Perfect Prey: A Coercive Control Podcast

Description

In this solo episode of Perfect Prey, I explore one of the most heartbreaking dynamics of coercive control: the weaponization of children.

Children rely on their parents for safety, stability, and unconditional love. But when a predatory parent is operating within the family system, attachment can become fractured.
Instead of growing up with secure connection, children are often indoctrinated into false narratives, exposed to subtle undermining, and pulled into loyalty binds they cannot cognitively or emotionally process.

I explain how coercive control is the underpinning of all forms of abuse — psychological, legal, financial, physical, and emotional — and how, when an abuser can no longer control their partner, they often shift to controlling through the child.

We’ll talk about:
How attachment is formed — and how it can be fractured

Why children may come home dysregulated, angry, or oppositional

How subtle undermining and false narratives are planted

The difference between alienation rhetoric and attachment fracture

Why predatory parents rely on retaliation and loyalty conflicts

How protective parents can create “roadblocks” to manipulation

What it means to respond instead of react — even when you are traumatized

This episode is especially for protective parents navigating post-separation abuse and family court dynamics. The reality is painful: children are often placed in impossible positions, forced into emotional roles they should never have to carry.

But there are ways to respond differently.

If you are watching your child struggle, unravel, or lash out after time with the other parent, this episode will help you understand what may be happening beneath the surface — and how to stay grounded in your role as the secure base.

Protective parents are doing some of the hardest work there is. You are not alone.

Connect with Dr. Christine
Protective Parenting Program:
https://www.coercivecontrolconsulting.com/services/for-parents/
Official site:
https://www.coercivecontrolconsulting.com/
YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/@DrCocchiola-coercivecontrol/videos
TikTok:
https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.c_coercivecontrol
Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/dr.cocchiola_coercivecontrol/
Books:
https://url-shortener.me/c/FramedBook
https://url-shortener.me/c/EveryMomentOfEveryDay

If this episode resonated, please share it with someone who needs this information, subscribe to Perfect Prey, and consider leaving a review. It helps other survivors and protective parents find validation and clarity.
— Dr. Christine Cocchiola

In this episode of Perfect Prey, I’m joined by Laura Richards, a criminal behavioral analyst, former New Scotland Yard specialist, and one of the leading global voices on coercive control. Laura has been instrumental in changing laws on stalking and coercive control in the UK and internationally, and her work has helped shape policy, legislation, and professional practice worldwide.

We explore why coercive control is not about isolated incidents, but a patterned strategy of domination, entrapment, and power imbalance. Laura explains why coercive control is best understood as a war of attrition, how patriarchy and misogyny shape institutional responses, and why women and children are so often disbelieved—even when the evidence is present.

This conversation examines how legal systems, family courts, and law enforcement frequently fail victims and survivors, particularly at the point of separation, when risk escalates most dramatically. We also discuss why coercive control must be criminalized, why gender matters in risk assessment, and how language itself can either obscure or reveal abuse.

What we cover
What coercive control really is and why it’s a patterned form of abuse

Why victims and survivors are often disbelieved by systems meant to protect them

Coercive control as “murders and suicides in slow motion”

The role of patriarchy, entitlement, and power imbalance in abuse

Why separation is the most dangerous time for women and children

How family courts can become a tool of post-separation abuse

Why protecting children requires protecting the non-abusive parent

The urgent need to criminalize coercive control globally

Why listen If you are a survivor, protective parent, clinician, attorney, advocate, or policymaker, this episode offers critical insight into how coercive control operates beneath the surface of relationships and systems. Laura Richards brings clarity to why abuse is so often minimized, misunderstood, or reframed—and what must change to prevent further harm.

Guest bio (short)Laura Richards is a criminal behavioral analyst, former New Scotland Yard specialist, and a leading international expert on coercive control, stalking, and violence against women. She helped create the DASH risk assessment model, founded the National Stalking Advocacy Service (Paladin), and played a central role in criminalizing coercive control in England and Wales. Laura is the author of Policing Domestic Violence and host of the Crime Analyst and Real Crime Profile podcasts.

