ADHD Mums

‘It’s not fair!’ You’ve heard it so many times you could scream. And the worst part? Sometimes they’re right.
You keep asking the kid who says yes. The one who does it properly, first time, without the whinging. It’s faster. It’s quieter. And it might be quietly teaching her the exact thing you’ve spent years trying to unlearn.
Parenting educator Gen Muir is back. We get into why one kid ends up carrying more, why so many boys genuinely don’t see the towel on the floor, what to do about the plate that never makes it back from the rumpus room, and how to hold a chores boundary when you’re the one with ADHD and consistency is the hard bit. Plus the one line Gen would put on your fridge.
Listen to the whole Mental Load series: Mental Load series
More episodes you might like:
Gen’s first episode with me, on sibling rivalry: Sibling Peace
Where the good girl pattern starts: Good Girl Conditioning

If you’re the one doing everything, I wrote Doing Too Much for mums whose problem isn’t doing too little. It’s a printed workbook, posted to you, that helps you work out what to put down first. Doing Too Much workbook.
About Gen
Gen Muir is a parent educator, obstetric social worker and founder of Connected Parenting. Her new book, Why Kids Need Boundaries, is out now.
Connected Parenting
Beyond the Chaos podcast with Amy Gerard
High Low Buffalo Cards

References
Mueller, C. M., & Dweck, C. S. (1998). Praise for intelligence can undermine children’s motivation and performance. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 75(1), 33-52.

📬 Listener Questions & Community
🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)
Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.
Send a WhatsApp voice or written on 0403 457 313
All the top rated episodes sorted by topic
👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group
👥 Receive the episodes in your inbox

‘If you can focus on that, you can focus on this.’ You said it standing at the bench, and he looked at you like you’d said it in another language.
He’s just died fifteen times on the same level and gone again. Ten maths questions, Year 4 stuff he’s done before, and a minute and a half later he’s picking the sticker off his drink bottle. Is he lazy? Is he doing it on purpose? Is he choosing? A listener asked all three, and the answer isn’t the one the screen-time argument gives you. Taking the iPad away doesn’t fix it, and there’s a reason.
More on school and homework: the school collection
https://tr.ee/schoolcollection
Mentioned in this episode: Why You Snap at 4pm When You Were Fine at 9am
https://tr.ee/qa3RcmxWoq
The free Energy Accounting Guide I mention, for working out how much your child has left by homework time
https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-mums-energy-accounting-guide/
If homework is one more thing the school hands you to sort out at the kitchen bench, When School Isn’t Working is the guide I wish I’d had: the scripts, the rights and the plans for when the system doesn’t fit your child. Doing this on your own and money’s tight? Email me at jane@adhdmums.com.au.
https://adhdmums.com.au/product/making-school-work-parent-guide/
References
Sonuga-Barke, E. J., Taylor, E., Sembi, S. & Smith, J. (1992). Hyperactivity and delay aversion I: The effect of delay on choice. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 33(2), 387–398.
Antrop, I. et al. (2006). ADHD and delay aversion: the influence of non-temporal stimulation on choice for delayed rewards. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 47(11), 1152–1158.
Lemiere, J. et al. (2012). Brain activation to cues predicting inescapable delay in adolescent ADHD: an fMRI pilot study. Brain Research, 1450, 57–66.
📬 Listener Questions & Community
🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)
Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.
Send a WhatsApp voice or written on 0403 457 313
All the top rated episodes sorted by topic
👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group
👥 Receive the episodes in your inbox
Mentioned in this episode:
Free Resources
Free Resouces

