It's a Mindset

What might become possible if you stopped waiting to feel confident and acted first?

We often assume confidence is something we need before we introduce ourselves, ask a question, extend an invitation or pursue an opportunity. But what if confidence is actually created by doing the very things that make us uncomfortable?

In this episode of It’s a Mindset, I’m joined by speaker, author and social courage expert Nick Bendel. In August 2019, Nick began an ambitious project to have lunch with 500 strangers. What started as a way for a natural introvert to improve his social skills and build relationships became a six-year exploration of courage, confidence, rejection and human connection.

The project eventually inspired his book, The 500 Lunches Effect: How Social Courage Changes Everything. I was immediately intrigued by Nick’s story. I certainly enjoy a long lunch, but meeting 500 strangers is an entirely different proposition. I wanted to understand what compelled him to begin, what kept him going and what he discovered through talking to people from vastly different professions, ages and backgrounds.

Nick explains that social courage means taking action when we don’t feel completely ready or when we risk being judged, rejected, criticised or embarrassed. It might involve asking for a promotion, speaking in front of an audience, approaching someone at an event or inviting somebody on a date. We explore why fear of another person’s reaction can create hesitation, how easily we turn rejection into a judgement about our worth and why somebody else’s “no” is generally far less personal than we imagine.

Nick also shares practical ways to make social connection feel less intimidating. We don’t need a brilliant opening line or an impressive story. A simple introduction, genuine curiosity and thoughtful listening can be enough to begin a meaningful conversation.

Our conversation moves beyond networking to consider the deeper importance of human connection. In a world where so much communication now occurs digitally, it is possible to move through our days surrounded by people without truly connecting with any of them.

Nick’s experience is an invitation to become a little more courageous, a little more curious and more willing to take the small social risks that can open the door to new relationships and opportunities.

Key Episode Takeaways:

Confidence follows action. Waiting until we feel confident can keep us stuck indefinitely. Confidence grows when we take action despite feeling uncertain or uncomfortable.

Social courage is personal. Speaking publicly may feel natural to one person and terrifying to another. Courage isn’t determined by the action itself, but by what taking that action requires from the individual.

Rejection is rarely the judgement we imagine it to be. Someone may decline an invitation because of their time, responsibilities or insecurities. Their answer does not automatically say anything about our worth.

We don’t need to be particularly clever to begin a conversation. A simple introduction and genuine interest in another person can be far more effective than trying to deliver the perfect opening line.

Listening helps people feel valued. Asking thoughtful questions and giving someone room to share what matters to them can create stronger rapport than dominating a conversation.

An imperfect plan can produce meaningful progress. Social courage doesn’t require an enormous leap. Choosing the smallest realistic step and building from there makes change more sustainable.

Connection is an important part of success. Money, status and achievement can feel hollow without meaningful friendships and relationships in our lives.

About the Guest:

Nick Bendel is a speaker, author and social courage expert who helps people overcome hesitation and create more opportunities in their careers and lives.

He is the author of The 500 Lunches Effect: How Social Courage Changes Everything, based on his six-year project to have lunch with 500 strangers. Drawing on his background as a journalist and business owner, Nick explores how small acts of social courage shape relationships, confidence and success. He speaks and writes about social courage, networking, confidence, personal growth and the hidden role hesitation plays in human potential.

Show Resources:

Visit Nick’s website: https://www.nickbendel.com

Connect with Nick on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nick-bendel

Follow Nick on Instagram: @mrnickbendel

Follow Emma Lagerlow on Instagram: @emmalagerlow

Discover more about Emma and her work: https://www.emmalagerlow.com/

If you LOVED this episode, make sure you share it on your Instagram Stories and tag us at @emmalagerlow and @mrnickbendel.

Yours in courage and connection, Emma. X.

What happens to a family when mental ill health enters their lives without warning?

The focus understandably turns to the person who is unwell. But surrounding them are often parents, partners, siblings and friends trying to make sense of an unfamiliar system while carrying fear, uncertainty and responsibility of their own.

