The Divorce Course Podcast

Listen to this episode if…
You feel like you're just reacting to whatever your ex or their lawyer throws at you

You're exhausted, foggy, and making life-changing decisions while running on empty

You can't tell anymore whether your choices come from your intuition or from fear

You find it hard to speak up for yourself in mediation, in court, or even to your own lawyer

You've lost a bit of yourself and want practical ways to feel grounded again

You want to move from just surviving your divorce to actually flourishing through it

This podcast is general information only  it is not legal advice. This episode touches on coercive control and post-separation abuse. If you or someone you know is in danger, call 000. For confidential support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732).
If you're feeling stuck in survival mode reacting to every email, every legal letter, every move your ex makes this episode is the deep breath you've been needing. Laura is joined by Sonia Bestulic, award-winning author, speaker and wisdom teacher, whose book Flourish for Mums found Laura right in the middle of her own divorce. Together they unpack what survival mode actually is, why so many of us get stuck in it, and how to gently move out of it.
00:00 – Are You Stuck in Survival Mode During Your Divorce?
01:00 – Meet Sonia Bestulic: Author, Speaker & Wisdom Teacher
03:50 – "I Just Burnt Out": How Survival Mode Shows Up
05:30 – Why Your Mindset Can Affect Your Case as Much as the Law
07:00 – What Survival Mode Really Is (Fight, Flight, Freeze)
08:00 – The Lion Metaphor: A Fuel System Built for Short Bursts
09:30 – The Warning Signs You've Been in Survival Mode Too Long
10:50 – When Post-Separation Abuse Is Designed to Exhaust You
11:40 – The Three Anchors & Building Your Support Team
12:40 – Anchor One: Nourishing Your Intuition (Your Sacred GPS)
14:50 – Coercive Control & Learning to Trust Yourself Again
15:40 – The Morning Body Scan: 15 Minutes That Reset Your Day
18:30 – How to Tell the Difference Between Fear and Intuition
21:30 – Anchor Two: Energetic Integrity & Energy Hygiene
23:30 – Inner Boundaries: What's Mine to Carry and What's Theirs?
25:30 – Choosing When to Read That Email From Your Ex
26:40 – The Power of Nature to Recalibrate Your Nervous System
28:50 – Gratitude: The Highest-Frequency Circuit Breaker
30:00 – The Gratitude Candle & the Kindness Squirrel
32:50 – Anchor Three: Sacred Self-Advocacy
34:50 – Speaking Your Truth Without the Fight Energy
36:40 – Why Energy Speaks First (Even in the Witness Box)
40:40 – Daily Practices: Dance, Laughter, Music & Breath
43:50 – The Cup of Gratitude Ritual
45:40 – The Roots Metaphor: The Deeper the Roots, the Taller We Grow
48:40 – The One Thing You Can Start Today
49:50 – Where to Find Sonia & Her Books
 
1800 RESPECT — 1800 737 732 (24/7 DV support)

Lifeline — 13 11 14

Police — 000 (immediate danger)

The Divorce Course — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au

The Divorce Course Empowerment Playlist — on Spotify

Sonia Bestulic — books Flourish for Mums and Raising Empowered Humans: Unlocking Kids' Self-Leadership and Lifelong Flourishing (Amazon, global delivery). https://soniabestulic.com.au/

🎧 Listen if…
- You've been told you "can't touch anything" until property settlement is finalised
- You're scared opening your own account will start a fight
- You're watching money vanish from the joint account and can't stop it
- You're the lower earner, worried about being left with nothing while you wait
- You're paying for everything and scared of being called financially abusive if you stop
- You've got a kids' savings or education account and don't know where it fits
Disclaimer: General information and education only, not legal advice. Please consult a family lawyer about your situation.
🛟 Discusses financial abuse & coercive control.

