Dear Divorce Diary - With Daz & Jop

Coercive and controlling behaviour is one of the most complex and widely discussed issues in family law today.

In this episode of Dear Divorce Diary, family law professionals Darren Mort and Joplin Higgins explore how this behaviour appears in relationships, how it is interpreted in the court system, and why it can be difficult to prove.
Through an unscripted role-play scenario, Darren and Joplin demonstrate how two people in the same relationship can experience the same situation very differently.
The discussion highlights how patterns of behaviour—rather than isolated incidents—are often the key to understanding coercive control within marriages and during divorce proceedings.

What Is Coercive and Controlling Behaviour?
The episode begins by unpacking the meaning of coercive control, a form of family violence that may not involve physical harm but can include psychological, financial, or emotional manipulation.
Darren and Joplin explain that many people struggle to identify coercive control because:
It often occurs gradually over time
It may involve subtle forms of manipulation
Victims may feel constantly on edge or fearful without clear incidents of physical violence
This makes the issue both legally and emotionally complex.

Financial Control vs Household Budgeting
A key discussion point is the difference between legitimate financial management and financial abuse.
Joplin explains that setting a household budget is normal in many relationships. However, financial behaviour may become controlling when it includes:
Restricting access to money
Requiring detailed justification for everyday spending
Monitoring purchases in a way that undermines autonomy
Controlling access to government payments or income
These patterns can lead to a situation where one partner loses financial independence.

Patterns of Behaviour in Family Law
Both Darren and Joplin emphasise that coercive control is rarely defined by a single incident.
Instead, courts typically look for:
Repeated behaviours over time
A pattern that demonstrates power or dominance
Conduct that creates fear, dependence, or restriction for the other partner
Understanding this pattern is essential for lawyers when preparing cases and presenting evidence.

Challenges in Proving Coercive Control
One of the biggest challenges in family law is proving coercive behaviour in court.
Unlike physical violence, coercive control often leaves little physical evidence. Instead, it may rely on:
Personal accounts of behaviour
Recorded communications
Financial records
Witness testimony
Patterns of conduct over time
Because of this, lawyers must spend significant time building a detailed background history of the relationship.

This episode provides valuable insight into one of the most debated and evolving areas of family law.
Important takeaways include:
Coercive control often involves patterns of behaviour rather than single incidents
Financial management can become problematic when it restricts autonomy or independence
Evidence of coercive behaviour requires detailed documentation and legal preparation
Context and relationship dynamics are critical when assessing allegations
As Darren and Joplin highlight, coercive control is a complex legal and social issue, and understanding it requires careful examination of both personal experiences and legal standards.

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If you’re navigating separation, parenting arrangements, or family court processes, Dear Divorce Diary offers real conversations and practical insights from experienced family law professionals.
Follow, like, and subscribe to stay up to date with upcoming episodes featuring Darren Mort (Family Law Barrister) and Joplin Higgins (Family Law Solicitor).

Real law. Real families. Real conversations.
Subscribe, listen, learn — and know that you’re not alone.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Money can become one of the most confusing and confronting aspects of separation and divorce.
In this episode of Dear Divorce Diary, family law experts Darren Mort (Family Law Barrister) and Joplin Higgins (Family Law Solicitor) unpack the importance of financial literacy when navigating property settlements.

They explore why many people (particularly women) enter divorce proceedings with little understanding of their financial position, and why gaining clarity around assets, debts, and superannuation is critical before negotiating a settlement.
From balance sheets and disclosure obligations to mediation preparation and superannuation splits, this episode provides practical insights into how financial transparency shapes fair outcomes in family law matters.

What Is Financial Literacy in Divorce?
Darren and Joplin begin by explaining the concept of financial literacy and why it becomes a critical issue during separation.
Many people move through relationships with one partner managing most of the finances, which can leave the other partner unaware of:
Bank accounts
Debts
Investments
Superannuation
Loans or liabilities
When separation occurs, this lack of awareness can create significant stress and uncertainty.

The Balance Sheet: Understanding the Asset Pool
One of the first steps in a property settlement is creating a balance sheet that lists the entire financial position of the relationship.
This typically includes:
Real estate and property
Bank accounts
Credit cards and loans
Superannuation
Share portfolios
Vehicles, boats or other major assets
Joplin explains that many clients are surprised by what appears on the balance sheet, particularly when they discover debts or accounts they didn’t know existed.

When Financial Information Is Hidden
Darren and Joplin discuss situations where one partner restricts access to financial documents or accounts.
Examples may include:
Locked financial records
Unexplained bank transfers
Unknown credit cards or debts
Limited access to financial information during the relationship
While this behaviour does not always amount to financial abuse, it can sometimes indicate controlling or obstructive behaviour that may become relevant in legal proceedings.

