This Complex Life

The ick in dating, it’s that moment where someone does something completely normal, and your whole body just shuts down. A 2025 study found that 64% of people have felt it, and about a quarter ended the relationship because of it. It is a real psychological phenomenon, and it might be telling you more about yourself than the person across the table.
This episode covers:
What the ick actually is and why it happens
Red flags versus superficial triggers
How shame, projection and avoidant attachment show up as the ick
Whether we are being too picky in the wrong ways and not picky enough in the right ones
What to do when the ick shows up in your relationship

Resources:
If you want to move from reacting to reflecting, download my Conflict & Connection Guide to help you navigate those moments of disconnect.
https://marievakakis.com.au/working-with-conflict-in-couples-therapy/
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/guys-things-women-do-ick_l_65fdc42fe4b087dad305664b

Have you ever had a reaction to your partner that felt huge?
Like a ten out of ten response to something small?
You are crying over coffee.
They are confused.
You are both thinking, what just happened?
It makes sense that this feels confusing. Most couples are not fighting about the present moment. They are reacting from something older.
In this episode, I explore how your wounded child shows up in adult relationships, why conflict can feel bigger than the situation and how attachment patterns keep couples stuck in the same loop.
This is not about blame. It is about understanding the pattern.
In this episode I cover:
• Why small arguments turn into big emotional reactions
• How childhood needs for safety, soothing and validation shape adult conflict
• What anxious and avoidant attachment can look like in a fight
• Why you get louder and they shut down
• What secure conflict actually feels like
• Practical steps to pause, name your needs and respond rather than react
You are not broken for reacting strongly. There is nothing wrong with you for feeling that. Often, if it feels hysterical, it is historical.
The goal is not to erase your wounds. The goal is to make sure they are not driving your adult intimacy.
Resources:
If you want more support, download the Conflict Guide and start noticing your patterns with compassion and clarity.
https://marievakakis.com.au/why-couples-keep-arguing-and-what-its-really-aboutand-what-its-really-about/
ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026
https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

If you keep having the same argument with your partner, it might not be about the topic at all. Often, it is not about the dishes, the plans for the weekend, or who forgot to call back. How you fight, well, that could be based on your attachment style. In this episode, I’ll explore how anxious and avoidant attachment styles show up during conflict and why they can create painful cycles that feel impossible to escape.I’ll share what I see as a couples therapist and what you can do about it.
Conflict with a partner activates something deep in our nervous system. Suddenly, we are not calm, rational adults. We are reacting to old attachment wounds. One person escalates, the other withdraws, and before long, the original issue is forgotten while the emotional storm takes over.
In this episode I’ll explain how these patterns form, why they make sense from an attachment perspective, and most importantly, how couples can begin to break the cycle.
In this episode you will learn:
• Why couples repeat the same arguments over and over
• How anxious and avoidant attachment styles trigger each other
• What happens in the nervous system during relationship conflict
• Why silence can feel dangerous for one partner and safe for the other
• The difference between taking a break and stonewalling
• How to communicate needs clearly during heated moments
• Practical scripts to help repair after conflict
• Why repair is more important than getting it right
Resources mentioned:
Working with conflict course: https://marievakakis.com.au/working-with-conflict-in-couples-therapy/
Download guide: https://marievakakis.com.au/why-couples-keep-arguing-and-what-its-really-aboutand-what-its-really-about/
Couples therapy sessions at The Therapy Hub

If this episode resonates, share it with your partner or a friend and start the conversation.
ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026
https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

So many couples say the same thing when they come to therapy. We probably should have talked about this earlier. Not because of one big issue, but because of all the small conversations that got pushed aside.
In this episode, I’m sharing five relationship topics that come up again and again in my therapy sessions. Things like how to talk about personal goals, navigating money and shared responsibilities, defining sex and intimacy, managing expectations as life changes, and naming the fears that quietly shape how we show up with each other.
What we cover
The conversations couples often avoid that lead to disconnection
What to talk about before starting study or changing routines
Why money triggers old patterns, and how to talk about them together
How to define sex and intimacy in a way that works for both of you
Expectations around parenting, roles and who does what
How fear shows up in silence, frustration or resentment

Mentioned in this episode
Relationship Refresh Workshop (on demand)
Sex and Intimacy Conversation Starter Guide
Therapy sessions at The Therapy Hub

ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026
https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Sharing good news with your partner should feel connecting. Yet for many people, moments of success can quickly turn into hurt or tension when the response feels flat, awkward, or dismissive.
In this episode, I respond to a listener question about getting a promotion and feeling unsupported by their partner. I unpack three common reasons this happens and what is often going on underneath the surface.
This is not about someone being uncaring or selfish. It is about different emotional languages, family histories, and unspoken fears colliding in the same moment.
What this episode explores
Why celebrations matter differently to different people
How family culture shapes responses to success
Why promotions can trigger shame, fear, or disconnection
How money and identity influence reactions
What to say when a moment goes wrong and how to slow the conversation down

When good news turns into conflict, it is rarely about the achievement itself. It is about meaning, expectations, and what has not yet been said.
ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026
https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
Mentioned in this episode:
Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset
https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/