Dear Divorce Diary - With Daz & Jop

Is reality TV entertaining us? Or normalising toxic, abusive behaviour?

In Episode 20 of Dear Divorce Diary, Darren Mort and Joplin Higgins pull no punches as they unpack the troubling portrayal of relationships, misogyny and family violence on reality television.

From the way contestants are edited and portrayed to casting choices, relationship dynamics and the role alcohol plays in those infamous late-night dinner parties, Darren and Joplin question the responsibility of producers, networks and the media in shaping how we view toxic and abusive behaviour.

This is a conversation about accountability, responsibility and the messages we accept in the name of entertainment.

JOIN THE CONVERSATION: Are reality TV shows reflecting society’s attitudes towards relationships, or shaping them?

FIND US ON SOCIALS: Instagram, TikTok, Facebook and YouTube. Search Dear Divorce Diary with Daz & Jop.

👇 Share your thoughts in the comments.

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NEED SUPPORT? If this episode raises concerns for you or someone you know, contact 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732 or visit 1800respect.org.au for confidential support.

Links:

https://www.youtube.com/@DearDivorceDiary-withDazJop

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In this episode of Dear Divorce Diaries, family law experts Darren Mort (Family Law Barrister) and Joplin Higgins (Family Law Solicitor) explore one of the most emotionally charged and increasingly common issues in modern separation: what happens to pets during divorce?
With a special guest appearance from “Buddy” 🐶, the conversation unpacks how Australian family law now treats pets—legally defined as “companion animals”—and what that means for separating couples.

Pets Are Now “Companion Animals” Under the LawThe episode opens with a major legal update:

Under recent changes to the Family Law Act, pets are now formally recognised as companion animals

However, they are still legally classified as property

This means:

No “custody” or “residence” orders in the traditional sense

Courts determine ownership and possession, not shared parenting arrangements

Why Pets Matter So Much in SeparationBoth hosts acknowledge the emotional reality:

Pets are often seen as “fur babies”

They play a significant emotional role in family structures

Attachment can be strong for:

Children

Partners

Entire households

Despite this emotional significance, the law still treats them through a property lens, not a family member lens.

How Courts Decide Who Gets the PetThe hosts break down the key factors courts consider:

Who is the registered owner

Who purchased the animal

Who performs daily care:

Feeding

Walking

Grooming

Veterinary care

Who has had the primary relationship with the pet

The court may also consider:

Financial responsibility

Living arrangements post-separation

Practical ability to care for the animal

Family Violence and PetsA serious and important aspect of the discussion:

Pets can be used as tools in coercive control and emotional abuse

Courts recognise that animals may be:

Subject to harm

Used to intimidate or manipulate a partner or children

This can influence outcomes where safety concerns exist

No “Shared Custody” of Pets (Legally)One of the clearest legal points in the episode:

Australian family law does not recognise shared care arrangements for pets

Outcomes are limited to:

One party retaining ownership

Transfer of ownership

Sale or disposal of the animal (rare and undesirable outcome)

The hosts reflect on how this contrasts with common informal agreements people try to make (e.g. “week-on, week-off pet arrangements”), which have no formal legal standing under the Act.

Emotional and Legal Conflict in Pet DisputesThe episode highlights real-world tensions:

Pets are often used as leverage in separation disputes

Disputes can reflect deeper relationship breakdown issues

Courts are increasingly aware of:

Strategic use of pets in negotiations

Emotional pressure placed through pet possession

Case Insight: When Attachment Collides with OwnershipA case example discussed:

A child formed a strong attachment to a dog

Despite emotional factors, the court awarded the dog to the parent who was the primary owner and caregiver

Key takeaway:
Emotional attachment is considered, but does not override ownership and caregiving evidence.
The Parrot in Court – A Humorous Legal Anecdote 🦜A memorable story from the episode:

A court dispute over a macaw parrot

The bird repeated insulting phrases during proceedings

The judge observed the behaviour and awarded the bird to the husband

The story highlights:

How unpredictable evidence can be

The humorous reality of property disputes involving animals

Strategic Insight: Pets Can Become LeverageThe hosts caution listeners that:

Pets can unintentionally become bargaining tools

Early legal advice is important to avoid escalation

Courts are increasingly attentive to underlying coercion or manipulation

Connect with Dear Divorce DiaryFollow Dear Divorce Diary for more real conversations about separation, parenting, family violence, court processes, mediation, and rebuilding life after divorce.
Available on:

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Listeners are encouraged to continue sending topic suggestions, questions, and lived experiences via social media DMs for future episodes.
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In this episode of Dear Divorce Diaries, family law experts Darren Mort (Family Law Barrister) and Joplin Higgins (Family Law Solicitor) unpack one of the most emotionally charged and legally risky issues in parenting disputes: withholding children when court orders are in place—or when they’re about to be made.
Through candid discussion, practical legal insight, and real courtroom dynamics, the episode explores when (if ever) a parent can justify not complying with parenting orders, and what consequences follow when they do.

