Farm Family Harmony Podcast

In this episode, I sit down with Andrew DeRuyck, farmer, mediator, and farm management specialist, for a conversation about navigating divorce, conflict, and financial uncertainty in farm families.
Drawing on decades of experience in both mediation and farm business consulting, Andrew shares how communication breakdowns, financial complexity, and unmet expectations can put enormous strain on relationships. 
Together, we explore the importance of finding common ground, improving financial literacy, and creating workable solutions that protect both people and the farm.
We also discuss why listening matters, how trust impacts decision-making, and the role mediation can play in helping families move forward with greater clarity and less conflict.
If you or someone you know is facing relationship challenges, separation, or difficult financial conversations on the farm, this episode is for you.
"When a marriage is struggling, the first place I go is common ground. Why did you get married in the first place, and how did you end up here?" - Andrew DeRuyck
Resources Mentioned During This Episode

Farm Family Coach
National Farmers Mental Health Alliance
When Sorry Is Not Enough, by Dr. Gary Chapman
About Our Guest

Andrew is a mediator, financial consultant, and farmer in southern Manitoba. He has worked for Farm Debt Mediation Service for over 20 years. Andrew and his wife Tanis began farming full-time in 2001 and were named Manitoba's outstanding young farmer of the year in 2011. He has a degree in Agriculture from the University of Manitoba and has worked for FCC, CIBC, and various chemical companies. Andrew now specializes in farm finances, divorces, and agricultural mediations.
Contact Andrew
Elaine Froese Resources:
Watch this episode on YouTube.
Visit the podcast website
SPEAKING - book Elaine for your next event
COACHING - explore Farm Transition Coaching
MEMBERSHIP - become a Farm Family Transition Member
FREE STUFF - downloadable tools for your farm transition
CONTACT - take the next steps in your transition
BURNING QUESTION? Submit it here
Farm Family Coach Social Media Links
Facebook
Instagram
LinkedIn
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YouTube
TikTok
Timestamps
00:00 - Welcome and episode overview
01:30 - Andrew's farm journey and transition from cattle to grain farming
03:21 - Introduction to farm divorce and Andrew's role in facilitating the process
04:55 - The challenge of legal costs and the importance of preparation
06:11 - The pitfalls of confrontation and advantages of active listening in mediation
07:50 - Mediation versus legal battles in farm divorce cases
09:39 - The importance of understanding intent, action, and effect in conflict resolution
11:11 - How neutrality and the role of the mediator help couples feel heard
12:21 - Common reasons why couples rush into legal action
14:21 - Organizing complex farm financial data for better decision-making
15:36 - The impact of increased land values and debt on farm finances
16:55 - Financial literacy gaps in farming and building confidence through data
18:19 - Addressing shame and embarrassment over financial unawareness
21:14 - Handling disagreements about farm assets and ways to find common ground
23:30 - Strategies for couples wanting to keep the farm intact during separation
26:34 - Creating solutions and opportunities through positive conflict behaviors
27:23 - Managing timelines and persistence in the mediation process
28:52 - The importance of trust and honesty in resolving conflicts
33:20 - Redemptive separation as a tool for addressing behavioral and relationship issues
34:53 - Age range and complexity of divorces in the farming community
36:17 - The significance of trust accounts and emotional bank accounts in relationships
37:31 - The role of admitting wrongdoing to move towards resolution
38:40 - Changes in behavior and the importance of genuine effort in reconciliation
39:37 - Protecting farm assets and the culture of transparency in families
41:05 - Building confidence in financial understanding for farm families
43:07 - The value of seeking common ground and shared goals in relationships
45:53 - Resources for mental health and relationship support
47:11 - Contact details for Andrew and available services
48:23 - Final thoughts on farm and family harmony, emphasizing relationship wealth over material assets

In this episode, I sit down with Jeremy Allen, a funeral director and grief educator, for an honest conversation about grief, loss, and how we show up for one another.
Jeremy shares a grounded perspective on supporting people through difficult moments, especially in farming communities where emotions are often left unspoken. 
Together, we explore the difference between being prepared and being ready, and why grief isn't always about death. We discuss what to say (and what not to say), and how simply being present can make a lasting impact.
If you've ever felt unsure how to support someone through loss — or how to face it yourself — this episode is for you.
"People don't need you to have the perfect words, they just need to know you're willing to stay." - Jeremy Allen
Resources Mentioned During This Episode
Death Ed - Grief and Loss Education 
Brene Brown - The Power of Vulnerability
Dr. Alan Wolfelt - Mourning & Healing
The Emotion Wheel
Bright Track Consulting
About Our Guest

