No need for Prince Charming

Every woman going through donor conception at a fertility clinic in Australia is required to attend implications counselling. And almost every one of them turns up expecting to be assessed, judged, and told whether they're worthy enough to be a mum.

Narelle Dickinson has been working in this space for 30 years. She finds that deeply sad.

Narelle is a reproductive psychologist, fertility counsellor, and the director of Lotus Health and Psychology in Brisbane. She specialises in the prenatal and perinatal field, works in the surrogacy space, supports families through birth trauma and pregnancy loss, and has spent 25 years doing donor conception counselling — watching the landscape shift from almost exclusively heterosexual couples to a community that now includes far more single women choosing this path as a first option, not a last resort.

In this episode she explains what implications counselling actually is, what it's actually for, and how to get the most out of it rather than treating it as a tick-box exercise. She talks about what changes when you're using a known or recruited donor rather than a clinic donor. She explains why people who are using an unregulated recruited donor without going through a clinic should consider seeing a counsellor anyway — and what a donor who refuses to sit in a counselling room should tell you. She talks about the unexpected emotional waves that can come after a positive test, after the baby arrives, and years later when your child starts asking harder questions.

And she closes with something worth carrying: the goal of donor conception counselling isn't getting you pregnant. It's helping you build a family. Those are very different things.

Narelle and her team offer telehealth across Australia. If you're looking for an implications counsellor, make sure you're using an ANZICA-accredited practitioner — the Australia and New Zealand Infertility Counselors Association — whose reports will be accepted by any clinic.

Find Narelle at:

Website - lotushp.com.au.

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/lotushealthandpsychology/

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/LotusHealthPsychology/ 

 

In this episode:

Why the reproductive psychologist field has shifted — from heterosexual couples to increasingly single women choosing this as a first option

What women expect implications counselling to be — and why that expectation is almost always wrong

What implications counselling actually does: it's not an assessment, it's preparation for the next 20, 30, 50 years

How the session is different for a solo mum than for a couple, and why it should be

The importance of singing from the same songbook — how everyone around your child needs to be using the same language and the same story

What to expect if you're using a clinic-recruited ID release donor — disclosure, donor siblings, future contact

What changes if you're using a known donor — role, naming, extended family expectations, what the donor's parents think is happening

Why going to implications counselling even if you're using a recruited donor outside a clinic is one of the most important things you can do

The red flag that matters most: a donor who won't sit in front of a health professional

How the unregulated space works, what family limits mean and don't mean, and why the issue isn't the rules — it's the enforcement

When to reach back out for counselling: during a hard IVF cycle, after a positive test you can't quite believe, in the newborn phase, and when your child starts asking questions that don't have easy answers

The "I should be grateful" trap — why women who've been through fertility treatment often feel they have no right to struggle

Disclosure as your child grows: keeping the channel open, making sure they know they're allowed to ask, and understanding when the story stops being yours and starts being theirs

How to find an ANZICA-accredited fertility counsellor — and whether you can use someone interstate for your clinic

Key Takeaways

Implications counselling is not an assessment of your worthiness as a parent — it's preparation for the decades ahead

If you're using a recruited donor outside a clinic, you can still access a fertility counsellor — and you probably should

The first red flag with any recruited donor: unwillingness to sit in a counselling room and answer questions in front of a professional

Family limits apply to informal home insemination too — the issue is that nobody is enforcing them

The urgency to get pregnant is real, but it can't override the need to make good decisions — you aren't just choosing sperm, you're choosing your child's genetic origin and medical history

"You don't need a partner, but you do need a village" — and if you don't have one, now is the time to start building it

The donor conversation doesn't end when your child is told — it evolves at every stage, and you can go back to a counsellor at any of those stages

Make sure your fertility counsellor is ANZICA-accredited — their reports are accepted by all clinics in Australia

Telehealth means you don't need to be in the same state as your counsellor

This episode is brought to you by City Fertility
Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.

