The Divorce Course Podcast

🎧 Listen to this episode if…
You've been told to "just get the house valued" but nobody's explained who, how, or what it costs
Your ex reckons the house is worth a completely different number
Your ex won't let a valuer through the door – or is stalling on purpose
You separated years ago and don't know which date the house gets valued at
You're heading into mediation and need a number that holds up
⚠️ Disclaimer: General information only, not legal advice. Based on Australian family law. Always get independent legal advice for your circumstances.
🛟 This episode discusses manipulative and controlling behaviour. If you're in danger call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732).
About this episode:
You can't divide the property until you know what it's worth. Mum and I unpack appraisals vs valuations, the panel-of-three process for choosing a single expert valuer, the joint letter, the seven-day rule that stops a stalling ex, the dirty tricks people pull, and the date trap – your house is valued at mediation or trial, not the day you separated. Plus strategies for every personality type, from amicable to manipulative and controlling.
⏱️ Timeline
00:00 – What Is Your House Really Worth in Divorce?
01:00 – Why a Valuation Is the Foundation of Property Settlement
02:00 – Legal Disclaimer
03:00 – Why Property Division Is a Mathematical Exercise
04:00 – Rates Notices and Numbers That Don't Count
05:00 – The "Willing But Not Anxious" Test
06:00 – Appraisal vs Valuation: Why Court Wants One Number
07:00 – The Divide-By-Four Trick for Appraisals
08:00 – Selling, Keeping or Being Bought Out
09:00 – Consent Orders With a Formula
10:00 – Keeping the House: Agreed Number or Single Expert
11:00 – Dirty Tricks: Half-Finished Renovations
13:00 – Avoidant Exes Living in the House
14:00 – The Valuer vs Agent Tactic
16:00 – The Panel of Three: Choosing a Valuer Fairly
17:00 – The Joint Letter to the Valuer
18:00 – The Seven-Day Rule That Stops a Stalling Ex
19:00 – Single Expert Valuers: What You're Signing Up For
20:00 – Retrospective Valuations
21:00 – What a Valuation Costs and Who Pays
23:00 – Getting Your Ex to Pay
24:00 – What Happens on Valuation Day
25:00 – Falling House Prices and Timing
26:00 – Do You Need to Be There?
27:00 – Do It Before Mediation
28:00 – What If You Disagree With the Valuation?
29:00 – Shadow Valuers and Cross-Examination
30:00 – When the Valuation Comes in Below the Mortgage
32:00 – The Date Trap: Value at Mediation, Not Separation
33:00 – Building a Wastage Argument
34:00 – Falling Markets and Updated Valuations
36:00 – Why Court Won't Punish Market Timing
37:00 – Court-Ordered Sales and Auctions
39:00 – Rapid Fire: Mortgages, Equity, Selling Costs
41:00 – Valuing the House Without Your Ex's Permission
42:00 – Amicable and Avoidant Exes
44:00 – High Conflict: Single Expert Takes the Fight Out
45:00 – Manipulative Exes on Inspection Day
47:00 – Delay Tactics and Final Thoughts
🎧 Episodes mentioned: Renovations and Divorce: 
📞 1800 RESPECT — 1800 737 732 | Lifeline — 13 11 14 | Police — 000
🌐 www.thedivorcecourse.com.au – free resources + DIY Divorce Blueprint waitlist
⚖️ Case: Woodland & Todd

🎧 Listen to this if…
Your ex keeps saying supervised visits are "going well" so it's time for unsupervised

You got a  lawyer letter that says "this won't look good for you in court"

You're being pressured into an agreement your instincts say isn't safe

You've been told "you'll be accused of alienation"

