Securely Attached

Developmental psychologist and UCSF professor, Dr. Nicki Bush, joins me this week to explore stress and how it affects our children and what parents can do to help protect their child's developing brain and body.
 
Together we explore:
 
Why some stress can actually be good for your child, and when it starts to become harmful.

The surprising ways stress can show up across your child's behavior, learning, mental health, and physical health.

How your own nervous system communicates safety or danger to your child, even when you aren't saying a word.

Why being a calm parent does not mean never feeling stressed, anxious, angry, or overwhelmed.

What happens inside the body when we rest, and why your own rest may be more important for your child than you realize.

Why focusing solely on changing a child's behavior can cause us to miss what is actually driving it.

How working with the parent-child relationship can sometimes be more powerful than treating the child alone.

The remarkable research showing that relationship-based therapy may actually change the biological effects of early trauma and stress and maintain those effects long after the therapy ends.

Why early experiences matter so much, but do not have to determine your child's future.


 
If you've ever worried about how your own stress might be affecting your child, wondered whether difficult experiences can have lasting effects, or felt pressure to keep your child calm and happy, this conversation offers a much more hopeful way to understand stress. Because our biology is remarkably adaptable, and the relationships children have with the people who care for them can be a powerful part of how they heal, grow, and thrive.
 
 
LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:
🔗 Dr. Nicki Bush
🔗 Intergenerational Developmental Health Program
📱LinkedIn: Nicole (Nicki) Bush, PhD
 
LEARN MORE ABOUT ME:
🔗 Dr. Sarah Bren
🔗 Check out my group practice, Upshur Bren Psychology Group, offering therapy and coaching for individuals, children, parents, and families
📱IG: @drsarahbren
 
 
ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES:
🔗 Prenatal-to-3 Policy Impact Center
 
🔗 The National Child Traumatic Stress Network
 
👉 If your child is struggling, support doesn't always have to mean sending them to therapy on their own. At Upshur Bren Psychology Group, we work with parents and children together at our Westchester, NY offices, and we also offer virtual parent support, where we can work exclusively with you to better understand what's driving your child's behavior, strengthen your relationship, and create meaningful change for your whole family. Visit upshurbren.com to learn more or schedule a free consultation.
 
 
CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:
🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how sensitivity shapes children's health, behavior, and resilience with Dr. W. Thomas Boyce
 
🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about understanding sensitivity, resilience, and what really shapes kids with Dr. Jay Belsky
 
🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how to support your child's secure attachment even if you didn't grow up with it, with Dr. Miriam Steele

Sam Kelly, author of Notice and Do, and I talk about why simply assigning chores may not be enough. While chores can teach responsibility, they often overlook an important first step. Before kids can take initiative, they have to learn how to notice what needs their attention without waiting for us to point it out.
 
Together we explore:
 
Why constantly reminding your child to clean up, put something away, or help out may unintentionally keep you carrying the mental load.

The important difference between teaching kids to do chores and teaching them to notice what needs to be done.

A surprisingly simple exercise you can try at home to start building this skill in just 10 to 15 minutes.

Why something that feels completely obvious to you may require far more executive functioning than you realize for your child.

How to scaffold these skills without nagging, micromanaging, or eventually giving up and doing it yourself.

What to do when your child rolls their eyes, pushes back, or simply refuses to participate.

How to adapt this approach for kids with ADHD, strong-willed kids, and children who need more support with executive functioning.

Why teaching kids to carry some of the mental load isn't really about having a cleaner house, but about shaping the partners, friends, family members, and adults they eventually become.


 
If you're exhausted from constantly telling everyone what needs to be done, this conversation offers a different way to think about chores, responsibility, and what it actually takes to raise kids who see what needs doing and know how to step in.
 
 
LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:
🔗 Sam Kelly
📚 Notice and Do: Raise Capable Kids, End Motherhood Burnout, and Lighten Your Mental Load
📱@samkelly_world
 
LEARN MORE ABOUT ME:
🔗 Dr. Sarah Bren
🔗 Check out my group practice, Upshur Bren Psychology Group, offering therapy and coaching for individuals, children, parents, and families
📱IG: @drsarahbren
 
ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES:
👉 Want extra support in your parenting journey? Upshur Bren Psychology Group offers therapy and coaching to give parents the tools to feel more grounded and confident as they navigate parenthood and learn how to most effectively support their child. Visit upshurbren.com to explore our services and schedule a free 30-minute consultation call to find the support that's right for your family.
 
CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:
 
🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how to find balance in the home, at work, and in parenthood with Chelsi Jo
 
🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about balancing the load of parenthood with Lauren A. Tetenbaum
 
🎧 Listen to my podcast episode with a deep dive on parental burnout

Dr. Adam McCormick, professor, social worker, and author joins me to explore what happens to boys' emotional worlds as they grow up, and how parents can help their sons stay connected to the parts of themselves they may otherwise learn to hide.
 
Together we explore:
Why so many boys gradually disconnect from emotions they once expressed freely.

The powerful role shame can play beneath anger, withdrawal, and challenging behavior, and why boys often don't have the language to recognize it.

How even well-intentioned parents may respond differently to their sons' emotions without realizing it.

Why trying to fix a boy's feelings can sometimes get in the way of the connection he actually needs.

What boys learn when they feel valued for who they are, rather than for how they perform.

Why small moments of delight, attention, play, and connection can have a much bigger impact than we realize.

A simple shift that can make it easier for boys to open up about the things that matter most.

How we can hold boys accountable for their behavior while still staying curious about what that behavior may be communicating.

