No need for Prince Charming

Four and a Half Years Later — Alisha's Update
A note: this episode mentions the loss of Alisha's son Jeremy, who was stillborn 12 years ago today. She shares it with gratitude and without distress — but as always on this podcast, take care of yourself first.

When I recorded my first ever episode of No Need for Prince Charming, Lexi was almost two. She is now six and a half. A lot has changed.

I've been meaning to do this update for a while, and today felt like the right day — because it's the 12th anniversary of losing my son Jeremy, and I'm launching something I've been building towards for a very long time. More on that below.

But first, let me catch you up.

In early 2022, I was working full time in corporate loyalty, Lexi was in full-time daycare, Melbourne was still in lockdown, and I was running the podcast from stolen hours after she went to bed. I knew something was brewing — I just didn't know yet what it was going to be.

What followed was four and a half years I would not trade for anything. Quitting a job I loved that had become somewhere I hated. Nearly four years sober. An ADHD diagnosis that explained a lot. Writing My Perfect Family. Building courses. Three Bali trips. A book club. A Facebook group that's now 3,500 members. The Bump Membership, which is still the thing I'm most proud of. Speaking at the Sydney Opera House. Sitting on the ART review committee. A second podcast. And learning, in a book club of all places, that one of my friends used the same donor as me — and that Lexi has a little sister.

Today, on Jeremy's anniversary, I'm launching the SMS Membership. It's for established solo mums by choice — women who have their child, who are in the thick of it, who want more than a Facebook group can offer. A real community. Real faces. Monthly expert sessions on things we actually need to talk about — mortgages, perimenopause, body safety, employment rights, identity after motherhood. Plus fortnightly Zoom connection calls, state-based groups for real-life playdates, and specialist chats for neurosparkly mums, double donor families, mums without their own mum, and more.

I also want to say this: I wasn't 100% sure when I did this. I wasn't even 50% sure. But I didn't want to look back and regret not trying. And it worked on the second round of IVF, and Alexandra is the absolute best thing that has ever happened to me, and I am so, so glad.

If you're on the fence — listen to this episode. And then take the next step.

In this episode:

Going back to work in 2022 — full-time corporate, lockdowns, my mum in hospital the week I returned, survival mode

Starting the podcast and feeling something brewing underneath all of it

Writing My Perfect Family and why I wanted to normalise the language of donor conception for other families' children, not just ours

Fiji with Rhiannon — and realising I almost certainly have ADHD

A bullying boss, a toxic work environment, and the day I resigned with my bonus and Lexi in tow

Solo Mum Society was born, and so was the realisation that books don't pay your mortgage

Going sober almost four years ago — and why having Lexi finally gave me a reason big enough to make it stick

The ADHD diagnosis and medication in 2024 — and how running your own business with ADHD without corporate deadlines is a very specific kind of chaos

The first Bali trip: 24 women, total strangers, everything in common

The Facebook group growing to 3,500 members — and why I started it when the existing group didn't match the energy of the solo mums I knew

The Considering, Expecting and Preparing courses — why I made them, what they cover, and what it feels like to watch nervous women become excited ones

The Disney cruise — Cinderella holding our daughters' hands, and every dream I had coming true

The book club conversation that revealed Lexi's donor-conceived sibling — before the baby was even born

Lexi starting school: Father's Day, a classmate who said she was lying about not having a dad, family week, and navigating all of it with teachers who read My Perfect Family

Both Alisha and Lexi being neurosparkly — what that means for their household, and how awareness changes everything

The third Bali trip — all-inclusive, strangers becoming people you'd think had been friends for a decade

Speaking at the Sydney Opera House about sperm (as you do)

The ART review committee — being a voice for solo mums at a national level

Motherhood Unmasked and Unfiltered — the second podcast with Rhiannon

Jeremy's anniversary — 12 years today, and why she sees his passing as a gift that gave her Lexi and everything that followed

The SMS Membership — what it is, what's in it, and why it's launching today

Dating? Still no. Genuinely no. And why that's the first time in her life she hasn't felt like she needed someone