Jeremy Allen is a licensed funeral director, embalmer, and manager of Gregory's Funeral Home in Provost, Alberta, but his work reaches far beyond the walls of a funeral home. Jeremy is a passionate advocate for transforming the way we understand death, grief, and the healing power of mourning.
Contact Jeremy 
Visit the Dead Ed. Website
Follow Jeremy on Instagram
Follow Jeremy on Facebook
Elaine Froese Resources:
Watch this episode on YouTube.
Visit the podcast website
SPEAKING - book Elaine for your next event
COACHING - explore Farm Transition Coaching
MEMBERSHIP - become a Farm Family Transition Member
FREE STUFF - downloadable tools for your farm transition
CONTACT - take the next steps in your transition
BURNING QUESTION? Submit it here
Farm Family Coach Social Media Links
Facebook
Instagram
LinkedIn
X
YouTube
TikTok
Timestamps
00:30 - Introduction to Jeremy Allen and the focus on grief in farming communities
02:37 - Jeremy's background in funeral service and grief education
03:39 - The difference between being involved in funerals and speaking about grief
08:30 - Personal story of grief and the importance of having documents in order
11:09 - Generational perceptions of emotion and the evolution toward emotional intelligence
16:30 - The significance of meaningful funeral rituals and community celebrations
20:37 - How relationships shape grief and legacy in farm families
23:33 - Celebrating the life of Dorothy and the power of storytelling in funerals
28:46 - Embracing vulnerability for deeper connections and trust
31:32 - How to normalize emotions and foster honest dialogue in families
37:22 - The significance of kindness and acknowledgment in funeral and grief contexts
41:59 - Contrasting emotions in grief and how they coexist simultaneously
49:07 - The importance of showing up and being present in loss
51:04 - Practical tools for initiating honest conversations and deepening relationships
52:43 - Jeremy's resources and how to connect online

In this episode, I sit down with Jace Young, founder of Legacy Farmer, for a practical conversation about safeguarding farm family legacies through strategic planning, financial transparency, and organized systems.
Jace shares why many farm failures are rooted in silence, unclear data, and a lack of communication — not just financial shortfalls. From building a business owner mindset to strengthening family values, this discussion highlights actionable ways farm families can prepare for long-term success.
Together, we explore how clear financial information, risk management, and thoughtful wealth transfer strategies can reduce conflict, prevent entitlement issues, and set up the next generation to thrive.
"Farm failures don't happen because there's no money; they happen because families aren't talking, numbers aren't clear, and the next generation isn't prepared to step into a business owner mindset. Transparency and communication today are what protect the farm for decades to come." - Jace Young, founder of Legacy Farmer
Resources Mentioned During This Episode
Legacy Farmer the Podcast on YouTube
Legacy Farmer the Podcast on Apple Podcasts
Legacy Farmer the Podcast on Spotify
Legacy Farmer Blog
The Truth About Ag podcast with Evan Shout and Kristjan Hebert
Building Your Farm Legacy
About Our Guest
 
