The Divorce Course Podcast

🎧 Listen to this episode if…
- You've just found out your ex was cheating – and your lawyer doesn't seem to care
- You're wondering if the affair changes your property settlement
- You're combing through disclosure for gifts, hotels and a money trail
- You're scared of being painted as the "jealous ex" in family court
- Your ex's new partner is suddenly part of your kids' lives
⚠️ General information only – not legal advice. Australian family law; always consult a qualified family lawyer about your circumstances.
🛟 This episode discusses emotional abuse, gaslighting and coercive control. If you're in danger call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732), Lifeline 13 11 14.
Mum and I unpack the question  "my ex cheated – does it actually matter?"  We cover wastage of joint money, proving the money trail in disclosure, negotiating while you're hurt (without swinging from give-up to revenge), the traps around kids and the new partner, and why your reaction – not their cheating – is what the court ends up watching. Plus the cases Gollings & Scott and Tajani & Tajani
⏱️ Episode Timeline
00:00 – My Ex Cheated: Does It Actually Matter in Divorce?
01:00 – From Private Investigators to No-Fault Divorce in Australia
04:00 – The Emotional Hit: Gaslighting, Paranoia and Flashbacks
06:00 – Two Separate Recoveries: Healing vs the Legal Process
08:00 – What the Court Cares About: Joint Money Spent on an Affair
10:00 – STIs and When Cheating Crosses Into Abusive Behaviour
12:00 – Before, During, After: When Affair Spending Counts
13:00 – The Judge's Range: How Conduct Can Lift Your Percentage
14:00 – Proving It: Gifts, Hotels and the Money Trail in Disclosure
17:00 – The Hat Trick: Separating Heartbreak From Strategy
18:00 – Negotiating While Hurt: The Two Traps
19:00 – The Pendulum Effect: Give Up, Fair or Everything
21:00 – Guilty Exes and Generous Offers: Grab Them or Not?
23:00 – Negotiating to Punish and the "Jealous Ex" Label
26:00 – The Five Stages of Grief After Betrayal
28:00 – Adjustment Disorder and Family Reports
30:00 – Co-Parenting With the Affair Partner
31:00 – New Partners in Parenting: Subpoenas and Safety Checks
33:00 – How Soon Is Too Soon to Introduce a New Partner?
38:00 – Don't Interrogate the Kids: The Car Ride Strategy
44:00 – Rapid Fire: Affairs Before, During and Under One Roof
45:00 – Onerous Contributions, De Facto Overlaps and Tajani & Tajani
48:00 – Two Property Settlements, Filing First and the Family Home
51:00 – Does a New Partner's Income Affect Your Settlement?
53:00 – The Biggest Takeaway: Adjustments, Not Revenge
🎧 Episodes Mentioned
Are We De Facto? – https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/are-we-de-facto-what-it-could-mean-for-property/id1503451022?i=1000743246854
Property or Parenting First? – https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/property-or-parenting-first-does-the-order-actually/id1503451022?i=1000782876028
Coercive Control vs a Bad Relationship  https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/coercive-control-vs-a-bad-relationship-how-to-tell/id1503451022?i=1000774925805
Coercive Control & Domestic Violence in Family Court https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/coercive-control-domestic-violence-in-family-court/id1503451022?i=1000764231660
🔗 Links & Resources
Family Law Act 1975 – Section 79 – https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/legis/cth/consol_act/fla1975114/s79.html
📞 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 | Lifeline – 13 11 14 | 🚓 Police – 000
🌐 www.thedivorcecourse.com.au – free webinar: click "Reserve My Seat"
🎓 Blog: www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog
If this episode helped you understand what cheating does and doesn't change in your divorce, please follow, rate, review and share The Divorce Course Podcast. All our best, Laura & Lyn – Your Guides By Your Side.