Your ex has done a online course and now claims they've changed

You want to know what the courts are saying about supervised time and safety

⚠️ Legal Disclaimer & Trigger Warning
This is general information only it is not legal advice. The content reflects Australian family law and may not apply to your specific situation. Always consult a lawyer about your circumstances. Laws may have changed since this episode was recorded. This episode discusses family violence, coercive control and child safety. If you are in danger, call 000. For  support: (1800 737 732).
⏱️ Timeline
00:00 – The Creep Strategy
02:30 – Separated Under One Roof
04:00 – What Supervised Visits and Contact Centres Are
06:00 – The Creep in Action:
09:30 – Pressure Tactics: Alienation Accusations & Court Threats
11:45 – Pressure From Your Own Lawyer
12:30 – Step-Up Orders
15:15 – Does Refusing Unsupervised Time Look Bad in Court?
17:00 – The 50/50 Myth Busted
19:15 – The Trap: Agreeing to Unsupervised Time
22:45 – An Ex Who Refuses Supervised Time
25:15 – Dorval & Augustin [2025]:
27:30 – Drew & Mason [2025]: 
29:20 – Bergsberg & Hyde [2026]: 
36:15 – When Step-Up Orders Are Appropriate
37:30 – Condition-Based Orders, Drug Testing
39:50 –You're Protecting Your Kids, Not Punishing Your Ex
41:00 – The Mediation Phrase
42:30 – How to Answer Pressure Letters
🎧 Episodes 
Episode 141 – Decoding Divorce Word Salad Legal Letters:

Episode 309 – Refusing 50/50 Care? 

Episode 73 – Drug & Alcohol Abuse: 

Episode 183 – Parental Alienation False Allegations: 
📞 Lifeline — 13 11 14🌐 The Divorce Course — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au🎓 The Divorce Course Podcast —www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog for links to cases

🎧 Listen to this episode if…
- Your divorce negotiations have stalled and every message gets "no"  or no reply at all
- Your ex keeps delaying and you can't work out why
- You're stuck arguing over percentages and getting nowhere
- Your ex is "sitting pretty" with no reason to settle
- You're wondering whether it's time to send that final warning letter
⚠️ Legal Disclaimer
This podcast is general information only it is not legal advice. Always consult a qualified family lawyer about your individual circumstances.
🛟 Family Violence Trigger Warning
This episode touches on coercive control and controlling ex-partners. If you're in danger, call 000. Confidential support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) or Lifeline (13 11 14).
Have your negotiations stalled? In this episode, Mum and I go through 10 practical ways to move the needle when your divorce feels completely stuck  in three phases. First, the soften-and-unstick approach: diagnosing why your ex is stalling, repackaging your offer, getting off percentages, and showing them how the settlement will actually happen. Then smart pressure: keeping a live offer on the table, treating terrible offers as data, letting the law do the arguing, and making the maths impossible to ignore. And if none of that works, we show you how to make staying stuck expensive  from spousal maintenance to the notice of intention to file, the warning letter Mum describes as "an unblocked drain" for stalled negotiations. No one stays stuck forever and we're here with you every step of the way.
⏱️ Episode Timeline
00:00 – Divorce Negotiations Stuck? 10 Tips to Move the Needle
01:00 – Three Phases: Soften, Smart Pressure, Make Stalling Expensive
02:00 – Why Divorce Negotiations Stall in Almost Every Case
03:00 – The Four Divorce Personality Types That Get Stuck
05:00 – Tip 1: Diagnose Why the Stall Is Happening
06:00 – Tip 2: Change the Packaging, Not the Offer
08:00 – Tip 3: Get Off the Percentages
10:00 – Why 50/50 Means Nothing Without Agreed Values
12:00 – Tip 4: Show the How, Not Just the Outcome
15:00 – Tip 5: Keep a Live Offer on the Table at All Times
17:00 – Making Offers When Disclosure Is Missing
20:00 – Tip 6: Treat Terrible Offers as Data and Bank Every Concession
23:00 – Tip 7: Let the Law Do the Arguing
25:00 – Finding Family Law Cases on AustLII and the Court Website
26:00 – Tip 8: Make the Maths Impossible to Ignore
29:00 – The 2% Spiral: When Arguing Costs More Than It's Worth
31:00 – Tip 9: Remove the Comfort Funding the Stall
33:00 – Spousal Maintenance: Not Sitting Pretty Anymore
35:00 – Tip 10: The Notice of Intention to File
38:00 – What Happens After You Send the Warning Letter
40:00 – Recap: All 10 Tips to Unstick Your Divorce
43:00 – Mindset: No One Stays Stuck Forever
48:00 – DIY Divorce Blueprint: Doors Closing
🎧 Episodes Mentioned
Take the Divorce Personality Quiz (Ep 302) → https://podcasts.apple.com/ph/podcast/take-the-divorce-personality-quiz-learn-why-your/id1503451022?i=1000748290587
Percentages in Divorce Property Settlements Explained (Ep 214) → https://podcasts.apple.com/ph/podcast/percentages-in-divorce-property-settlements-explained/id1503451022?i=1000729446519
Costs, Family Court and Calderbank Offers (Ep 64) → https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/costs-family-court-and-calderbank-offers/id1503451022?i=1000575595095
Divorce Dynamic: Balancing Power & Progress (Ep 165) → https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/divorce-dynamic-balancing-power-progress/id1503451022?i=1000666075743
🔗 Links & Resources
📞 1800 RESPECT — 1800 737 732 (24/7 DV support)
📞 Lifeline — 13 11 14
🚓 Police — 000 (immediate danger)
🌐 The Divorce Course — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au
🎓 Podcast blog & notes — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog
🎓 Enrol in the DIY Divorce Blueprint — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/enroll
If this episode helped you find a way to get your stuck divorce moving again, please follow, rate, review, and share The Divorce Course Podcast so others going through the same thing can find this information too.
All our best,
Laura & Lyn
Your Guides By Your Side
Co-Hosts of THE DIVORCE COURSE PODCAST