Have you ever done everything right — dropped the demand, softened the ask, delivered it the one way that works — walked out of the room for two minutes, and come back to a child on the floor who won't get up for an hour because someone else said it wrong? Have you ever quietly decided it's easier to just do all of it yourself, every time, than risk the fallout of handing it over?
Low-demand parenting has saved families. Nobody talks about where the demand actually goes when it drops off the child. Rachel Few came on to say the thing she's watching happen in her clinic and nowhere else — that it lands on the mum, and she's already carrying more than anyone can see.
RESOURCES & REFERENCES
Free Resources
Energy Accounting Guide — for finding where your limit actually is when you've been running on empty — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-mums-energy-accounting-guide/
Household Family Meeting Template — for the 'why does all the communication land on me' default-parent dynamic — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-household-family-meeting-template/
Paid Resources
Meltdown & Shutdown Guide — a printed, posted guide for the meltdowns and shutdowns Rachel maps through this episode — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/navigating-meltdowns-strategies-for-parents/
ADHD Mums Shop — https://adhdmums.com.au/shop/
Related Episodes
Is PDA Real and What Can We Do About It? — with Michelle Garnett — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-30-could-it-be-pda-exploring-the-signs-and-why-its-different-from-odd/
Meltdowns — with Tania Waring — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-31-meltdowns-with-tania-waring/
What We Wish Our Partners Knew About the Mental Load — Jane solo — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-75-what-we-wish-our-partners-knew-about-the-mental-load-and-how-to-truly-support-us/
Self-Care Feels Nice. Self-Regulation Keeps You Alive. — Jane solo — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-53-quick-reset-self-care-feels-nice-self-regulation-keeps-you-alive/
Rachel's earlier episodes:
Overstimulated Before 7am — And No One Sees the Work — Rachel's first, one of the most-consumed on the show — https://adhdmums.com.au/episode/rachel-few
ADHD and Survival Mode: How to Stop Trying Harder and Actually Thrive — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/adhd-survival-mode-trying-harder-thriving/
About the Guest
Rachel Few runs Neurodivergent Counselling and Mentoring on the Sunshine Coast — telehealth, available Australia-wide. A neurodivergent mother herself, she works with women and mums on identity, burnout and thriving after diagnosis, and she's on the ground with what she's seeing in the room right now.
Website: https://rachelfew.com/
📬 Listener Questions & Community
🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)
Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.
Send a WhatsApp voice or written on 0403 457 313
Send a SMS voice or written on 0403 457 313
👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group
👥 Receive the episodes in your inbox
Mentioned in this episode:
Free Resources
Free Resouces

The script sat in your handbag for three weeks. Not because you’d changed your mind, but because you didn’t know what you’d say when he found it.
Then you told him over the dishes, and he didn’t even turn around. ‘I’m not giving a seven-year-old drugs.’ He asked what was actually in it, and you couldn’t answer. Argument over.
If you’re weighing up ADHD medication for your child, and someone at home has read ‘amphetamine’ off the label, this one’s for you. A listener sent me this exact voice memo, and I see versions of it in our group all the time.
More on ADHD medication: the medication collection
https://tr.ee/medication
Mentioned in this episode: Expectation Creep Explained
https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/when-school-feels-too-much-too-early-expectation-creep-explained/
If you want the plain-English version to hand to whoever’s asking the questions, A Guide to ADHD Medication is the one I wish I’d had at the kitchen bench.
https://adhdmums.com.au/product/a-guide-to-adhd-medication/
References
Volkow, N. D. & Swanson, J. M. (2003). Variables that affect the clinical use and abuse of methylphenidate in the treatment of ADHD. American Journal of Psychiatry, 160(11), 1909–1918.
Shaw, P. et al. (2007). Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder is characterized by a delay in cortical maturation. PNAS, 104(49), 19649–19654.
Quinn, P. D. et al. (2017). ADHD medication and substance-related problems. American Journal of Psychiatry, 174(9), 877–885.
📬 Listener Questions & Community
🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)
Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.
Send a WhatsApp voice or written on 0403 457 313
All the top rated episodes sorted by topic
👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group
👥 Receive the episodes in your inbox

Have you ever been to a friend’s house where the kids walk around like they’re in a library, and yours are running like it’s a race car track? And on the drive home you’re already doing the maths on what she’s doing that you’re not.
If you’re parenting ADHD kids, you know the list. You’ve read the books. You do the warnings, the timers, the snack in the car. And the noise in your house still doesn’t match the effort. So is any of it working, or have you made a rod for your own back?
A listener sent me this exact question as a voice memo, and so many of you have asked it in the group.
More on parenting ADHD kids: the parenting collection
https://tr.ee/parenting
Everything I’ve made for mums in the thick of this is in the shop.
https://adhdmums.com.au/shop/
References
Agnew-Blais, J. C. et al. (2022). Mother’s and children’s ADHD genetic risk, household chaos and children’s ADHD symptoms: a gene–environment correlation study. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 63(10), 1153–1163.
Daley, D. et al. (2014). Behavioral interventions in attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder: a meta-analysis of randomized controlled trials across multiple outcome domains. Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, 53(8), 835–847.
📬 Listener Questions & Community
🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)
Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.
Send a WhatsApp voice or written on 0403 457 313
All the top rated episodes sorted by topic
👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group
👥 Receive the episodes in your inbox
Mentioned in this episode:
Free Resources
Free Resouces