This Complex Life

You're the one everyone brings their problems to, at work, at home and everywhere in between.
By the time the day winds down you've held the school emails, the parent who needs a phone call, the clients and the health advice you keep meaning to follow, and you're not sure who gets to hold any of it for you. It's a lot to carry, and most of us carry it without saying so out loud.
Fi Mims, a business coach and photographer who has been running her own business for 23 years, joins me to talk about the load women carry at home and at work and who she actually calls when it all gets heavy.

Things Discussed:
What life looks like in the sandwich generation, with 17 year old twins, a business and two parents in aged care
Why the health messaging aimed at women over 40 can leave you feeling like nothing you do is ever enough
How work can settle you when things are tense at home and what it takes to be fully present for someone else
The unspoken expectations about who carries the mental load and why workplaces and schools haven't caught up with families where both partners work
A fresh perspective on the trad wife movement and burnout
Who Fi talks to when things get heavy and why sharing the load with the right people matters
Using professional support alongside your inner circle
What Fi has learnt about listening in her marriage and with her teens, including calming down first, taking the other person's perspective and letting teenagers have their say
Why planning ahead and slowing down before you're forced to is worth the discomfort
Choosing deeper connection over the easy win of the couch

Timestamps:
2:00 Life in the sandwich generation
4:00 Hiking the Grampians with her son
7:00 Holding space for others while managing your own life
8:00 Being a woman in business and the unspoken load at home
10:00 Why work and school haven't caught up with working families
13:00 The trad wife movement and burnout
14:00 The pressure to get health right
16:00 Who you unload with when it all gets heavy
19:00 Using professional support when you need it
22:00 Communication and perspective taking in marriage
24:00 Parenting teens and learning to zip it
27:00 What Fi would say to anyone in this season
30:00 Slowing down, planning ahead and choosing deeper connection
33:00 Wrapping up and one thing to try

Resources and Links:

Work with Fi Mims: https://fimims.com/contact

Find Fi online:
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/fimims/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/fimimsphotography
LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/fi-mims-photography/

Keep the Conversation Going
Got a question you'd like answered on the podcast? Ask me anything here: forms.gle/ExJAeBTXAfn8xGkQ9

Guest Info:

Fi Mims is an award winning photographer and business coach who supports her clients to look and feel their best and lifts the visibility of their personal brands. Her photographs show clients as authentic, beautiful and powerful, and her coaching supports them to find self belief, confidence and purpose.
With over 20 years of experience behind her, Fi has navigated the many challenges facing modern women while building and maintaining a multiple six figure business. When she's not working she's dreaming up new holiday adventures, getting through the pile of books next to her bed, enjoying a good boogie and never refusing a glass of champagne.

ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026
https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Connect with Marie:
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

You still say I love you before bed. You still sit next to each other on the couch most nights. Nothing bad has happened, no big fight, no betrayal, and somewhere along the way you stopped feeling like you actually know this person.
This episode looks at three reasons emotional intimacy fades in long term relationships, even when nothing has gone wrong, and what you can actually do about it this week.

Things Discussed:
What bids for connection are, and why missing them slowly creates distance
The Gottman research on why relationships more often end in a slow drift than one big blow up
Why spending time together is not the same as quality time
The REV framework for listening: reflect, empathically attune, validate
The still face experiment, and why a blank face can feel threatening
Why couples stop updating each other, and how to start again
Specific open ended questions to try with your partner this week

Timestamps:
2:00 Why emotional distance builds without one clear cause
3:00 Bids for connection, explained
5:00 The Gottman research on what keeps couples together
7:00 Why time together is not the same as quality time
9:00 The problem with yes or no questions
11:00 REV: reflect, empathically attune, validate
14:00 The still face experiment
15:00 The third reason couples drift apart
18:00 Questions to try with your partner this week
20:00 Small deposits, not one grand gesture

Resources and Links
Free open ended questions guide
Open ended questions https://marievakakis.com.au/open-ended-questions-for-couples/
Relationship Reset course
https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/
Keep the Conversation Going
forms.gle/ExJAeBTXAfn8xGkQ9

Connect with Marie:
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Most people don't know the difference between a sex therapist and a couples therapist, or which one they actually need. In this episode, Tania Wellby, an Accredited Mental Health Social Worker and Sex Therapist, joins Marie to talk about sexual scripts, mismatched desire and why your partner turning you down is almost never about you. It's a direct conversation about the stuff most of us only type into Google late at night and never say out loud.
Things Discussed
The difference between a sex therapist and a couples therapist, and how to know which one you need
What actually brings people to sex therapy, from mismatched desire to sexual trauma to dating anxiety
Sexual scripts, the unspoken rules about sex and gender we absorb from culture and never actually chose
Why one partner's low desire so often gets misread as rejection
The vulnerability cycle, and how it shows up around sex as much as it does around conflict
How to say what you actually feel instead of the thing that starts a fight
Why nothing shocks a good sex therapist, and what that means for the rest of us