 

Pregnant or TTC solo?
The Bump Membership is your virtual village — a private WhatsApp community of solo mums to be, plus fortnightly connection calls on Zoom where we share, laugh, and support one another. Members also receive exclusive discounts on Solo Mum Society courses and products. Find out more.

The Plan Always Had a Next Step
Claire always knew she'd be a mum. She told her mum at 18 that if she didn't find someone, she'd do it on her own. Her mum said she wouldn't need to. Claire filed that away and thought: well, if I do, I'm fine with it.

At 30 she decided she was financially ready, had ticked off enough of her travel list, and started. She didn't make a big announcement. When she eventually told people, nobody was surprised.

What followed was not the quick journey she'd hoped for. A pre-existing endometriosis diagnosis from 19 sent her straight to IVF with her doctor at Monash IVF Bondi Junction — no IUI, no mucking around. But what nobody had picked up was that Claire had a thin endometrial lining — a four or five, when the transfer window needs a seven to ten. Medicated cycles were cancelled last minute. PRP (platelet-rich plasma) treatment was tried repeatedly. There was no clear reason why. The Mirena she'd had in was the best guess.

The first IVF cycle itself went beautifully — 12 eggs, 12 fertilised, five AA-grade embryos. And then none of them worked. She went through all five. Two of the transfers resulted in early losses at five weeks.

She didn't know yet that she'd got COVID during her injections cycle. She still wonders.

Second cycle. New protocol. PGTA testing this time. Four embryos. And then — right as she was preparing for her next transfer — she was caught in the NSW donor audit. Her overseas donor had been over-allocated to NSW beyond the state's family limit. The clinic emailed: we don't know if you'll be able to use this donor anymore. Possibly ever.

She had just had a miscarriage. She had no next step for the first time in the entire journey. It was, she says, almost as hard as the losses.

A solo mum she'd never met found everyone affected, organised them, told them who to email and what to say, and kept going until the clinic made an exemption. Claire had two vials of sperm left and was permitted to continue.

On the 22nd of October, she transferred. Augie arrived nine months later. He is nine weeks old, already looks entirely like his donor, and has Claire's blood type — and that, apparently, is it.

At 36 weeks Claire moved from Sydney to Orange to live with her parents for the year — her mum is a midwife, lactation consultant, and child and family health nurse, which turned out to matter enormously in the first weeks of breastfeeding. She'll move into her own place in January, set up a home daycare, and take Augie to Bali in between.

She's the first to say she's more capable than she thought she'd be.

In this episode:

Always knowing she'd be a mum — telling her mother at 18 that she'd do it alone if she had to

Deciding at 30: financially ready, travel list ticked, let's go

Endometriosis diagnosed at 19 — going straight to IVF, no IUI

Discovering a thin endometrial lining — cancelled cycles, PRP treatment, no clear cause

12 eggs, 12 fertilised, five AA-grade embryos — and all five failing to implant or take

Two early losses at five weeks — processing grief by going within, and the friends who knew when to leave

Getting COVID during her injections cycle — and wondering if that changed something

The donor audit: what it was, the email she received mid-miscarriage, and the solo mum who got the exemptions overturned

Second round with new protocol and PGTA testing — four embryos, including a fresh transfer

A positive on the first transfer of the second round — October 22nd — and still not quite believing it throughout the whole pregnancy

Bleeds until 14 weeks and demanding scans every time, just to check

Finishing work at 36 weeks and moving from Sydney to Orange at 37 weeks pregnant

Living with her parents — what's worked, what's been harder than expected

Her mum the midwife/lactation consultant being the best possible person to have there for breastfeeding

Going to the first-time mums group in Orange and being the only solo mum — and the moment they asked about traits from the father

One solo mum found in Bathurst — otherwise connecting with the community will mean trips back to Sydney

Planning a home daycare in Orange from January

Bali booked — now with mum coming too, in separate accommodation

Already more capable than she thought she'd be — and what she'd tell someone about to do this alone