⚖️ Key Themes & Discussion BreakdownThe Golden Rule: Court Orders Must Be FollowedThe episode opens with a firm reminder from both hosts:
Court orders are not optional.

Parents who unilaterally withhold children risk serious legal consequences.

Even where frustration or concern exists, the legal system expects compliance first, action through the courts second.

Darren emphasizes a strong judicial expectation of adherence unless there is a genuine and urgent safety concern.

When Can a Parent Withhold Children?Joplin outlines the narrow exceptions where withholding may be justified:

Exposure to family violence

Drug or alcohol abuse impacting safety

Neglect or serious risk factors

However, both hosts stress a key distinction:
Genuine risk ≠ assumptions, suspicion, or emotional reaction.They highlight a common problem in family law:

Parents sometimes withhold based on beliefs (“he might be using drugs”) rather than evidence.

Courts require a clear evidentiary foundation, not speculation.

What Happens When a Parent Withholds a Child?If a parent refuses to comply:

The other parent may bring a recovery application

The court may involve the Australian Federal Police (AFP) to locate and return children

Orders can escalate to warrants and enforcement mechanisms

The withholding parent must later justify their actions in court

Key warning:
If you withhold first and explain later, you are already at a disadvantage.The “Front Foot” Strategy (Critical Advice)Both hosts agree on best practice:
If you believe there is risk:

File an application in proceedings immediately

Provide a detailed affidavit explaining concerns

Consider updating a Notice of Risk

Seek urgent legal advice

This approach:

Protects the parent legally

Ensures transparency with the court

Reduces criticism for unilateral action

Supervised Contact & Interim SolutionsThe episode explores supervised arrangements:

Supervised contact centres can provide independent observation evidence

They can ensure child safety while maintaining parental relationships

However, courts are reluctant to impose long-term supervision

Contravention vs Recovery ApplicationsA detailed procedural discussion covers:
Recovery Applications

Focus: returning a child to compliance with orders

Can trigger AFP involvement

Contravention Applications

Focus: punishing breaches of orders

Potential outcomes:

Fines

Orders for counselling

Parenting programs

In extreme cases, imprisonment

However, both hosts note:

Contravention applications are often slow, expensive, and strategically complex

Courts frequently encourage parties to streamline proceedings

Weaponisation of Children in DisputesA major theme of the episode is misuse of allegations:

Courts are alert to strategic withholding

Emotional conflict between parents must not override child-focused reasoning

Judges scrutinise whether claims are:

Genuine protection concerns

Or relational retaliation

Key Legal Insight: Best Interests of the ChildThroughout the episode, the guiding principle remains:
Children’s relationships with each parent are separate from parental conflict.Courts assess:

Safety

Stability

Emotional wellbeing

Capacity of each parent to support the other relationship

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In this emotionally charged and deeply practical episode of Dear Divorce Diary, Darren Mort and Joplin Higgins tackle one of the most heartbreaking and legally complex issues in family law: relocation after separation.
What happens when one parent wants to move interstate… or overseas… with the children?
Can the court stop a parent from leaving Australia?
Does a mother or father have the “right” to move home?
What happens when children are caught between two countries, two cultures, and two parents who both love them?
Through a powerful role-play scenario involving a separated Australian-Norwegian family, Darren and Joplin unpack exactly how relocation disputes unfold inside the Family Court — from emotional arguments and legal strategy to parenting proposals and the harsh reality of what judges actually look for.
This episode explores the devastating emotional impact relocation cases can have on families, while giving listeners a rare behind-the-scenes look at how these cases are argued, assessed, and ultimately decided.

🌍 International Relocation After DivorceDarren and Joplin explore what happens when one parent wants to relocate internationally with children following separation — particularly where one parent feels isolated, unsupported, or desperately wants to return to family overseas.
The episode examines:

Moving overseas after divorce or separation

Relocating interstate with children

The difference between a parent’s rights and a child’s best interests

Whether courts can stop a parent from leaving Australia

The emotional impact of relocation litigation

The Norway Scenario: A Realistic Courtroom Role PlayThrough an emotionally realistic mock separation between “Svetlana” and her Australian husband, the episode demonstrates:

How relocation disputes begin

Common mistakes parents make during negotiations

How quickly conversations become adversarial

Why wording and attitude matter in court

The danger of becoming positional and hostile

The fictional scenario highlights issues including:

