Soaring Child: Thriving with ADHD

Your child doesn't need a perfectly regulated parent. They need a parent who knows how to reconnect after things go wrong. For parents who begin recognizing their own ADHD while trying to support a child with ADHD, that shift can take a tremendous amount of pressure off parenting.

In this episode of The Soaring Child podcast, Dana Kay talks with ADHD coach, I Have ADHD Podcast host, FOCUSED founder, and author Kristen Carder about why a child's ADHD diagnosis so often becomes a mirror for a parent. Kristen explains how executive functioning challenges, emotional dysregulation, shame, and the feeling of always being "in trouble" can show up in parenthood, especially when a parent is trying to teach skills she may struggle with herself. They also walk through what healthy repair can look like after yelling, losing patience, or handling a moment in a way you wish you had not. Kristen shares a simple process for naming what happened, apologizing, taking accountability, asking what your child needs, and reconnecting without expecting immediate forgiveness or closeness. Listeners will hear practical ways to interrupt escalation in the moment, regulate themselves before trying to regulate their child, adjust unrealistic expectations, and build more support around their own ADHD. Kristen also shares why learning about adult ADHD can replace harsh self-judgment with clearer next steps, plus one small practice parents can begin today: apologizing and taking accountability for something every day.

LINKS MENTIONED IN THE SHOW

Kristen Carder's Website

Kristen Carder's FOCUSED Program

Kristen Carder on Instagram

You're Not in Trouble by Kristen Carder

I Have ADHD Podcast

KEY TAKEAWAYS

[04:34] Many adults first recognize their own ADHD while completing forms, noticing symptoms, and learning about ADHD after their child is diagnosed.

[06:57] When a mother with ADHD is expected to organize, remember, regulate, and teach the same executive functioning skills she struggles with, shame, self-judgment, and a sense of failure can build quickly.

[09:53] Kristen describes the recurring feeling of being one mistake away from upsetting someone and explains why the message "you're not in trouble" can help adults move from shame toward accountability and repair.

[12:43] Kristen shares research from her book process suggesting parent-child relationships are not built on perfection; they are strengthened by the ability to reconnect after ruptures.

[18:12] Healthy repair starts by clearly naming what happened, acknowledging the parent's responsibility, saying "I'm sorry," and asking the child what they need to rebuild connection.

[20:03] Parents should not tire of repairing with their children. Kristen emphasizes that repair can still matter with teenagers and adult children and that it is never too late to reconnect.

[21:42] When both parent and child are escalating, Kristen recommends interrupting the momentum out loud, changing body position, pausing, and recognizing that the current approach is not working.

[22:39] Parents often wait for their child to become calm before calming themselves, but Kristen says the order needs to be reversed: the parent regulates first so the child can borrow a calmer nervous system.

[24:37] Realistic expectations can prevent avoidable escalation. Kristen describes giving herself more time, expecting normal child behavior, breathing, and choosing not to yell even when she does not feel calm inside.

[27:13] For a mother who recognizes herself in the conversation, Kristen's first step is to learn specifically about adult ADHD rather than relying only on what she has learned through the lens of childhood ADHD.

[29:11] Understanding procrastination, time management problems, impulsivity, and other struggles as areas that need support can replace the belief that a person is simply lazy or flawed.

[32:02] Kristen's small action for parents is to practice apologizing every day so children can learn that people can make mistakes, take accountability, repair, and stay connected.

MEMORABLE MOMENTS

[11:17] "But I don't consent to being in trouble."

[12:43] "Our relationships with our kids are not built on perfection or getting it right all the time. They're built on how well can we reconnect?"

[18:12] "Repair involves a couple of things. We want to make sure that we're acknowledging what we did and really naming it."

[20:03] "What's so important for us as parents is to never tire of repairing with our kids."

[20:05] "It's never too late to repair with your kids."

[21:42] "In the moment, in the moment, you have to use your ADHD to your advantage and interrupt yourself."

[22:39] "So many of us are wanting our kids to be calm so that we can be calm. And that is backwards."

