Behind The Smile with Ash Butterss

My guest this week is Sanjay, a father in recovery who has been sober for 21 years. Born in Uganda, raised in London and now living in Melbourne, Sanjay grew up watching his father drink before taking his own first drink at fifteen. He spent the next two decades chasing that initial feeling through alcohol, drugs and gambling, while his life quietly unravelled behind the scenes.
In this conversation, Sanjay shares the unexpected moment a psychiatrist broke through every wall he had built, what it took to finally surrender, and why getting sober was only the beginning. He opens up about losing his father to alcoholism, navigating divorce without returning to old behaviours, and the role yoga and spirituality have played in helping him continue to grow.
But the real secret to Sanjay’s 21 years of sobriety has been getting out of himself. Through service, connection and giving back to the recovery community, he has found a sense of purpose that has carried him through every season of life. This is a warm and honest conversation about why sobriety cannot be sustained in isolation, and how helping others may be one of the most powerful ways we help ourselves.

Episode chapters:
00:08 Introducing Sanjay
04:39 The Photo: Hiding Behind the Smile in London
07:48 Growing Up: A Father's Drinking and Life on Eggshells
10:49 A Refugee Identity and the Feeling of Not Belonging
13:07 The First Drink at Fifteen and Why He Loved It
17:15 Chasing the Feeling: Rave Culture, Drugs and Excess
19:37 When the Consequences Started to Show Up
23:57 Rock Bottom: Isolated, Broke and Calling Crisis Lines at 2am
26:22 The Health Insurance Letter and the Road to the Priory
29:02 The Psychiatrist Who Saw a Little Boy
31:06 Surrender Day: January 13, 2005
36:50 What Happened Inside the Priory
38:12 Building the Foundation: Big Book Recovery and Service
52:43 Whack-a-Mole: What Comes Up When You Put the Drink Down
56:47 Yoga, Chanting and the Practices That Quieten the Noise
59:35 What Recovery Looks Like 21 Years In

Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join.

Upcoming Workshops:
The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here

Follow and connect with Ash on:
⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss
TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb
Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com
Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

My guest this week is Dr. Edith Shiro, a clinical psychologist and author who has spent more than three decades working with trauma survivors, refugees, and communities navigating profound adversity. She is also the granddaughter of Holocaust survivors and Syrian refugees, and that lived experience sits at the heart of everything she does.

In this conversation, Dr. Shiro and Ash explore what trauma really means, how it shows up in perfectionism, people pleasing, dissociation, and addiction, and why so many people move through life not realising they are carrying wounds at all.

Dr. Shiro also touches on her five-stage framework for post-traumatic growth, including the science behind why spirituality changes the brain and how individuals can transform their pain into purpose.

We will all experience trauma in some form. This conversation is about what you choose to do with it, and whether you allow it to define you.

Episode chapters:

00:22 Introducing Dr. Edith Shiro
02:03 What Trauma Really Means
03:35 Trauma Responses: Fight, Flight, Freeze and Fawn
06:32 Minimizing Trauma: When You Don't Think You Qualify
07:56 Micro Traumas and How They Accumulate Over Time
10:22 Dissociation: The Protective Tool That Keeps Us Stuck
13:25 The Invisible Armor and the Emptiness Underneath
17:41 The Universal Wounds: Shame, Rejection, and Not Belonging
20:53 The Unexpected Gift of Trauma: The Book and the Title
23:06 Why Two People Can Experience the Same Trauma So Differently
27:47 Intergenerational Trauma and the Science of Epigenetics
29:29 Becoming the Intergenerational Alchemist
30:52 Radical Acceptance: The Hardest and Most Essential First Step
31:43 The Parallel Between Stage One and Step One
36:21 Why We Lie: Fear, Shame, and the Double Life
39:10 Why Spirituality Is Essential for Post-Traumatic Growth
41:45 Turning Pain into Purpose
45:55 Dr. Edith's Own Spiritual Practice
49:25 There Is Hope and There Is a Way Out

Connect with Dr. Edith below:
Instagram
Website
Linkedin
The Unexpected Gift of Trauma: The Path to Posttraumatic Growth by Dr. Edith Shiro

Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join.

Upcoming Workshops:
The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here

Follow and connect with Ash on:
⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss
TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb
Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com
Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

My guest this week is Mark Purser, a yoga teacher, meditation guide, and founder of the Yogic Meditation Institute, based in Byron Bay. With over 20 years of study across almost every major yoga tradition, Mark brings a rare depth of knowledge to his teaching. But behind all of that wisdom is a story of years spent swinging between intense spiritual practice and alcohol, trying to find a way out that didn't involve fully surrendering.

In this conversation, Mark shares the moment his last drink became his last, alone in a national park on his birthday with no phone reception and a choice to make. He and Ash explore the relationship between yoga philosophy and 12-step recovery, the power of stillness as a daily practice, and why Yoga Nidra remains the one tool he would never give up. This is a conversation for anyone looking to understand what it really takes to build a life rooted in meaning, community, and presence.

Episode chapters:
00:00 Introducing Mark Purser
03:29 Life in Byron Bay: Surfing, Tango, and Sadhana
07:04 How Tango Became a Moving Meditation
10:00 Scent of a Woman and the Seed That Was Planted
12:07 The Photo: Hiding Behind the Smile in Byron Bay
15:15 Yoga Without the Inner Work
18:31 The Tango Class, the Pub, and the Night It All Unravelled
21:28 Being a Dad and the Shame of a Blackout
26:29 The Last Drink: Alone in the Bush on His Birthday
29:44 Choosing Sydney Over the Pub
31:49 The Balance Between Horror and Hope
33:05 A Cousin 35 Years Sober and the Power of Living Proof
35:29 Why Ash Resisted AA and What Changed
37:13 The Gift of Desperation
45:00 Where Yoga Philosophy and the 12 Steps Meet
51:48 Why He Still Needs Help After 15 Years
53:44 The Stillness Practice and Why It Changes Everything
57:45 Yoga Nidra: The One Tool He Would Never Give Up
59:39 Three Non-Negotiables for a Happy, Authentic Life

Connect with Mark below:
www.bambooyogabyron.com
Instagram
Podcast: The Gentle Revolution

Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join.

