Behind The Smile with Ash Butterss

My guest this week, Shannan Walsh, lived in the grip of addiction for 18 years. It took her from alcohol and drugs to crime, prison, homelessness and a relationship that nearly cost her life. Eventually, she reached a point where there was nowhere left to run.

In this raw conversation, Shannan shares what it took to survive, get sober and rebuild her life from the ground up. She speaks about motherhood, violence, shame, spirituality and the slow work of learning to trust herself again.

Shannan’s story is confronting, but it is also a hopeful reminder that recovery is possible.

TW: This episode contains discussion of family violence and suicide.

Episode chapters:

00:00 Introducing Shannan Walsh
03:23 The Photo: Hiding Behind the Smile
04:39 A Life Built Around the Drink
07:06 What Shannon Was Like Before Alcohol
08:05 Early Depression and the Hole in the Soul
09:51 When Drugs Entered the Picture
11:00 Ecstasy, Meth, and the Escalation of Addiction
13:22 Crime, Violence, and Running on Rage
18:07 Where Did That Anger Come From?
18:34 Withdrawal, Seizures, and Drinking Against Her Will
20:07 Coming Out of Prison and Falling Pregnant
22:08 Trying to Do the Normal Thing
27:46 The Rock Bottom That Changed Everything
29:59 The Day Intuition Saved Her Children's Lives
33:22 The Attempted Attack and the Fire
35:32 Homeless, in Court, and Holding It Together
39:22 The Verdict and the Aftermath
41:15 The Spiritual Awakening That Cracked Her Open
43:51 Morning Routines, Journaling, and the Small Things That Built Her Back
45:00 12 Step Meetings, Sober Apps, and Finding Community
47:02 Studying Addiction and Training to Be a Counselor
47:55 Navigating Cravings Through Strength Training and Presence
50:52 Sitting with the Discomfort of Sobriety
56:05 Feeling Behind and Finding Her Place
57:20 How the Embodied Woman Retreat Restored Her Faith in Women
59:16 Spiritual Practices That Keep Her Connected
01:02:03 Learning to Pray and Finding a Higher Power
01:04:13 Emotional Regulation and the Biggest Shift of All
01:06:00 Self-Esteem, Self-Love, and the Journey Home
01:07:00 The Gift of Being Present with Her Children
01:10:21 Three Non-Negotiables for a Happy, Authentic Life

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shannantayla/

Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join.

Upcoming Workshops:
The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here

Join Ash on retreat in 2026!
Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026

Follow and connect with Ash on:
⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss
TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb
Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com
Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What does rock bottom really feel like? How do you find your purpose, build a life that keeps you grounded, and learn to trust that even your hardest experiences are leading you somewhere?

In this latest “Ask Me Anything” episode, Ash answers six deeply personal questions about sobriety, spirituality, friendship, marriage, purpose and the practices that continue to shape her life.

From the moment everything changed on Valentine’s Day 2020 to the words she wishes she could offer her younger self, Ash shares the truth behind who she is today, what she has learnt along the way, and why she no longer believes life is happening to her, but for her.

If you’re on your own transformation journey, or navigating the messy middle between who you were and who you’re becoming, this episode is for you.

Episode chapters:
00:00 Bali Retreat Announcement
01:13 Welcome and a Wintery Melbourne Morning
03:31 Q1: The Rock Bottom That Changed Everything
08:10 Entering Rehab and Learning to Sit with Discomfort
12:42 Finding Hope in 12-Step Recovery
15:09 Why Ash Stays Sober Today
17:31 Q2: Finding Purpose After Leaving the Corporate World
19:56 How Sobriety, Meditation, Breathwork, and Yoga Revealed Her Path
22:16 Q3: Daily Practices That Have Had the Biggest Impact
24:36 Readings, Journaling, Two-Way Prayer, and Gratitude
27:02 Movement as an Act of Self-Love
29:25 The Power of Monthly Breathwork
31:37 Q4: How Sobriety Changed Friendships, Relationships, and Marriage
33:51 Letting Go of Old Social Scenes
36:12 Building a Healthy, Sober Partnership
38:37 Q5: The Biggest Lesson Learned Through Adversity
41:01 Q6: What Would You Tell Your Younger Self?
43:29 A Letter to Little Ash

Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join.

Upcoming Workshops:
The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here

Join Ash on retreat in 2026!
Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026

Follow and connect with Ash on:
⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss
TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb
Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com
Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week, Ash sits down with Tom Cronin, meditation teacher and international speaker, for a deeply honest conversation about what it really looks like to hold everything together on the outside while quietly falling apart within. Tom opens up about the two parallel lives he was living during his 26 years in the high pressure world of global financial markets, one of outward success, pinstripe suits, and Bondi beachside living, and another of crippling anxiety, panic attacks, chronic insomnia, depression, and a growing reliance on drugs and alcohol that eventually led to a breakdown at age 29.

It was from that rock bottom that Tom discovered Vedic meditation, a practice that not only transformed his mental health but ultimately became the foundation of an entirely new life and purpose.

Ash and Tom explore the science of stress, why alcohol numbs but never heals, and how meditation actually expands brain function rather than impairing it. Tom shares the journey from seeker to finder to sharer, including the challenges of leaving the golden handcuffs of finance behind, producing his feature film The Portal, and building his mission to inspire a billion people to meditate daily.

The conversation weaves through ego, ego transcendence, contribution, and the holistic practices Tom uses to remain grounded and performing at his best. It is a rich and wide-ranging episode about the courage it takes to change course, the intelligence of the body's warning signals, and the profound freedom that comes from finally looking inward.