Timestamps
0:00 What actually brings someone to sex therapy
2:00 Welcome to This Complex Life with Tania Wellby
5:00 Why sex is still taboo, even among social workers
8:00 What actually brings people through the door
13:00 Sex therapy or couples therapy, how to know which one you need
14:00 Sexual scripts, the blueprint nobody signs up for
17:00 The vulnerability cycle and why low desire gets read as rejection
23:00 Is there anything that could still shock her
Resources and Links
Tania Wellby
https://www.yestherapy.com.au/meet-tania
Free sex and intimacy guide
https://marievakakis.com.au/time-to-talk-a-guide-to-talking-about-sex-and-intimacy/
Keep the Conversation Going
forms.gle/ExJAeBTXAfn8xGkQ9
Guest Info
Tania Wellby is an Accredited Mental Health Social Worker and Sex Therapist. She's dual trained, which means she works across both the mental health side and the sex therapy side of what people bring into the room, including desire, sexual trauma, sexuality and relationships.

You love your partner and you'd choose them again if you had to do it all over, so why did you stop wanting sex with them?
As a couples therapist, this is one of the most common things I hear from couples, and it's almost never about love running out.
In this episode, I break down why love and desire run on completely different systems, how safety and familiarity can quietly work against your sex life, what becoming a parent does to desire (and why being touched out is different from just being tired), how resentment blocks desire and why waiting for spontaneous desire to strike is a myth that's setting you up to wait forever.
I also share practical ways to bring the spark back without adding pressure, including the difference between wanting and willing and one simple exercise you can try tonight. If you've been quietly wondering whether something's wrong with you or your relationship, this episode is for you.

Free conflict workbook: https://marievakakis.com.au/why-couples-keep-arguing-and-what-its-really-aboutand-what-its-really-about/
Free guide to sex and intimacy: https://marievakakis.com.au/time-to-talk-a-guide-to-talking-about-sex-and-intimacy/
Relationship Reset course: https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

0:00 Why you can love someone and still not want sex with them
6:00 Becoming a parent and feeling touched out
12:00 Resentment and the mental load
15:00 Why waiting for spontaneous desire is a myth
20:00 Bringing back novelty, fun and playfulness

ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026
https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

The kitchen is finally clean. You've sat down for the first time all day. Then a hand lands on your back and your shoulders go tight before you've decided anything at all. You love them. You're just completely done, and you already know how tonight goes if you say no.
This week I answer a listener question from someone who wants sex less often than her partner does and has started to wonder whether something is wrong with her. We talk about why the number is almost never the actual problem, what's really driving the tension in these dynamics and what you can do about it.
Things Discussed
The listener question: my partner wants sex more than I do, and I feel like I'm failing at something I'm supposed to want
Why differences in desire show up in most long term relationships at some point
What shifts desire over time, including illness, medication side effects, parenting, stress, hormone changes and body changes
Why a difference in desire doesn't mean you're incompatible
The meaning people make of a no, and why that meaning does more damage than the no itself
Sexual scripts and the templates we all carry about who initiates and how it's supposed to go
Why there's no normal frequency, and why many couples have never agreed on what sex even means to them
The golden rule: it's fun, it's pleasurable, everyone is willing and able, and no can be said without an unintended consequence
How affection drops off when every touch feels loaded, from opposite ends of the couch to not holding hands
Being lonely in the same house, living like housemates or ships in the night
Responsive desire and spontaneous desire, and why waiting to feel like it first can mean waiting a very long time
Why planning for it and building anticipation isn't a failure of romance
Why the big weekend away often ends in a fight instead of connection
Emily Nagoski's accelerator and brakes analogy, and how two people can have very different sensitivities
Taking sex off the table for an agreed period so bodies can relax
How to open the conversation, when to have it, and why your first attempt is allowed to be a rough draft
The sex education most of us got, and what it left out

Timestamps
0:00 The hand on your back and the panic that follows
1:00 The listener question and why it comes up so often
2:00 Differences in desire show up in most long term relationships
3:00 What changes desire over time
4:00 Sexual scripts and the meaning we make of a no
4:50 There is no normal frequency
6:30 How affection slides off the agenda
8:00 Lonely in the same house
9:40 Responsive desire and the myth of spontaneous desire
11:20 Planning, anticipation and why it still counts
12:50 Why the weekend away backfires
13:40 Accelerators and brakes
14:40 Taking sex off the table
16:10 How to start the conversation
17:40 You are not failing at anything

Resources and Links
Free guide to talking about sex and intimacy: https://marievakakis.com.au/time-to-talk-a-guide-to-talking-about-sex-and-intimacy/
Relationship Reset, including the full module on intimacy: https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/
Couples Therapy Masterclass series for therapists, including the module on working with desire discrepancy: https://marievakakis.com.au/professionals-training/

Work with me: https://marievakakis.com.au/contact/
Episode with Dr Sarah Ashton on sexual scripts and desire: https://open.spotify.com/episode/1xGrzIjeplUPmQ9zCfOfnX?si=9wX0pMK4QN6I8xEDT3XVMg

Books mentioned
Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski
Come Together by Emily Nagoski

Keep the Conversation Going
Got a question you want answered on the podcast? Send it through here: forms.gle/ExJAeBTXAfn8xGkQ9
I read every question that comes in, even the ones I cannot get to.

ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026
https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6