🎧 Listen if you…
Are exhausted from justifying your divorce to everyone around you

Have family pressuring you to "keep it amicable" or reconcile

Suspect your ex has recruited your friends, in-laws or family

Aren't sure your lawyer is actually in your corner

This is general information only, not legal advice  always consult a lawyer about your circumstances. This episode discusses family violence and coercive control. In danger? Call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732).
You can do everything right in your divorce and still be exhausted because of the people standing around you
00:00 – Divorce Support Team: Why the People Around You Matter
02:30 – Why You Never Plan Your Team (But Should)
03:30 – Lyn's Divorce 40 Years Ago: Judgement in a Country Town
04:30 – Your Ex Is Not on Your Support Team
06:00 – Family Members: Who Helps and Who Hurts
08:00 – "Keep It Amicable" Is Code for "Just Give In"
09:30 – When Family Cares More About How It Looks
10:30 – Family Violence: When Family Pressure Becomes Unsafe
11:00 – It's Not Your Job to Explain Coercive Control to Everyone
12:00 – The One Loyal Family Member Who Saw Behind the Mask
13:00 – What to Say to Pressuring Family Members
14:30 – In-Laws: Pausing Even the Good Relationships
17:00 – Enabler In-Laws and When to Distance Fast
19:00 – Family Violence Orders: When Family Contact Breaks the Rules
20:30 – Friends: Who Rolls Up Their Sleeves vs Who Stays "Neutral"
23:00 – Judgy Friends and the Gossip Collectors
25:00 – Screenshots to Your Ex: The Social Media Trap
26:30 – Don't Forget the Fun Friends: Finding Glimmers of Joy
28:30 – Online Support Groups: The Risks Nobody Talks About
30:00 – Commenting Publicly About Your Case: Court Consequences
32:00 – The Tom Holland Rule for Handling Criticism
32:45 – Choosing a Lawyer: What the Right One Looks Like
36:00 – Lawyer Red Flags: Gatekeeping Your Story (Episode 166)
37:00 – Brave Lawyers vs Lawyers Afraid of Court
38:30 – The Three As: Affability, Availability, Ability
39:30 – Why You Need Your Own Psychologist
41:00 – Emotion-Driven Strategy: The Most Expensive Mistake
42:30 – Kids and School: One Contact Person + the Counsellor
45:30 – Church and Faith Communities: Support or Pressure?
49:00 – Your Kids Can't Be on Your Team
50:00 – Bad Podcasts, Reddit and Wrong Information
53:00 – Rapid Fire: Neutral Besties, Slow Lawyers & Nosy Sisters
56:30 – High-Conflict Ex: What Your Team Needs to Be
58:30 – Avoidant Ex: The Friends Who Do the Hard Yakka
59:30 – Manipulative & Controlling Ex: Vetting for Flying Monkeys
1:00:30 – Amicable Split: Why You Still Need a Team
1:01:45 – "It's My Decision": Mum's Cushion Wisdom
🔗 Resources
10 Essential Boundaries for a Healthier Divorce (Ep 173) 
When In-Laws Interfere in Your Divorce (Ep 305) 
Legal Gatekeeping: Is Your Lawyer Telling Your Full Story? (Ep 166)
1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 | Lifeline – 13 11 14 | Police – 000
The Divorce Course – www.thedivorcecourse.com.au
If this episode helped you work out who belongs in your corner, please follow, rate, review and share The Divorce Course Podcast.