Lexi at six and a half — kind, empathetic, fun, neurosparkly, and the only thing Alisha ever really wanted

Key Takeaways

The podcast is a time capsule — if you're considering sharing your story, please do it. Not just for the community, but for your child to hear one day

Solo mums by choice are not a monologue — no two stories are alike; the only thing in common is choosing to have a child without a partner

The hardest part of this whole journey is still making the decision in the first place

If the workplace isn't aligned with who you've become as a mum, it's not a failure to leave — it's clarity

Being diagnosed with ADHD in your 40s doesn't break anything — it explains a lot and makes you kinder on yourself

Sobriety is possible when the reason is finally big enough — and it changes more than you expect

Donor-conceived siblings may already be in your life — join the registers, join the groups, do the things

"They need a father figure" — no. They need good men in their life. There are many ways to find that

You don't have to be 100% certain to take the first step. You just have to be certain enough that you'd regret not trying

This episode is brought to you by City Fertility
Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.

 

The SMS Membership is live — and this is what I've been building towards.
For established solo mums by choice. A real community, expert sessions on the things we actually need, fortnightly Zoom connection calls, state-based groups, specialist chats, and partner offers. Find out more here.

She never gave up!
Some journeys are long. Kate's is one of the longest we've shared on this podcast — and one of the most quietly remarkable.

Kate came to solo motherhood later than she planned, and for reasons that had nothing to do with not wanting a child. For much of her 30s she was managing Complex Regional Pain Syndrome, a chronic pain condition so severe she was on strong medication whose effects on a foetus were not yet known. She finished three masters degrees, achieved a third-degree black belt in karate, and built a career — all while navigating a condition she would not wish on anyone.

By her late 30s, the pain was behind her. The medication was gone. And the relationship she'd thought might lead somewhere hadn't. So she made the decision that had always been there, waiting.

What followed was three rounds of IUI, a move from Melbourne to Tasmania, a job change, eight or more IVF cycles across two clinics, multiple egg retrievals, a chemical pregnancy, and a miscarriage. Years of driving to Hobart and turning back halfway because the embryo hadn't developed. Years of two-week waits that ended badly. Years of holding it all quietly — telling almost no one — because that is how Kate processes things, and because she has Asperger's, and because the fear of what people think runs deep when you've spent your whole life reading the room slightly differently to everyone else.

And then in December, a natural FET. Timed around Christmas. A feeling on the way home that she hadn't had before — this one has stuck.

She was right. Amelia is 22 months old, about to turn two. She lives with Kate and Kate's parents in northern Tasmania, is looked after full time by her grandparents while Kate works, hates being swaddled, kicks her blankets off, loves doctors' waiting rooms, and is going to Japan in a couple of months.

Kate wouldn't swap a single thing.

In this episode:

Three masters degrees, a third-degree black belt, and a decade managing Complex Regional Pain Syndrome — and how that shaped Kate's decision-making

Being on the autism spectrum (Asperger's): how it affected relationships, the decision to pursue solo motherhood, and the parenting experience that followed

Deciding to go straight to IUI rather than freeze eggs — and learning the hard way that the IUI donor pool in Victoria was extremely limited

Three rounds of IUI: a chemical pregnancy in quarantine, a negative, and a third failure before moving to IVF

Transferring to the Tasmanian clinic — a smaller, more personal experience, and a specialist who never stopped looking for solutions

Eight or more IVF cycles across multiple years — multiple egg retrievals, fresh and frozen transfers, the physical and emotional toll, and driving halfway to Hobart only to be called back because the embryo hadn't developed

The pre-Medicare-change reality for solo mums: needing to fail IUI multiple times before qualifying for IVF rebates

A miscarriage and a chemical pregnancy before the natural FET that finally worked

Keeping almost everything secret — and what happened when she finally told people

A pregnancy she couldn't enjoy, spent waiting for something to go wrong

Amelia arriving a day early in a Tasmanian storm — and spending the first week in hospital with no power at home

Coming home to mum and a two-year-old who refused to be swaddled

Going back to work at four and a half months — a nine-day fortnight, four days from home