Two embryos in the freezer, one more vial of sperm, and thinking about whether there'll be a second

Key Takeaways

Starting earlier doesn't guarantee it'll be quicker — but it does mean there's more time to work through what comes up

A thin endometrial lining can be the hidden barrier that no one mentions until you're already in treatment — ask about lining thickness early

Five AA-grade embryos all failing is not a sign of failure — it's a sign the process is complex and the next round might look different

When you lose access to something you've relied on as a next step, that limbo is its own grief — name it

The solo mum community shows up for itself in remarkable ways — the NSW donor audit result happened because one woman refused to let it stand

Breastfeeding is genuinely hard and there's no shame in finding it that way — get a lactation consultant early

You are more capable than you think — if it's just you and you have to do it, you do it

Moving home temporarily is a practical and sensible choice — the trade-offs are real but so are the benefits

 

This episode is brought to you by City Fertility
Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.

 

Still considering whether this path is right for you?
The Considering Solo Motherhood course helps you make an informed, empowered decision — and understand what the process actually looks like before you start. Live or on demand, from anywhere in the world. Learn more here.

The wake up call
Brooke spent most of her 30s in a relationship with a man who already had a child and didn't want more. She told herself she was okay with that. She spent 10 years telling herself that. And somewhere in those 10 years, quietly, she started filling out IVF paperwork in the background.

She never did anything with it. COVID arrived. She went back to it in 2021. She saw a counsellor, got on the donor waitlist at Melbourne IVF, found the Facebook sperm donation groups deeply uncomfortable, met a recruited donor and drove home knowing that wasn't right either. And then her brother had a brain aneurysm. He survived. But she was 42, and she looked at him and thought: I have one shot at life, and I am going to regret this forever if I don't try.

She was 43 when she finally had her egg collection — 11 eggs retrieved, 7 viable embryos — numbers that will give every woman in her 40s something to hold onto. She did not take any special vitamins. She was, in her own words, very much "if it's meant to be."

Three transfers. The first didn't work. The second — which she didn't tell anyone she was doing — didn't work either. A reading over Christmas that gave her hope, then didn't. A D&C to prepare the lining, and then a fourth transfer she barely planned for, fitted in between a work secondment in regional Victoria and a visit back to Melbourne.

She didn't tell anyone she was doing that one either.

It worked.

Mia was born in November, 10 days after Brooke's 44th birthday. During the pregnancy, Brooke found out her dad had stage 4 lung cancer. He made it to meet Mia. He got to see her smile. He passed away when Mia was four months old. Brooke has a photo of the two of them smiling at each other.

In the months after Mia arrived, Brooke experienced postnatal depression — triggered by a sleep school programme that went against every instinct she had. She recognised it quickly, got onto a helpline that night, and got help fast. She talks about it openly because she wants other women to know it doesn't mean you're a bad mum, and it doesn't mean you made the wrong decision.

Mia is almost two. Her name means "mine" in Italian — chosen because Brooke's nonna is Italian, and the donor's family is too. She co-sleeps most nights, wakes three or four times, and is a very determined, very independent little girl who drags a vintage Cabbage Patch doll around the house.

There are three embryos still in the freezer. Brooke is thinking about them every day.

In this episode:

A decade-long relationship with someone who didn't want more children — and what that quietly cost her

A gynaecologist who told her she was "too old" to freeze her eggs at 36 — and why she should have found a different doctor sooner

Starting IVF paperwork in the background of a relationship that was still ongoing

COVID hitting just as she got serious about it — and restarting in 2021

The Facebook sperm donation groups: why they felt wrong, and what meeting a recruited donor in regional Victoria taught her

Getting on the donor waitlist at Melbourne IVF, the three-month access windows, and finding her donor with 24 hours left on her final access

Her friend who told her to just hit the button — and the glass of wine that finally made her do it

Her brother's brain aneurysm at 42 as the moment she stopped waiting

Starting IVF at 43 with Dr Weng Chan — 11 eggs, 7 embryos, remarkable results without any special vitamins or protocols

Three failed transfers, a chemical pregnancy she discovered on Christmas morning, and why she told no one about transfers two, three, or four

A D&C to refresh the lining, and a fourth transfer she almost did on a whim during a work trip

Making peace with not getting pregnant — and what that peace did for her body

Getting pregnant on the fourth transfer and finding out at her mum's house ("Have you got COVID?")