[23:12] "It is our job to learn how to regulate ourselves, and then our kids borrow our calm-ish nervous system."

[29:11] "You're not lazy. You're struggling with something that needs attention and you clearly need more support."

[32:02] "Practice apologizing every day. Find something that you can apologize and take accountability for today."



DANA KAY RESOURCES

🔗 WEBSITES:
https://adhdthriveinstitute.com/

https://dana-kay.com/

👋 SOCIALS:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ADHDThriveInstitute/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/adhdthriveinstitute/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/ADHDThriveInstitute
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/adhd-thrive-institute/
Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.ph/adhdthriveinstitute/
Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@adhd_thriveinstitute

📕 INTERNATIONAL BEST SELLING BOOK:
Thriving with ADHD – https://adhdthriveinstitute.com/book/

💻 FREE MASTERCLASS:
Free Reduce ADHD Symptoms Naturally Masterclass - https://bit.ly/3GAbFQl

⭐ COURSES & PROGRAMS:
ADHD Parenting Course – https://info.adhdthriveinstitute.com/parentingadhd
ADHD Thrive Method 4 Kids Program – https://adhdthriveinstitute.com/packages/

When a child repeatedly fails to follow instructions, gives one-word answers, or has an intense reaction to a small request, it may look like defiance. But the real challenge may be how their brain is processing, organizing, and communicating information after they hear it. In this episode of The Soaring Child Podcast, Dana Kay speaks with speech-language pathologist and myofunctional therapist Luba Patlakh about one of the most overlooked areas of ADHD: communication. They explore how executive functioning, hearing, language processing, sensory needs, airway health, sleep, and emotional regulation can all influence a child's ability to listen and respond. Luba also explains why parents should be cautious about being told to simply "wait and see" when they notice developmental or communication concerns. She shares the signs that may warrant a professional evaluation, how speech therapy differs from occupational and physical therapy, and why a multidisciplinary approach can help families better understand what is happening beneath a child's behavior. Parents will also learn practical strategies they can begin using immediately, including how to pause before reacting, gather meaningful observations, model language, and use Luba's "field of two" technique to encourage children to communicate their needs more clearly. This conversation is a supportive reminder that behavior is often communication, and that understanding the reason behind a child's struggle can lead to more compassionate and effective support.

LINKS MENTIONED IN THE SHOW

Luba Patlakh's Website - https://lubapatlakh.com/

Luba Patlakh on Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=18908878

Luba Patlakh on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/lubapatlakh/

Luba Patlakh on LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/lubapatlakh

The Growth Lab Podcast on YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@thegrowthlabpodcast KEY

TAKEAWAYS

[00:00] A child may hear a parent's instruction but struggle with what happens next, including processing, organizing, remembering, and responding to the information.

[03:53] Parents should examine when and where communication breakdowns occur rather than immediately assuming a child is ignoring them or behaving badly.

[05:10] A lack of response can be useful information. Luba encourages parents to collect observations and consider executive functioning, hearing, cognition, and language processing.

[06:34] Formal assessments from qualified professionals can help distinguish attention difficulties from speech, language, communication, or cognitive delays.

[08:55] Speech-language pathologists may address articulation, language, comprehension, vocabulary, feeding, swallowing, airway health, and communication.

[10:14] Occupational therapy focuses on sensory processing, fine-motor skills, grasping, writing, feeding skills, and functioning in daily environments.

[13:04] Myofunctional therapy examines how the mouth, tongue, lips, nose, breathing, posture, and airway are working together.

[13:41] Chronic mouth breathing and difficulty maintaining a full lip seal may affect sleep, regulation, attention, and behavior.

[16:37] Parents should not automatically accept "wait and see" when they have ongoing concerns about communication, development, behavior, or regulation.

[19:22] Luba's story of a three-year-old illustrates how speech, movement, eating, digestion, sleep, medication side effects, and development can be interconnected.

[22:00] Pausing before solving and observing before reacting can help parents recognize patterns and bring clearer information to professionals.