Her parents as full-time carers: what it's given Amelia, what it's given them

What she'd do differently — and what she'd tell anyone on the spectrum who's been waiting for the right time

Key Takeaways

A health condition is not a reason to stop — it may be a reason to plan more carefully, get better advice earlier, and advocate for yourself at every step

Being on the spectrum doesn't mean you can't read your child — you will find your own way of knowing, and it will be enough

The fear of what other people will think is almost always bigger than the reality — Kate told far fewer people than she needed to and everyone she told was supportive

The pre-2023 Medicare rules forced solo mums through unnecessary rounds of IUI before qualifying for IVF — if you're starting now, you don't have to do that

Telling your employer, when you can trust them, makes the practical logistics of fertility treatment enormously more manageable

Going back to work is not abandonment — for some brains, it's a lifeline that helps process and move forward

The newborn phase is different when your brain works differently — lean into whatever your mum tells you, accept the help that comes, and know that you will find your own rhythm

This episode is brought to you by City Fertility
Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.

 

Pregnant or TTC solo?
The Bump Membership is your virtual village — a private WhatsApp community of solo mums to be, plus fortnightly connection calls on Zoom where we share, laugh, and support one another. Members also receive exclusive discounts on Solo Mum Society courses and products. Find out more.

Acupuncture for IVF & Fertility — What Solo Mums Need to Know | Dr Michelle Smith, Ova Acupuncture
Most fertility specialists will tell you to try acupuncture. Very few of them explain why.

This week I'm joined by Dr Michelle Smith — acupuncturist, Chinese herbal medicine practitioner, and director of Ova Acupuncture in Brisbane. Michelle specialises in fertility and women's health, has two clinics in Brisbane, and sees women from all over Australia, including many solo mums by choice. She's also, as of this recording, 13 weeks pregnant via IVF — her first transfer — doing this solo, and very happy to talk about all of it.

This episode is Acupuncture 101 for anyone who has been told it might help, has no idea how or why, and wants to actually understand the mechanism rather than just taking someone's word for it.

We cover everything — the science and the philosophy, what's actually happening when a needle goes in and why that matters for egg quality and implantation, the ideal timeline for starting treatment before an IVF cycle, what to do if you have PCOS, what's different for known donor home insemination, how acupuncture supports perimenopause, and what to look for when finding a practitioner near you.

Michelle is also refreshingly honest about what acupuncture can and can't do, why the pre- and post-transfer appointment is not as essential as the industry often suggests, and why her first priority with most new patients is to get them off half the supplements they're on.

If you've been on the fence about whether to add acupuncture to your IVF cycle — this episode will help you make that decision.

 

Ova Acupuncture — Brisbane, two clinics, telehealth available for interstate patients. Visit ovaacupuncture.au

Note: Michelle can also provide referrals to trusted colleagues around Australia for those not in Brisbane.

 

In this episode:

How Michelle came to specialise in fertility — her own PCOS diagnosis, five years of study, and why she says she has the best job in the world

Why fertility specialists telling you to "get acupuncture to relax" undersells what it's actually doing

The sympathetic versus parasympathetic nervous system — and why the goal of acupuncture is to move you out of fight-or-flight

How acupuncture supports IVF: blood flow to the ovaries, follicle quality, immune regulation and implantation

The whole-systems approach — why the 12 weeks of weekly sessions before your cycle matters more than a pre- and post-transfer appointment

What to do if you haven't had 12 weeks — the alternative protocol for stim phase

The post-transfer window — what acupuncture is doing during the two-week wait, and when it's worth coming in

What Michelle looks for when reviewing solo mums' IVF histories — and the basic things she sees missed because "we assumed everything was fine"

Diet and lifestyle for fertility: Mediterranean diet, blood sugar regulation, eating enough, and why ice baths are off the table

Acupuncture for known donor home insemination — optimising ovulation, luteal phase support, and vaginal microbiome testing

PCOS and fertility: irregular ovulation, AMH, OHSS risk, and how Chinese medicine treats the individual rather than the protocol

Perimenopause and why this generation of women is experiencing it differently — and how acupuncture helps