Connect with Dr. Christine
Official site: https://www.thelaurarichards.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/crimeanalyst?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==
X (twitter): https://x.com/thecrimeanalyst
Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@crimeanalystpod
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCksfRSwfwFqUCjcxKYju6_Q
Books: https://www.thelaurarichards.com/resources/books

Connect with Dr. Christine
Protective Parenting Program: https://www.coercivecontrolconsulting.com/services/for-parents/Official site: https://www.coercivecontrolconsulting.com/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DrCocchiola-coercivecontrol/videosTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.c_coercivecontrolInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr.cocchiola_coercivecontrol/TEDx Talk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gp2qByKOue4&t=24s
Books:https://url-shortener.me/c/FramedBookhttps://url-shortener.me/c/EveryMomentOfEveryDay

If this episode resonated, please share it with someone who needs this information, subscribe to Perfect Prey, and consider leaving a review to help other survivors find validation and clarity.
— Dr. Christine Cocchiola & guest Laura Richards

In this episode of Perfect Prey, I’m joined by Andrew Carpenter, a solicitor and partner at Webster Lawyers in Australia, widely known for his work holding child sexual abuse perpetrators accountable and advocating for systemic reform.

Andrew and I have a frank, uncomfortable, and deeply necessary conversation about child sexual abuse, grooming, coercive control, and the institutional failures that continue to endanger children. We explore how child predators use the same grooming tactics as coercive controllers, how technology and AI have dramatically increased access to abuse material, and why legal systems—including family courts—so often fail to protect children and the parents trying to keep them safe.

This episode centers the reality that child sexual abuse is not rare, not accidental, and not a crime of opportunity—it is intentional, patterned, and enabled by silence, disbelief, and systemic blind spots.

What we cover
How child sexual abuse perpetrators groom children, families, and institutions

Why all child predators use coercive control and relational grooming tactics

The disturbing accessibility of child abuse material online

How technology, AI, and social media are being weaponized against children

Why most abuse occurs within trusted relationships and family systems

The failures of criminal courts and family courts to protect child victims

Why lack of physical evidence does not mean abuse did not occur

Warning signs, behavioral red flags, and changes parents should not ignore

How shame, fear, and silence protect perpetrators—not children

What meaningful prevention, accountability, and reform must address

Why listen
If you are a survivor, protective parent, clinician, attorney, educator, or advocate, this episode provides critical insight into how child sexual abuse actually operates—and why so many children are disbelieved, retraumatized, or returned to unsafe environments. Andrew’s work exposes how deeply embedded these harms are within systems that claim to protect children, and why uncomfortable conversations are essential to change.

Guest bio (short)
Andrew Carpenter is a solicitor and partner at Webster Lawyers in Australia, specializing in child sexual abuse litigation and survivor advocacy. He is widely recognized for challenging institutional failures, advocating for legal reform, and amplifying survivor voices in cases where children have been silenced or ignored. His work focuses on accountability, deterrence, and systemic change to better protect children.

Connect with Andrew Carpenter
Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/andrewcarpentersolicitor
Websters Lawyers:https://websterslawyers.com.au/lawyers/andrew-carpenter
Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/andrewcarpentersolicitor?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==
LinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/in/andrew-carpenter-041456123/

Connect with Dr. Christine
Protective Parenting Program:https://www.coercivecontrolconsulting.com/services/for-parents/
Official site:https://www.coercivecontrolconsulting.com/
YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/@DrCocchiola-coercivecontrol/videos
TikTok:https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.c_coercivecontrolIf this episode landed for you, please share it with someone who needs to hear it, subscribe for more trauma-informed conversations, and consider leaving a review- it helps other survivors and protective parents find validation and safety.
-Dr. Christine Cocchiola & guest Andrew Carpenter

In this episode of Perfect Prey, I’m joined by Tonia Bales, author of When You See It: How I Outsmarted and Outlasted Dirty John. Tonia shares her story as the first wife of the man later known to the world as “Dirty John”—long before the podcast, Netflix series, or public recognition of who he really was.

Tonia describes how coercive control, deception, and manipulation unfolded inside her marriage, how she began uncovering her husband’s double life, and how the legal and family court systems failed to protect her and her children. This conversation offers a powerful look at how predators hide in plain sight, how survivors are often DARVO’d when they speak up, and how children become collateral damage in abusive systems.

What we cover
Life with Dirty John before the world knew his name

How predators identify and target “perfect prey”

Early warning signs, red flags, and deception hidden in plain sight

DARVO tactics and false accusations used to silence victims

Substance abuse, professional abuse of power, and systemic failure

Family court, coercive control, and the weaponization of children

Protective parenting, resilience, and healing after profound trauma

Why listen If you are a survivor, protective parent, clinician, attorney, or advocate, this episode offers critical insight into how coercive control operates long before abuse is publicly recognized. Tonia’s story underscores why survivors are not naïve or weak—and why systems must do better to protect those who speak up.

Guest bio (short) Tonia Bales is a survivor of coercive control and the author of When You See It: How I Outsmarted and Outlasted Dirty John. Her story sheds light on the early patterns of abuse used by predators and the long-term impact of coercive control on victims and children. Through her writing and advocacy, Tonia works to educate the public and professionals about how abuse hides in plain sight—and why survivors must be believed.

