A Wake Up Call

If you have ever thought:

“How do I get better at being selfish when I always put everyone else first?”

“Why is saying no so uncomfortable, even when I know I should?”

“How do I set boundaries without the guilt, or without letting everyone down?”

- this episode is for you.

This week A Wake Up Call is a solo listener Q&A (Part 2), and it goes deeper than Part 1. We asked the Dream Team what they were wrestling with, and the theme was almost unanimous: people-pleasing. One question said it all - “my generosity is my greatest strength and my greatest weakness. I put everyone first and my own health and finances last. How do I get better at being selfish?”

Layne and Tess reframe the whole thing. Selfish is not the enemy - selfless is. When you say yes to everyone and no to yourself, the people you love get the fried, depleted, running-on-empty version of you. Showing up “selfish” - protecting your time, energy, health and finances first - is what lets you show up for anyone at all.

They get honest about why saying no is so hard: the three fears underneath every yes (letting people down, losing your relevance, and the shiny fix-it version everyone expects), and the three types of expectations - including the stealth ones we quietly place on ourselves. Layne shares how selfishness became a privilege that got her to the top, the story of her dad calling her “a bloody idiot”, and winning seven world titles - five of them in fear - and asks the real question: fuel, at what cost? Tess opens up about being “Tess from Virgin”, performing on a fragile foundation, and what changed when she started filling her own cup first.

You will hear about:
Why people-pleasing is fear wearing a helpful face - and how to show up “selfish” so you stop reserving the worst of you for the people you love
The three fears that stop you saying no: letting people down, a scarcity mentality around relevance, and the expectations you place on yourself
The three types of expectations - yours, other people's, and the stealth ones you assume - and why the stealth ones are the most toxic
Fill your cup first: do one thing you love every day (15 minutes is enough, and it has to be tech-free)
The boundary tool: “no, not now” and “no, not me”, why the guilt is a stepping stone, and knowing your recovery rule (one day is fine, three days is a warning sign)

Join the Awake Collective Community for monthly masterclasses
https://www.awakeacademy.com.au/awake-collective-sales
Get Awake's transformative book: Know Yourself Grow Yourself to live a happier more purposeful life.
https://www.penguin.com.au/books/awake-academy-9781761345869
Follow Layne on Instagram @Laynebeachley
Follow Tess on Instagram @tesscbrouwer
Follow AWAKE on Instagram @awake_academy
Awakes TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@awakeacademy_
Sponsor our podcast https://www.awakeacademy.com.au/contact
Book us for a workshop https://www.awakeacademy.com.au/contact

Mentioned in this episode:
Viktor Frankl - Man's Search for Meaning (the one thing that cannot be taken from you is your choice of how to respond)
Dr Kristy Goodwin - researcher on digital overload and focus, and past AWUC guest (“infobesity”, ~74GB of information a day, and the case for micro-breaks)
The Seven Doctors 7-Week Challenge - Awake's gentle nervous-system reset program (sunshine breaks, micro rest, the science of why), linked in the show notes

Disclaimer
Awake Academy is not a licensed mental health service, and this podcast is not a substitute for personalised mental health advice, assessment, diagnosis or treatment. What we share here is general in nature and is designed to offer reflection, insight and practical tools for everyday life.

If you are experiencing a medical or mental health condition, please seek guidance from a qualified healthcare professional. Never ignore or delay seeking professional advice because of something you have heard on this podcast.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If you have ever wondered:

“How do I stop identifying with the scared version of myself?”

“Why does my inner critic get louder when I am tired, overwhelmed or out of my depth?”

“How do I stop comparing myself to others and become the person I actually want to be?”

This episode is for you.
This week, Tess and Layne answer questions from the AWAKE community about fear, identity, comparison and the relentless voice of the “itty-bitty shitty committee”.
They explore what happens when the identities you have built your life around suddenly disappear, whether that is a career, a business, success, appearance or the role you believed you had to play. Tess shares how losing her corporate identity forced her to intentionally rebuild her life, health and sense of self, while Layne reflects on becoming a world champion and learning not to let success, fear or other people’s labels define her.

The conversation then turns to negative self-talk and comparison, with Layne revealing the sexism, unequal prize money and resistance she faced while fighting to transform women’s surfing. Her story is a reminder that purpose can carry you through moments when confidence disappears, progress feels painfully slow and the change you are working towards may not arrive for years.