Can you really not touch any money until property settlement? Mum and I unpack what you can and can't do with your bank accounts after separation: the difference between managing day-to-day finances and dividing property, what happens to accounts in your own name versus joint accounts, and how to handle it whether your ex is amicable, high conflict, or controlling. We cover opening a new account, freezing joint accounts, what to do if it's emptied, kids' accounts, child support myths, and the warning signs of financial abuse.
⏱️ CHAPTERS
00:00 – Banking Through Separation: The Questions Everyone's Afraid to Ask
02:00 – Education Only & Why Your Lawyer Comes First
03:00 – The Two Big Myths: "Freeze Everything" vs "Take Everything"
03:30 – Power Dynamics & Who Makes the Early Money Decisions
04:00 – Managing Day-to-Day Finances vs Dividing Property
05:30 – What Happens to Your Bank Accounts When You Separate
06:00 – "It's Yours": Accounts in Your Own Name
07:00 – Joint Accounts & Why You Can Take Your Share
09:30 – Amicable Divorce: Take It, Then Tell Them
11:00 – High Conflict: Don't Stay Beholden to Your Ex
12:30 – Manipulative & Controlling Exes & the Groceries Analogy
13:30 – Is Taking the Money Financial Abuse? Section 4AB Explained
14:00 – Spousal Maintenance & the Joint-Account "Time Bomb"
15:30 – Post-Separation Spending, Wastage & Gollings & Scott
17:30 – Opening Your Own Bank Account (Yes, You Can)
18:30 – Why You Should Choose a Completely Different Bank
20:30 – "Will My Ex Find Out?" Tech Abuse, Passwords & Disclosure
22:30 – Where Should Your Wages Go?
23:00 – Coming Up: A Coercive Control Q&A With Krazi Kirova
23:30 – When Your Ex Won't Move Out or Pay the Bills
24:30 – Reasonableness & How a Judge Will See It
26:00 – Giving Notice, Justifying It & Part N of the Financial Statement
27:00 – The Two People This Goes Badly For
28:30 – Talking to the Bank & Their Limits
29:00 – How to Freeze a Joint Account (Two to Sign)
31:00 – Stopping Large Withdrawals & ATM Limits
32:00 – When the Account Gets Emptied: Spousal Maintenance Options
33:00 – Urgent Spousal Maintenance Orders Explained
35:00 – Protect vs Punish: Two Money Mindsets in Divorce
36:00 – Homework: Talk to Your Bank Anonymously
37:30 – Splitting the Cash 50/50: Does It Lock In Your Settlement?
39:00 – How to Document It (A Text Message Is Enough)
40:30 – Kids' Bank Accounts: Who Controls Them?
41:30 – Splitting Kids' Accounts & Trustee Options
42:30 – Using the Kids' Money to Live On (If You Have To)
43:30 – Kids' Accounts Are Part of the Property Pool & Disclosure
44:00 – Child Support Myths: The "Every Dollar for the Kids" Trap
45:30 – The "Basket of Goods" Approach & Living to Your Means
47:30 – Warning Signs of Financial Abuse
49:30 – Real-Time Spend Alerts, Passwords & Your Safety
50:45 – Day-to-Day Finances vs Property Settlement: The Recap
51:30 – Get on the Mailing List So You're Not Blindsided
52:00 – Final Homework: Go Open That New Bank Account
53:30 – Crochet Corner & Sign Off
54:30 – Commonwealth Bank Next Chapter & Banking Support
🎧 EPISODES 
Technology Abuse / Tech Safety – passwords, devices & safety checklist: https://youtu.be/rc8b27R_k9k
Balancing the Power Dynamic – when one party stalls while the other pushes for settlement: https://youtu.be/coWlWcIq180

1800 RESPECT 1800 737 732 | Lifeline 13 11 14 | Police 000
Web: www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog
Q&A questions: thedivorcecoursepodcast@gmail.com
CommBank Next Chapter – financial abuse support.
Helped you feel less stuck about your money? Follow, rate, review and share so others can find it too.
All our best,
Laura & Lyn
Your Guides By Your Side
Co-Hosts of THE DIVORCE COURSE PODCAST

🎧 Listen If…
Your child has said they don't want to go to the other parent's house

Your ex keeps saying "once they turn [a certain age] they can choose"

You're worried your child is being pressured, coached, or caught in the middle

You're hearing two completely different stories from your kids at handover

You're amicable and thinking of just "letting the kids decide" (please listen first)