In this episode of It’s a Mindset, I’m joined by perioperative nurse, carer peer worker, SANE peer ambassador and author Sarah Martin. Sarah and her family became what she describes as “accidental carers” when one of her children experienced a mental health crisis while travelling overseas. What followed changed the course of their lives and eventually inspired Sarah’s first book, Dear Psychosis.

Her second book, Dear Carer, turns its attention to the people standing beside someone living with complex mental ill health.

Sarah shares how little support her family could find for themselves and why stigma, privacy and the desire to protect a loved one caused them to become increasingly silent. We explore the isolation this can create for carers and the difference it makes to feel genuinely seen, heard and understood by someone who is willing to listen.

We also discuss the practical knowledge families may need when navigating mental health services and emergencies, from understanding the roles of different clinicians to recognising a loved one’s triggers and preparing a toolkit before a crisis occurs.

At the heart of our conversation is Sarah’s message that carers must be cared for too.

She speaks candidly about the years she spent placing her own needs aside, why accepting invitations and seeking psychological support became important parts of her own wellbeing, and how looking after yourself ultimately helps the person who depends on you.

I first met Sarah through the Expert Author Community, and her first book, Dear Psychosis, left an enormous impression on me. With my own children entering adulthood, I found her family’s experience riveting, moving and confronting. Sarah also showed me what an honest and incredibly compelling book could be, so it was a genuine honour to finally have this conversation with her.

Key Episode Takeaways:

Families can become carers without warning or preparation. When complex mental ill health enters a family, everyone can be affected, yet support and information are often directed only towards the person who is unwell.

Stigma can leave entire families navigating mental ill health in silence. Carers may be reluctant to speak openly because they want to protect their loved one’s privacy, but that silence can also deepen their own isolation.

Mental ill health deserves the same curiosity and compassion as any other chronic illness. Sarah encourages us to ask respectful questions, learn more and challenge the way mental and physical illnesses are treated differently.

Carer self-care is essential, not selfish. Accepting help, maintaining connection and having somewhere safe to talk can support both the carer and the person relying on them.

Preparation can make an overwhelming situation more manageable. Understanding possible triggers, knowing what support is available and creating a practical toolkit before a crisis can help families make more informed decisions when pressure is high.

Feeling heard and seen can create an extraordinary ripple effect. Sarah’s work is grounded in helping people recognise that they are not alone and that even one person’s story can make a meaningful difference to someone else.

About the Guest:

Sarah Martin is a perioperative nurse with more than 40 years of experience, a carer peer worker and a SANE peer ambassador. She is also a mum of three, one of whom lives with bipolar affective disorder.

Sarah is the author of Dear Psychosis, which shares her family’s experience of complex mental ill health, and Dear Carer, created to provide carers with the information, perspectives and practical guidance Sarah wished her own family had been able to access. Through her writing and advocacy, she is committed to reducing the stigma and silence surrounding mental ill health and helping carers feel less alone.

Show Resources:

Connect with Sarah Martin on Instagram: @sarahmartin.author

Connect with Sarah Martin on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100088825839661

Connect with Sarah Martin on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarah-martin123/

Follow Emma Lagerlow on Instagram: @emmalagerlow

Discover more about Emma and her work: https://www.emmalagerlow.com/

Mental Health Support:

If you or someone you know needs support, contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or text 0477 13 11 14. You can also access information and peer support through SANE.

If this episode raises concerns for you or someone you love, please contact an appropriate mental health support service or emergency service in your location.

If you LOVED this episode, make sure you share it on your Instagram Stories and tag us at @emmalagerlow and @sarahmartin.author.

Yours in compassion and connection, Emma. X.

What if performing at your best didn’t have to come at the expense of your health?

For so many ambitious and driven people, looking after ourselves can become something we continually plan to return to later.

Once the deadline has passed.

Once the project is finished.

Once life becomes a little less demanding.

But what if our wellbeing isn’t separate from our ability to perform? What if it’s actually the foundation that allows us to keep doing the work that matters to us?

In this episode of It’s a Mindset, I’m joined by Jessica Spendlove—speaker, coach, advisor and author of For the Long Run: Build Your Daily Operating System for Energy, Recovery and Wellbeing.

