ADHD Mums

This episode sits in a very specific moment: when nothing has technically happened, but your whole system reacts as if something has gone wrong.
A message goes unanswered.
A reply takes longer than expected.
A conversation pauses.
And suddenly, silence feels loaded.

In this episode, Jane explores why those moments don’t register as neutral. They register as danger. Not because you’re dramatic or overthinking — but because past experiences have taught your system that silence can mean rejection, conflict, or loss of safety.
The panic that shows up isn’t reactive. It’s predictive.
And the relief that floods in when the reply finally comes? That’s not embarrassing. It’s data. Evidence that your system misfired a protective alarm — not that something is wrong with you.
This is a recognition episode, not an explanation. It doesn’t teach you how to stop spiralling. It names why the spiral happens — and lets that understanding do the calming.
In This Episode
Why silence is experienced as threat, not information
How past social pain trains the brain to predict danger early
Why panic is terrible at writing messages
The relief that comes when nothing was actually wrong — and what it proves
How overprotection develops from lived experience, not weakness
Why this reaction is about safety, not self-control

This Episode Is For You If
Unanswered messages make your whole body brace
Silence feels heavier than words
You rewrite texts that didn’t need fixing
Relief after a reply is followed by self-doubt or shame
You want recognition, not advice

Best Related Episodes
These episodes deepen the same patterns of silence, rejection sensitivity, and misread threat.
An RSD Story: Taking My Own Advice
A personal lived experience of rejection sensitivity and shame loops.
👉 https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/an-rsd-story-taking-my-own-advice-s1-ep9/
Why Am I Bracing for Impact When Nothing Is Wrong? (Quick Reset)
How the system predicts danger before there’s evidence.
👉 https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-10-quick-reset-why-am-i-bracing-for-impact-when-nothing-is-wrong/
When You Can’t Relax Even When It’s Quiet — What Your Body Is Doing and Why
Hypervigilance and waiting for the social ‘drop’.
👉

If you’re standing at the edge of a new school year already feeling tight, alert, or on edge — this episode is for you.
Not because you’re anxious.
Not because you’re controlling.
And not because you’re ‘that mum’.
In this episode, Jane unpacks what actually happens for many mums as school resumes — especially those parenting neurodivergent children.
The pressure to stay ahead.
To manage outcomes.
To prevent last year from repeating itself.

What often gets misunderstood is this:
that tension isn’t about wanting control.
It’s about knowing what’s at stake.

This episode explores the difference between regulation through behaviour and regulation through relationship — and why mums so often find themselves translating between systems that don’t speak the same language.
Jane reflects honestly on her own controlling reactions, not as a flaw, but as a signal of care under pressure.
The result is an episode that offers relief, recognition, and permission — not resolution.
This is not a ‘back to school readiness’ episode.
It’s an emotional exhale before the year begins.
In This Episode, We Cover
Why the start of the school year activates so much nervous system stress
How last year gets carried forward in the body
The difference between caring, control, and influence
Why mums are often labelled ‘that mum’ when they’re actually translating systems
Regulation through relationship vs regulation through behaviour
How fear of repetition drives over-functioning
Why letting go of control isn’t the same as giving up
Permission to choose influence where control isn’t possible

This Episode Is For You If
You feel braced heading into the school year
You’re worried about becoming ‘that mum’
You’re carrying last year’s stress into this one
You’ve had to advocate repeatedly for your child
You feel responsible for making the system work
You want relief and clarity, not another checklist

🔗 Related Episodes
These episodes sit in the same school-season and systems-translation lane, and deepen the themes explored here.
Surviving the Mental Load of the School Year
Why mums carry the system stress, not just the logistics
👉

If you’ve ever been told you’re ‘too soft’ or that your child just needs firmer discipline — this episode is for you.
Not because you need to learn how to parent better.
But because the judgement itself is the problem.
In this episode, Jane unpacks one of the most exhausting myths ADHD parents face:
that challenging behaviour is a discipline failure rather than a regulation issue.
When children melt down, struggle to comply, or can’t do today what they managed yesterday, the adult world often reads this as defiance, manipulation, or laziness. Parents are then pressured to punish harder — even when punishment clearly isn’t helping.
This episode stands between you and that pressure.
Jane explains why ADHD is not a behaviour to 'manage', why punishment backfires for dysregulated nervous systems, and why fluctuating capacity is not inconsistency or bad parenting. Most importantly, it names the quiet shame parents carry when they’re blamed for something that was never a moral failure to begin with.
This is not a debate about discipline styles.
It’s a defence of parents who are paying attention.
In This Episode, We Cover
Why being told to ‘be firmer’ feels personal — and why it causes so much damage
The myth that punishment teaches self-regulation (and what it actually teaches instead)
Why ADHD is not a behaviour problem but a developmental delay in regulation
How shame undermines self-esteem and worsens behaviour over time
Why ‘they did it yesterday’ is a misunderstanding of fluctuating capacity
How inconsistent capacity gets misread as manipulation
Why punishment often increases defiance and emotional dysregulation
The difference between obedience and safety
Why connection builds skills in the long term — even when it’s harder in the short term
How to hold boundaries without turning distress into a moral failure