How to navigate acupuncture with a needle phobia or as a neurodivergent person

How to find a qualified fertility acupuncturist near you — what to look for and what to ask

Michelle's IVF journey: first transfer, 13 weeks pregnant, doing it solo, and what she'd tell anyone just starting out

Key Takeaways

Acupuncture does more than help you relax — it shifts the nervous system, directs blood flow to reproductive organs, and supports immune regulation for implantation

The whole-systems approach means regular weekly sessions in the lead-up to your cycle are more valuable than a single pre/post-transfer appointment

Ideally start acupuncture 12 weeks before your IVF stim phase — or twice weekly during stim if you haven't had that lead time

Solo mums often have basic things missed in their fertility workup because everyone assumes the only reason for IVF is the absence of a partner — advocate for full investigations

Less is more with supplements — a good practitioner will help you stop rattling, not add more to the pile

Mediterranean diet, regular meals, blood sugar stability, warmth, and adequate sleep are the foundations — before anything else

Ice baths are not recommended when trying to conceive — in Chinese medicine, warmth supports blood flow and a fertile environment

For known donor/home insemination: focus on ovulation regularity, luteal phase quality, and vaginal microbiome health

When choosing a practitioner, check AHPRA registration and ask about post-graduate fertility training specifically

You deserve to feel safe, listened to and advocated for in acupuncture — just as you do in any medical setting

This episode is brought to you by City Fertility
Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.

 

Pregnant or TTC solo?
The Bump Membership is your virtual village — a private WhatsApp community of solo mums to be, plus fortnightly connection calls on Zoom where we share, laugh, and support one another. Members also receive exclusive discounts on Solo Mum Society courses and products. Find out more.

Nine People, One Tiny Town, and the Boy Who Brought the House Back to Life
Kaitlynn was never much of a dater. In her early 20s, her mum — who, as mums do, knew her best — floated the idea of going it alone. It took another six or seven years of on-and-off conversation before Kaitlynn, now 29 and living in a four-generation household in remote Tasmania, finally sat down and started putting the pieces together.

When we first spoke to Kaitlynn, she was weeks out from her first fertility appointment — bloods done, paperwork filed, donor shortlisted, waiting on cycle day one. Her closest clinic was a four-hour drive from home; Hobart, where her specialist was based, was seven. She'd chosen her donor through Fertility Tasmania using the Seattle Sperm Bank, picking an ID release donor with a clean health history and an artistic, musical background she hoped her future child would inherit. She funded the whole process through an early release of her superannuation.

Two and a half years later, we caught up again. Kaitlynn fell pregnant on her first IUI. She developed gestational diabetes at 30 weeks, managed it through diet, and navigated a flare-up of pre-existing mental health struggles during pregnancy with her family close by. At her 20-week scan, doctors flagged a suspected clubfoot — confirmed at birth. Sully went into his first cast at three weeks old, had a small surgery to release his Achilles tendon at around three months, and has been in boots and a bar ever since, now down to overnight wear only. Kaitlynn talks openly about handing her newborn over to a surgeon, about the four-hour round trips for treatment from a town of 35 people, and about how becoming Sully's mum reshaped who she is — pulling her whole nine-person "village" closer in the process.

In this episode:

Kaitlynn's mum first suggesting the solo mum path when Kaitlynn was in her early 20s, and what finally made her act on it

Living in a four-generation household in remote Tasmania — nine people under one roof, and why "we'll just fit another one in" was the family's reaction

The logistics of pursuing treatment four hours from the nearest clinic, seven from her specialist in Hobart

Choosing an ID release donor through Fertility Tasmania and the Seattle Sperm Bank — health history, artistic background, and "donor roulette" with her best friend

Falling pregnant on her first IUI, and the strange lack of surprise that comes with a fully planned conception

Gestational diabetes at 30 weeks and a flare-up of pre-existing mental health struggles during pregnancy

Sully's clubfoot diagnosis at the 20-week scan — weekly casts from three weeks old, a small surgery, and life in boots and a bar