This is a conversation about giving fear a voice without handing it the steering wheel, choosing your identity with intention and moving from “I have to” to “I get to” to “I am”.
You will hear about:

Why fear becomes louder when you are depleted, overwhelmed or feeling unsafe
How to recognise the difference between who you are and the labels other people have placed on you
Tess’s experience of losing her corporate identity and intentionally creating a new one
Using Elizabeth Gilbert’s letter-writing exercise to understand and respond to fear
How comparison creates fragile confidence and keeps you focused outside yourself
The sexism, pay inequality and resistance Layne faced while fighting for the future of women’s surfing
The “I have to, I get to, I am” framework for reconnecting with purpose
Why your inner critic may never disappear completely, and how to stop identifying with it
How compassion, curiosity and play can soften fear and help you choose what love would do next

Links text
Join the Awake Collective Community for monthly masterclasses
https://www.awakeacademy.com.au/awake-collective-sales
Get Awake's transformative book: Know Yourself Grow Yourself to live a happier, more purposeful life.
https://www.penguin.com.au/books/awake-academy-9781761345869
Follow Layne on Instagram @Laynebeachley
Follow Tess on Instagram @tesscbrouwer
Follow AWAKE on Instagram @awake_academy
AWAKE’s TikTok
https://www.tiktok.com/@awakeacademy_
Sponsor our podcast
https://www.awakeacademy.com.au/contact
Book us for a workshop
https://www.awakeacademy.com.au/contact
Mentioned in this episode:
Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat Pray Love

Disclaimer
The A Wake Up Call podcast is created for general informational, educational and inspirational purposes only. The stories, tools and insights shared are designed to support your wellbeing journey, not to replace professional medical, psychological or therapeutic advice. In fact, we believe therapy is non-negotiable in life.

If you are experiencing a medical or mental health condition, please seek guidance from a qualified healthcare professional. Never ignore or delay seeking professional advice because of something you have heard on this podcast.

Your wellbeing matters. Take care of yourself, stay curious and remember the real wake-up call is listening to what your body and mind are trying to tell you.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If you have ever wondered:
“Have I taken wellness and optimisation a little too far?”
“Why does chasing the perfect sleep score leave me feeling worse, not better?”
“Is outsourcing my life to AI making me more connected — or more alone?”
- this episode is for you.

This week A Wake Up Call is a solo Health Trends episode. Tess and Layne pull up the cultural wellbeing moments blowing up online and pressure-test them in real time - so you can challenge them, test them, and decide what you actually think.

They start with Steven Bartlett's viral claim that three glasses of wine “ruined” him for three days (cue a very Layne take on quality wine), move into Brian Johnson and the millions-spent quest to never die, and land on the statistic that 37% of Gen Z say they could fall in love with an AI companion. Underneath the laughter - wine-maxing, sleep-maxing, life-maxing - is a bigger question: have we swapped intuition for data, and connection for optimisation?

This is a conversation about trusting your body over the spreadsheet, choosing quality of life over quantity, and - borrowing Mo Gawdat's two campfires - deciding who we want to be at the intersection AI has put us all at.

You will hear about:

Why wine-maxing, sleep-maxing and life-maxing can optimise the fun right out of your life - and where the middle ground actually is
Changing your relationship with alcohol: trusting your body's visceral yes or no instead of the after-a-hard-day default
Brian Johnson, longevity culture and the real question - quality of life vs quantity of life
The AI connection paradox: 37% of Gen Z open to falling in love with AI, and why outsourcing connection can quietly deepen loneliness
Mo Gawdat's two campfires - the fork in the road with AI, and why who we choose to be matters more than ever

Links text
Join the Awake Collective Community for monthly masterclasses
https://www.awakeacademy.com.au/awake-collective-sales
Get Awake's transformative book: Know Yourself Grow Yourself to live a happier more purposeful life.
https://www.penguin.com.au/books/awake-academy-9781761345869
Follow Layne on Instagram @Laynebeachley
Follow Tess on Instagram @tesscbrouwer
Follow AWAKE on Instagram @awake_academy
Awakes TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@awakeacademy_
Sponsor our podcast https://www.awakeacademy.com.au/contact
Book us for a workshop https://www.awakeacademy.com.au/contact
Mentioned in this episode - Mo Gawdat, Scary Smart (book on AI) [add link]

Disclaimer
The A Wake Up Call podcast is created for general informational, educational, and inspirational purposes only. The stories, tools, and insights shared are designed to support your wellbeing journey - not to replace professional medical, psychological, or therapeutic advice. In fact, we believe therapy is non-negotiable in life.

If you're experiencing a medical or mental health condition, please seek guidance from a qualified healthcare professional. Never ignore or delay seeking professional advice because of something you've heard on this podcast.

Your wellbeing matters. Take care of yourself, stay curious, and remember the real wake-up call is listening to what your body and mind are trying to tell you.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Episode Description:

If you have ever wondered:

"Why am I so exhausted by my own competence?"

"How do I redefine success on my own terms instead of someone else's?"

"Who am I actually waiting for permission from?"

- this episode is for you.

In this warm, honest and quietly powerful conversation, Tess and Layne welcome Kemi Nekvapil - one of Australia's most respected executive coaches, Penguin author of The Gift of Asking, Power and Grounded Success, a Certified Dare to Lead facilitator trained by Brené Brown, host of the globally ranked podcast The Shift Series, flower farmer, and the woman who has personally coached Layne herself.

Kemi has built her life's work on one radical idea: that you are always worthy of the ask. In this episode she unpacks what that really means for the woman who is endlessly capable, the one everyone relies on, who cannot remember the last time she asked for something just for herself.

