The Divorce Course Podcast

🎧 Listen to this episode if…
Your ex is rewriting your shared history in lawyer's letters or affidavits
Money is disappearing before your property settlement
You suspect secret super, hidden cash, or crypto
Your ex has turned your family or your own accountant against you
The person who hurt you is now playing the victim
You want to know these patterns are predictable and you're not alone
You suspect your ex is a narc
⚠️ Disclaimer: General information only, not legal advice. Based on Australian family law. Originally recorded in 2021 – laws may have changed. Always get independent legal advice.
🛟 This episode discusses family violence and coercive control. If you're in danger call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) | Lifeline 13 11 14.
About this episode:
From the vault over 300 episodes back to one of the very first and most requested episodes we ever recorded. Mum draws on 35+ years in family law to open up The Narcissist Playbook: the 10 patterns she sees again and again with controlling and manipulative exes in divorce. If the playbook existed, it would have two chapters  "I only care about me" and "I tell lies." Once you can see the patterns, you can see the next move coming.
⏱️ Timeline
00:00 – From the Vault: Why We're Replaying The Narcissist Playbook
01:00 – Family Violence Warning & Disclaimer
02:00 – The Two Rules of the Narcissist Playbook
04:00 – Pattern 1: They Rewrite History
07:00 – How to Prove the Lies: Photos, Receipts, Credibility
09:00 – Pattern 2: Spending Money Before Property Settlement
10:00 – Add-Backs: How Wasted Money Gets Counted
11:00 – Pattern 3: Secret Super, Bank Accounts and Hidden Cash
12:00 – Crypto and Digital Wallets
13:00 – Positive Credit Card Balances and Gambling Accounts
14:00 – Pattern 4: Undermining You With Family and Kids
16:00 – Building Your Support Group
17:00 – Pattern 5: Playing the Victim and DV Cross-Applications
18:00 – Keeping a Diary of Coercive Control
21:00 – Pattern 6: Parent of the Year Transformation
22:00 – Toys, Trips and Trash Talk: The Cost to Kids
24:00 – Genuine Change vs Performance
25:00 – Pattern 7: They Re-Partner Almost at Once
26:00 – Recruiting the New Partner Into the Campaign
27:00 – When the New Partner Wakes Up: Witnesses and Subpoenas
28:00 – Pattern 8: Turning Joint Professionals Against You
30:00 – Get Your Own Accountant and Team
31:00 – Pattern 9: Claiming Credit for Your Contributions
33:00 – Why Judges See Through It
34:00 – Pattern 10: Reversing the Blame
35:00 – How Courts Catch the Lies
37:00 – New Court Rules: Responding to Their Affidavit
38:00 – The Ten Patterns Recapped
39:00 – Reviewer of the Month: Free 30-Minute Consult With Lyn
🎧 Episode mentioned: Finance and Financial Planners (with Pedro)
📞 1800 RESPECT — 1800 737 732 | Lifeline — 13 11 14 | Police — 000
🌐 www.thedivorcecourse.com.au – free resources + DIY Divorce Blueprint
✉️ Questions: thedivorcecoursepodcast@gmail.com or DM @thedivorcecourse
⭐ Review the podcast each month for a chance to win a free 30-minute chat with Lyn
If this episode helped you recognise the patterns and feel less alone, please subscribe, like and share so others can find it too.
All our best,
Laura & Lyn – Your Guides By Your Side