What it was like handing her newborn over to a surgeon for the first time

Four-hour round trips to hospital from a town with a population of 35

How becoming Sully's mum reshaped her sense of identity — and reconnected her with nieces, nephews and her nan

Travelling internationally and to Bali with a toddler, and how she built community from hundreds of kilometres away

Going back and forth on a second child, and what's stopping her from letting go of the last vial in storage

What she wants to say to Sully when he's old enough to hear this episode

Key Takeaways

Isolation doesn't rule out solo motherhood — it just means the logistics take more planning, and a good specialist will work around your geography rather than against it

A quick, straightforward IUI is possible, even after years of thinking it all through

Gestational diabetes and antenatal mental health flare-ups are common, not a reflection of anything you did wrong

A medical diagnosis picked up on a routine scan doesn't have to define the story — Sully's clubfoot became "just part of what he's known," not a source of ongoing distress

Having a wide support "village" doesn't dilute the mother-child bond — if anything, it gave Kaitlynn's whole extended family new life

Indecision about a second child is normal, and there's no timeline you're required to resolve it on

Distance from other solo mums doesn't mean isolation — online community and events like Bali can close that gapA brief note: this episode includes the death of Jessica's mum from cancer during Teddy's first year, and a hospital stay for Teddy shortly after. It's heavy in places — but told with real warmth, and it ends somewhere good.

This episode is brought to you by City Fertility
Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.

 

Pregnant or TTC solo?
The Bump Membership is your virtual village — a private WhatsApp community of solo mums to be, plus fortnightly connection calls on Zoom where we share, laugh, and support one another. Members also receive exclusive discounts on Solo Mum Society courses and products. Find out more.

Every donor-conceived child from an SMBC will ask it eventually. Mummy, why don't I have a daddy?
Most of us lie awake at some point worrying about how to answer it. What words do we use? How much do we say? What if we get it wrong?

This week I'm joined by Beth Sadowsky — solo mum by choice, life coach, and author of Choosing Rose, a children's picture book written specifically for SMBC families. Beth is based in Florida, USA, and her daughter Lily is 7. The book started as a letter Beth wrote to Lily while she was still pregnant — a way to prepare for the conversation she knew was coming — and it became a beautifully illustrated picture book that leans into the question rather than avoiding it.

Choosing Rose isn't a biology lesson. It doesn't explain what sperm is or how IVF works. It's a story — warm enough for bedtime and honest enough to open a real conversation. The kind of book you can hand your child and read together, and the words come naturally because the story does the work.

We talk about how the book came to be, what Lily thought when she first heard it read to her, how Beth handled the moment at school when Lily said I wish I had a daddy at a table full of dads, and why Beth believes the question isn't something to dread — it's one of the most beautiful opportunities we have as solo mums.

This episode is for any solo mum who hasn't quite worked out how to start this conversation yet. Or who's been putting it off. Or who picked up the book and burst into tears before they even got to page three.

You don't have to have it all figured out. You just have to begin.

Choosing Rose is available on Amazon, including Amazon Australia. Search: Choosing Rose Beth Sadowsky.

In this episode:

What inspired Beth to write Choosing Rose — and why it started as a letter, not a book

The gap in children's books for SMBC families — what exists, what doesn't, and why it matters

Why Beth deliberately kept the book free of biological detail — and what that makes possible

How Lily reacted when Beth first read it to her at age 2 — and what she thinks now at 7

The moment at a school event when Lily said "I wish I had a daddy" — and how Beth handled it without making it a big deal

Why "I wish I had a daddy" almost never means what we think it means — and what to do instead of panicking

The difference between the question being about absence vs. the question being about curiosity

How to use Choosing Rose at school to help classmates and teachers understand your family

Beth's advice for any solo mum who wants to write their own book — three things she'd tell anyone starting out

Why Father's Day is actually a perfect moment to open this conversation

Links

Choosing Rose on Amazon Australia

Beth on Instagram: @choosingmotherhoodbooks or @choosing.motherhood

This episode is brought to you by City Fertility
Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.

 

You're Not Doing This Alone
Solo Mum Society's Facebook group is full of women asking the exact questions you're too tired to Google at 3am. Join here.