ADHD Mums

What if the calm you felt last Christmas wasn’t a fluke — but a clue?In this episode, Jane responds to a listener who accidentally lost her Christmas list… and felt calmer than she ever had in December. Not because she stopped caring — but because the mental load finally dropped.This conversation explains why ADHD mums hit capacity faster at Christmas, why letting go feels terrifying, and why you’re allowed to be done even when the list never ends.What you’ll hear in this episodeWhy losing the list created instant calmThe difference between dropping tasks and dropping loadWhat allostatic load is — and why ADHD mums carry more of itWhy your body knows you’re done before your brain agreesHow to stop before you shatter, not afterFree Resources Listed:🎁 Get the Energy Accounting Guide: Download hereRelated EpisodesChristmas Is the Finish Line — And ADHD Mums Are Crawling There👉 Click here to listenWhy am I bracing for impact when nothing is wrong?👉 Click here to listenQUICK RESET: Why Self-Care Feels Like Another F*ing Task👉 Click here to listenListener Question BoxHave a moment, question, or December story you can’t quite put into words?👉 Send a listener question or story here:Submit your question anonymously

I thought I was being polite.I thought I was keeping my options open.But somewhere between exhaustion, people-pleasing, and old survival habits, I abandoned myself — again.In this episode, I share the exact moment it clicked: my 'soft no’s' weren’t boundaries at all. They were apologies wearing polite outfits. And when everything finally caught up with me, my nervous system had already run out of fuel.This is a deeply human conversation about people-pleasing, the fawn response, ADHD overwhelm, and why saying no can feel genuinely unsafe — even when you desperately need to.Key TakeawaysWhy 'maybe' is not a neutral response when you’re exhaustedHow people-pleasing is a nervous-system survival strategy, not a personality flawWhat the fawn response actually looks like in ADHD mumsWhy overwhelm makes boundaries collapseThe hidden cost of keeping the peace🔗 Related Episodes & Recommended ListeningIf this episode landed for you, these conversations explore the same patterns of people-pleasing, masking, self-sacrifice, and nervous-system survival:Stop People-Pleasing: The ADHD Mum’s Guide to Boundaries, Balance, and Breaking Free👉 Listen hereYou Were the Good Girl. That’s Why You’re Falling Apart Now.👉 Listen hereHigh Camouflaging ADHD and ASD👉 Listen hereSelf-Sacrifice Is Not Your Friend (And Here’s Why)👉 Listen hereQUICK RESET: I Cancel Plans Because I Don’t Have the Energy to Fake My Personality👉 Listen here🤍 FB Group:If you want a space where you don’t have to explain yourself:👉 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group

December brings presents… and pressure. Family dynamics get loud, expectations get heavier, and suddenly you’re managing everyone’s feelings and your ADHD child’s reactions — all while trying not to implode.This episode answers a powerful listener question: How do I handle gift-opening with my ADHD/PDA child without feeling ashamed, judged, or like I’m failing? It’s not just about presents. It’s about generational conditioning, people-pleasing, masking, and the old belief that ‘being liked = being good.’What We CoverWhy ADHD/PDA kids may not react the “expected” way to giftsThe inherited ‘good girl’ conditioning mums carry into adulthoodFawning as a trauma response (and why it flares during Christmas)How masking is taught — and why many of us learned adult comfort > child honestyHow to script boundaries with family without apologisingWhat to do before, during and after gift-opening to reduce conflictWhy guilt shows up (and why it doesn’t mean you’re wrong)This Episode Is For You If…Your stomach drops any time someone comments on your child’s reactionsYou’re torn between protecting your child and appeasing adultsYou feel responsible for everyone’s comfort — except your ownYou want to break the ‘good girl’ cycle, but December makes it hardYou need language, scripts, and validation for navigating family eventsResources & Links Related Podcast EpisodesThe Good Girl EpisodeThe Red Pen Christmas: How to Stop Editing Yourself for Everyone ElseChristmas Is the Finish Line — And ADHD Mums Are Crawling ThereRelevant Tools & ProgramsFestive F* It Plan** — your calmer, kinder December blueprintADHD Mums Guide to Boundaries & Breaking Free from People-PleasingADHD Mum’s Guide to Managing Overwhelm During Busy Seasons Navigating Impulse Spending During the Holidays with ADHDCommunity & FormsListener Question Form ADHD Mums Facebook Community — collective wisdom + real-life scriptsContent WarningThis episode touches on masking, childhood invalidation, and trauma-related people-pleasing patterns.Listen NowSpotify | Apple | adhdmums.com.au