Sick overseas parents

Cultural identity

Children with dual heritage

Long-distance parenting

Schooling and support systems

Maintaining meaningful relationships with both parents

Key Legal Topics Discussed⚖️ What Judges Look For in Relocation CasesDarren and Joplin explain that relocation cases are not about “winning” as a parent — they are about what is in the best interests of the children.
Key considerations include:

The child’s relationship with each parent

Existing care arrangements

Emotional and practical support available overseas

Whether the relocating parent can facilitate ongoing contact

Schooling and stability

Financial practicality

Long-term parenting proposals

Emotional wellbeing of the relocating parent

✈️ Can the Court Stop a Parent Leaving Australia?The episode discusses:

Airport watchlists and injunctions

Recovery orders

Relocation applications

Interim versus final hearings

Why courts rarely make permanent relocation decisions urgently

Listeners gain insight into how quickly relocation matters can escalate once one parent fears the children may leave the country.

📱 Technology and Long-Distance ParentingDarren and Joplin discuss how modern communication tools like:

FaceTime

Skype

Video calls

Messaging apps

have changed the way courts assess international parenting arrangements.
But they also explain the harsh truth:
Technology can help maintain relationships — but it can never fully replace physical parenting time.The Importance of Child-Focused ProposalsOne of the strongest themes throughout the episode is this:
Connect with Dear Divorce DiaryFollow Dear Divorce Diary for more real conversations about separation, parenting, family violence, court processes, mediation, and rebuilding life after divorce.
Available on:

YouTube

Spotify

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Instagram

LinkedIn

Listeners are encouraged to continue sending topic suggestions, questions, and lived experiences via social media DMs for future episodes.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In one of the most confronting and candid episodes of Dear Divorce Diary so far, Darren Mort and Joplin Higgins tackle a topic rarely spoken about openly in family law — pornography, addiction, intimacy, coercion, and the impact it can have on marriages, parenting, finances, and divorce proceedings.
This is not a sensationalist conversation. It’s a nuanced and thoughtful discussion about how pornography increasingly appears in affidavit material, relationship breakdowns, financial disputes, coercive control allegations, and parenting concerns inside the family court system.
Darren and Jop explore the difficult reality that pornography itself is not illegal — but the way it affects relationships, consent, emotional safety, financial stability, and family dynamics can become deeply problematic.

When Pornography Becomes a Family Law IssueDarren and Jop discuss how pornography increasingly surfaces during:

Initial client consultations

Parenting disputes

Financial settlements

Family violence allegations

Affidavit evidence

Addiction-related relationship breakdowns

The conversation examines the point where:

private viewing habits,

online platforms,

or sexual behaviours

…move from personal choice into behaviour that damages a relationship or family unit.

Pornography, Addiction & Relationship BreakdownThe hosts unpack:

How compulsive pornography use can affect intimacy

Emotional disconnection between partners

The erosion of trust and sexual relationships

Sleep disruption and addictive behaviours

Escalating sexual conduct and risk-taking

Joplin explains how addiction patterns seen in pornography cases can mirror:

gambling addiction,

drug addiction,

alcohol dependency,

and other compulsive behaviours that destabilise families.

The Financial Impact Inside Marriage & DivorceOne of the major themes of the episode is how pornography-related spending can become relevant in property proceedings.
Darren and Jop discuss:

subscription-based adult platforms,

spending on explicit online content,

OnlyFans,

escort and brothel services,

hidden financial expenditure,

and the impact these behaviours can have on shared family finances.

The episode explores how financial depletion linked to addiction can become a significant issue during property settlements.

OnlyFans, Online Content & CoercionThe conversation takes a modern turn as the hosts discuss:

the growing presence of OnlyFans in family law cases,

coercive pressure within relationships,

online sexual content creation,

and how explicit content can later become weaponised during legal proceedings.

Joplin raises concerns about:

coercive behaviour involving online adult content,

financial pressure placed on partners,

and the emotional harm that can follow when intimate material later surfaces during separation.

Parenting Concerns & Exposure to ChildrenDarren shares examples of cases where:

children accidentally discovered explicit content,

browsing histories were exposed,

or concerns arose regarding the type of material being viewed in the home.

The hosts discuss:

parental responsibility,

safeguarding children,

exposure risks,

and how family courts may assess concerns when children are impacted by adult content within the household.

Pornography & Family ViolenceOne of the most serious parts of the episode explores the overlap between:

pornography,

coercion,

aggressive sexual behaviour,

and family violence.

The discussion examines:

sexual coercion inside relationships,

desensitisation,

consent issues,

and how some behaviours may cross into emotionally or physically abusive conduct.

Importantly, Darren and Jop stress the need for:

open communication,

early intervention,

counselling,

and support before these issues escalate and destroy relationships.

Connect With Dear Divorce DiaryHave a topic or lived experience you’d like Darren and Joplin to discuss?
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