[25:54] The "field of two" technique encourages communication by presenting two choices, allowing the child to select one, and then modeling the language needed to express that choice.

MEMORABLE MOMENTS

[05:10] "That lack of communication at that moment is your data."

[13:41] "If a child cannot have a full lip seal, it dysregulates the body."

[15:57] "So it's called a recipe for disaster."

[16:37] "I am a firm believer and I'm always going to be an advocate of begin yesterday."

[17:56] "Why are we waiting for it to be worse? Like, what are we waiting for?"

[20:45] "And that's so, imagine she would have waited and seen. What was she waiting and seeing?"

[22:00] "You need to pause before you solve the situation and observe before you react."

[23:18] "It's a process. So my advice is just slow down, really take a look at what's happening."

[24:33] "If they're overreacting, throwing a fit somewhere in the store, you know, you wanna take a closer look at what's happening."

[25:54] "You do wanna start doing what I call a field of two."

DANA KAY RESOURCES 🔗

WEBSITES: https://adhdthriveinstitute.com/ https://dana-kay.com/

👋 SOCIALS:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ADHDThriveInstitute/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/adhdthriveinstitute/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/ADHDThriveInstitute

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/adhd-thrive-institute/

Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.ph/adhdthriveinstitute/

Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@adhd_thriveinstitute

📕 INTERNATIONAL BEST SELLING BOOK:

Thriving with ADHD – https://adhdthriveinstitute.com/book/

💻 FREE MASTERCLASS:

Free Reduce ADHD Symptoms Naturally Masterclass - https://bit.ly/3GAbFQl

⭐ COURSES & PROGRAMS:

ADHD Parenting Course – https://info.adhdthriveinstitute.com/parentingadhd

ADHD Thrive Method 4 Kids Program – https://adhdthriveinstitute.com/packages/

Tune in as we continue our Summer Series with another fan favorite episode!

In this episode of The Soaring Child Podcast, host Dana Kay sits down with Ann Dolin, an award-winning educator, author, and expert in ADHD, executive function, and academic coaching.

Together, they unpack one of the most common and stressful challenges for families raising kids with ADHD—homework. With over three decades of experience helping children who think and learn differently, Ann shares practical, tested strategies to reduce homework battles, build executive function skills, and bring more calm to busy evenings.

Dana Kay, a Board-Certified Health and Nutrition Practitioner and founder of the ADHD Thrive Institute, approaches this topic as both a professional and a parent who’s been in the trenches.

Whether your child procrastinates, feels overwhelmed by multi-step directions, or struggles to get started, you’ll walk away with actionable advice you can use tonight to make homework time more peaceful and productive.

Watch this episode on YouTube here - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ky4lHiAxAOk

LINKS MENTIONED IN THE SHOW

Educational Connections – https://ectutoring.com

Book – Homework Made Simple: Tips, Tools, and Solutions for Stress-Free Homework

Facebook – Educational Connections, Inc. | Alexandria VA

Instagram – EC Virtual Tutoring & Coaching (@educationalconnections)

YouTube – https://www.youtube.com/@annkdolin

KEY TAKEAWAYS

[07:54] Practical tip: Break big assignments into smaller chunks and involve kids in deciding the order to build independence.
[09:56] What executive function skills are and how weaknesses in these areas impact homework, focus, and emotions.
[14:10] How to work collaboratively with teachers to modify homework and avoid nightly power struggles.
[15:28] Why setting a homework start time is more effective than focusing only on the end time.
[18:47] Using timers and the Pomodoro method to help kids with ADHD get started and stay on task.
[21:05] Building confidence with specific positive feedback to shift mindset and motivation.
[23:14] Stepping back and asking guiding questions instead of micromanaging homework.

MEMORABLE MOMENTS
“It’s not always about motivation. Sometimes it’s about executive function.”
“Most kids don’t want to do poorly. They just don’t know how to start.”
“The number one thing that helps is structure and consistency.”
“Procrastination isn’t laziness — it’s often overwhelm.”
“Sometimes the best thing we can do is step back, not step in.”
“A checklist is like a GPS for the brain.”
“Kids with ADHD often need external reminders to manage time and tasks.”
“When parents micromanage, it can actually backfire.”
“Homework should never be a battle zone.”
“Parents are doing the best they can with the tools they have.”