Jess has spent 15 years working at the intersection of wellbeing and high performance. Her career began in performance nutrition, working with hundreds of elite athletes, Olympic medallists, seven professional sporting teams and the Special Forces. Today, she brings those lessons into her work with corporate leaders, high-performing teams and organisations.

Together, we explore why even some of the best performers in the world are still working to master the fundamentals, and why the increasingly complicated world of protocols, optimisation and extreme routines can make wellbeing feel harder than it needs to be.

Jess shares her philosophy of upgrading rather than overhauling. Instead of measuring ourselves against an ideal routine—or even a previous version of ourselves—she encourages us to create rhythms that suit our current season and can be maintained on our busiest days, not only our best ones.

We also discuss why knowledge alone doesn’t always lead to change. Drawing on her experience in professional sport, Jess explains how our environment, systems and relationships can influence our behaviour far more than another piece of information.

Connection is another important part of the conversation. Jess explores why sustainable wellbeing includes our relationships, values and sense of purpose, and what can happen when achievement begins to take priority over everything else.

Jess and I first met at a speaker training workshop with Sally Prosser, and it was lovely to reconnect. I continue to be blown away by Jess’s drive—particularly knowing that she wrote this book while navigating business and motherhood with a very young daughter.

Yet what I found most interesting was how that season shaped the book itself. Rather than presenting a rigid formula, Jess has created an approach that recognises that our capacity changes and that sustainable performance needs to leave room for the reality of our lives.

This is such a thoughtful conversation about ambition, energy, recovery, relationships and redefining success so that we can continue doing meaningful work without losing ourselves in the process.

Key Episode Takeaways:

Sustainable high performance isn’t about lowering your ambitions. It’s about building the foundations that allow you to pursue meaningful goals without continually sacrificing your health and wellbeing.

Upgrade rather than overhaul. Extreme routines and short-term challenges can be difficult to sustain, while one or two consistent changes can help create momentum and greater capacity over time.

Your approach needs to work on your busiest days—not only your best ones. Jess encourages us to stop benchmarking ourselves against an ideal routine or a previous season of life and create rhythms that reflect our current capacity.

Even the highest-performing people in the world are still mastering the fundamentals. Nutrition, sleep, movement, stress management, recovery and connection remain central, regardless of how advanced someone’s performance environment may be.

Knowing what to do isn’t always enough. Our systems, environment and relationships can make healthy behaviours easier to follow and often matter just as much as information or motivation.

Connection is part of wellbeing. Our relationships, values and sense of purpose affect how well we live and perform, and success can feel increasingly empty when it takes us out of alignment with them.

Our definition of success can evolve. Jess reflects on moving beyond externally driven achievement and considering the kind of life she wants to live, the person she wants to be and her capacity to enjoy what she is creating.

About the Guest:

Jessica Spendlove speaks, coaches and writes about sustainable high performance and wellbeing. She is a keynote speaker, advisor and author of For the Long Run: Build Your Daily Operating System for Energy, Recovery and Wellbeing.

Across her 15-year career, Jess has worked with hundreds of elite athletes, Olympic medallists, seven professional sporting teams, the Special Forces, corporate leaders and high-performing organisations. Her work helps people embed wellbeing as a foundation for sustainable performance and leadership.

Jess is also an Associate with Monash University’s Corporate Education program and host of the Stay at the Top podcast. Through her speaking, coaching and writing, she is working to change the narrative so that success is achieved not at the expense of our health, but because of it.

Show Resources:

Learn More About Jessica’s Book, For the Long Run: https://jessicaspendlove.com/book/

Connect with Jessica on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jessicaspendlove/

Follow Jessica on Instagram: @jessicaspendlove

Follow Emma on Instagram: @emmalagerlow

Visit Emma’s Website: https://www.emmalagerlow.com/

Learn More About Emma’s Book, Worthy & Wealthy: https://www.amazon.com.au/Worthy-Wealthy-Discovering-Abundance-Fulfilment/dp/1998528022

If you LOVED this episode, make sure you share it on your Instagram Stories and tag us @emmalagerlow and @jessicaspendlove.