🎧 LISTEN TO THIS EPISODE IF…
You and your ex wrote something down, signed it, and you think it is sorted

You spent a full day in mediation and signed a heads of agreement

You have a parenting plan sitting in a drawer and you are relying on it

You are about to sign something and you are not sure what it actually means

Your ex agreed to something and has now changed their mind

You want to know how to lock an agreement in so it cannot be undone

⚠️ General information only, not legal advice. Australian family law, and laws may have changed since recording. Always get your own independent legal advice.
🛟 This episode discusses coercive control, post-separation abuse and signing under duress. In danger, call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT 1800 737 732.
⏱️ EPISODE TIMELINE
00:00 – Is Your Divorce Agreement Actually Legally Binding?
01:00 – Welcome, Legal Disclaimer & Family Violence Warning
02:00 – The Four Ways People Reach an Agreement in Divorce
03:00 – Kitchen Table Agreements: Why They Are Not Enforceable
04:00 – Your Property Pool Is Valued Later, Not at Separation
05:00 – The Lotto Case: Post-Separation Money Is Still Shared
06:30 – You Cannot Split Superannuation Without Court Orders
08:20 – Stamp Duty, Refinancing & the Exemption You Lose
11:00 – No Clean Break: They Can Always Come Back for More
12:00 – Time Limits Keep Running While You Wait
13:40 – What a Kitchen Table Agreement Is Actually Good For
15:00 – Recap: The Six Risks of a Private Divorce Agreement
16:10 – Mediation: Is a Signed Heads of Agreement Binding?
18:40 – Settler's Remorse: Why One in Five Deals Fall Over
20:00 – When Your Ex Uses Mediation to Waste Your Time
21:00 – Why Mediation Feels Official When It Is Not
23:00 – How to Prepare Before You Walk Into Mediation
24:00 – Parenting Plans: Are They Legally Enforceable?
25:00 – What a Judge Actually Does With Your Parenting Plan
26:30 – Parenting Plan or Consent Orders: How to Choose
29:00 – Coerced Into 50/50? Stepped Parenting Plans Explained
31:00 – Pressured to Sign a Plan Before They Move Out
33:30 – Consent Orders: The One Agreement That Is Enforceable
35:20 – Contravention: What Happens If They Breach the Orders
36:40 – The Disclosure Catch That Can Undo Your Consent Orders
38:00 – Why Parenting and Property Orders Stay Separate
39:20 – Rapid Fire: Fraud, Duress & Recorded Conversations
40:40 – Which Agreement Suits Your Divorce Personality Type?
42:40 – Baby Steps: Final Thoughts & Next Steps
🎧 EPISODES MENTIONED
Consent Orders or BFAs: Which Would You Choose? – https://share.google/BNQYdg1fGEoB1cD3l
📚 MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
Farmer & Bramley – the lottery win after separation case
Woodland & Todd – the property pool is assessed at the date of hearing
Family Law Act 1975 (Cth) s 90 – stamp duty exemption on transfers made under a court order
🔗 LINKS & RESOURCES
📞 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 (24/7 DV support)
📞 Lifeline – 13 11 14
🚓 Police – 000 (immediate danger)
🌐 The Divorce Course – www.thedivorcecourse.com.au
🎓 Blog & Podcast – www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog
 
If this episode helped you understand what makes an agreement binding, please follow, rate, review and share The Divorce Course Podcast so others going through the same thing can find this information too.