🎧 Listen to this episode if…
- You dread every text from your ex and screenshot messages "just in case"
- Your co-parent avoids, delays or denies every conversation that matters
- You can't get a straight yes or no 
- You carry the mental load of every reminder, newsletter and schedule
- You've been told to "document everything" and want it done automatically
⚠️ General information only not legal advice. Australian family law; always consult a qualified family lawyer about your circumstances.
🛟 This episode discusses family violence and coercive control. If you're in danger call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732), Lifeline 13 11 14.
unpack the co-parenting app that courts here actually trust. 
⏱️ Episode Timeline
00:00 – Dreading Texts From Your Ex? Why You Need This Episode
01:00 – Meet Erin Green From OurFamilyWizard Australia
02:00 – Why Avoidant Co-Parents Stop Communicating
05:00 – The Amicable Trap: Becoming the Communication Manager
07:00 – What Is OurFamilyWizard? The Co-Parenting App Explained
08:00 – Uneditable, Encrypted Records vs Deleted Text Messages
10:00 – Calls Feature: Transcripts and Documented Call Activity
11:00 – Family Violence Orders: Calling Without Sharing Your Number
12:00 – The Shared Calendar and Change Requests Without Drama
15:00 – Expense Tracking: Invoices, Receipts and Proof for Court
17:00 – The Info Bank: Schools, Medications and Clothing Sizes
18:00 – Who Uses OurFamilyWizard (And When Courts Order It)
20:00 – Putting the App in Your Consent Orders
21:00 – Timestamped Messages: No Deleting, No Rewriting History
22:00 – Free Divorce Webinar With Laura & Lyn
23:00 – Court-Admissible PDFs and Professional Access
25:00 – The AI Writing Assistant That Flags Escalating Language
27:00 – Message Search + Safety for Survivors of Abuse
29:00 – Word Salad, Yes-or-No Requests and Coercive Control
31:00 – Check-Ins and Location Privacy After Family Violence
33:00 – A Tool, Not a Safety Plan: Tech Stalking Reminders
34:00 – What If Your Ex Refuses to Use a Co-Parenting App?
36:00 – Protection Orders, Mediation and Raising the App
37:00 – Fee Waivers for Family Violence and Financial Duress
38:00 – Defence Force Discount Explained
40:00 – OurFamilyWizard Cost: Essentials, Premium and Max
43:00 – Erin's Best Advice: Pause Before You Reply
44:00 – What to Embroider on a Cushion This Week
🎧 Episodes Mentioned
Coercive Control and Your Kids – https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/coercive-control-and-your-kids-how-to-protect-your/id1503451022?i=1000777679728
Co-Parenting With a High Conflict, Narcissistic or Avoidant Ex – https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/co-parenting-how-to-successfully-do-it-even-with-a/id1503451022?i=1000559535573
Take the Divorce Personality Quiz – https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/take-the-divorce-personality-quiz-learn-why-your/id1503451022?i=1000748290587
Is Your Ex Watching You? Coercive Control Goes Digital – https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/is-your-ex-watching-you-coercive-control-goes-digital/id1503451022?i=1000758578403
Creating a Safety Plan Before You Need One – https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/from-fear-to-freedom-creating-a-safety-plan-before/id1503451022?i=1000741625311
Co-Parenting Without Court Orders – https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/co-parenting-without-court-orders-the-real-rules-and/id1503451022?i=1000735234386
🔗 Links & Resources
OurFamilyWizard Australia – https://www.ourfamilywizard.com.au
Fee waiver (via your lawyer, mediator or support professional): prohelp@ourfamilywizard.com
Help using the app: info@ourfamilywizard.com
📞 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 | Lifeline – 13 11 14 | 🚓 Police – 000
🌐 www.thedivorcecourse.com.au – free webinar: click "Reserve My Seat"
🎓 Blog: www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog

🎧 Listen if you…
- Keep hearing "you're not getting more than 50/50" from your ex
- Are stuck yelling percentages at each other and getting nowhere
- Feel greedy asking for what's actually fair
- Want your proposal backed by real law before mediation
 
⚠️ General information only – not legal advice. Australian family law; always consult a qualified family lawyer. 🛟 This episode discusses coercive control and duress. In danger? Call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732).
 
In this episode we show you how to build your case the way the court does  contributions, then current and future circumstances then get your ex's buy-in fact by fact, and back it all with legislation and recent cases (including Mum's AustLII "note up" trick). Plus the mindset work, the "amicable" trap, and my cringe-but-effective strategy
 
⏱️ CHAPTERS
00:00 – Ex Says 50/50 or Nothing? How to Negotiate More
02:00 – Why Exes Refuse: The Win–Lose Business Mindset
03:40 – Mum's #1 Rule: Never Negotiate in Percentages
06:00 – The Court Case That Proves Percentages Backfire
07:30 – What the Family Court Actually Does in Property Settlement
08:30 – The Five-Step Property Settlement Process
10:00 – Big vs Small Property Pools: Why Adjustments Differ
11:45 – Is More Than 50% Greedy? When 50/50 Actually Happens
16:00 – Get Your Mindset Sorted Before You Negotiate
18:00 – "Who Died and Made Them Boss?"
19:30 – The Future Self Test and Negotiation Fatigue
21:00 – Why Wanting to Be "Amicable" Can Be a Trap
23:30 – Laura's Divorce Vision Board (Cringe but It Worked)
25:45 – Financial Contributions: The Polythene Pipe Analogy
28:00 – Non-Financial, Homemaking and Parenting Contributions
29:45 – Post-Separation Contributions and Common Shenanigans
32:00 – Contributions and Future Needs in the Family Law Act
36:30 – Putting It in Writing: Getting Buy-In Fact by Fact
38:30 – The AustLII Note-Up Trick for Backing It With Law
42:00 – When They Stop Negotiating or Lawyer Up
43:30 – Reframing the Deal: "50/50 of What?"
46:15 – Rapid Fire: Delete "Amicable", Say "Fair" Instead
48:45 – The Superannuation Equalising Trap and the Give-In Wall
52:45 – "I Won't Leave Until You Sign": Duress, Safety and 1800 RESPECT
56:45 – Embroider It on a Cushion: Your Fair Future
 