She shares the wake-up call that has threaded through her whole life - learning to ask how does it feel to be here - and the day she walked off stage to a standing ovation and thought, I am so bored. That boredom, she realised, was a full-body yes to change. Along the way she and the hosts explore why risk has seasons, how we get seduced into stepping over our own boundaries, and a live coaching moment where Layne works through her own surfing retirement in real time.

This is a conversation about redefining success by how it feels, not how it looks, and remembering that the only person you have ever been waiting on for permission is you.

You will hear about:

Why being endlessly needed quietly keeps capable women from ever asking for what they want
The difference between a full-body yes, a full-body no, and a performance yes
Why risk has seasons, and how to find the version of a leap your nervous system can actually take
How to redefine success by how it feels, and why 70% peace beats chasing more
The one question that ends years of waiting: who am I actually waiting for permission from?

Links text
Join the Awake Collective Community for monthly masterclasses
https://www.awakeacademy.com.au/awake-collective-sales

Get Awake's transformative book: Know Yourself Grow Yourself to live a happier more purposeful life.
https://www.penguin.com.au/books/awake-academy-9781761345869

Follow Layne on Instagram @Laynebeachley

Follow Tess on Instagram @tesscbrouwer

Follow Awake Academy on Instagram @awake_academy

Awakes TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@awakeacademy_

Sponsor our podcast https://www.awakeacademy.com.au/contact

Book us for a workshop https://www.awakeacademy.com.au/contact

Connect with Kemi Nekvapil https://www.keminekvapil.com

Disclaimer

The A Wake Up Call podcast is created for general informational, educational, and inspirational purposes only. The stories, tools, and insights shared are designed to support your wellbeing journey - not to replace professional medical, psychological, or therapeutic advice. In fact, we believe therapy is non-negotiable in life.

If you're experiencing a medical or mental health condition, please seek guidance from a qualified healthcare professional. Never ignore or delay seeking professional advice because of something you've heard on this podcast.

Your wellbeing matters. Take care of yourself, stay curious, and remember the real wake-up call is listening to what your body and mind are trying to tell you.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If you have ever wondered:

💭 "Why am I switched on all day, but never actually powered up?"

💭 "Why do I feel guilty the moment I try to rest?"

💭 "Why do I keep waking at 3am, wired and exhausted at the same time?"

- this episode is for you.

In this fascinating and deeply practical conversation, Tess and Layne welcome Dr Kristy Goodwin - one of Australia's leading neuro-performance scientists, a PhD researcher, keynote speaker to Apple, Deloitte, EY and Qantas, and the author of Dear Digital, We Need to Talk.

Dr Kristy's mission is to help high performers stop paying what she calls the success tax: the moment achievement starts costing you your health, your relationships and your sanity. And she learned it the hard way. At the height of the pandemic she was coaching leaders on stress and burnout while quietly ignoring the whispers of her own body, until she woke up convulsing on her bedroom floor and was rushed to a code red ward on a ventilator. The diagnosis was not just COVID. It was years of chronic stress.

From that hospital bed, she made a pledge to stop living in ways that were incompatible with what she calls our human operating system. In this episode she translates the science into plain language: why you cannot outperform your own biology, why recovery makes you more productive, what your 3am wake-ups are really telling you, and how to empty an overflowing cortisol cup. She also shares, with remarkable honesty, the run of events that recalibrated her values, including her husband's stage four cancer diagnosis and the sudden loss of a close colleague.

This is a conversation about listening to the whispers before they become screams, and learning to live and work in a way your brain was actually designed for.

You will hear about:

Why high performers are the last to know they are burning out, and what the success tax really costs
Why you cannot outperform your human operating system, no matter how capable you are
How proactive recovery makes you 26% more productive, and what a peak-performance pit stop looks like
What your 2 to 4am wake-ups are telling you about an overflowing cortisol cup
A practical daily toolkit: phone-free mornings, delayed caffeine, piccolo breaks and protecting your focus

Links text
Join the Awake Collective Community for monthly masterclasses
https://www.awakeacademy.com.au/awake-collective-sales

Get Awake's transformative book: Know Yourself Grow Yourself to live a happier more purposeful life.
https://www.penguin.com.au/books/awake-academy-9781761345869

Follow Layne on Instagram @Laynebeachley

Follow Tess on Instagram @tesscbrouwer

Follow Awake Academy on Instagram @awake_academy

Awakes TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@awakeacademy_

Sponsor our podcast https://www.awakeacademy.com.au/contact

Book us for a workshop https://www.awakeacademy.com.au/contact

Connect with Dr Kristy Goodwin https://drkristygoodwin.com

Disclaimer

The A Wake Up Call podcast is created for general informational, educational, and inspirational purposes only. The stories, tools, and insights shared are designed to support your wellbeing journey - not to replace professional medical, psychological, or therapeutic advice. In fact, we believe therapy is non-negotiable in life.

If you're experiencing a medical or mental health condition, please seek guidance from a qualified healthcare professional. Never ignore or delay seeking professional advice because of something you've heard on this podcast.

Your wellbeing matters. Take care of yourself, stay curious, and remember the real wake-up call is listening to what your body and mind are trying to tell you.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.