DANA KAY RESOURCES

🔗 WEBSITES:
https://adhdthriveinstitute.com/
https://dana-kay.com/

👋 SOCIALS:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ADHDThriveInstitute/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/adhdthriveinstitute/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/ADHDThriveInstitute
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/adhd-thrive-institute/
Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.ph/adhdthriveinstitute/
Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@adhd_thriveinstitute

📕 INTERNATIONAL BEST SELLING BOOK:
Thriving with ADHD – https://adhdthriveinstitute.com/book/

💻 FREE MASTERCLASS:
Free Reduce ADHD Symptoms Naturally Masterclass - https://bit.ly/3QzvFHm

⭐ COURSES & PROGRAMS:
ADHD Parenting Course – https://info.adhdthriveinstitute.com/parentingadhd
ADHD Thrive Method 4 Kids Program – https://adhdthriveinstitute.com/packages/

Have you ever wondered why your child struggles with meltdowns, impulsivity, anxiety, or digestion issues? The answer might not be behavioral—but neurological. In this episode of The Soaring Child Podcast, we continue our summer series of Fan Favorite Episodes with host Dana Kay and Dr. Tony Ebel, a pediatric wellness chiropractor.

Together, they explore the vagus nerve—the “unsung hero” of the nervous system. They discuss how vagus nerve dysfunction affects kids with ADHD and why gut issues, sensory sensitivities, and emotional regulation challenges may all trace back to this critical nerve.

Dr. Tony shares groundbreaking insights from his Perfect Storm Clinic, explaining how birth trauma, chronic stress, and inflammation impact the vagus nerve and what parents can do to help their child regulate their nervous system naturally. From chiropractic adjustments to simple at-home strategies, this episode is packed with practical, science-backed solutions to support your child’s brain, body, and emotional well-being.

To watch this on YouTube, go here - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlVdBC27NAk&t=1s

LINKS MENTIONED IN THE SHOW

Symptom Reduction Tool – http://adhdthriveinstitute.com/tool

KEY TAKEAWAYS

[2:50] Understanding the Vagus Nerve: The “Unsung Hero” of the Nervous System

[8:12] How Vagus Nerve Dysfunction Affects Kids with ADHD

[13:20]The Link Between Gut Health, Sensory Processing & ADHD

[14:06] Signs Your Child May Have Vagus Nerve Imbalance

[14:11] How Birth Trauma & Stress Impact the Vagus Nerve

[19:48] At-Home Strategies to Support Vagus Nerve Function

[23:34] The Role of Chiropractic Adjustments in Healing the Nervous System

[26:17] How to Find the Right Chiropractor for Your Child

[34:14] Next Steps for Parents

MEMORABLE MOMENTS

“What if your child’s meltdowns aren’t about behavior—but about how their brain and body are communicating behind the scenes?”

“The vagus nerve is the ‘unsung hero’ of the nervous system—it regulates emotions, digestion, focus, and even inflammation.”

“When the vagus nerve is weak, kids with ADHD struggle with impulsivity, anxiety, sensory overload, and chronic gut issues.”

“Constipation, reflux, and stomach pains? That’s vagus nerve dysfunction at work—not just a diet issue.”

“The vagus nerve controls relaxation and recovery—if your child stays in fight-or-flight mode, they may struggle to calm down after a meltdown.”

“Most parents have never been told that birth trauma, stress, and even antibiotics can impact their child’s vagus nerve.”

“An overstressed nervous system shuts down digestion, disrupts sleep, and keeps kids stuck in hyperactivity.”

“Chiropractic care isn’t about popping bones—it’s about resetting the nervous system and helping kids regulate naturally.”

“Parents—your nervous system impacts your child’s. When you regulate your own stress, you help them regulate theirs.”