Upcoming Workshops:
The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here

Follow and connect with Ash on:
⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss
TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb
Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com
Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Getting sober gave Alexandra McRobert more than freedom from alcohol, it gave her the clarity to explore who she truly was. Despite having dated men and previously being married to a man, it was during a deep meditation that Alex came to the life changing realisation that she was a lesbian.

Alexandra is a yoga teacher, author, and founder of the Mindful Life Practice and Mindful Bali Yoga School. She got sober in 2019 after years of drinking her way through life in the Middle East, where securing her next drink had quietly become the centre of everything she did.

In this conversation, Alexandra shares how sobriety created space for her sexuality to unfold, the assault that cracked her life open and propelled her to build the yoga shala she had always dreamed of, and why she created the sober community she wished had existed when she needed it most.

Alexandra and Ash also explore the profound overlap between yoga philosophy and the 12 Steps, and what becomes possible when you stop numbing long enough to hear the truth of who you are.

TW: This episode contains discussion of assault.

Episode chapters:

00:00 Introducing Alexandra McRobert
03:09 Life in Ubud: Yoga, Pilates and Kirtan
04:34 How Bali Called Her In
06:19 A Marriage That Lasted Two Months
09:08 The Photo: Hiding Behind the Smile in Morocco
11:42 When Alcohol Consumes Everything
13:08 The Rock Bottom in a Classroom in Abu Dhabi
16:12 Deciding to Get Sober on the Plane Home
18:00 Getting Sober Without Traditional 12-Step Access
19:54 Finding Community Through an Online Sobriety Group
22:35 How COVID Gave Birth to Sober Girls Yoga
24:02 Why Yoga and Sobriety Are the Same Thing
26:23 The Yoga Sutras and the 12 Steps
28:19 Ahimsa and Satya: Love Everyone and Tell the Truth
30:07 Building a Life and a Business in Bali
32:00 Being Drugged and Assaulted: The Turning Point
34:33 Building the Shala and Starting Kirtan
36:11 Trusting the Universe Over the Plan
38:19 How Alcohol Shaped Her Relationships and Marriage
40:19 Coming Out as Queer
43:11 The Vipassana That Changed Everything
51:48 Kirtan, Meditation, and Moving Through Self-Hatred
55:45 Craniosacral Therapy and What the Body Holds
58:01 What Daily Life Rooted in Presence Looks Like
01:02:13 Three Non-Negotiables for a Happy, Authentic Life

Connect with Alexandra below:
Check out Alexandra’s Substack here.

Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join.

Upcoming Workshops:
The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here

Join Ash on retreat in 2026!
Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026

Follow and connect with Ash on:
⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss
TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb
Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com
Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

My guest this week, Shannan Walsh, lived in the grip of addiction for 18 years. It took her from alcohol and drugs to crime, prison, homelessness and a relationship that nearly cost her life. Eventually, she reached a point where there was nowhere left to run.

In this raw conversation, Shannan shares what it took to survive, get sober and rebuild her life from the ground up. She speaks about motherhood, violence, shame, spirituality and the slow work of learning to trust herself again.

Shannan’s story is confronting, but it is also a hopeful reminder that recovery is possible.

TW: This episode contains discussion of family violence and suicide.

Episode chapters:

00:00 Introducing Shannan Walsh
03:23 The Photo: Hiding Behind the Smile
04:39 A Life Built Around the Drink
07:06 What Shannon Was Like Before Alcohol
08:05 Early Depression and the Hole in the Soul
09:51 When Drugs Entered the Picture
11:00 Ecstasy, Meth, and the Escalation of Addiction
13:22 Crime, Violence, and Running on Rage
18:07 Where Did That Anger Come From?
18:34 Withdrawal, Seizures, and Drinking Against Her Will
20:07 Coming Out of Prison and Falling Pregnant
22:08 Trying to Do the Normal Thing
27:46 The Rock Bottom That Changed Everything
29:59 The Day Intuition Saved Her Children's Lives
33:22 The Attempted Attack and the Fire
35:32 Homeless, in Court, and Holding It Together
39:22 The Verdict and the Aftermath
41:15 The Spiritual Awakening That Cracked Her Open
43:51 Morning Routines, Journaling, and the Small Things That Built Her Back
45:00 12 Step Meetings, Sober Apps, and Finding Community
47:02 Studying Addiction and Training to Be a Counselor
47:55 Navigating Cravings Through Strength Training and Presence
50:52 Sitting with the Discomfort of Sobriety
56:05 Feeling Behind and Finding Her Place
57:20 How the Embodied Woman Retreat Restored Her Faith in Women
59:16 Spiritual Practices That Keep Her Connected
01:02:03 Learning to Pray and Finding a Higher Power
01:04:13 Emotional Regulation and the Biggest Shift of All
01:06:00 Self-Esteem, Self-Love, and the Journey Home
01:07:00 The Gift of Being Present with Her Children
01:10:21 Three Non-Negotiables for a Happy, Authentic Life

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shannantayla/

Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join.

Upcoming Workshops:
The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here

Join Ash on retreat in 2026!
Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026

Follow and connect with Ash on:
⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss
TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb
Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com
Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.