The Wired for Well-Being Podcast

In this episode of Wired for Well-Being, Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein and producer Steve Lessard explore a painful and deeply familiar pattern for many trauma survivors: Why does intimacy begin to feel threatening just when connection should deepen? Through a listener question from a man with a history of childhood neglect and abuse, Jeffrey unpacks why insight and years of therapy may still leave us feeling powerless to change entrenched relationship patterns. Together, they examine how the nervous system—not conscious intention—often drives avoidance, withdrawal, and emotional shutdown in intimate relationships, especially when shame and early attachment wounds are involved. This episode looks beneath the story we tell ourselves and into the body-based survival strategies that quietly shape our lives, revealing why understanding alone isn’t enough—and what actually opens the door to change. You’ll learn: Why psychological insight doesn’t automatically translate into nervous system change How early experiences of neglect and intrusion shape adult intimacy and avoidance How shame operates quietly beneath intimacy struggles and relationship withdrawal Why the body—not the intellect—must lead the healing process As Jeffrey explains, when intimacy begins to feel unsafe, avoidance isn’t a failure—it’s the nervous system doing its best to protect us. But with awareness, regulation, and support, we can learn to work with our nervous system instead of being driven by it. Have a question for Jeffrey? Leave a voicemail at 866-357-5156. If you can’t reach that number, record a voice memo and email it to [email protected]. Learn more about the Healing Trauma Program: drjeffreyrutstein.com/links The content in this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended as professional mental health advice. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider for medical or mental health concerns.

In this episode of Wired for Well-Being, Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein and producer Steve Lessard explore a question that lives at the heart of trauma recovery: Can I heal this alone, or do I need to tell someone? Through a vulnerable listener question from a woman uncovering traumatic memories from early childhood, Jeffrey reveals why somatic work and self-compassion, while essential, may not be enough for deep trauma healing. Together, they explore the crucial role of witnessing in trauma recovery, and why the hesitancy to share is itself part of what blocks forward movement. You'll learn: Why dissociated memories from early childhood require different healing support than later trauma. How shame keeps us from sharing our deepest pain—and why that silence can prevent healing. The difference between "keeping yourself safe" and "keeping trauma secret"—and how to tell which you're doing. Why it takes two people to tell the truth: one to speak and one to listen. How to find a safe, trustworthy person who can witness your healing without judgment. Signs that somatic processing alone may not be enough—and when to seek support. Why sharing trauma with the right person aids healing rather than re-traumatizing. As Jeffrey reminds us, "It takes two people to tell the truth—one to speak and one to listen. Your truth needs to be heard in the living presence of another being." When we learn to share our deepest pain with someone who can truly listen, we discover that healing happens in relationship, not isolation. Have a question for Jeffrey? Leave a voicemail at 866-357-5156. If you can't reach that number, record a voice memo and email it to [email protected]. Learn more about the Healing Trauma Program: drjeffreyrutstein.com/links The content in this podcast is for informational purposes only and not intended as professional mental health advice. Always consult qualified healthcare providers for medical concerns.

In this episode of Wired for Well-Being, Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein and producer Steve Lessard tackle one of the deepest struggles in trauma recovery—what to do with the anger that burns when the people who hurt you refuse to see the damage they caused. Through a vulnerable listener question from a woman healing from childhood emotional abuse, Jeffrey reveals why staying stuck in rage at family members who won't acknowledge the harm can actually block the very healing we deserve. Together, they explore the difference between anger as information and anger as a trap—and how to honor your pain without letting it consume your life. You'll learn: Why your anger at family injustice is completely valid—and how it can paradoxically keep you stuck in the trauma loop. The difference between healthy protective anger and the anger that becomes a diversion from your own healing. How to use your nervous system (not your mind) to make decisions about family gatherings and contact. Why self-compassion is the starting point—not forgiveness of those who harmed you. A simple body-based practice to move through anger sensations without getting lost in the story. How to tell when "staying angry" is actually your nervous system trying to stay safe—and what to do instead. As Jeffrey reminds us, "Don't let them stop you from healing. Even if you get beyond the anger, they still did what they did—but the anger doesn't have to keep you trapped." When we learn to unhook from the need for family members to acknowledge our pain, we reclaim the power to heal on our own terms. Have a question for Jeffrey? Leave a voicemail at 866-357-5156. If you can't reach that number, record a voice memo and email it to [email protected]. Learn more about the Healing Trauma Program: www.drjeffreyrutstein.com/links The content in this podcast is for informational purposes only and not intended as professional mental health advice. Always consult qualified healthcare providers for medical concerns.

In this episode of Wired for Well-Being, Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein and producer Steve Lessard explore one of love’s hardest tests—how to stay open-hearted when someone you care about is in deep pain. Through a vulnerable listener question from Christine, a mother navigating her son’s long struggle with addiction, Jeffrey unpacks the hidden nervous-system dynamics that keep loved ones caught between compassion, guilt, and helplessness. Together, they explore how to transform heartbreak into grounded strength, and why true care begins with regulation and self-compassion. You’ll learn: • Why our nervous system mirrors the pain of those we love—and how to notice when we’ve merged with their distress. • How guilt and shame can block our natural anger, leaving us powerless instead of clear and strong. • Why “fight” energy isn’t wrong—it’s vital information that can help restore boundaries and choice. • Simple practices to return to regulation in hard moments, including the hand-to-heart exercise and long-exhale breathing. • How self-compassion helps dissolve shame and sustain love without collapse. As Jeffrey reminds us, “Our suffering doesn’t heal someone else’s suffering—but our regulation can.” When we learn to care without carrying the full weight of another’s pain, we reclaim the steadiness that makes real love possible. Have a question for Jeffrey? Leave a voicemail at 866-357-5156. If you can’t reach that number, record a voice memo and email it to [email protected]. Learn more about the Healing Trauma Program: drjeffreyrutstein.com/links The content in this podcast is for informational purposes only and not intended as professional mental health advice. Always consult qualified healthcare providers for medical concerns.

In this episode of Wired for Well-Being, Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein explores one of the most common struggles of modern life—how to live with purpose and connection without feeling overwhelmed. Through a heartfelt listener question and a reflective conversation with producer Steve Lessard, Jeffrey examines what happens when our desire to move gently through life collides with a world that feels fast, anxious, and demanding. Together they unpack the deeper nervous-system dynamics behind this tension—especially for those who live with complex PTSD or chronic dysregulation—and reveal how slowing down isn’t weakness but wisdom. You’ll learn: • Why people with complex PTSD often swing between high activation and total shutdown—and how to gently find stability between the two. • How early relational trauma trains the nervous system to match others’ needs and rhythms instead of our own. • The difference between matched and mismatched neuroception—and how it shapes the way we read safety or danger in everyday interactions. • How anger, when reclaimed, can become a constructive source of motivation and perseverance rather than collapse or self-blame. • Simple ways to regulate in real time, including hand-to-heart grounding and lengthening the exhale to double the inhale. • How self-compassion rewires shame at the nervous-system level and becomes the bridge between protection and participation. As Jeffrey reminds us, “You don’t have to join the world’s frenzy to belong to it.” By honoring our natural rhythm, learning to listen to our body’s cues, and responding with kindness instead of pressure, we can stay engaged with life without losing our peace. Have a question for Jeffrey? Leave a voicemail at 866-357-5156. If you can’t reach that number, record a voice memo and email it to [email protected]. Learn more about the Healing Trauma Program: drjeffreyrutstein.com/links The content in this podcast is for informational purposes only and not intended as professional mental health advice. Always consult qualified healthcare providers for medical concerns.