Understanding Superannuation in Divorce
Superannuation is often one of the largest assets in a marriage, yet many people know little about how it works in property settlements.
Darren and Joplin discuss:
Obtaining accurate superannuation balances
Using court forms to request updated super information
The difference between standard funds and defined benefit schemes
Defined benefit funds—often found in sectors such as police, defence, or emergency services—can require special valuation methods.

The Role of Consent Orders
If an agreement is reached, it can be formalised through Consent Orders, which are submitted to the court for approval.
The court must determine whether the agreement is “just and equitable” before making it legally binding.
This ensures that property settlements reflect a fair division of assets and liabilities.

This episode highlights the critical importance of understanding your finances during a relationship and particularly during separation.
Important lessons include:
Know your financial position
Maintain access to financial records
Understand your assets and liabilities
Seek legal advice before negotiating settlements
Ensure agreements are properly documented and approved by the court
Financial literacy can significantly impact the fairness, efficiency, and outcome of divorce proceedings.

Follow & Subscribe
If you’re navigating separation, parenting arrangements, or family court processes, Dear Divorce Diary offers real conversations and practical insights from experienced family law professionals.
Follow, like, and subscribe to stay up to date with upcoming episodes featuring Darren Mort (Family Law Barrister) and Joplin Higgins (Family Law Solicitor).

Real law. Real families. Real conversations.
Subscribe, listen, learn — and know that you’re not alone.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What happens when someone simply ignores Family Court orders?

In this episode, Darren and Joplin unpack one of the most frustrating situations in family law: when a parent refuses to comply with parenting orders or consent orders.
They discuss what the law says, what practical options exist for the parent doing the right thing, and why non-compliance can create serious consequences - particularly for children caught in the middle.
The conversation also explores whether the current legal tools for enforcing orders are effective, and why some legal processes may be more costly and time-consuming than people expect.

Darren and Joplin cover a wide range of issues surrounding breaches of Family Court orders, including:
What court orders actually mean
Why parenting orders and consent orders are legally binding
The expectation that court orders must be followed
The consequences when someone deliberately ignores them
What to do when orders aren’t followed
The typical first step: lawyers sending formal letters requesting compliance
When and how a contravention application may be filed
Why these applications can become complex and expensive
Contravention proceedings explained
How these matters are treated as civil proceedings with potential criminal sanctions
The steps involved, including mediation and court processes
Why Darren believes contravention applications are sometimes ineffective
Alternative approaches
Why enforcement proceedings may sometimes be a faster or more flexible option
How courts may address repeated breaches or ongoing conflict

The Impact on Children
A key theme in the discussion is how non-compliance with court orders affects children.
Darren and Joplin discuss:
The emotional pressure placed on children when parents refuse to cooperate
How children may feel caught between parents
Why compliance with orders is essential for maintaining stability in children’s lives
They also explore the difficult situations that arise when teenagers begin expressing their own preferences about time with each parent.

When Kids Get Older
As children move into their teenage years, family dynamics can change.
Topics discussed include:
Whether parenting orders should remain rigid when children are older
The growing importance of a child’s voice in family law matters
How parents can responsibly communicate about changing needs and schedules

The Role of Mediation
Throughout the episode, Darren and Joplin emphasise the value of mediation as a tool for resolving disputes.
They discuss:
When mediation may help resolve parenting issues before returning to court
Child-inclusive mediation and how it can help give children a voice
The importance of parents being willing to listen and compromise

Practical Parenting Insight
The episode concludes with a discussion about maintaining meaningful relationships with children in separated families.
Darren shares the value of spending one-on-one time with children, allowing parents to better understand:
How their children are feeling
Their evolving needs and social lives
How parenting arrangements are working from the child’s perspective

Court orders exist to provide clarity, structure, and stability for families after separation. When those orders are ignored, it can lead to costly legal battles and emotional strain—particularly for children.
As Darren and Joplin highlight, the best outcomes usually come when parents communicate openly, remain child-focused, and use mediation wherever possible.

Follow & Subscribe
If you’re navigating separation, parenting arrangements, or family court processes, Dear Divorce Diary offers real conversations and practical insights from experienced family law professionals.
Follow, like, and subscribe to stay up to date with upcoming episodes featuring Darren Mort (Family Law Barrister) and Joplin Higgins (Family Law Solicitor).

Real law. Real families. Real conversations.
Subscribe, listen, learn — and know that you’re not alone.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this deeply insightful episode of Dear Divorce Diaries, family law barrister Darren “Daz” Mort and solicitor Joplin “Jop” Higgins tackle one of the most emotionally charged and misunderstood topics in family law: the role of grandparents after separation.

