ADHD Mums

You’ve sent the emails.
You’ve attended the meetings.
You’ve tried to be calm, collaborative, reasonable.
And nothing changes.
Then suddenly something serious happens — a suspension, an incident, a formal complaint — and overnight the school moves quickly.
So what just happened?
This episode unpacks the moment many ADHD mums eventually hit: the point where being reasonable stops working — and why that happens inside the school system.
Because for many families, the problem isn’t communication.
It’s understanding what schools actually respond to, what they quietly ignore, and how the system itself shapes those responses.
WHAT WE COVER
Why being calm, collaborative and ‘reasonable’ often doesn’t move schools
What schools actually respond to — and what gets quietly ignored
Why emotional emails and long explanations often backfire
The reality behind ‘reasonable adjustments’ under Australian education law
Why some adjustments are refused even when they appear simple
The funding model most parents have never heard of: NCCD
Why teachers may genuinely say they can’t do something — even when it seems obvious
The difference between fairness and inclusion in schools
When escalating a complaint becomes necessary (and how to do it properly)
Why documentation, meeting notes and evidence matter far more than emotion

THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU IF…
You feel like you’ve been polite, patient and collaborative… and nothing has changed
Your child’s school says they ‘can’t’ implement adjustments that seem reasonable
You’ve asked for incident reports or documentation and never received them
Meetings feel confusing or adversarial
You’re not sure when to keep negotiating and when to escalate
You’re trying to advocate for your child without becoming ‘that parent’

ABOUT TODAY’S GUEST
Sara Hocking
Educational disability advocate supporting families navigating school discrimination, failed adjustments and escalation processes.
Sarah works directly with families across Australia dealing with school-based disability support issues and understands both the legal framework and the practical realities of how schools respond.
LEGISLATION REFERENCED
Disability Discrimination Act 1992 (Cth)
Disability Standards for Education 2005 (Cth)
These laws outline the obligation for Australian schools to provide reasonable adjustments for students with disability, provided those adjustments do not create an unjustifiable hardship for the school.
FUNDING MODEL MENTIONED
Nationally Consistent Collection of Data on School Students with Disability (NCCD)
The NCCD is the Australian Government framework used to determine funding and support levels for students with disability in schools.
Many parents assume funding follows their child directly to the school.
In reality, the system is far more complex — and often much less transparent.
FIND SARA HERE
Sara Hocking – Educational Disability Advocate
www.seebeyondau.org
RELATED ADHD MUMS EPISODES
🎧 When School Decides Your Child Is the Problem
https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/when-school-decides-your-child-is-the-problem/
🎧 Raising Strong Children: How to Support Without Always Solving Their Problems
https://adhdmums.com.au/raising-strong-children/
FREE PARENT RESOURCES
📘 The School Choice Kit
https://adhdmums.com.au/product/the-school-choice-kit/
SHARE YOUR SCHOOL EXPERIENCE
If you’ve experienced school pushback, refused adjustments, or confusing processes around disability support, you can share your experience here:
https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864
Your experiences help shape future episodes and resources for other ADHD mums navigating the same systems.

There is a particular kind of confusion that happens when your child likes their teacher.
If you’ve ever thought, ‘But she’s so lovely… why isn’t this working?’ I explore this massive question wth Bronnie Hammond-Vale.
This episode is for you.
WHY THIS MATTERS
Sometimes the problem is the gap between teacher intention and system capacity.
A teacher can care deeply.
A teacher can try hard.
A teacher can be doing their best in a room full of kids who all need something different.
And still… your child keeps escalating, shutting down, falling apart, or being labelled as ‘behavioural’.
Not because your kid is the problem.
And not because the teacher doesn’t care.
But because the system is rigid, under-resourced, and built for compliance — not regulation, flexibility, or neurodivergent reality.
WHAT WE COVER
The ‘she’s lovely… but it’s still not working’ gap (teacher intention vs system capacity)
Why teachers end up buying sensory tools and resources with their own money
What school funding often gets spent on instead (and why it’s not always what kids need)
Why neurodivergent supports should be universal, not ‘special’ (the wobble chair example)
How rigid systems create the ‘bad behaviour’ narrative when teachers don’t have tools
Why fear-based discipline ‘worked’ back then (and why it’s not motivation — it’s trauma)
The missing piece: what teachers can do (scripts, toolkits, repair) when punishment is off the table
Why a child walking out can be a skill, not ‘truancy’ — and what a supportive response looks like

THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU IF…
Your child likes their teacher but school is still going downhill
You’re stuck between ‘they’re trying’ and ‘this is not working’
You’re watching schools spend money on optics while teachers fund basics
You’ve been told your child is ‘naughty’ when you know it’s dysregulation
You’re exhausted from advocating and still feel like nothing changes
You want practical, real-world strategies that work in a classroom of 30 — not theory