Yours in Sustainable Success, Emma. X.

Has looking after your health started to feel like another full-time job?

There’s always something else we’re told we should be doing. Another habit to add. Another number to track. Another expert telling us what we’re getting wrong. And with so much information available, it can sometimes feel harder—not easier—to know where to begin.

In this episode of It’s a Mindset, I’m joined by author, speaker and naturopath Susan Hunter, whose work challenges the story the wellness industry has been selling Gen X women. Susan has worked predominantly with women for more than 20 years and is the author of the book, The Health Edit: How Gen X Women Are Resetting the Script on Midlife.

Together, we explore why women have become both the wellness industry’s biggest market and some of its most confused consumers. We talk about the guilt and overwhelm that can arise when caring for our health becomes another long list of things to manage, particularly for women already carrying full professional, family and mental loads.

Susan shares her approach to simplifying health by identifying the area that needs our attention most, focusing on one essential change and allowing that change to become part of our lives before trying to do more. Rather than continually adding new routines, treatments or targets, she encourages women to develop the clarity and confidence to make health decisions that are genuinely relevant to them.

We also explore movement as an important health foundation, why constantly tracking our bodies can sometimes disconnect us from how we actually feel, and what a post-optimisation approach to health could look like.

As a woman in midlife myself, I found this conversation incredibly informative. I loved Susan’s hopeful perspective that our forties and fifties can be a time to think more intentionally about our long-term health, while also becoming clearer about our purpose, values and the way we want to live.

This is a thoughtful conversation about moving beyond health overwhelm, trusting ourselves more and recognising that caring for our wellbeing doesn’t need to mean doing everything at once.

Key Episode Takeaways:

The wellness industry can make health feel like an additional burden. When women are continually reminded of everything they aren’t doing, looking after themselves can become another source of pressure rather than support.

More information doesn’t always create greater clarity. Conflicting advice, emerging trends and health content on social media can make it difficult to understand what is relevant to our individual circumstances.

One meaningful change can be more useful than trying to change everything. Susan explains how focusing on the area that needs our attention most can make health feel more manageable and create benefits that flow into other parts of our wellbeing.

The foundations still matter. Movement we enjoy, real food, sleep and learning to listen to our bodies may not sound as exciting as the latest optimisation trend, but they can provide a practical place to begin. Complex or persistent concerns, however, may require appropriate professional investigation and support.

Tracking can become counterproductive. Susan explores how an intense focus on scores, targets and data can create anxiety and draw us away from how we actually feel.

Midlife can be approached as an opportunity rather than a decline. This stage of life can invite us to make more intentional choices about our health, redefine success and consider what we want the decades ahead to look like.

About the Guest:

Susan Hunter is an author, speaker and naturopath who believes the wellness industry has been selling Gen X women the wrong story. Through her work, Susan encourages women to view their health as a source of creative power in the second half of life—not as another part of themselves that needs to be continually optimised.

Her debut book, The Health Edit: How Gen X Women Are Resetting the Script on Midlife, offers an alternative to the overwhelm and complexity surrounding women’s health. Susan’s approach is grounded in greater clarity, realistic change and moving away from the idea that more is always better. She is also launching The Health Edit podcast alongside the book.

Show Resources:

Visit Susan’s website: https://www.susanhunter.com.au/

Read Susan’s Substack: https://susanhunterhealth.substack.com/

Follow Susan on Instagram: @susanhunterhealth

Connect with Susan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/susan-hunter-67282024/

Follow, Emma the Podcast Host on Instagram: @emmalagerlow

Visit Emma's website: https://www.emmalagerlow.com/

If you LOVED this episode, make sure you share it on your Instagram Stories and tag us @emmalagerlow and @susanhunterhealth.

Yours in Simplicity, Emma. X.

Have you ever stopped to ask yourself: Who am I without what I do?

Without the job title. The achievements. The roles you play. The expectations you’ve spent years trying to meet.

It’s one of life’s most important questions, in my opinion: Who are you, really?