This Episode Is For You If
You’re constantly being judged for choosing understanding over punishment
Family members question your parenting or dismiss ADHD
You feel blamed when discipline doesn’t ‘work’
Your child copes one day and falls apart the next
You’re exhausted from explaining yourself over and over
You know punishment isn’t helping — but feel pressured anyway

🔗 Explore More From This Episode
These episodes deepen the themes discussed here and support the same values-driven approach.
🎧Referenced in This Episode
The ADHD Myth of ‘Just Try Harder’ (Quick Reset)
Why pressure backfires, and how shame and guilt shape behaviour and self-esteem

You’re not behind.
And you’re not failing at life.
If you wake up already tired — before anything has even happened — this episode explains why.
Not in a ‘here’s what to do’ way.
In a ‘nothing is wrong with you’ way.
In this episode, Jane names the invisible thing that keeps so many mums feeling behind, rushed, and quietly panicked even on calm days: carrying responsibility before it’s required.
It’s why the phone ringing makes your body brace.
Why waiting doesn’t feel like rest.
Why you feel like you’re about to get in trouble — even when everything is fine.
This isn’t anxiety.
It isn’t disorganisation.
And it isn’t you being dramatic.
It’s what happens when your nervous system learned, very early on, that missing things had consequences — so it stayed alert just in case.
This episode is about the mum who feels behind before she’s started…
and the relief of realising she’s not behind at all — she just started carrying it too early.
In This Episode, We Cover:
Why you can feel exhausted even when nothing has gone wrong
The ‘I must have forgotten something’ feeling — and where it comes from
Why your body braces when the phone rings
What it means to live in ‘standby mode’
How responsibility can show up before it’s actually required
Why urgency feels real even when it isn’t
The difference between being behind and being early
The quiet permission to stop obeying the rush

This Episode Is For You If:
You feel behind before the day even begins
Your body is always waiting for something to go wrong
You apologise or explain yourself before anyone asks
Quiet days still feel heavy and tense
Rest doesn’t feel like rest
You want relief — not another strategy

🎧 Quick Resets (Short, Bingeable Support)
Quick Reset: Mum hack meal planning for when you’re already burnt out
https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-43-quick-reset-mum-hack-meal-planning-for-when-youre-already-burnt-out/
Quick Reset: Self-care feels nice. Self-regulation keeps you alive.

You’re not bad at relaxing.
And you’re not doing rest wrong.
If you’ve ever noticed yourself cleaning, tidying, or “finding something to do” in the very moments you’re supposed to be enjoying — this episode explains why.
In this short but powerful conversation, Jane unpacks why so many mums feel restless, guilty, or half-revved when things finally go quiet, and why that response isn’t anxiety or a personal flaw. It’s learned usefulness — shaped by gendered conditioning and reinforced over time.
This episode is about the mum who steps out of the circle of joy to make sure the moment runs smoothly for everyone else… and then wonders why she can’t settle when nothing is required of her.
In This Episode, We Cover:
Why doing can feel safer than enjoying
How usefulness becomes tied to belonging
What’s actually happening when rest feels uncomfortable
Why this pattern runs through generations of women
How ADHD nervous systems stay alert when roles disappear
Why restlessness is role-consistent, not a failure
How to begin unlearning usefulness = worth (gently, slowly)

This Episode Is For You If:
You feel uneasy when things finally go quiet
You clean or stay busy instead of enjoying moments
Rest makes you feel guilty, restless, or exposed
You’ve been told you’re “bad at relaxing”
You want to understand why your body stays alert — without blaming yourself

🔗 Explore More From This Episode
🎧 Related Podcast Episode
ADHD meds won’t fix everything — now what?
https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-23-adhd-meds-wont-fix-everything-now-what/

🎧 Quick Resets (Short, Bingeable Support)
Quick Reset: Mum hack meal planning for when you’re already burnt out
https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-43-quick-reset-mum-hack-meal-planning-for-when-youre-already-burnt-out/
Quick Reset: Self-care feels nice. Self-regulation keeps you alive.

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