Why helping boys stay connected to their inner worlds now may shape the friendships, romantic relationships, and emotional lives they build later.


 
Whether you're raising a toddler, a teenager, or somewhere in between, this conversation offers a hopeful reminder that boys don't need us to teach them how to feel. They need us to help protect the emotional capacities they already have, so they don't have to lose connection with themselves in order to feel like they belong.
 
 
LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:
🔗Adam McCormick
📚Healing the Helping Professional: The Unfinished Business of Childhood Trauma
📱LinkedIn: Adam McCormick
 
 
LEARN MORE ABOUT ME:
🔗 Dr. Sarah Bren
🔗 Check out my group practice, Upshur Bren Psychology Group, offering therapy and coaching for individuals, children, parents, and families
📱IG: @drsarahbren
 
 
ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES:
🎧 444. The connection crisis: Why kids are struggling with friendship and what parents can do with Dr. Niobe Way
 
👉 Want extra support in your parenting journey? Upshur Bren Psychology Group offers therapy and coaching to give parents the tools to feel more grounded and confident as they navigate parenthood and learn how to most effectively support their child. Visit upshurbren.com to explore our services and schedule a free 30-minute consultation call to find the support that's right for your family.
 
 
CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:
🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about raising emotionally intelligent sons with Ruth Whippman
 
🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about why boys and girls need different things with Michael Gurian
 
🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how to support your child's secure attachment even if you didn't grow up with it with Dr. Miriam Steele

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg, Dr. Emily Upshur, and I talk about...
 
What to make of advice that tells you not to comfort your child when they're distressed.

Why a frightened toddler at the doctor's office is communicating something very different than "bad behavior."

The common misunderstanding about reinforcement that leaves many parents second-guessing themselves.

Whether responding to your child's fears actually makes them more dependent or "too attached."

How to know when it's okay to trust your instincts, even when they conflict with advice from an authority figure.

What attachment research actually says about soothing, separation, and healthy independence.

Why one difficult interaction doesn't have to become something you worry about "damaging" your child.


 
If you've ever left a doctor's appointment feeling unsettled by advice that didn't sit right, or found yourself wondering whether comforting your child is helping or hurting, this episode will give you the confidence to better understand what's happening beneath your child's behavior and trust your instincts as a parent.
 
 
REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:
 
👉 Want extra support in your parenting journey? Upshur Bren Psychology Group offers therapy and coaching to give parents the tools to feel more grounded and confident as they navigate parenthood and learn how to most effectively support their child. Visit upshurbren.com to explore our services and schedule a free 30-minute consultation call to find the support that's right for your family.
 
🎧 Is it better for my kids if I send them to daycare, have a nanny, or become a stay-at-home mom?
 
 
CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:
 
🎧 Listen to my podcast episode with the basics of attachment theory 
 
🎧 Listen to my podcast episode with a deep dive into strengthening your child's attachment as they grow: What children need from us at every stage of development
 
🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how secure attachment influences children's ability to make sense of their experiences and cope in the face of adversity with Dr. Alan Sroufe
 
 
WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU:
 
Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!

Author, speaker, and neuroscience educator Sarah Peyton joins me to explore what happens when attachment theory, Nonviolent Communication, and the science of resonance come together.
 
Together we explore:
 
Why feeling understood is so important for your child's developing brain, nervous system, and sense of self.

The fascinating difference between empathy and resonance, and why that distinction matters in our relationships with our kids.

How your own attachment history can influence the way you respond when your child is upset, reactive, or pushing your buttons.

Why the same behavior from your child might barely bother you one day, and feel completely intolerable the next.

How Nonviolent Communication can help you look beneath your child's behavior and get curious about the feelings and needs driving it.

The surprising connection between secure attachment and independence, and why pushing children to become more independent can sometimes have the opposite effect.

How becoming more resonant with your child can begin to shift your own attachment patterns too.

Why changing the way you relate to your child doesn't happen overnight, but can profoundly change your relationship over time.


 
Whether you're trying to break patterns from your own childhood, understand why certain parenting moments feel so triggering, or simply want to feel more connected to your child, this conversation offers a fascinating new way to think about what it really means to feel seen, understood, and securely connected.
 
 
LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:
🔗 Sarah Peyton 
📚 Your Resonant Self: Guided Meditations and Exercises to Engage Your Brain's Capacity for Healing
📱IG: @sarahpeytonauthor FB: Empathy Brain YouTube: Sarah Peyton 
 
 
LEARN MORE ABOUT ME:
🔗 Dr. Sarah Bren 
🔗 Check out my group practice, Upshur Bren Psychology Group, offering therapy and coaching for individuals, children, parents, and families 
📱IG: @drsarahbren
 
 
ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES:
🎧 Learn more about what Nonviolent Communication is with Oren Jay Sofer
 
📚 The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk M.D.  
 
📚 Parenting from Your Heart: Sharing the Gifts of Compassion, Connection and Choice (Nonviolent Communication Guides) by Inbal Kashtan
 
👉 Looking for additional support? Upshur Bren Psychology Group helps children and adults heal from attachment wounds, relational trauma, and difficult early experiences, so you can feel more grounded in yourself and build healthier, more connected relationships with the people who matter most. Visit upshurbren.com to explore our services or schedule a free 30-minute consultation to find the right support for you.
 
CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:
🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how to support your child's secure attachment even if you didn't grow up with it, with Dr. Miriam Steele
 
🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about understanding sensitivity, resilience, and what really shapes kids with Dr. Jay Belsky
 
🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about Polyvagal Theory with Dr. Stephen Porges
 
🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about the lifelong impact of early relationships with Dr. Alan Sroufe