A complication-free pregnancy — and finding out her dad had stage 4 lung cancer in the middle of it

Dad meeting Mia before he passed, and the photo Brooke will always treasure

Mia's name — what it means, and the Italian connection shared by grandmother and donor

Postnatal depression triggered by sleep school — recognising it the same night and calling a helpline

Co-sleeping, no sleep training, waking three to four times a night — and why it works for them

Three embryos in the freezer and the daily internal debate about a second child

What she'd say to Mia, and what she'd say to anyone letting fear stop them

Key Takeaways

A wake-up call doesn't have to be your own health scare — watching someone you love nearly die can be more than enough

Doing paperwork in the background isn't crazy — it's forward motion when you're not fully ready to commit yet

11 eggs at 43 without any special vitamins or protocols — the fertility cliff is real, but it is not a guarantee

Making peace with the possibility it might not work is one of the most powerful things you can do during IVF

Telling nobody about a cycle removes the pressure of having to update people — and sometimes that's exactly what you need

PND after solo motherhood doesn't mean you made the wrong decision — getting help early changes everything

A gynaecologist who tells you you're too old at 36 is not the right specialist for you

The fear you think will be hardest — bringing a child into the world without another parent — disappears the moment they arrive

This episode is brought to you by City Fertility
Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.

 

TTC or pregnant and looking for your village?
The Bump Membership is a private WhatsApp community and fortnightly Zoom connection calls for solo mums-to-be across Australia and New Zealand. Join here.

From the Very First Try to Six Months In
Some women come to this decision with a clear plan. Alex came with a deadline: if I'm still single at 30, I'm doing it on my own. She hit 30. She went to Bali to celebrate. She came home and got her AMH checked.

It was on the lower end of normal. That was enough.

What followed was three years, a recruited known donor in Victoria, two early miscarriages, a laparoscopy that found stage two endometriosis she never knew she had, multiple egg retrievals across a bulk bill IVF clinic in Queensland and then their full service program, unexplained implantation failure, a double embryo transfer that finally worked, and a pregnancy spent anxious and cautiously hopeful. All while working full time in a state manager role in child protection — and parenting a 16-year-old foster daughter who has lived with her for the past three years.

Ollie was born on the 23rd of January via planned caesarean — except the plan didn't go to plan. Nineteen attempts between the cannula and the spinal tap, a previous spinal surgery that made anaesthesia almost impossible, a general anaesthetic she didn't want, and a best friend waiting outside the theatre. He was out and detached from the anaesthetic in under four minutes. He had some trouble breathing, went briefly to special care, and eventually came up to Alex's room that night.

He is now six and a half months old. He has a cow's milk protein allergy requiring prescription formula. He has been to Canberra, Bali and Darwin and is heading to Europe next month. He sleeps through the night. He gets his morning cuddle from his big sister before he's even properly awake. And Alex calls him a unicorn.

This is a two-part episode — Part 1 covers the journey to 25 weeks pregnant, Part 2 picks up from birth to now.

In this episode:

Working in child protection and becoming respite carer to two children at 21

Her 16-year-old foster daughter who now lives with her full-time — and the younger one who comes every fortnight

Deciding at 30 to stop waiting — AMH results, initial fertility investigations, and the decision to try a recruited known donor first

Finding her donor on Facebook: the legal agreement, the counselling, the interstate coordination, and why doing it properly mattered

Getting pregnant on the first try — and an early miscarriage

Nearly 12 months of home insemination with two early losses, a referral to an early miscarriage specialist, insulin levels treated at a lower threshold, and metformin

Moving to a bulk bill IVF clinic in Queensland — out-of-town scans in Adelaide, flying up for retrievals and transfers, three bulk bill cycles

Stage two endometriosis found during a laparoscopy — no symptoms, no history, discovered during an egg retrieval

Moving to the full service program: 16 eggs, six or seven embryos, and still unexplained implantation failure

Genetic testing the embryos — half weren't chromosomally normal, three tested normal

A double embryo transfer (one tested, one C-grade untested) — one took. She'll never know which.

