Vanity Project

The contradictions inherent in the movement of capitalist society impress themselves upon the practical bourgeois most strikingly in the changes of the periodic cycle, through which modern industry runs, and whose crowning point is the universal crisis. That crisis is once again approaching, although as yet but in its preliminary stage; and by the universality of its theatre and the intensity of its action it will drum dialectics even into the heads of the mushroom-podcast listeners of the new, holy Prusso-German empire.

– Karl Marx, London, January 24, 1873.

Kids today are doing it wrong, or not enough, or something
When you say that we should bump uglies, could you be more specific?
Home Affairs set to crack down on MyColes Marriages
If you gaze for long into The Abyss, honorary blackbelt James Cameron gazes also into you
Serotonin-Nonrefundable Reuptake Inhibitors
Ross’s eyesight hasn’t been the same since he was found in that Spencer Street Station locker in 1986
The correct way to receive a compliment is to blush and sweat excessively while exiting at pace
And I Nietzsche more than wantzsche
The National Construction Workers’ Catcall Code (NCWCC) 2025
Bitsy announces latest venture: ‘Imagine silent films but they’re podcasts’
Recording pubes with Tchad Blake: ‘The Neumann KU 100 is my go-to for crotch work’
New frontiers in heterodox economics: the television theory of value
I do wonder where those bodyworkers keep your intestines while they’re manipulating your psoas muscle
It was nine worse than 1984
They fart in his general direction
Nope, the advice offered here absolutely cannot be ‘Just Do It’

This week, join Beautiful Fairy Princess and Captain Handsome as they effortlessly relate to the non-Facebook demographic by establishing

a terrible nickname for the show
that a mirtazapine prescription pairs best with an ice cream subscription
that anhedonia isn’t that Welsh band from the ’90s
a perverse rubric with which to deem chia seeds better than cocaine
that men don’t read novels because at least one of those two things is no damn good
that women are leading unions because at least one of those two things is no damn good
that reading is (still) for suckers
that being contactable is the worst
that Napoleon would have been 5’10” on Tinder
that you should probably consider drawing a beauty mark just above the corner of your mouth while you’re at it

An episode description in which I once again take some of my discarded episode titles and list them as bullet points in lieu of writing a proper thingy:

Dream snorkel, come rescue me
Nopin’ talkin’ ’bout rootin’
Experimentieren mit Fleischstäben
Don’t do you!
Just acknowledging feelings all day
The quirkiest of bugbears
Massive Ordnance Penetrator-Intermodulator
Please welcome to the stage Buster Bunking!
28 years of phallophotic retinopathy
Ralph Plaines
The Epstein [no relation] files
Team The Netherlands: World Police

Self-explanatory, as always:

I’m bad with names but I could identify that service set anywhere
Hitch: the elite private schooldog born with a silver bone in his mouth
The nose Mohs
Calling the Cancer Council helpful would be the real charity
Do you even stairlift, bro?
Helen loses a dress size by not exercising and Ross loses 103cm of height on the Peterson Diet
Swedish nutballs
The X axis represents time, the Y axis represents pleasure, and the Z axis represents evil
What we’ve got here is an epic fail to communicate
Ross Zombie
Heavy is the sex that wears the studded leather glove
Which came first: the chicken or the industrial rock artist?