You want to understand how children's views actually reach the court

General information only not legal advice. Always consult a qualified family lawyer about your situation.🛟 Discusses family violence & coercive control. In danger: 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732), Lifeline 13 11 14.
About This Episode
Mum and I unpack what the Family Law Act actually how children's views really reach a judge (family reports, child impact reports, ICLs), and how kids' wishes play out across the four divorce personality types. 
⏱️ Timeline
00:00 Can a Child Choose Which Parent to Live With? 
02:00 Why the Family Court Won't Ask Kids to Choose 
06:27 The Best Interests of the Child Test (Section 60CC) 
09:06 What Age Can a Child Decide Where to Live?
11:34 How a Child's Wishes Are Actually Heard in Family Law 
13:25 Child-Inclusive Mediation Explained 
15:22 Therapy, Family Reports & Expert Evidence 
19:48 How to Get a Family Report Outside of Court 
22:35 How Family Violence Changes Parenting Decisions 
27:22 2024 Family Law Reforms & Common Custody Myths 
28:29 Can You Force a Teenager to Follow Parenting Orders? 
31:58 The Reality of Enforcing Orders With Teens 
33:03 How to Future-Proof Your Parenting Orders 
34:03 Why Older Teens Have More Say in Where They Live 
34:35 The Manipulative & Controlling Ex: Hidden Motives 
36:42 How to Spot Coercion & Coaching Tactics 
39:04 Love Bombing, Bribery & When the Mask Slips 
41:54 High-Conflict Exes: Kids Caught in the Middle 
45:20 The Avoidant Parent & Parentification 
49:02 Amicable Co-Parents: Why You Still Shouldn't Let Kids Decide 
51:07 Key Takeaways: Voice Heard, Not Decision Made 
54:43 Closing Notes & Legal Disclaimer
🎧 Episodes Mentioned
Decoding the Child's Best Interests Referenced when discussing the full 60CC best-interests factors https://youtu.be/k4-QTbfW8XM?si=4ltIq0y0ceoMQWym

Child-Inclusive Mediation Referenced when discussing how children's views are gathered out of court. https://youtu.be/HrEU6dFc0Ko?si=xvSAyfnMJ9oEfXnN

Handover Hell – When Your Child Refuses to Go Referenced at the end for listeners dealing with handover-day resistance https://youtu.be/YphzOPZmC3k?si=Wf1RwzJMf-ix4N4K

Support & Resources
📞 1800 RESPECT 1800 737 732  |  Lifeline 13 11 14  |  Police 000
The Divorce Course → https://www.thedivorcecourse.com.au
If this helped, please follow, rate, review and share The Divorce Course Podcast so others can find it too.
All our best, Laura & Lyn – Your Guides By Your Side

🎧 Listen if you're wondering when you can make an offer, you've received one that floored you, you feel pressured to "be the reasonable one," your ex is high-conflict or controlling, or you've been told you have to go to mediation first.
⚠️ General information only, not legal advice Australian family law. Always consult a family lawyer.
🛟 Discusses coercive control & legal/financial abuse.  Support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732). ⏱️ Episode Timeline
00:00 – What Is an Offer in a Divorce? 
01:50 – What an Offer Really Is (and What Counteroffers Are)
02:30 – Do You Need a Lawyer to Make an Offer?
03:30 – Why Emotional, People-Pleasing Offers Backfire
04:30 – What You Need Before You Make an Offer: Your Property Pool
05:00 – Future Needs, Super vs Cash 
06:00 – Knowing What You're Giving Up With Eyes Wide Open
07:00 – Rushed & Blindsided Offers:
08:00 –  Buying Time Before You Agree
09:00 – Can You Get Out of Something You Signed Under Pressure?
10:30 – When Can You Make an Offer? Anytime You're Informed
12:30 – The Best Time to Make Your First Offer & Saving Legal Fees
13:50 – The Mediation Myth: You Don't Have to Go
15:40 – Why People Only Get Realistic at Mediation
17:00 – Time-Limited Offers: Pressure, Deadlines & the Downside
20:00 – Standing Offers: 
22:00 – Do Offers Work in Parenting 
24:30 – Calderbank Offers & Section 114UB Explained
25:50 – Offer Strategy for an Avoidant Ex
28:30 – Offer Strategy for a High-Conflict "Yeah, But" Ex
31:20 – Offer Strategy for an Amicable Ex & Collaborative Law
36:20 – Can You Offer Directly to Your Ex While Lawyers Are Engaged?
37:00 – Making Offers to a Narcissistic or Controlling Ex
39:00 – Don't Feed the Reaction: Grey Rock & Shuttle Negotiation
41:50 – What to Do When You Get a Bad Offer
42:50 – Ambit Claims & the Central Practice Direction
44:00 – Ask for the Authorities: Turning a Bad Offer to Your Advantage
46:30 – The Consequences of Refusing a Reasonable Offer
48:50 – Genuine Steps, Compulsory Offers & Costs Protection
50:00 – Why Offers Stay Hidden From the Judge Until the End
 
 
Calderbank Offers & Costs —    • Costs, Family Court and Calderbank Offers ...  
Can You Really Mediate With a Narcissist? —    • Mediation and negotiation tips for divorci...  
 