Early pregnancy with anxiety, a suspected ectopic, a bleed at 5 weeks, a night in hospital

A gender reveal, a boy, and a dad who is very excited about his first grandson

Ollie arriving at 38 weeks via general anaesthetic — 14 cannula attempts, 9 spinal tap attempts, and a best friend waiting outside

Ollie in special care, feeding journey, and the lactation consultant who gave Alex permission to formula feed

Cow's milk protein allergy, prescription formula, and why Alex now advises every pregnant woman to bring a tin to hospital just in case

Circadian rhythm sorted by two weeks, sleeping through the night by six weeks, napping properly from three months

Bali at four months — what worked, what didn't, and the five-dollar porter who changed everything

A 16-year-old who gets Ollie up every morning, takes the backseat in the car, and saves her wages to buy him presents

Keeping one-on-one time with the older one after Ollie arrived

Promoted during maternity leave, planning a second baby, and wondering whether Ollie the unicorn has been a false reference point for what's coming

Key Takeaways

If you're going to use a recruited known donor, do it properly: legal agreement, counselling for both parties, STI and genetic testing — these things filter out the people who aren't doing it for the right reasons

Unexplained implantation failure is one of the most frustrating IVF diagnoses — PGT-A testing of embryos can provide valuable information even when everything else looks normal

A general anaesthetic can delay milk supply and impact oxytocin — knowing this beforehand changes how you approach the early feeding days

Bring a tin of formula to hospital regardless of your feeding intentions — having it there removes one decision from a very full first night

Formula feeding is not failure — a rested, mentally well mum is the best thing for your baby

Circadian rhythm can be established very early with intentional day/night light exposure

A foster child can be an extraordinary addition to a newborn's life at the right age — the 16-year-old / newborn dynamic Alex describes is genuinely beautiful

You can foster and have a biological baby — the foster care agency had no issue with Alex's plan

Recruited known donor to IVF is a natural escalation — try what's available to you first, and escalate when you need to

This episode is brought to you by City Fertility
Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.

 

TTC or pregnant and looking for your village?
The Bump Membership is a private WhatsApp community and fortnightly Zoom connection calls for solo mums-to-be across Australia and New Zealand. Join here.

Four and a Half Years Later — Alisha's Update
A note: this episode mentions the loss of Alisha's son Jeremy, who was stillborn 12 years ago today. She shares it with gratitude and without distress — but as always on this podcast, take care of yourself first.

When I recorded my first ever episode of No Need for Prince Charming, Lexi was almost two. She is now six and a half. A lot has changed.

I've been meaning to do this update for a while, and today felt like the right day — because it's the 12th anniversary of losing my son Jeremy, and I'm launching something I've been building towards for a very long time. More on that below.

But first, let me catch you up.

In early 2022, I was working full time in corporate loyalty, Lexi was in full-time daycare, Melbourne was still in lockdown, and I was running the podcast from stolen hours after she went to bed. I knew something was brewing — I just didn't know yet what it was going to be.

What followed was four and a half years I would not trade for anything. Quitting a job I loved that had become somewhere I hated. Nearly four years sober. An ADHD diagnosis that explained a lot. Writing My Perfect Family. Building courses. Three Bali trips. A book club. A Facebook group that's now 3,500 members. The Bump Membership, which is still the thing I'm most proud of. Speaking at the Sydney Opera House. Sitting on the ART review committee. A second podcast. And learning, in a book club of all places, that one of my friends used the same donor as me — and that Lexi has a little sister.

