Listener Q & A: Navigating the Complexities of Raising Boys
How do you respond to a 6-year-old boy who thinks he has to “play rough” to prove his masculinity?How can you make space a small boy’s emotions when you also have other kids to keep on track?And what do you do, exactly, when your formerly potty-trained son starts having accidents at school?These are some of the questions Jen & Janet tackle in this Listener Q & A.Takeaways:Boys often face developmental expectations that don’t align with their actual growth.Rough play can be a way for boys to express themselves, but it needs guidance.School stress and anxiety can manifest in physical symptoms Potty training regressions are common and should be approached with patience.Creative approaches can help redirect a child’s focus during emotional outbursts.Parents should not feel guilty about using screen time as a tool.Seeking support from parenting coaches can provide valuable insights.Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:The Art of Roughhousing (w Dr. Lawrence Cohen) — ON BOYS episodeTeacher Tom Talks About Boys, Emotion, & Play — ON BOYS episodeDo Schools Create “Problem Boys?” — ON BOYS episodeMyths & Misconceptions About Boys — ON BOYS episodeBuilding Boys: Raising Great Guys in a World That Misunderstands MalesGet Jen’s 2nd book here Breakthrough Session for Family CoachingSchedule your no-cost call with Janet at https://boysalive.com/callAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
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49:03
Boys, A Rescue Plan: Conversation w Michael Gurian
Do boys need a rescue plan?The available evidence says yes. Collectively, our boys are struggling academically, socially, emotionally, and economically. Their academic, educational, and workforce involvement has decreased. Their suicide rates have risen. Ignoring these issues isn’t in our best interest.Fortunately, more and more people are talking about the challenges facing boys & young men. But talking about boys’ challenges isn’t enough. We must act to improve outcomes.Author and counselor Michael Gurian has spent the past 40 years thinking, writing about, and advocating for boys (and girls.). His latest project — Boys, A Rescue Plan: Moving Beyond the Politics of Masculinity to Healthy Male Development, a book he co-authored with Sean Kullman — outlines a path forward.In this conversation, Michael, Janet, & Jen discuss their 7 point rescue plan:Raise Boys To Thrive in a Three Family SystemProvide Seven Nurturing Elements to Boys Who Are In TroubleTrain All Schools in Boy-Friendly PracticesComplete Your Own Classroom Citizen ScienceCompel School Boards to Include Sex Differences in Annual Reports Decrease the Male Gender Gap in College EducationBuild and Support Community Programs That Help Boys Thrive Takeaways:Understanding male development is crucial for effective support.Trauma plays a significant role in boys’ behavior.Education systems need to adopt boy-friendly practices.Data collection is crucial for understanding and addressing educational disparities.Citizen science allows parents and teachers to observe and improve educational environments.The politics of masculinity can distract from real issues.Solutions for boys already exist and need to be implemented. Trauma in education can stem from systemic issues.Community programs should actively involve boys in their development.Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:Boys, A Rescue Plan: Moving Beyond the Politics of Masculinity to Healthy Male Development, by Michael Gurian & Sean KullmanGurian Institute — online home for all things Gurian (includes links to his books, classes, & upcoming events)www.michaelgurian.com Michael Gurian on Raising Boys — ON BOYS podcast episodeGlobal Initiative for Boys & Men — ON BOYS podcast episode featuring Michael’s Rescue Plan co-author, Sean KullmanGlobal Initiative for Boys & MenIn His Words — Sean’s Substack newsletter Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
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47:40
Helping Boys Find A Path to Manhood
How do we help boys along the path to manhood? That’s a question Paul Cumbo, a veteran educator, has been asking for a long time. It’s one he’s well-positioned to answer too, given that he’s spent the past few decades of his life teaching, educating, and coaching teenage boys and young men. His latest book, A Path to Manhood, offers encouragement and advice to young men.The available evidence suggests that our boys and young men need support and guidance. Too many have withdrawn from modern life, choosing to spend most of their time online. Too many feel unwanted, useless, and accused. Paul reminds boys and men that they matter. As he writes in the in the first chapter of his book, he doesn’t “buy the cultural narrative that men are simple.” He encourages young men to chart their own path through life, and shares how listeners can help boys on their journey.Takeaways:Each person’s path to manhood is unique and must be navigated individually.Paralysis by analysis is a common issue among today’s youth.Boys crave to be needed and to contribute meaningfully.Long-term vision is essential for effective planning.Backtracking is a natural part of the journey.Transformative travel can provide profound experiences.Joy is deeper and more meaningful than mere happiness.Young men seek challenges and opportunities for growth.Experiences of genuine joy are crucial for well-being.Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:A Path to Manhood: Encouragement and Advice for Young Men, by Paul Cumbopaulcumbo.compaulcumbo.substack.com/ — Paul’s Substack newsletterCamino Institute – info re the Young Men’s International Seminar (Note: there are still some spaces left for the 3rd Annual Young Men’s International Seminar, which runs June 14-21, 2025)Wilderness Therapy with Paul Cumbo — ON BOYS podcast episodeAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
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53:38
Creating Schools Where Black Boys—and All Students—Succeed
What if supporting Black boys could transform education for all students?David Kirkland, founder & CEO of forwardED, believes it can—and research backs him up. In this episode, David challenges educators to put a deliberate focus on Black boys, not just to address persistent disparities in academic achievement and discipline, but because creating environments where Black boys thrive benefits every student.Photo by Borce Coded via Pexels“It’s not that Black males fail. It’s that we fail Black males,” David says. To change outcomes, we need to shift the narrative—from blaming students to examining how systems and practices fall short.In this conversation, we explore:Why Black boys remain the most vulnerable student population in U.S. schoolsHow the education system contributes to disparities in achievement and disciplineThe power of reframing: shifting from “fixing students” to transforming systemsThe role of funding, culturally responsive education, and policy changes in driving real progressHow focusing on the needs of Black boys leads to better outcomes for all studentsThis isn’t just about equity for one group—it’s about reimagining education so every child can thrive.Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:www.forward-ed.com/Reclaiming Possibliity: An Intentional Focus on Black Boys This School Year — article by DavidCan We Talk? A Critical Examination of Cellphone Bans in Schools — article by DavidBlack Boys Matter — ON BOYS episodeSupporting Black Boys Mental Health (w Chandra White-Cummings) — ON BOYS episodeBoys in School Task Force — ON BOYS episodeSponsor Spotlight: Hello FreshGet 10 FREE meals at HelloFresh.com/FreeONBOYS Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
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40:36
Imperfect Men Can Build Boys Too
Imperfect men helped Greg Hlavaty become a good guy. “I think what saved me were men who stepped in as surrogate fathers,” Greg wrote in a recent essay. Those men weren’t exactly role models: One, Greg says, “was openly racist and bragged about having lobbed bricks from overpasses in his youth.” The other was “a middle-aged alcoholic…who regularly taught class drunk.” But both “really listened” to Greg, encouraged him, and were “genuinely proud” of his accomplishments. They connected with Great — and that, as they say, made all the difference.Make Room for Less-Than-Perfect MenLimiting boys’ contact with less-than-ideal role models might be harming our boys — and our men. In this conversation, Greg & Jen explore the surprising ways flawed, imperfect men can shape boys into compassionate, confident adults, as well as how we can encourage supportive connections between boys & men.Takeaways:Surrogate father figures can have a profound impact on young men’s lives.Red flags in behavior should be assessed with context, not stigma.Accountability from mentors can guide young men towards better choices.Community involvement is essential in raising boys to be good men.Engaging in a child’s interests can strengthen bonds.Many men feel unqualified to mentor young people.Our culture often discourages intergenerational connections.Being present in a young person’s life can have a significant impact.Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:Stop Ignoring the Mental Health of Young Men — Greg’s essayIn Praise of Imperfect Men — Building Boys Bulletin post by JenWhat About Less-Than-Ideal Role Models? — Building Boys post by JenSponsor Spotlight: Hello FreshGet 10 FREE meals at HelloFresh.com/FreeONBOYS Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
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