🎧 EPISODES MENTIONED
Percentages in Divorce Property Settlements Explained – https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/percentages-in-divorce-property-settlements-explained/id1503451022?i=1000729446519
Pitfalls of Premature Percentage Negotiations – https://open.spotify.com/episode/6bxTgrdymCeW16Q7z5njUe
Big or Small Property Pool? – https://open.spotify.com/episode/697VeO4FrXQt9LYaabHtUC
BATNA in Divorce – https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/batna-in-divorce-how-to-negotiate-property-and/id1503451022?i=1000719715152
Coercive Control & DV in Family Court – https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/coercive-control-domestic-violence-in-family-court/id1503451022?i=1000764231660
Super Split Myths – https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/super-split-myths-why-equalising-isnt-always-fair-in/id1503451022?i=1000708394387
Convincing the Unconvincible – https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/convincing-the-unconvincible-in-divorce-negotiations/id1503451022?i=1000526927752
 
📞 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 | Lifeline – 13 11 14 | Police – 000
⚖️ Family Law Act 1975 s79 – https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/legis/cth/consol_act/fla1975114/s79.html
🌐 www.thedivorcecourse.com.au
 
If this helped, please follow, rate, review and share so others can find it too.
All our best, Laura & Lyn – Your Guides By Your Side

🎧 Listen to this episode if…
You have no idea what's happening with the kids this Christmas

Your ex just announced their Christmas plans like it's already decided

You didn't know there's a family court deadline in November

You want Christmas clauses in your orders with no wriggle room

Every handover is a fight and you're dreading the silly season

 
⚠️ Disclaimer: General information only, not legal advice. Based on Australian family law (WA differs). Always get independent legal advice.
🛟 This episode discusses family violence and coercive control. If you're in danger call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) | Orange Door | Lifeline 13 11 14.
 
About this episode:
What about Christmas morning? What if there are no orders and your ex announces the plan like it's done? Mum and I cover the family court Christmas deadline, what to do if you have no orders, your options; changeover on the day, alternating blocks, or letting Christmas fall where it lands and how to make sure your christmas plans have no loopholes
 
⏱️ Timeline
00:00 – Who Gets Christmas Morning?
01:30 – Family Violence Warning & Disclaimer
03:00 – Why Christmas Is Chaos in Family Law Offices
04:00 – Your First Christmas Separated
05:30 – The Creep Strategy at Christmas
06:30 – The Court Deadline: Second Friday in November
08:00 – Why Christmas Isn't Legally "Urgent"
09:30 – Your Ex Just Announces the Plan? What to Do
12:30 – Propose a Child-Focused Plan in Writing
14:30 – Already in Court? Interim Applications
16:00 – Don't Poke the Bear vs a Dog Off the Leash
18:30 – Too Afraid to Ask? You've Been Trained
20:30 – Reasonable Question + Crazy Response = Proof
22:30 – Option 1: Changeover on Christmas Day
24:00 – Changeover by Divorce Personality Type
26:00 – Option 2: Christmas Eve–Boxing Day Alternate Years
26:30 – The Travel Trap in Christmas Orders
27:30 – Presents That Can't Travel: The Clause You Need
28:30 – Option 3: Let Christmas Fall Where It Lands
29:00 – How School Holidays Are Split in Orders
30:00 – Gazetted Holidays and Pupil-Free Day Traps
32:00 – Contact Centres at Christmas: Book Now
33:30 – Christmas Phone Call Clauses
35:30 – Handover Locations: Drive There First
38:30 – Do Kids Get a Say?
40:00 – Parenting Plan vs Consent Orders
41:00 – Why Exes Misbehave in December
42:30 – Non-Compliance and Enforcement
44:30 – Making It Watertight: Times, Not Descriptions
47:30 – The Lateness Rule at Handover
48:30 – No Wriggle Room & the Spirit of the Orders
51:50 – Your October Checklist
53:00 – The Notice of Intention to File
56:00 – Rapid Fire: Presents, No-Shows, Three Strikes
58:30 – New Partners at Changeover
1:01:30 – Plans for Every Divorce Personality Type
1:07:50 – Kidsmas
 