What happens when a farm kid watches his family lose their $10 million operation — then becomes an ag loan officer and realizes why it happened? Today's guest is Jace Young, Founder and CEO of Legacy Farmer. He's on a mission to bring financial clarity, leadership structure, and long-term security to family farms across the country. With blunt truth and practical tools, Jace is helping ag producers protect their operations — and legacies — from going under. If you're in ag, you need to hear this.
Contact Jace
Visit Legacy Farmer
Follow Jace on Facebook
Follow Jace on Instagram
Elaine Froese Resources:
Watch this episode on YouTube.
Visit the podcast website
SPEAKING - book Elaine for your next event
COACHING - explore Farm Transition Coaching
MEMBERSHIP - become a Farm Family Transition Member
FREE STUFF - downloadable tools for your farm transition
CONTACT - take the next steps in your transition
BURNING QUESTION? Submit it here
Farm Family Coach Social Media Links
Facebook
Instagram
LinkedIn
X
YouTube
TikTok
Timestamps
00:30 - Welcome and episode overview: Tools to keep farm legacy and achieve financial clarity
01:49 - Jace Young's background and how Legacy Farmer was started
04:28 - Farm debt mediation experiences and lessons learned
07:17 - Impact on families and communities when farms collapse
09:49 - The evolution of farmers into business owners and CEO mindset
12:33 - The significance of financial transparency for spouses and family unity
16:21 - The role of family living and managing personal expenses in farm planning
18:32 - The power of relationship decision-making over relying solely on banks
21:59 - Using software like Farmer Metrics for better farm financial management
25:13 - Building trust through organization and structure in succession planning
30:58 - Approaches to fairness, sibling rivalry, and family values in transfer strategies
34:15 - Using insurance tools for wealth transfer and farm succession
37:54 - Overcoming procrastination and emotional barriers to planning
39:30 - The 'Pain Web' concept for addressing life balance and farm stress
41:45 - The significance of holistic health, faith, and relationships in farm family wellness
47:50 - Final thoughts: The lasting impact of farm decisions made today

In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Merle Massie, executive director of the Do More Ag Foundation, for an honest and timely conversation about mental health in agriculture and the power of community to make a difference.
Merle shares why creating a culture of well-being in farming communities matters so deeply, and how regular people in regular rural places can help support one another through stress, struggle, and mental illness. From naming what's heavy in the spring season to recognizing the warning signs of overwhelm, this discussion highlights practical ways to care for both yourself and the people around you.
Together, we talk about why listening matters, how stigma still affects help-seeking in agriculture, and why small actions — like checking in, creating space, and asking better questions — can have a life-changing impact.
"The most important thing that you already have is your ability to listen — to create space for someone and be with them." — Dr. Merle Massie
In this episode, we discuss:
The importance of cultivating a culture of well-being rooted in community and shared values.
How rural culture influences mental health and the need for ag-specific mental health resources.
Recognizing and addressing signs of overwhelm, exhaustion, and mental health struggles in farmers.
Key tools like self-check-in questionnaires and conversation starters (Talk, Ask, Listen) to promote open dialogue.
The impact of farm transition challenges and intergenerational communication on mental wellness.
Practical self-care activities and creating quiet, reflective spaces (e.g., labyrinths, journaling).
The critical connection between physical health, substance use, and mental health, including the risks of self-medicating.
How rural communities can step up for mental health, including retreats and men's sheds initiatives.
Prioritizing one's own well-being with the power of saying "not right now" and managing energy levels.
The significance of storytelling, journaling, and preserving farm history for mental resilience.
Remember, fostering open conversations, prioritizing personal well-being, and building community are key to resilient farm families. Small daily acts—listening, sharing stories, and taking care of yourself—can make a significant difference.
Resources Mentioned During This Episode
Do More Ag Foundation
"Hey, Are We Okay?" Podcast
Crisis Contacts & Resources
Kylie Stokes' Farm-specific Journals
Navigate Journal by Alison Weaver
Dr. Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication Book
Lauren Van Ewyk- National Farmers Mental Health Alliance
Newfoundland Farm Mental Health Program
About Our Guest

Merle Massie is a farmer, award-winning author, TEDx storyteller, and the Executive Director of The Do More Agriculture Foundation, which champions and cultivates a culture of mental wellbeing across Canadian agriculture. 
Email Dr. Merle Massie
Follow Merle on LinkedIn
Follow Merle on Twitter
Elaine Froese Resources:
Watch this episode on YouTube.
Visit the podcast website
SPEAKING - book Elaine for your next event
COACHING - explore Farm Transition Coaching
MEMBERSHIP - become a Farm Family Transition Member
FREE STUFF - downloadable tools for your farm transition
CONTACT - take the next steps in your transition
BURNING QUESTION? Submit it here
Farm Family Coach Social Media Links
Facebook
Instagram
LinkedIn
X
YouTube
TikTok
Timestamps
00:30 - Welcome and introduction to the episode 
02:45 - The mission of Do More Ag and the importance of culture 
05:40 - Addressing mental health stigma and community support initiatives 
10:52 - Recognizing stress signals in farming seasons and farm safety concerns 
13:46 - Navigating farm transition challenges and intergenerational communication 
16:46 - The role of sleep, nutrition, and self-care in farmer well-being 
19:15 - Tools for mental health check-ins: self-assessment and conversation starters 
21:48 - The link between alcohol, self-medication, and mental health risks 
22:46 - Building resilience through storytelling, journaling, and social connection 
25:50 - Opportunities for fun and community bonding on farms 
27:36 - Practical tips for mental wellness: quiet spaces, creative outlets, and boundaries 
33:31 - Encouragement for young farmers and the power of saying "not right now" 
37:57 - The importance of self-care as a foundation for effective leadership and farm success 
41:04 - Honoring farm stories and the long-term benefits of journaling 
43:19 - Reflecting on community impact, recognition, and collective resilience 
44:28 - Key takeaway: Every individual's ability to make a difference starts with listening 
45:37 - Closing remarks: how to share this message and foster caring farm communities

