ADHD Mums

There is a kind of grief that mums are not supposed to name. It could be called ungrateful.. but a lot of us feel it. So it stays private, carried quietly while life keeps moving and decisions keep getting made.
This episode sits with the grief of the unlived motherhood — the version of parenting that was imagined, planned for, and socially rewarded, and then slowly dismantled by reality. Not because the mum did anything wrong, but because parenting did not arrive as promised, and the cost of adjusting was absorbed almost entirely by her.
In This Episode, We Cover
– Realising the life you planned no longer fits
– Changing schools, routines, and priorities without calling it loss
– Supporting children while privately missing your old life
– Being told to be grateful while something keeps breaking
– Noticing the grief surface long after the decision is made
– Carrying expectations that don’t match daily reality
This Episode Is For You If
– Mornings don’t look how you thought they would
– Your days are built around needs you didn’t anticipate
– You’ve adjusted plans more times than you can count
– You support your family while missing parts of yourself
– You’re functioning, but something feels quietly unfinished
Related Episodes
You Were the Good Girl. That’s Why You’re Falling Apart Now.
https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-35-you-were-the-good-girl-thats-why-youre-falling-apart-now/
Curated Related Links
The Orchid and the Dandelion — Thomas Boyce
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25614459-the-orchid-and-the-dandelion
Dr. Vanessa LaPointe — Official Website
https://drvanessalapointe.com
The Unlived Life of the Parent — Carl Jung (concept reference)
https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201112/the-unlived-life
The Work — Byron Katie
https://thework.com
This isn’t weakness.
This is adaptation under pressure.
Mums are doing impossible things every day — and still standing.

Responsibility’s already on me.
If this tips, it’ll be because I waited too long.
That’s how the morning starts.
There’s a clock running. Shoes half on. Bags not where they should be. One kid slowing down, another winding up. Nothing’s happened yet, but the margin’s already thin. I step in early, before anyone else thinks it’s necessary, and it gets read straight away as 'being grumpy.'
In This Episode, We Cover
The internal belief that responsibility defaults inward before the day begins
How a single morning escalation under time pressure is interpreted differently by those around you
What it’s like to step in early and have that read as impatience or control
The moment intervention happens before anything has officially gone wrong

This Episode Is For You If
Mornings feel loaded before the first decision is made
You act early because the margin already feels thin
Your responses are misread in real time by others
You carry the sense that if it falls apart, it’s on you

Related Episodes
Why Am I Bracing for Impact When Nothing Is Wrong? (Quick Reset)
https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-10-quick-reset-why-am-i-bracing-for-impact-when-nothing-is-wrong/
You Were the Good Girl. That’s Why You’re Falling Apart Now.
https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-35-you-were-the-good-girl-thats-why-youre-falling-apart-now/
The ADHD Myth of ‘Just Try Harder’ (Quick Reset)
https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-24-quick-reset-the-adhd-myth-of-just-try-harder/
The morning doesn’t resolve. There’s no clean ending attached to it. Just the moment being seen while it’s still happening.
Not as overreaction.
Not as a set of steps.
As regulation under load, in real time, with the clock already ticking.
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You can feel it tipping before anyone else does.
Everyone’s still chatting, still comfortable, and your body’s already tightening.
You know if you stay, you’ll be the one dealing with what comes next.
It’s that familiar moment where nothing’s happened yet, but you’re already bracing for the clean-up.
In This Episode, We Cover
What it’s like to step in early when you’re the one who ends up carrying the fallout
How being told to ‘relax’ or ‘let it play out’ misses where the cost actually lands
Why stepping in early often gets read as control from the outside
The difference between reacting to what’s happening and knowing what usually comes next
How early exits, early no’s, and early decisions reduce the total load

This Episode Is For You If
You’re usually the one calling it before things tip
You leave events early and feel judged for it
You’re told nothing has happened yet, but you know what comes after
You’re the one left carrying the aftermath
You’re tired of second-guessing what you know because you’ve lived it