Episode chapters:
00:07 Introducing Tom Cronin
04:44 Hiding Behind the Smile: Life on the Trading Room Floor
06:16 Shame, Guilt, and the North Star
11:48 The Golden Handcuffs
12:54 When Drugs and Alcohol Entered the Picture
15:53 Rock Bottom and the Rashi
18:06 The Breakdown and the Turning Point
20:09 Discovering Vedic Meditation
24:46 The Allostatic Load and Why Alcohol Does Not De-stress
28:43 Why Sobriety Supercharges Meditation
33:37 From Seeker to Finder to Sharer
35:44 Leaving Finance and Leaping into Purpose
38:08 Navigating Challenges with Meditation as a Tool
41:09 The Stillness Project and the Making of The Portal
46:45 The Importance of Service and Contribution
49:02 B1G1: Giving Back Through Business
54:05 Three Non-Negotiables for a Happy, Authentic Life

Connect with Tom:
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/stillnessproject
Website: http://www.tomcronin.com/
Tom's free book to reduce anxiety and depression https://tomcronin.com/free-calm-book/
Socials:
https://www.instagram.com/tomcronin/
https://www.facebook.com/tomcronincoach
https://www.linkedin.com/in/tomcronin1/
https://www.tiktok.com/@_tomcronin_

Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join.

Upcoming Workshops:
The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here

Join Ash on retreat in 2026!
Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026

Follow and connect with Ash on:
⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss
TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb
Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com
Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How much longer are you willing to suffer before something changes?
In this powerful solo episode, Ash explores a recurring theme she’s been discussing with people lately: have you truly had enough? Because whether it's alcohol, a relationship, a career, perfectionism, or an old way of thinking, lasting change rarely happens until we're willing to let go of the ideas, stories, and identities that are keeping us stuck.
Drawing on her own recovery journey, Ash speaks candidly about the gift of desperation, the stigma surrounding the word alcoholic, and why so many of us continue negotiating with our own suffering long after we've realised something isn't working. She shares what it really takes to create meaningful change and why partial willingness often keeps us trapped in the very cycles we're desperate to escape.
This conversation extends far beyond sobriety, inviting listeners to honestly examine where fear, familiarity, and old beliefs may be preventing them from stepping into a more authentic life.
Ash also reflects on celebrating her first wedding anniversary and the unexpected lessons that came from eloping in Italy, including a deeper understanding of people pleasing, self-worth, and the quiet cost of abandoning ourselves to keep others comfortable. She shares why esteemable acts are one of the most powerful ways to build genuine self-worth and how authentic relationships are forged when we stop performing for approval.
Plus, Ash leaves listeners with five thought-provoking journal prompts designed to help you uncover where you may be ready, or almost ready, to finally let go.

Episode chapters:
00:00 Bali Retreat Announcement
01:12 Life Update: A Busy Week and a Wedding Anniversary
03:31 Elopement in Italy and Lessons in People Pleasing
05:53 The Hidden Cost of Saying Yes When You Mean No
08:12 Building Self-Worth Through Esteemable Acts
10:33 Have You Had Enough?
12:53 What It Really Takes to Be Ready for Change
15:16 Breaking the Stigma Around Alcoholism
17:39 The Power of Identification and Finding Your People
19:56 Sobriety as a Superpower
22:18 The Gift of Desperation
24:26 Divine Timing and Letting Go of Old Ideas
26:48 The Difference Between Pain and Suffering
29:09 Reflective Journal Prompts to Provoke Change

Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join.

Upcoming Workshops:
The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here

Join Ash on retreat in 2026!
Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026

Follow and connect with Ash on:
⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss
TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb
Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com
Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week, Ash welcomes back her sober soul sister Danni Carr, for a wide ranging chat on Bali, yoga, and the spiritual practices that underpin their sobriety. Danni shares the Balinese philosophy of Tri Hita Karana, the three-part connection to the divine, community, and land that keeps life in balance, and reflects on how a once reluctant relationship with yoga, born from hungover gym sessions and stormed out shavasanas, slowly became the foundation of her recovery and her sense of coming home to herself.

The conversation moves into deeper territory as Danni and Ash explore what the divine means to them now, the science behind spiritual practice and the brain, and the unexpected friendships that sobriety has made possible. Danni speaks candidly about needing daily practice not to recover but to keep expanding and staying regulated, and reminds listeners that spirituality doesn't have to be serious or precise to be powerful.

It’s a heartfelt conversation between two friends about connection, consistency, and choosing a life that feels good without needing to numb out to get there.

Episode chapters:
00:00 Reconnecting in Bali: A Spiritual Journey
03:56 The Balinese Philosophy of Trihitakarana
07:23 Cultural Immersion: Sharing Bali's Rich Heritage
11:59 The Transformative Power of Yoga
18:55 Finding Stillness: The Challenge of Shivasana
21:17 Embracing Autonomy in Yoga Practice
22:45 Finding the Right Teachers
24:07 Provoking Thought Through Stillness
25:51 Navigating Friendships in Sobriety
28:56 The Importance of Consistency in Recovery
32:27 Spirituality as a Foundation for Sobriety
34:16 Understanding the Divine
37:05 The Value of Connection and Community
37:48 Finding Joy in Spiritual Practices

You can connect with Danni through:
Check out Danni’s 4 Week Sober & Transformational Challenge
IG: @howiquitalcohol

Recommendations:
The Awakened Brain by Lisa Miller

Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join.

Upcoming Workshops:
The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here

Join Ash on retreat in 2026!
Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026

Follow and connect with Ash on:
⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss
TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb
Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com
Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.