Prompted by a wave of listener questions, Daz and Jop unpack the common misconception that grandparents have “rights” in the family law system — and explain why, legally, all rights belong to the child.

What grandparents do have, however, are responsibilities, and in many cases a profoundly important role in a child’s emotional stability, routine and sense of belonging.

The conversation explores:
When and how grandparents can seek time with their grandchildren
Why courts often support ongoing grandparent relationships
The impact of separation, anger and grief on extended family bonds
When grandparents should consider mediation or court applications
The long-term consequences of cutting children off from loving grandparents

Through real-world examples — from after-school care to funerals, cultural traditions and long-distance relationships — this episode highlights how decisions made in moments of hurt can echo well into a child’s future.

As always, the focus remains firmly on the child’s best interests, encouraging parents and grandparents alike to look beyond conflict, prioritise perspective, and keep their eyes on the road ahead rather than the rear-view mirror.

A must-listen for grandparents, parents, and anyone navigating separation with children involved.

Why This Episode Matters
Whether someone is just contemplating separation or deep into negotiations, this episode offers a grounded, compassionate look at what the process actually feels like — beyond forms and courtrooms. The blend of legal insight and emotional awareness helps listeners feel equipped, not overwhelmed, by the road ahead.

And because no two separations look the same, you can be part of the conversation.
Listeners are invited to submit their questions for Daz & Jop, with future episodes dedicated to answering real experiences, real challenges and real concerns from the people who need guidance most.
Whether you’re contemplating separation, navigating court, co-parenting, or simply trying to put your children first through the uncertainty — The Dear Divorce Diary Podcast offers steady, professional guidance to help reshape the path ahead.

Real law. Real families. Real conversations.

Subscribe, listen, learn — and know that you’re not alone.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In Episode 6 of Dear Divorce Diaries, Darren “Daz” Mort and Joplin “Jop” Higgins dive into a topic that is often misunderstood and frequently misused in family law — trauma-informed practice.

Daz & Jop explain why this term is not just a trendy buzzword, and why many lawyers and judicial officers may not truly understand what it means in practice. Joplin, a recognised expert in the field and author of a book on trauma-informed practice, explains how lawyers and courts must ensure they do not re-traumatise clients during the legal process.

The episode explores the practical application of trauma-informed approaches in family law. Joplin describes strategies used in her firm to create a safe environment, including:
weighted blankets and heat packs
stress balls
massage chairs
structured communication strategies (urgent vs non-urgent emails)
pre-conference forms to avoid repeatedly asking clients to recount traumatic incidents

They discuss how domestic violence and coercive behaviour are present in many family law cases, and why it’s essential to handle information sensitively. The hosts also highlight how the legal process can unintentionally cause ongoing trauma, especially when clients are repeatedly asked to relive painful events.

Darren highlights the court’s trauma-informed initiatives, including the court dog program, which supports parties and children through the process. They also discuss the need for lawyers to be aware of clients’ capacity to give instructions, and how trauma can affect memory and communication.

Joplin emphasises that trauma-informed practice is not just about empathy — it is about creating safety, stability, and clarity so clients can participate effectively in their case. The episode ends with a powerful reminder that trauma-informed practice is a professional responsibility, not a marketing term, and clients should expect it from their family lawyer.

Key Topics Covered:
What “trauma-informed practice” actually means
Why it’s not just a buzzword
How legal processes can re-traumatise clients
Practical strategies in law firms to reduce stress
Why communication strategy matters (urgent vs non-urgent)
How domestic violence and coercive behaviour impact cases
Court initiatives like the therapy dog program
The importance of safe client environments
Trauma’s impact on clients’ capacity to give instructions
Why trauma-informed practice is essential in family law

Why This Episode Matters
Whether someone is just contemplating separation or deep into negotiations, this episode offers a grounded, compassionate look at what the process actually feels like — beyond forms and courtrooms. The blend of legal insight and emotional awareness helps listeners feel equipped, not overwhelmed, by the road ahead.

And because no two separations look the same, you can be part of the conversation.
Listeners are invited to submit their questions for Daz & Jop, with future episodes dedicated to answering real experiences, real challenges and real concerns from the people who need guidance most.
Whether you’re contemplating separation, navigating court, co-parenting, or simply trying to put your children first through the uncertainty — The Dear Divorce Diary Podcast offers steady, professional guidance to help reshape the path ahead.

Real law. Real families. Real conversations.

Subscribe, listen, learn — and know that you’re not alone.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.