Related Episodes
Why Am I Bracing for Impact When Nothing Is Wrong? (Quick Reset)
https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-10-quick-reset-why-am-i-bracing-for-impact-when-nothing-is-wrong/
Surviving the Mental Load of the School Year
https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-63-surviving-the-mental-load-of-the-school-year/
When You Can’t Relax Even When It’s Quiet
https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/why-adhd-mums-cant-relax/
You Were the Good Girl. That’s Why You’re Falling Apart Now.
https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-35-you-were-the-good-girl-thats-why-youre-falling-apart-now/
The ADHD Myth of ‘Just Try Harder’ (Quick Reset)
https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-24-quick-reset-the-adhd-myth-of-just-try-harder/
This isn’t about being better at sitting with uncertainty.
It’s about exposure.
Some people only experience the moment.
Others are the ones who absorb what comes after.
Leaving early doesn’t look necessary when you’re not the one managing the fallout. What looks like overreaction from one place is actually load reduction from another.
You’re not creating problems too soon.
You’re carrying the cost so it doesn’t land later.
📬 Listener Questions &...

This episode sits in a very specific moment: when nothing has technically happened, but your whole system reacts as if something has gone wrong.
A message goes unanswered.
A reply takes longer than expected.
A conversation pauses.
And suddenly, silence feels loaded.

In this episode, Jane explores why those moments don’t register as neutral. They register as danger. Not because you’re dramatic or overthinking — but because past experiences have taught your system that silence can mean rejection, conflict, or loss of safety.
The panic that shows up isn’t reactive. It’s predictive.
And the relief that floods in when the reply finally comes? That’s not embarrassing. It’s data. Evidence that your system misfired a protective alarm — not that something is wrong with you.
This is a recognition episode, not an explanation. It doesn’t teach you how to stop spiralling. It names why the spiral happens — and lets that understanding do the calming.
In This Episode
Why silence is experienced as threat, not information
How past social pain trains the brain to predict danger early
Why panic is terrible at writing messages
The relief that comes when nothing was actually wrong — and what it proves
How overprotection develops from lived experience, not weakness
Why this reaction is about safety, not self-control

This Episode Is For You If
Unanswered messages make your whole body brace
Silence feels heavier than words
You rewrite texts that didn’t need fixing
Relief after a reply is followed by self-doubt or shame
You want recognition, not advice

Best Related Episodes
These episodes deepen the same patterns of silence, rejection sensitivity, and misread threat.
An RSD Story: Taking My Own Advice
A personal lived experience of rejection sensitivity and shame loops.
👉 https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/an-rsd-story-taking-my-own-advice-s1-ep9/
Why Am I Bracing for Impact When Nothing Is Wrong? (Quick Reset)
How the system predicts danger before there’s evidence.
👉 https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-10-quick-reset-why-am-i-bracing-for-impact-when-nothing-is-wrong/
When You Can’t Relax Even When It’s Quiet — What Your Body Is Doing and Why
Hypervigilance and waiting for the social ‘drop’.
👉

If you’re standing at the edge of a new school year already feeling tight, alert, or on edge — this episode is for you.
Not because you’re anxious.
Not because you’re controlling.
And not because you’re ‘that mum’.
In this episode, Jane unpacks what actually happens for many mums as school resumes — especially those parenting neurodivergent children.
The pressure to stay ahead.
To manage outcomes.
To prevent last year from repeating itself.

What often gets misunderstood is this:
that tension isn’t about wanting control.
It’s about knowing what’s at stake.

This episode explores the difference between regulation through behaviour and regulation through relationship — and why mums so often find themselves translating between systems that don’t speak the same language.
Jane reflects honestly on her own controlling reactions, not as a flaw, but as a signal of care under pressure.
The result is an episode that offers relief, recognition, and permission — not resolution.
This is not a ‘back to school readiness’ episode.
It’s an emotional exhale before the year begins.
In This Episode, We Cover
Why the start of the school year activates so much nervous system stress
How last year gets carried forward in the body
The difference between caring, control, and influence
Why mums are often labelled ‘that mum’ when they’re actually translating systems
Regulation through relationship vs regulation through behaviour
How fear of repetition drives over-functioning
Why letting go of control isn’t the same as giving up
Permission to choose influence where control isn’t possible

This Episode Is For You If
You feel braced heading into the school year
You’re worried about becoming ‘that mum’
You’re carrying last year’s stress into this one
You’ve had to advocate repeatedly for your child
You feel responsible for making the system work
You want relief and clarity, not another checklist

🔗 Related Episodes
These episodes sit in the same school-season and systems-translation lane, and deepen the themes explored here.
Surviving the Mental Load of the School Year
Why mums carry the system stress, not just the logistics
👉