Book information When You See It: How I Outsmarted and Outlasted Dirty John Available for presale on Amazon and Barnes & Noble Release date: January 13

Connect Tonia Bales:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/toniabales?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tonia.bales/

Book Pre-order Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0FCDDC6FL?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio&fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAc3J0YwZhcHBfaWQMMjU2MjgxMDQwNTU4AAGnHUKUJZ66YW-ed61SGw-lrKgFG6dnBGrVNG3HKq8--EQOpUpk0p_RHBPIooU_aem_yzp5bcFQZ3qA-0ZB2cUsZQ

Book Pre-order Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/when-you-see-it-tonia-bales/1147557107?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio&fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAc3J0YwZhcHBfaWQMMjU2MjgxMDQwNTU4AAGnsCgCEudPLDgxvCiAhmFYxcmlITQgdX8Kg9N5ItIrcW5Doxah2aRfQpDKwmU_aem_nHP_j-GiGb8xTQFMQqQo4g

Connect with Dr. Christine:
Protective Parenting Program: https://www.coercivecontrolconsulting.com/services/for-parents/

Official site: https://www.coercivecontrolconsulting.com/

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@DrCocchiola-coercivecontrol/videos

Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.c_coercivecontrol

IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.cocchiola_coercivecontrol/

TEDxTalks: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gp2qByKOue4&t=24s

Books: https://url-shortener.me/c/FramedBook

https://url-shortener.me/c/EveryMomentOfEveryDay

If this episode landed for you, please share it with someone who needs to hear it, subscribe for more trauma-informed conversations, and consider leaving a review — it helps other survivors find validation and safety.
— Dr. Christine Cocchiola & guest Tonia Bales

In this episode of Perfect Prey, I’m joined by David Challen, author of The Unthinkable, who shares his experience growing up as a child inside a coercively controlling family system. David offers a rare and powerful perspective on coercive control through the eyes of a child—long before there was language to describe abuse, and long before systems were willing to see it.

This conversation explores how coercive control creates an atmosphere of fear, vigilance, humiliation, and emotional captivity within families, even when there is no visible violence. David reflects on the early intuition that something was wrong, the “rot in the house” that others could not see, and how children normalize danger in order to survive. Together, we examine the intergenerational harm caused by coercive control and why children are not passive witnesses, but co-victims.

What we cover
What coercive control looks and feels like through the eyes of a child

How children sense danger, imbalance, and domination long before abuse is named

The normalization of mockery, humiliation, fear, and emotional subservience within families

Why coercive control is not “hidden abuse,” but a trajectory of escalating harm

How long-term psychological domination strips autonomy, identity, and safety over time

The concept of “systemic degradation” and how victims are worn down across years or decades

Why victim retaliation is often misunderstood, mislabeled, and criminalized

The long-term impact on adult child survivors and protective parents

Why listen
If you are a survivor, protective parent, adult child survivor, clinician, or legal professional, this episode offers critical insight into how coercive control operates inside families and why children are deeply affected—even when abuse is not outwardly visible. This conversation brings clarity to experiences that are often minimized, misunderstood, or dismissed, and highlights why coercive control must be recognized as the foundation of all abuse.

Guest bio (short)
David Challen is an author, speaker, and campaigner on domestic abuse and coercive control. He is the author of The Unthinkable, which tells the story of growing up in a coercively controlled household and the devastating impact of long-term psychological abuse on children and families. David is a prominent advocate for greater recognition of coercive control and has spoken widely about intergenerational harm, survivor justice, and systemic failure.

Connect David Challen:
Instagram: https://l1nq.com/davidinstagram

Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@davidchallen?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc

Learn more about David: https://www.eida.org.uk/davids-story

Website: https://l1nq.com/davidchallenwebsite

The Unthinkable: https://www.hachette.co.uk/titles/david-challen/the-unthinkable/9781914240263/

Connect with Dr. Christine:
Protective Parenting Program: https://www.coercivecontrolconsulting.com/services/for-parents/

Official site: https://www.coercivecontrolconsulting.com/

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@DrCocchiola-coercivecontrol/videos

Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.c_coercivecontrol

IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.cocchiola_coercivecontrol/

TEDxTalks: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gp2qByKOue4&t=24s

Books: https://url-shortener.me/c/FramedBook

https://url-shortener.me/c/EveryMomentOfEveryDay

If this episode landed for you, please share it with someone who needs to hear it, subscribe for more trauma-informed conversations, and consider leaving a review — it helps other survivors find validation and safety.

— Dr. Christine Cocchiola & guest David Challen