“ADHD healing doesn’t happen overnight—but when the nervous system is reset, the transformation is life-changing.”

DANA KAY RESOURCES

🔗 WEBSITES:
https://adhdthriveinstitute.com/
https://dana-kay.com/

👋 SOCIALS:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ADHDThriveInstitute/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/adhdthriveinstitute/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/ADHDThriveInstitute
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/adhd-thrive-institute/
Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.ph/adhdthriveinstitute/
Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@adhd_thriveinstitute

📕 INTERNATIONAL BEST SELLING BOOK:
Thriving with ADHD – https://adhdthriveinstitute.com/book/

💻 FREE MASTERCLASS:
Free Reduce ADHD Symptoms Naturally Masterclass - https://bit.ly/3QzvFHm

⭐ COURSES & PROGRAMS:
ADHD Parenting Course – https://info.adhdthriveinstitute.com/parentingadhd
ADHD Thrive Method 4 Kids Program – https://adhdthriveinstitute.com/packages/

Parental burnout is a common struggle among many parents of children with ADHD. In this episode of the Soaring Child podcast - a continuation of our summer series of fan favorite episodes - Ashley Gobeil, our resident ADHD-specific Child and Family therapist, shares more about the telltale signs of parental burnout.

She shares critical tips on how to take care of yourself and avoid burning out in the first place.

If you’re struggling with feeling overwhelmed as a parent of a child with ADHD, tune in this episode with returning guest Ashley Gobeil.

Watch this episode on YouTube here - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LmkvUi_5uF0

LINKS MENTIONED IN THE SHOW

ADHD Thrive Jumpstart 4 Parenting program – https://info.adhdthriveinstitute.com/parenting-landing-page

KEY TAKEAWAYS

[5:38] Why parents of kids with ADHD develop “blocked care” and overwhelmed nervous systems

[10:20] Signs that a parent’s nervous system is overwhelmed

[20:41] The importance of self-care for parents of kids with ADHD

[25:05] Things to avoid that could exacerbate parents’ overwhelm

[27:20] Techniques to help parents soothe their stressed nervous systems and avoid burnout

MEMORABLE MOMENTS

“Parenting a child who is having daily meltdowns, emotional outbursts, aggression, impulsivity, resistance to tasks and listening…As a parent, when you are constantly experiencing that, it can take a huge toll on the nervous system.”

”Blocked care can happen…It’s like we want to avoid that interaction, and it shuts down that part of our brain that wants to care for our kids.”

”When we’re in a chronic stress environment, our window of tolerance gets smaller and smaller.”

”The more we’re noticing what’s happening in our minds, in our bodies, physiologically, sensationally, we start to get to know ourselves better, then we can put in steps or get ourselves out of the dynamic.”

”Just being aware means we can slow it down before it starts to impact our mental health.”

”We can’t soothe our kids’ nervous system if our nervous system is shot.”

”One thing that can really help is to remember, ‘I’m doing the best I can with the resources I have..’”

”If you could be doing better, you would be. But when you can, you will.”

”When we are heightened, we want to extend our exhale. When we’re really low and lethargic, we want to extend our inhale.”

DANA KAY RESOURCES

🔗 WEBSITES:
https://adhdthriveinstitute.com/
https://dana-kay.com/

👋 SOCIALS:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ADHDThriveInstitute/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/adhdthriveinstitute/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/ADHDThriveInstitute
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/adhd-thrive-institute/
Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.ph/adhdthriveinstitute/
Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@adhd_thriveinstitute

📕 INTERNATIONAL BEST SELLING BOOK:
Thriving with ADHD – https://adhdthriveinstitute.com/book/

💻 FREE MASTERCLASS:
Free Reduce ADHD Symptoms Naturally Masterclass - https://bit.ly/3QzvFHm

⭐ COURSES & PROGRAMS:
ADHD Parenting Course – https://info.adhdthriveinstitute.com/parentingadhd
ADHD Thrive Method 4 Kids Program – https://adhdthriveinstitute.com/packages/