Today, on Jeremy's anniversary, I'm launching the SMS Membership. It's for established solo mums by choice — women who have their child, who are in the thick of it, who want more than a Facebook group can offer. A real community. Real faces. Monthly expert sessions on things we actually need to talk about — mortgages, perimenopause, body safety, employment rights, identity after motherhood. Plus fortnightly Zoom connection calls, state-based groups for real-life playdates, and specialist chats for neurosparkly mums, double donor families, mums without their own mum, and more.

I also want to say this: I wasn't 100% sure when I did this. I wasn't even 50% sure. But I didn't want to look back and regret not trying. And it worked on the second round of IVF, and Alexandra is the absolute best thing that has ever happened to me, and I am so, so glad.

If you're on the fence — listen to this episode. And then take the next step.

In this episode:

Going back to work in 2022 — full-time corporate, lockdowns, my mum in hospital the week I returned, survival mode

Starting the podcast and feeling something brewing underneath all of it

Writing My Perfect Family and why I wanted to normalise the language of donor conception for other families' children, not just ours

Fiji with Rhiannon — and realising I almost certainly have ADHD

A bullying boss, a toxic work environment, and the day I resigned with my bonus and Lexi in tow

Solo Mum Society was born, and so was the realisation that books don't pay your mortgage

Going sober almost four years ago — and why having Lexi finally gave me a reason big enough to make it stick

The ADHD diagnosis and medication in 2024 — and how running your own business with ADHD without corporate deadlines is a very specific kind of chaos

The first Bali trip: 24 women, total strangers, everything in common

The Facebook group growing to 3,500 members — and why I started it when the existing group didn't match the energy of the solo mums I knew

The Considering, Expecting and Preparing courses — why I made them, what they cover, and what it feels like to watch nervous women become excited ones

The Disney cruise — Cinderella holding our daughters' hands, and every dream I had coming true

The book club conversation that revealed Lexi's donor-conceived sibling — before the baby was even born

Lexi starting school: Father's Day, a classmate who said she was lying about not having a dad, family week, and navigating all of it with teachers who read My Perfect Family

Both Alisha and Lexi being neurosparkly — what that means for their household, and how awareness changes everything

The third Bali trip — all-inclusive, strangers becoming people you'd think had been friends for a decade

Speaking at the Sydney Opera House about sperm (as you do)

The ART review committee — being a voice for solo mums at a national level

Motherhood Unmasked and Unfiltered — the second podcast with Rhiannon

Jeremy's anniversary — 12 years today, and why she sees his passing as a gift that gave her Lexi and everything that followed

The SMS Membership — what it is, what's in it, and why it's launching today

Dating? Still no. Genuinely no. And why that's the first time in her life she hasn't felt like she needed someone

Lexi at six and a half — kind, empathetic, fun, neurosparkly, and the only thing Alisha ever really wanted

Key Takeaways

The podcast is a time capsule — if you're considering sharing your story, please do it. Not just for the community, but for your child to hear one day

Solo mums by choice are not a monologue — no two stories are alike; the only thing in common is choosing to have a child without a partner

The hardest part of this whole journey is still making the decision in the first place

If the workplace isn't aligned with who you've become as a mum, it's not a failure to leave — it's clarity

Being diagnosed with ADHD in your 40s doesn't break anything — it explains a lot and makes you kinder on yourself

Sobriety is possible when the reason is finally big enough — and it changes more than you expect

Donor-conceived siblings may already be in your life — join the registers, join the groups, do the things

"They need a father figure" — no. They need good men in their life. There are many ways to find that

You don't have to be 100% certain to take the first step. You just have to be certain enough that you'd regret not trying

This episode is brought to you by City Fertility
Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.

 

The SMS Membership is live — and this is what I've been building towards.
For established solo mums by choice. A real community, expert sessions on the things we actually need, fortnightly Zoom connection calls, state-based groups, specialist chats, and partner offers. Find out more here.