🎧 Episodes mentioned:
The Creep Strategy Exposed (Ep 336) → 
https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/domestic-violence-in-custody-battles-the-creep/id1503451022?i=1000788566797
Separated for the Holidays? (Ep 178) → 
https://youtu.be/tdDduzuSK8I?si=3dUJ6YitO0TTXnFT
Co-Parenting & the School Holidays (Ep 78) → https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flibR76WrNc
Divorce Holiday Survival Guide (Ep 224) → https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/divorce-holiday-survival-guide-how-to-communicate-when/id1503451022?i=1000740365814



📞 1800 RESPECT — 1800 737 732 | Orange Door | Lifeline — 13 11 14 | Police — 000
🌐 www.thedivorcecourse.com.au – free resources + DIY Divorce Blueprint (Module 3 parenting templates)
If this helped you get ahead of Christmas, please subscribe, like and share so others can find it too.
All our best,
Laura & Lyn Your Guides By Your Side

🎧 Listen to this episode if…
You've sent emails and heard nothing back for weeks
The strategy has completely changed without a discussion
The family violence you disclosed isn't even in your affidavit
Your lawyer is great at invoices but not much else
You're thinking about leaving your lawyer but don't know the steps
⚠️ Disclaimer: General information only, not legal advice. Based on Australian family law. Always get independent legal advice, and consider all aspects before deciding to leave your lawyer.
🛟 This episode discusses family violence and coercive control. If you're in danger call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732).
About this episode:
Bad lawyer, bad fit – or a good lawyer having a bad month? Mum and I walk through what a good lawyer relationship looks like, reasonable response times, why strategies change (and when backpedaling is a red flag), what to do when your lawyer minimises family violence, how to question a bill without feeling horrible, the repair conversation to have before you leave, and the exact steps to change lawyers without leaving yourself in the lurch. You're the client – it's okay to ask questions.
⏱️ Timeline
00:00 – Warning Signs Your Divorce Lawyer Might Be the Problem
01:00 – Why Family Lawyers Are Hardworking (And Human)
02:00 – You're the Client: Permission to Ask Questions
04:00 – Legal Disclaimer and Family Violence Warning
05:00 – What a Good Lawyer Relationship Looks Like
06:00 – What Your Lawyer Should Explain Without Being Asked
07:00 – A Good First Meeting: Chronologies and Probing Questions
09:00 – Over-Promising Lawyers and the Polaroid Analogy
10:00 – How Long Should You Wait to Hear Back?
11:00 – Busy Lawyer vs Neglectful Lawyer
13:00 – Never Miss a Court Deadline
15:00 – Radio Silence? The Email to Send the Principal
16:00 – Will Complaining Make My Lawyer Hate Me?
17:00 – Trust and Full Disclosure
18:00 – The Dot-Point Chronology Trick
19:00 – Illegal Activity and Legal Professional Privilege
21:00 – Section 128 Certificates
22:00 – Affairs, New Partners and Why Lawyers Don't Judge
23:00 – Strategy Changes and Backpedaling
27:00 – Defensive Lawyers and Letters of Advice
28:00 – When Lawyers Gatekeep Family Violence
29:00 – Section 43: Safety Over Everything
30:00 – The 2024 Reforms: Is Your Lawyer Up to Date?
34:00 – What a Normal Legal Bill Looks Like
35:00 – What You Can Question in a Bill
38:00 – The Repair Conversation
39:00 – Meeting the Principal and Testing Their Reaction
41:00 – Project Managing Your Case
43:00 – Leaving Your Lawyer: Pause the File, Check Timing
44:00 – Find Your New Lawyer First
45:00 – Outstanding Bills and Court Portal Access
46:00 – Rapid Fire: Second Opinions and Support People
48:00 – Step In, Step Out
49:00 – Is It Though? Why Questioning Is Everything
🎧 Episodes mentioned:
Legal Gatekeeping: Is Your Lawyer Telling Your Full Story? → https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/legal-gatekeeping-is-your-lawyer-telling-your-full-story/id1503451022?i=1000666744026
Choosing a Family Lawyer – The Red Flags Not to Ignore → https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/choosing-a-family-lawyer-the-red-flags-not-to-ignore/id1503451022?i=1000555058558
Take the Divorce Personality Quiz → https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/take-the-divorce-personality-quiz-learn-why-your/id1503451022?i=1000748290587
Decoding Divorce Word Salad Legal Letters → https://open.spotify.com/episode/4qiOSiGK9yOrt0lEdqCudQ
📞 1800 RESPECT — 1800 737 732 | Lifeline — 13 11 14 | Police — 000
🌐 www.thedivorcecourse.com.au – free checklists + DIY Divorce Blueprint
If this helped you work out whether your lawyer is the right fit, please subscribe, like and share so others can find it too.
All our best,
Laura & Lyn – Your Guides By Your Side