The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

I'm back with anxious attachment style coach Chris Rackliffe and he's got a new book, Needy No More: The Journey from Anxious to Secure Attachment. We pick up on our previous conversation about anxious attachment right where we left off a few years ago.This episode is about the label "needy", the butterflies that aren't what you think, and choosing yourself, in dating, in marriage, and in divorce. 
Chris walks through his one degree method (for helping with decision-making over time), along with the five words he uses to teach boundaries: "that doesn't work for me." He also shares the practices he has his own clients do daily to rewire the nervous system and move from anxious to secure attachment, and breaks down the two parts of his book, the wounding and the work. 
No matter how long you've carried the pattern, it is never too late to start again. 
What you'll hear about in this episode:
The label "needy," and the double meaning behind the title, Needy No More (2:38)

Why butterflies with someone new can be your nervous system sensing danger or unavailability, not attraction, and why slowing down to listen to your gut matters (5:54)

Why anxious attachment and divorce grief are so tightly linked (16:20)

What it actually means to choose yourself inside a relationship, starting with keeping your own commitments in early dating (22:44)

Chris's one degree method, an accumulation of small choices over time, and the five words he teaches for boundaries: "that doesn't work for me" (30:04)

The daily practices Chris has his clients use to rewire the nervous system: breathwork, cold exposure, and movement, and the difference between building presence and building tolerance (32:16)

Learn more about Chris Rackliffe:
Chris Rackliffe is an anxious attachment style coach, author, and host of the Needy No More podcast who has helped thousands of people across six continents end the cycle of anxious attachment and build the healthiest relationships of their lives.
Chris spent years caught in the exhausting patterns of anxious attachment: the hypervigilance, the people-pleasing, the devastating fear that love could be taken away at any moment. It wasn't until he discovered attachment theory that everything finally made sense. That understanding changed his life—and ultimately became his life's work.
Today, Chris works privately with clients through a structured, body-based coaching program built on the belief that lasting emotional security comes not from insight alone, but from small, deliberate daily actions that compound over time to permanently rewire how you feel, think, and show up in relationships.
He is the author of Needy No More: The Journey From Anxious to Secure Attachment, available on Amazon now.
Resources & Links:
Registration is now open for the Unbreakable Retreat!

Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
The Divorce Strategy Toolkit

Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective

Kate on Instagram

Kate on Facebook

Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch

Episodes are also available YouTube!
Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce 
Chris's website

Chris on Instagram
Chris on Facebook
Chris on TikTok
Chris on YouTube

Free consultation with Chris
Episode 202: Anxious Attachment and How to Heal with Chris Rackliffe
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DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
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What happens when you spend years orienting your life around another person and suddenly have to learn to live from the inside again? When I got out of my marriage, I had no idea who I was. I had zero sense of Self. I didn't know what I liked, what I wanted, what my values were. I didn't even know my favorite color. I had all this time that technically belonged to me, and I had no idea how to inhabit it.
I do think a lot of women experience this after divorce, and I wanted to name it in this solo episode. Many women fight their way out of a marriage expecting to naturally return to themselves, and then realize they're no longer entirely sure who that Self is. By the end of this episode, I want it to be clear why freedom can feel so disorienting, why knowing what you want can feel impossible at first, and how the work of rebuilding a relationship with yourself actually begins. 
This episode names how the disconnection happens in the first place, the slow narrowing that comes with emotional abuse, or with years of over-functioning for a partner who under-functions, until your own needs and preferences quietly disappear. It looks at why that emptiness often doesn't surface until the divorce is final and the crisis has passed, and why so many women fill that space with anything they can reach for instead of sitting in it. Finally, it points toward how you actually start to come back to yourself. Because finding yourself again isn't about returning to who you were. It's about learning, slowly and intentionally, how to live in the life you fought so hard to build. 
What you'll hear about in this episode:
The narrowing box of emotional abuse, or years of over-functioning for an under-functioning partner, and how a sense of Self disappears inside it

Why the disconnection often doesn't surface until the crisis passes and the pace of life finally slows down

The baby steps back to yourself, and the small, ordinary questions that rebuild the practice of wanting

Why choosing what lights you up can feel radical and even guilt-inducing at first

How language and community give you both the map and the space to begin

Resources & Links:
The Unbreakable Retreat, Sedona, Arizona, September 10 to 13: Early bird pricing until July 15th!
Focused Strategy Sessions Independence Day sale, $250 off
Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan
The Divorce Strategy Toolkit
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Kate on Instagram
Kate on Facebook
Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch
The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube!
Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce 
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DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
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You left the toxic relationship. You legally divorced, you financially divorced, you physically moved out, and somehow they still have you. You wake up angry, ruminating, unable to stop thinking about what they did, and wondering what's wrong with you. The answer is nothing. Your nervous system changed while you were in that relationship.This episode is about what's actually happening in your body and brain, and the tools that get you free (and winning). 
Returning guest Jackie Miller is the one walking us through it. She's a high-conflict divorce coach, speaker, and host of the podcast Out of Crazy Town, and she has a new book out called Winning: Rewiring Your Brain and Reclaiming Your Life After Toxic Love. She blends neuroscience, psychology, and practical strategy to help people break free from toxic relationship dynamics and build a life that feels peaceful, purposeful, and free. 
What you'll hear about in this episode:
The strategic way toxic exes keep you emotionally hooked after you leave, and why your nervous system stays stuck in response mode long after the abuse (3:02)

Why you have to understand the "why" behind your healing tools instead of just doing them because someone told you to (as Jackie says, "you need know why the antibiotic works to finish the whole course") (11:14)