In this episode, I sit down with Colleen Stegenga, an ag-informed therapist from South Dakota, for an honest conversation about the emotional side of farm succession.
Colleen shares how her work with farm families has shown her that transition planning often stalls not because people don't care, but because grief, fear, guilt, and old family patterns are getting in the way. From identity loss in older generations to communication struggles between siblings, this discussion highlights why emotional healing is often a necessary first step.
Together, we talk about how therapy can support the succession process, why families need a safe space to say what hasn't been spoken, and how healthier communication can make the road forward feel more possible.
"It's never too late to get things on the right track, and it's never too early to start thinking about what that legacy means to you." — Colleen Stegenga
In this episode, they discuss:
The emotional challenges faced by farm families during succession.
How grief, fear, and guilt impact decision-making.
The importance of early conversations about legacy, identity, and expectations.
Strategies for reducing stigma around mental health in rural communities.
The role of family dinners and regular check-ins in strengthening relationships.
Navigating sibling dynamics and fairness in inheritance.
The benefits and accessibility of telehealth for farm families.
Practical communication tips for difficult conversations.
Creating safe spaces for emotional expression and conflict resolution.
The significance of personal and cultural identity is tied to farming.
Resources Mentioned During This Episode
Embracing Change, CS
Farm Family Coach Website
Dr. Merle Massie - Do More Ag Foundation
Josh Coleman's book Rules of Estrangement
Lance Woodbury's Articles on Family Estrangement
About Our Guest

As a licensed social worker, Colleen Stegenga combines her knowledge of agricultural life, her lived experiences, and her occupation as a therapist to serve farmers, their families, and rural areas by advocating for the importance of mental health awareness and support in these communities. Having grown up on a dairy farm in small-town South Dakota, Colleen is familiar with the challenges and triumphs that accompany the farming profession. As a therapist, she helps equip clients with the tools to manage and overcome the symptoms of anxiety, depression, dysfunctional families, negative self-esteem, and more. By founding Embracing Change Counseling LLC, Colleen has strived to create a welcoming, compassionate space where individuals feel seen, supported, and empowered.
Connect with Colleen:
Email Colleen
Follow Colleen on LinkedIn
Follow Colleen on Link Tree
Elaine Froese Resources:
Watch this episode on YouTube.
Visit the podcast website
SPEAKING - book Elaine for your next event
COACHING - explore Farm Transition Coaching
MEMBERSHIP - become a Farm Family Transition Member
FREE STUFF - downloadable tools for your farm transition
CONTACT - take the next steps in your transition
BURNING QUESTION? Submit it here
Farm Family Coach Social Media Links
Facebook
Instagram
LinkedIn
X
YouTube
TikTok
Timestamps
00:30 - Introduction to farm family transitions and emotional support
03:15 - Colleen's journey to becoming an ag-informed therapist
05:45 - The emotional impact of farm succession: grief, fear, guilt
08:35 - How farm identity influences transition challenges
11:30 - Addressing fears of failure and change among aging farmers
14:35 - Sibling relationships and fairness in farm inheritance
17:40 - Preparing families for tough conversations about legacy
19:55 - The importance of mental health awareness and de-stigmatization
22:20 - How telehealth helps farm families access therapy
26:30 - Ways to foster connection and celebrate family bonds
30:40 - Effective communication strategies and conflict management
33:30 - Building a supportive, respectful family environment
36:30 - Recognizing and addressing estrangement in farm families
39:30 - The power of early planning, hope, and ongoing support