🎧 Listen to this episode if…
You've been told to "just get the house valued" but nobody's explained who, how, or what it costs
Your ex reckons the house is worth a completely different number
Your ex won't let a valuer through the door – or is stalling on purpose
You separated years ago and don't know which date the house gets valued at
You're heading into mediation and need a number that holds up
⚠️ Disclaimer: General information only, not legal advice. Based on Australian family law. Always get independent legal advice for your circumstances.
🛟 This episode discusses manipulative and controlling behaviour. If you're in danger call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732).
About this episode:
You can't divide the property until you know what it's worth. Mum and I unpack appraisals vs valuations, the panel-of-three process for choosing a single expert valuer, the joint letter, the seven-day rule that stops a stalling ex, the dirty tricks people pull, and the date trap – your house is valued at mediation or trial, not the day you separated. Plus strategies for every personality type, from amicable to manipulative and controlling.
⏱️ Timeline
00:00 – What Is Your House Really Worth in Divorce?
01:00 – Why a Valuation Is the Foundation of Property Settlement
02:00 – Legal Disclaimer
03:00 – Why Property Division Is a Mathematical Exercise
04:00 – Rates Notices and Numbers That Don't Count
05:00 – The "Willing But Not Anxious" Test
06:00 – Appraisal vs Valuation: Why Court Wants One Number
07:00 – The Divide-By-Four Trick for Appraisals
08:00 – Selling, Keeping or Being Bought Out
09:00 – Consent Orders With a Formula
10:00 – Keeping the House: Agreed Number or Single Expert
11:00 – Dirty Tricks: Half-Finished Renovations
13:00 – Avoidant Exes Living in the House
14:00 – The Valuer vs Agent Tactic
16:00 – The Panel of Three: Choosing a Valuer Fairly
17:00 – The Joint Letter to the Valuer
18:00 – The Seven-Day Rule That Stops a Stalling Ex
19:00 – Single Expert Valuers: What You're Signing Up For
20:00 – Retrospective Valuations
21:00 – What a Valuation Costs and Who Pays
23:00 – Getting Your Ex to Pay
24:00 – What Happens on Valuation Day
25:00 – Falling House Prices and Timing
26:00 – Do You Need to Be There?
27:00 – Do It Before Mediation
28:00 – What If You Disagree With the Valuation?
29:00 – Shadow Valuers and Cross-Examination
30:00 – When the Valuation Comes in Below the Mortgage
32:00 – The Date Trap: Value at Mediation, Not Separation
33:00 – Building a Wastage Argument
34:00 – Falling Markets and Updated Valuations
36:00 – Why Court Won't Punish Market Timing
37:00 – Court-Ordered Sales and Auctions
39:00 – Rapid Fire: Mortgages, Equity, Selling Costs
41:00 – Valuing the House Without Your Ex's Permission
42:00 – Amicable and Avoidant Exes
44:00 – High Conflict: Single Expert Takes the Fight Out
45:00 – Manipulative Exes on Inspection Day
47:00 – Delay Tactics and Final Thoughts
🎧 Episodes mentioned: Renovations and Divorce: 
📞 1800 RESPECT — 1800 737 732 | Lifeline — 13 11 14 | Police — 000
🌐 www.thedivorcecourse.com.au – free resources + DIY Divorce Blueprint waitlist
⚖️ Case: Woodland & Todd

🎧 Listen to this if…
Your ex keeps saying supervised visits are "going well" so it's time for unsupervised

You got a  lawyer letter that says "this won't look good for you in court"

You're being pressured into an agreement your instincts say isn't safe

You've been told "you'll be accused of alienation"

Your ex has done a online course and now claims they've changed

You want to know what the courts are saying about supervised time and safety

⚠️ Legal Disclaimer & Trigger Warning
This is general information only it is not legal advice. The content reflects Australian family law and may not apply to your specific situation. Always consult a lawyer about your circumstances. Laws may have changed since this episode was recorded. This episode discusses family violence, coercive control and child safety. If you are in danger, call 000. For  support: (1800 737 732).
⏱️ Timeline
00:00 – The Creep Strategy
02:30 – Separated Under One Roof
04:00 – What Supervised Visits and Contact Centres Are
06:00 – The Creep in Action:
09:30 – Pressure Tactics: Alienation Accusations & Court Threats
11:45 – Pressure From Your Own Lawyer
12:30 – Step-Up Orders
15:15 – Does Refusing Unsupervised Time Look Bad in Court?
17:00 – The 50/50 Myth Busted
19:15 – The Trap: Agreeing to Unsupervised Time
22:45 – An Ex Who Refuses Supervised Time
25:15 – Dorval & Augustin [2025]:
27:30 – Drew & Mason [2025]: 
29:20 – Bergsberg & Hyde [2026]: 
36:15 – When Step-Up Orders Are Appropriate
37:30 – Condition-Based Orders, Drug Testing
39:50 –You're Protecting Your Kids, Not Punishing Your Ex
41:00 – The Mediation Phrase
42:30 – How to Answer Pressure Letters
🎧 Episodes 
Episode 141 – Decoding Divorce Word Salad Legal Letters:

Episode 309 – Refusing 50/50 Care? 