And it’s exactly the question at the heart of my conversation with author, speaker and coach Dion Elliott Jensen, whose new book Conscious Footsteps explores what can happen when we begin looking beyond what we do and reconnecting with who we are underneath it all.

For much of Dion’s life, his identity and sense of worth were intertwined with achievement, career, status and the roles he played. But when life began dismantling so much of what he believed defined him, he was faced with a confronting question:

Who am I when everything I thought defined me is gone?

What followed wasn’t, as Dion describes it, a process of reinventing himself. It was one of remembering who he already was.

I believe so much of our lives can be spent attaching our identity to external markers — what we achieve, how successful we are, the work we do and what other people think of us. So when I discovered Dion’s philosophy of “I am who I am, not what I do,” how could I not take the opportunity to interview him?

And there is so much more to his story than this alone.

In this episode of It’s a Mindset, Dion and I explore identity, authenticity and what it means to live more consciously. We talk about the masks and roles we can accumulate throughout our lives, and what may be waiting underneath them when we become curious enough to look.

We explore the power of journaling and why putting our thoughts onto paper can be incredibly cathartic, as well as the importance of curiosity — not only about ourselves, but about the people around us.

And we delve into Dion’s fascinating perspective on love: why he believes love is the one true emotion and why it can be okay for love to be a one-way street.

At its heart, this is a conversation about looking beyond what we’ve achieved and asking ourselves some bigger questions about who we are, how we want to live and what really matters.

Key Episode Takeaways:

I am who I am, not what I do. Our careers, achievements and roles may be important parts of our lives, but Dion challenges us to consider what happens when we stop allowing them to define our identity and worth.

Transformation may be less about reinventing ourselves and more about remembering ourselves. Sometimes becoming more authentically ourselves requires letting go of the identities, expectations and masks we’ve accumulated along the way.

Journaling can be a powerful tool for self-discovery. Dion shares the role writing has played in his own journey and how putting our thoughts and experiences onto paper can be cathartic and help us understand ourselves more deeply.

Curiosity can change the way we relate to ourselves and others. Rather than rushing to judgement or assuming we already know, becoming genuinely curious can open the door to greater understanding, compassion and connection.

Love doesn’t always need to be reciprocated. Dion shares his perspective on why it can be okay for love to be a one-way street and what changes when we view love as something we choose to embody rather than something we give only in exchange for receiving it.

Conscious living asks us to look beneath the roles we play. When we separate who we are from what we do, we create space to consider what feels authentic, purposeful and meaningful to us.

About the Guest:

Dion Elliott Jensen is an author, speaker and coach whose work explores identity, leadership, authenticity, purpose and love.

For much of his life, Dion believed his worth was measured by what he achieved, building his identity around career, success, status and the roles he played. When life began dismantling many of those external markers, he found himself confronting the question: Who am I when everything I thought defined me is gone?

That question became the beginning of a profound personal journey — one Dion describes not as reinvention, but as remembering.

Today, Dion helps individuals and organisations redefine identity, lead more authentically and live with greater purpose, challenging people to look beyond titles, expectations and the masks they have learned to wear.

He is the author of Conscious Footsteps and is guided by a simple but powerful philosophy:

“I am who I am, not what I do.”

Through his writing, speaking and coaching, Dion encourages us to consider whether our greatest transformation comes not from becoming someone new, but from letting go of who we thought we had to be.

Show Resources:

Follow Dion on Instagram: @dionelliottjensen

Check Out Dion's Website: https://dionelliottjensen.com/

Learn More About Dion's Book: https://www.amazon.com.au/Conscious-Footsteps-Dion-Elliott-Jensen/dp/1764311922

Follow Emma, the Podcast Host on Instagram: @emmalagerlow

Learn More About 1:1 Coaching with Emma: https://www.emmalagerlow.com/become-the-butterfly-coaching-program

Book a FREE Call with Emma: https://calendly.com/hello-emmalagerlow/30mincall

If you LOVED this episode, make sure you share it on your Instagram Stories and tag us @emmalagerlow and @dionelliottjensen.

Yours in Being Conscious, Emma. X.