The reminder that if you keep working on yourself, you really will move through the entanglement, even when it doesn't feel like anything is changing (17:55)

What happens when you're hijacked and spiraling, and how remembering your future gives your brain a map to follow (26:24)

How to disengage when a toxic ex is relentless, and start untangling yourself from the dynamic you were caught in (34:05)

Learn more about Jackie Miller:
Jackie Miller is a high-conflict divorce coach, speaker, author of Winning: Rewiring Your Brain and Reclaiming Your Life After Toxic Love, and host of the podcast Out of Crazytown. Drawing from her background in science and years of experience supporting survivors of post-separation abuse, Jackie helps individuals break free from toxic relationship dynamics, reclaim their sense of self, and rebuild a life rooted in clarity, confidence, and peace.
Through her work, Jackie blends neuroscience, psychology, and practical strategy to explain why healing after emotional control can feel so hard and how survivors can begin to retrain their brain, disengage from manipulation, and step out of survival mode. Her mission is to help people stop fighting for validation from those committed to misunderstanding them and start redirecting their energy toward their own freedom, power, and future. 
Resources & Links:
Registration is now open for the Unbreakable Retreat!
Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
The Divorce Strategy Toolkit
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Kate on Instagram
Kate on Facebook
Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch
Episodes are also available YouTube!
Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce
Jackie's website
Jackie's book
Jackie on Instagram
Jackie on YouTube
Jackie's podcast
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DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
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Worst ex ever. The monster next door. The case nobody saw coming. That's how true crime frames these stories, as something extraordinary and shocking. But for a lot of women who have lived inside coercive control, domestic violence, emotional abuse, or post-separation abuse, these stories are anything but unbelievable. They're horrifying and devastating, but they are not unfamiliar. And that is the problem. In this episode, I want you to understand why true crime can be both validating and dangerous.
True crime can be validating because, when it's done well, it helps people recognize patterns they didn't have language for. It can give families and friends a vocabulary for what they're seeing. But I also want to put a lens on the dangerous side, because when these stories get sensationalized, when they're approached as "the worst ex ever," they keep us fixed on the dramatic ending instead of the ordinary warning signs that came before it. Women can't afford for the world to only understand danger after the worst has already happened.
I watch true crime all the time. Dateline, 20/20, 48 Hours, whatever limited series Netflix wants to serve me. So I'm not coming to this episode from some morally superior place. I watch it too. But I refuse to accept the idea that these cases are just shocking anomalies, because they're not. They are the most extreme outcomes of dynamics that women are navigating every single day in less visible forms.
What you'll hear about in this episode:
The truth about how we handle violence against women: we require catastrophe before we grant a woman any credibility

How true crime, done well, becomes pattern recognition that helps women name danger before the rest of the world is willing to call it danger

What Gabby Petito's story shows us about the distressed woman and the calm, composed man, and how systems keep misreading who the real aggressor is

Why the "worst ex ever" phrasing is a trap

The connection between domestic abuse and public violence, and why the Secret Service is starting to name it misogynistic extremism

What responsible storytelling actually requires: naming the patterns by educating, not sensationalizing

Resources & Links:

Registration is now open for the Unbreakable Retreat!
Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
The Divorce Survival Guide Resource Bundle
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Kate on Instagram
Kate on Facebook
Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch
The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube!
Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce 
===================
DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

Understanding the psychology of a narcissist is the topic of conversation this week, with my guest Chelsey Brooke Cole. Chelsey is a licensed psychotherapist, expert in narcissistic abuse recovery, and bestselling author of If Only I'd Known: How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakable Self-Worth. She specializes in helping people understand the psychology of narcissists so they can trust themselves again after narcissistic abuse. 
Here's the thing about narcissists that can be so disorienting at first: they are fundamentally different from you. This episode gets into the psychology behind it all. Why narcissists operate the way they do, what the different types actually look like, how they show up in relationships, and what the path back to yourself really involves. Because understanding what you were actually dealing with is usually where the healing starts. 
What you'll hear about in this episode:
Why narcissists are not like you: the personality trait most survivors share, and why it works against them. (2:16)

The trauma myth: does trauma cause narcissism? Chelsey shares her insights. (6:33)

Six types of narcissists: what each one looks like, and why the most dangerous ones often look the most harmless. (8:44)

How narcissists approach communication: what they're actually doing in conversations, and why it's designed to keep you stuck.(26:42)

The healing journey: the micro-shifts that actually move the needle, and where to start when you don't even know yourself anymore. (33:30)

Learn more about Chelsey Brooke Cole:

Chelsey Brooke Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, Certified Partner Trauma Therapist, and best-selling author of If Only I'd Known! How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth. She specializes in narcissistic abuse and complex trauma, with her work routinely featured in outlets like USA Today, HuffPost, and Psychology Today. Chelsey provides support to thousands of narcissistic abuse survivors each day through her speaking, writing, podcast, and comprehensive healing programs. She is the host of Restoring Resilience, a podcast dedicated to helping survivors heal and reclaim their lives, and the creator of Rewired for Resilience: Reclaiming Yourself After Narcissistic Abuse. 
Resources & Links:
Registration is now open for the Unbreakable Retreat!
Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
The Divorce Survival Guide Resource Bundle
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Kate on Instagram
Kate on Facebook
Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch
The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube!
Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce 
Chelsey's website
Get a free e-book copy of Chelsey's book: If Only I'd Known! How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth
Chelsey's Masterclass: The Narcissist's Playbook
Chelsey on Instagram
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DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
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