Episode 73 – Drug & Alcohol Abuse: 

Episode 183 – Parental Alienation False Allegations: 
📞 Lifeline — 13 11 14🌐 The Divorce Course — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au🎓 The Divorce Course Podcast —www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog for links to cases

🎧 Listen to this episode if…
- Your divorce negotiations have stalled and every message gets "no"  or no reply at all
- Your ex keeps delaying and you can't work out why
- You're stuck arguing over percentages and getting nowhere
- Your ex is "sitting pretty" with no reason to settle
- You're wondering whether it's time to send that final warning letter
⚠️ Legal Disclaimer
This podcast is general information only it is not legal advice. Always consult a qualified family lawyer about your individual circumstances.
🛟 Family Violence Trigger Warning
This episode touches on coercive control and controlling ex-partners. If you're in danger, call 000. Confidential support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) or Lifeline (13 11 14).
Have your negotiations stalled? In this episode, Mum and I go through 10 practical ways to move the needle when your divorce feels completely stuck  in three phases. First, the soften-and-unstick approach: diagnosing why your ex is stalling, repackaging your offer, getting off percentages, and showing them how the settlement will actually happen. Then smart pressure: keeping a live offer on the table, treating terrible offers as data, letting the law do the arguing, and making the maths impossible to ignore. And if none of that works, we show you how to make staying stuck expensive  from spousal maintenance to the notice of intention to file, the warning letter Mum describes as "an unblocked drain" for stalled negotiations. No one stays stuck forever and we're here with you every step of the way.
⏱️ Episode Timeline
00:00 – Divorce Negotiations Stuck? 10 Tips to Move the Needle
01:00 – Three Phases: Soften, Smart Pressure, Make Stalling Expensive
02:00 – Why Divorce Negotiations Stall in Almost Every Case
03:00 – The Four Divorce Personality Types That Get Stuck
05:00 – Tip 1: Diagnose Why the Stall Is Happening
06:00 – Tip 2: Change the Packaging, Not the Offer
08:00 – Tip 3: Get Off the Percentages
10:00 – Why 50/50 Means Nothing Without Agreed Values
12:00 – Tip 4: Show the How, Not Just the Outcome
15:00 – Tip 5: Keep a Live Offer on the Table at All Times
17:00 – Making Offers When Disclosure Is Missing
20:00 – Tip 6: Treat Terrible Offers as Data and Bank Every Concession
23:00 – Tip 7: Let the Law Do the Arguing
25:00 – Finding Family Law Cases on AustLII and the Court Website
26:00 – Tip 8: Make the Maths Impossible to Ignore
29:00 – The 2% Spiral: When Arguing Costs More Than It's Worth
31:00 – Tip 9: Remove the Comfort Funding the Stall
33:00 – Spousal Maintenance: Not Sitting Pretty Anymore
35:00 – Tip 10: The Notice of Intention to File
38:00 – What Happens After You Send the Warning Letter
40:00 – Recap: All 10 Tips to Unstick Your Divorce
43:00 – Mindset: No One Stays Stuck Forever
48:00 – DIY Divorce Blueprint: Doors Closing
🎧 Episodes Mentioned
Take the Divorce Personality Quiz (Ep 302) → https://podcasts.apple.com/ph/podcast/take-the-divorce-personality-quiz-learn-why-your/id1503451022?i=1000748290587
Percentages in Divorce Property Settlements Explained (Ep 214) → https://podcasts.apple.com/ph/podcast/percentages-in-divorce-property-settlements-explained/id1503451022?i=1000729446519
Costs, Family Court and Calderbank Offers (Ep 64) → https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/costs-family-court-and-calderbank-offers/id1503451022?i=1000575595095
Divorce Dynamic: Balancing Power & Progress (Ep 165) → https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/divorce-dynamic-balancing-power-progress/id1503451022?i=1000666075743
🔗 Links & Resources
📞 1800 RESPECT — 1800 737 732 (24/7 DV support)
📞 Lifeline — 13 11 14
🚓 Police — 000 (immediate danger)
🌐 The Divorce Course — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au
🎓 Podcast blog & notes — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog
🎓 Enrol in the DIY Divorce Blueprint — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/enroll
If this episode helped you find a way to get your stuck divorce moving again, please follow, rate, review, and share The Divorce Course Podcast so others going through the same thing can find this information too.
All our best,
Laura & Lyn
Your Guides By Your Side
Co-Hosts of THE DIVORCE COURSE PODCAST