— www.thedivorcecourse.com.au Enrol (DIY Divorce Blueprint, AU) — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/enrol

🎧 Listen to this episode if…
You're wondering if you actually need a lawyer for your divorce at all

You're worried that spending too much now means you can't afford court later

You're scared that "lawyering up" will make your ex worse

You think it's all-or-nothing and want to know the middle ground

Your ex is high-conflict, avoidant, controlling, or amicable and you need a strategy that fits

⚠️ Legal Disclaimer This podcast is general information only it is not legal advice. It reflects Australian family law and may not apply to your situation. Always consult a qualified family lawyer about your circumstances. Laws may have changed since recording.
Most people think there are only two options when it comes to lawyers in a divorce hand everything over, or go it completely alone. But that's not the truth, and believing it can cost you thousands.
In this episode, Laura and Lyn break down the three ways you can actually use a lawyer.
Then they get into what nobody talks about how your divorce personality type should completely change how you use a lawyer. A manipulative and controlling ex who runs up your fees needs a very different strategy to an avoidant ex who panics at a law firm's letterhead
This isn't an episode telling you to avoid lawyers. It's about using them strategically for the parts where legal expertise genuinely matters, and not for the parts that just drain your property pool.
00:00 – Do You Need a Lawyer for Divorce? The Big Myth
01:40 – The All-or-Nothing Lawyer Myth & Talking About Costs
03:00 – Why Spending Too Much on Lawyers Early Can Backfire
04:00 – The 2 Critical Times You MUST See a Lawyer
05:00 – Why Seeing a Lawyer Early Bursts Unrealistic Expectations
06:20 – Before You Sign: Why a Lawyer's Eye Matters
08:20 – The 3 Ways to Use a Lawyer: The First-Class Ride
09:50 – The 3 Ways to Use a Lawyer: Step In, Step Out
11:20 – Divorce Personality Types: Manipulative & Controlling
12:50 – Using Your Lawyer Strategically Against Fee-Running Tactics
15:00 – Should You Take a Lawyer or Barrister to Mediation?
17:00 – Divorce Personality Types: High Conflict
19:00 – Divorce Personality Types: The Avoidant Ex
21:30 – Divorce Personality Types: The Amicable Ex
23:40 – Project-Managing Your Lawyer & the Addario & Addario Case
26:00 – Why Understanding the Process Stops Panic Spending
33:00 – The Middle Way + Legal Aid & Community Legal Services
34:00 – The DIY Divorce Blueprint & Sign-Off
🎧 Episodes 
How Much Does Getting Divorced Actually Cost? — https://youtu.be/x-sgBNjlTHo?si=ubdIhcS1mjSrQqEk

Bombarded With Legal Letters — https://youtu.be/z11Id8YdQn4?si=ucYfGThRuRcFYoH6

Mediation or Manipulation? — https://youtu.be/cmcFWXD2EBs?si=BMV5KY4CquSx1_dN

Do You Need to Take a Lawyer to Mediation? — https://youtu.be/GB2lJftxdh4?si=vNwQueYHJhFrY3aP

Community Legal Services: How to Use Them — https://youtu.be/4sEUhu6r07Q?si=1oYsGQ3vF1Eb2Y4M

📚 Links & Resources
📞 1800 RESPECT — 1800 737 732 (24/7 DV support) 📞 Lifeline — 13 11 14 🚓 Police — 000 (immediate danger) 🌐 The Divorce Course — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au 🎓 The DIY Divorce Blueprint — enrolments open until 10 June 2026 (click "Enroll Now")
💌 If this episode helped you understand how to use a lawyer wisely – and where you can save thousands – please follow, rate, review, and share The Divorce Course Podcast so others going through the same thing can find it too.