The Tragedy of Heterosexuality, has heavily influenced my own work, and I am so grateful to her. She’s working on a new book about parenting that we hit on a bit, but we mostly talk about what is going on in heterosexual relationships.

Some of the topics we cover include: 

Why maybe it’s not being queer that is difficult, but being straight. Perhaps rather than worrying about our queer children, we need to worry about straight kids. 

The misery of heterosexual culture, and why queering relationships can make them better. 

How heteronormative culture conceals the horrors of heterosexual relationships to reel women into these often-harmful romances. 

The phenomenon where heterosexual marriage often puts women in a worse situation than they otherwise would have found themselves in. 

The normalization of marital hatred, and how male homosociality influences everyone. 

Why queer divorce rates indicate a healthier approach to relationships. 

What it means to queer parenting practices, and how we can embrace a truly liberatory parenting ethic. 

Parenting as a cultural experience rather than an individual one. 

Quick scheduling note: For December, I’ll have a podcast every other week, in addition to the paid bonus at the end of the month. In January, I will be returning permanently to the new schedule of weekly podcasts. Season three will be out the first full week of January. 

As always, please consider leaving a quick review and heart-reacting or sharing. It really helps a lot! 

About Jane Ward

Jane Ward is professor and chair of Feminist Studies at University of California Santa Barbara. She teaches and writes about gender and sexual cultures and has published on topics including the anti-gender movement, online misogyny, the marriage self-help industry, the ebb and flow of interest in lesbian feminism, the meaning of sex between straight-identified men, queer childhood and parenting, the corporatization of gay pride festivals, and the labor of producing gender.

Ward is the author of multiple books, including The Tragedy of Heterosexuality, described by The New York Times Book Review as “at heart a somber, urgent academic examination of the many ways in which opposite-sex coupling can hurt the very individuals who cling to it most.” Her book Not Gay: Sex Between Straight White Men (2015) was a Lambda Literary Award finalist. She is the co-editor, with Soma Chaudhuri, of the first global feminist collection of academic and popular essays about witches and witchcraft, The Witch Studies Reader.​

Jane is also cofounder or SURJ DENA, the Altadena chapter of Showing Up for Racial Justice, and a member of the board of the racial justice and mutual aid organization My TRIBE Rise.

You can find all of Jane’s books, as well as numerous booklists and book recommendations, at the Liberating Motherhood Bookshop.