🎧 Listen if you…
Are exhausted from justifying your divorce to everyone around you

Have family pressuring you to "keep it amicable" or reconcile

Suspect your ex has recruited your friends, in-laws or family

Aren't sure your lawyer is actually in your corner

This is general information only, not legal advice  always consult a lawyer about your circumstances. This episode discusses family violence and coercive control. In danger? Call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732).
You can do everything right in your divorce and still be exhausted because of the people standing around you
00:00 – Divorce Support Team: Why the People Around You Matter
02:30 – Why You Never Plan Your Team (But Should)
03:30 – Lyn's Divorce 40 Years Ago: Judgement in a Country Town
04:30 – Your Ex Is Not on Your Support Team
06:00 – Family Members: Who Helps and Who Hurts
08:00 – "Keep It Amicable" Is Code for "Just Give In"
09:30 – When Family Cares More About How It Looks
10:30 – Family Violence: When Family Pressure Becomes Unsafe
11:00 – It's Not Your Job to Explain Coercive Control to Everyone
12:00 – The One Loyal Family Member Who Saw Behind the Mask
13:00 – What to Say to Pressuring Family Members
14:30 – In-Laws: Pausing Even the Good Relationships
17:00 – Enabler In-Laws and When to Distance Fast
19:00 – Family Violence Orders: When Family Contact Breaks the Rules
20:30 – Friends: Who Rolls Up Their Sleeves vs Who Stays "Neutral"
23:00 – Judgy Friends and the Gossip Collectors
25:00 – Screenshots to Your Ex: The Social Media Trap
26:30 – Don't Forget the Fun Friends: Finding Glimmers of Joy
28:30 – Online Support Groups: The Risks Nobody Talks About
30:00 – Commenting Publicly About Your Case: Court Consequences
32:00 – The Tom Holland Rule for Handling Criticism
32:45 – Choosing a Lawyer: What the Right One Looks Like
36:00 – Lawyer Red Flags: Gatekeeping Your Story (Episode 166)
37:00 – Brave Lawyers vs Lawyers Afraid of Court
38:30 – The Three As: Affability, Availability, Ability
39:30 – Why You Need Your Own Psychologist
41:00 – Emotion-Driven Strategy: The Most Expensive Mistake
42:30 – Kids and School: One Contact Person + the Counsellor
45:30 – Church and Faith Communities: Support or Pressure?
49:00 – Your Kids Can't Be on Your Team
50:00 – Bad Podcasts, Reddit and Wrong Information
53:00 – Rapid Fire: Neutral Besties, Slow Lawyers & Nosy Sisters
56:30 – High-Conflict Ex: What Your Team Needs to Be
58:30 – Avoidant Ex: The Friends Who Do the Hard Yakka
59:30 – Manipulative & Controlling Ex: Vetting for Flying Monkeys
1:00:30 – Amicable Split: Why You Still Need a Team
1:01:45 – "It's My Decision": Mum's Cushion Wisdom
🔗 Resources
10 Essential Boundaries for a Healthier Divorce (Ep 173) 
When In-Laws Interfere in Your Divorce (Ep 305) 
Legal Gatekeeping: Is Your Lawyer Telling Your Full Story? (Ep 166)
1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 | Lifeline – 13 11 14 | Police – 000
The Divorce Course – www.thedivorcecourse.com.au
If this episode helped you work out who belongs in your corner, please follow, rate, review and share The Divorce Course Podcast.