Silent rage at Christmas isn’t a personality flaw — it’s a nervous system collapse.In this episode, we unpack why ADHD mums hit overwhelm earlier and harder during December, why the “tiny straw” moments feel massive, and how the invisible mental load of Christmas pushes your brain into shutdown mode long before anyone notices.This is a compassionate, nervous-system-first explanation of why you’re so tired, so overstimulated, and so close to snapping… and why none of this is your fault.Key TakeawaysSilent rage = a responsibility overload response, not “being grumpy.”ADHD brains spend more effort on planning, remembering, switching tasks and emotional labour — Christmas multiplies all of these.The “tiny” trigger never is tiny — it’s the final task hitting a system already at capacity.Your body reads “too much responsibility” as danger, shifting into tension, heat, and shutdown.Sensory load + task load + emotional load = the perfect storm that makes Christmas feel impossible.You’re not the problem — the load is.Micro-shifts can interrupt the bracing response before it becomes collapse.Listen & LinksListen: www.adhdmuns.com.au/magic-of-christmas-but-im-grumpyFree resource: 👉 Download the Energy Accounting Guide🔗 Related Episodes‘The Red Pen Christmas: How to Stop Editing Yourself for Everyone Else’👉 Listen here‘The Year I’ve Decided Good Enough Is Enough’👉 Listen here‘Christmas Is the Finish Line — And ADHD Mums Are Crawling There’👉 Listen here💬 Share / Vent / AskADHD Mums Facebook CommunityPost a #vent, get solidarity, and be witnessed by other mums who get it.👉 Join the Facebook groupListener Question BoxSend in your own ‘washing machine’ or ‘silent rage’ moment for future episodes.👉 Submit a listener question

Christmas isn’t “cosy magic” for many ADHD mums — it’s a high-pressure, high-sensory, invisible-load marathon that no one else sees. In this episode, Jane breaks down why holiday overwhelm hits harder, why silent rage feels frightening and unfair, and what your nervous system is actually doing long before the wrapping-night meltdown. You’re not failing Christmas — you’ve been carrying it.What We CoverWhy ADHD mums hit Christmas overwhelm weeks before the day arrivesThe collapse moment: when invisible load becomes unmanageableSensory + emotional overload during holiday tasksHow ADHD brains burn dopamine faster under combined pressureThe physiology behind “Christmas rage,” shutdown, and snappingWhy joy disappears when you’re the one creating the magicHow to shift the load, communicate earlier, and prevent holiday burnoutThis Episode Is For You If…You dread Christmas because you’re the one doing everythingYou crumble under the wrapping + fairness + noise + pressureYou feel guilty for not loving the seasonYou hit a snapping point you didn’t see comingYou wonder why one small question can tip you overYou want to understand what your body is actually trying to tell youKey TakeawayYour nervous system cannot enter joy while running executive load, sensory filtration, conflict prevention, and emotional labour. It’s not personal — it’s physiological.Resources & MentionsEnergy Accounting Guide — A tool to reduce invisible load and prevent overwhelmPerimenopause Self-Check (because hormonal load amplifies Christmas overload)🔗 Related Resources✨ Festive F*ck It Plan — your calm, realistic December planner 🆓 Free Resource: The Energy Accounting PDF🔗 Related EpisodesStop People-Pleasing This Christmas — The Year I Stopped Apologising for My Child