Find out more about Bronnie Hammond Value here
https://www.honeycombadvocacy.com/
RELATED ADHD MUMS EPISODES
🎙️ When Teachers Care — But the System Still Breaks Kids
🎧 1️⃣ When School Decides Your Child Is the Problem
https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/when-school-decides-your-child-is-the-problem/
🎧 2️⃣ SCHOOL SERIES – When School Becomes the Trauma
https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/s2-ep2-school-series-when-school-becomes-the-trauma-what-no-one-tells-adhd-parents/
🎧 3️⃣ IEP Meetings Are Broken — Here’s What to Say Instead
https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-9-when-the-iep-meeting-feels-like-a-battle-you-didnt-ask-for/
🎧 4️⃣ Being Judged for Choosing Understanding Over Punishment
https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/being-judged-adhd-discipline-myth
📬 Check out my Free Resources on Schools:
Bullying Response Kit
https://adhdmums.com.au/product/bullying-response-kit-adhd-mums/
The School Choice Kit
https://adhdmums.com.au/product/the-school-choice-kit/
ADHD School Prep Kit
https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-school-prep-kit/
Quiet Exclusion Kit
https://adhdmums.com.au/product/quiet-exclusion-kit/
Explaining ADHD to Kids – Parents Guide
https://adhdmums.com.au/product/explaining-adhd-to-kids-parents-guide/
📬 Check out my Paid Resource on Schools:
Making School Work – Parent Guide ($20)
https://adhdmums.com.au/product/making-school-work-parent-guide/
📬 Listener Questions & Community
🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)
Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.
Send me a WhatsApp voice message here:
https://wa.me/61403457313
✍️ Ask a Listener Question (written)
https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864
👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group
For community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcast

You’re sitting in a meeting thinking you’re here to talk about support.
There’s a plan. There are ‘adjustments’.
And yet your child is still escalating… and suddenly the school is hinting at removal, reduced hours, or ‘this isn’t the right setting’.
This episode is the practical middle bit no one gives you:
When a plan exists, but it’s either the wrong plan — or it’s not actually being applied.
WHY THIS MATTERS
When a school says ‘the plan isn’t working’, it often gets translated as ‘your child is the problem’.
But plans fail for predictable reasons:
they’re too big and unworkable in a class of 28
no one is actually implementing them consistently
teachers don’t understand the ‘why’ behind the strategies
the plan ignores language processing, sensory load, or demand avoidance
there’s no review cycle, no accountability, no data, just documentation
the teacher doesn't have the capacity to implement the plan in the classroom due to numbers and workload.

And when the plan becomes a ‘set and forget’ document, you get stuck in a dangerous loop:
‘We tried everything’ → escalation continues → the child gets labelled → exclusion gets normalised.
WHAT WE COVER
Why an IEP is a start, not a manual
How ‘too many strategies at once’ makes a plan fail fast
What to ask when the school says ‘we’ve tried everything’
How to check if staff actually understand what’s on the plan
Why ‘accommodation’ can trigger teacher resistance — and how ‘considerations’ changes the tone
The missing piece in most behaviour plans: language processing and communication load
How literal thinking, vague instructions, and high language demand can create ‘refusal’ and shutdown
How to build accountability into the plan (review dates, outcomes, roles, communication method)
Red flags that the school has decided your child is ‘too hard’
Green flags that the team is still in curiosity, collaboration, and problem-solving
Orchid vs dandelion kids: when pushing through builds resilience, and when it becomes trauma

THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU IF…
your child has a plan at school but behaviour is still escalating
you keep hearing ‘we’re doing everything’ but nothing changes
the teacher looks overwhelmed and the plan feels impossible in real life
your child gets labelled ‘defiant’ or ‘refusing’ and you suspect it’s processing/demand/safety
you’re trying to work out ‘do we persist or do we leave?’
you want practical language for meetings without becoming ‘that mum’

MORE ABOUT SALLY GALLOWAY & KAT MARRINGTON
Kat Marrington (Speech Pathologist) at www.Talkiplay.com
Sally Galloway (Occupational Therapist) at www.sallygalloway.com.au
🎧 EPISODES MENTIONED IN THIS TRANSCRIPT
1️⃣ When School Decides Your Child Is the Problem
https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/when-school-decides-your-child-is-the-problem/
2️⃣ Vanessa LaPointe Episode
Grieving the Child You Imagined — While Loving the One in Front of You
https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/parenting-grief-adhd-mums
3️⃣ Resilience vs Trauma Episode (Emma Rose)
Raising Strong Children: How to Support Without Always Solving Their Problems
https://adhdmums.com.au/raising-strong-children/
🌸 ORCHID & DANDELION REFERENCE
Dr W. Thomas Boyce
Developmental paediatrician and author of The Orchid and the Dandelion
Boyce, W. T. (2019). The Orchid and the Dandelion: Why Sensitive Children Face Challenges and How All Can Thrive. Knopf.
📬 Check out my Free Resources on Schools:
Bullying Response Kit
https://adhdmums.com.au/product/bullying-response-kit-adhd-mums/
The School Choice Kit
https://adhdmums.com.au/product/the-school-choice-kit/
Explaining ADHD to Kids – Parents Guide
https://adhdmums.com.au/product/explaining-adhd-to-kids-parents-guide/
📬 Check out my Paid Resource on Schools:
Making School Work – Parent Guide ($20)
https://adhdmums.com.au/product/making-school-work-parent-guide/
📬 Listener Questions & Community
🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)
Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.
Send me a WhatsApp voice message here:
https://wa.me/61403457313
✍️ Ask a Listener Question (written)
https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864
👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group
For community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcast

There is a moment in some school meetings where the language changes.
You walk in expecting support. Adjustments. Solutions.
But then different words start appearing.
‘Safety.’
‘Impact on others.’
‘Capacity.’
‘We’ve tried everything.’
And you can feel the shift before you fully understand it.
You start thinking:
How did this go from help… to risk?
WHY THIS MATTERS
ADHD mums are already carrying invisible labour, school advocacy, therapy coordination, and the emotional regulation of the entire household.
So when a school meeting shifts tone, it doesn’t land as ‘this is complex.’
It lands as threat.
Threat that your child is being positioned as the problem.
Threat that you’re about to be performance-managed as a parent.
Threat that exclusion is quietly being prepared.
And once the language moves from support to safety, your nervous system knows what’s coming — even if no one has said it yet.
This episode unpacks that shift.
What it actually means.
And what you can do before the door quietly closes.
WHAT WE COVER
The early signs a school is moving from inclusion to managing out
How ‘we’ve tried everything’ often means the plan was never implemented properly
Why perceived defiance and PDA profiles trigger exclusion faster than quiet masking
What ‘regulated and choosing it’ misunderstands about neurodivergent distress
The difference between documentation for support and documentation for removal
How modified timetables, wellbeing days, and shortened hours become informal exclusion
What to ask for when supports ‘aren’t working’
How to request IEP reviews, fidelity checks, and functional behaviour assessments
Why building your own paper trail (including positives) matters

THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU IF…
You’ve left a school meeting feeling blindsided
You’re getting more ‘pick up’ calls and reduced hours
Your child is being described as ‘defiant’ rather than overwhelmed
You’re hearing leadership speak more than classroom teachers
You’re scared you’re about to lose your child’s placement
You’re trying to advocate without burning the entire system down

RELATED ADHD MUMS EPISODES
🎧 SCHOOL SERIES: When School Stops Feeling Safe
https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-19-when-school-stops-being-safe/
🎧 SCHOOL SERIES: Your Child Isn’t ‘Acting Out’ — They’re Burning Out
https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-5-school-series-your-child-isnt-acting-out-theyre-burning-out/
🎧 You’re Not ‘That Mum’ — You Learned to Protect Your Child at School
https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/youre-not-that-mum-back-to-school-edition
📬 Listener Questions & Community
🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)
Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.
Send me a WhatsApp voice message here:
https://bit.ly/3ZQl0O8
✍️ Ask a Listener Question (written)
https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864
👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group
For community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcast

You’re not lying on the couch saying ‘poor me.’
You’re functioning. Packing lunches. Showing up. Holding it together.
But quietly, inside, you’ve started believing:
‘This is just how it is for me.’
WHY THIS MATTERS
ADHD mums carry more correction, more visible mistakes, more invisible labour, more system friction.
So when something goes wrong, it doesn’t land as ‘that was hard.’
It lands as proof.
Proof you’re behind.
Proof you’re failing.
Proof this is who you are.
And once shame becomes the explanation, your brain stops looking for options.
Not because you don’t want change.
Because the load is already too high.
WHAT WE COVER
The difference between a victim moment and a victim identity
Why ADHD conditioning makes shame feel factual
How ‘nothing works in our house anyway’ protects you from hope
The motherhood shame loop that quietly shrinks your life
Why waiting for fairness before you move will keep costing you
Responsibility without blame — and why that matters
The one question that reopens possibility without forcing action

THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU IF…
You’ve stopped trying in one area because failing again feels unbearable
You feel resentful but also guilty for feeling resentful
You avoid things before they even go wrong
You tell yourself you’re ‘just bad at this stage’
Being validated feels relieving… but nothing changes afterwards

RELATED ADHD MUMS EPISODES
🎧 Hidden Cost of Being The Good Girl
https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/goodgirlcost/
🎧 When You Can’t Relax Even When It’s Quiet
https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/why-adhd-mums-cant-relax/
🎧 The ADHD Myth of ‘Just Try Harder’ (Quick Reset)
https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-24-quick-reset-the-adhd-myth-of-just-try-harder/
📬 Listener Questions & Community
🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)
Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.
Send me a WhatsApp voice message here:
https://bit.ly/3ZQl0O8
✍️ Ask a Listener Question (written)
https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864
👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group
For community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcast